EPISODE 9/11/06
Simon Convinces Carly

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September, 2006


MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 11, 2006

Scene 1:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Kasnoff Cottage

MIKE KASNOFF, KATIE KASNOFF

>> Katie: Mikey.
>> Mike: Hey.
>> Katie: Guess where I've been?
>> Mike: Timbuktu? Tasmania?
>> Katie: No, Oakdale Realty.
>> Mike: I was close.
>> Katie: Pretty close. I met with a realtor and I saw the most beautiful houses. Look at this one. Oh, my god. So gorgeous. It makes our house look so small and -- well, the important thing is, location, location, location. Look, miles outside of town. Away from everything and everyone.
>> Mike: Okay, I'm not letting Simon Frasier run us out of town, and neither are you.


Scene 2:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Carly Snyder's House

SIMON FRASIER, CARLY SNYDER

[ Doorbell rings ]
>> Simon: Good morning.
>> Carly: Good morning.
>> Simon: The jet's all fueled and ready to go. How about you? You ready to takeoff? What's the matter? I thought you wanted to be single by sunset.
>> Carly: I did. But now I'm not so sure.


Scene 3:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Snyder House

SIMON FRASIER, CARLY SNYDER, GWEN MUNSON, WILL MUNSON

>> Carly: I'm just not sure that, that now is the best time for me to leave home.
>> Simon: Okay, all right, because here's the thing. Putting a quickie divorce on hold kind of defeats the purpose.
>> Carly: Simon, did you see the headlines this morning?
>> Simon: Something about a serial killer.
>> Carly: Right, there were murders up at Raven Lake. And my sister was there. And she was hurt.
>> Simon: Oh, god. I had no idea, and I'm so sorry. Is she okay?
>> Carly: Yeah, I think so. I think she's going to be fine. She's being released from the hospital and she's coming here. And I just don't know if she'll be strong enough for me to leave her. Oh, Gwen. Oh, Gwen. I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what you went through. Let me get a look at you, okay? Are you okay?
>> Gwen: Yeah, I'm still standing.
>> Carly: You are?
>> Will: Standing? She was ready to power walk out of the hospital. They practically had to strap her to the wheelchair.
>> Gwen: That's because that was stupid.
>> Will: Then we get here, and I go to open the car door, and she's halfway up the porch.
>> Gwen: I don't need help getting up the stairs. I'm getting around fine. Hello.
>> Simon: Hey.
>> Gwen: I'm Gwen.
>> Simon: Nice to meet you.
>> Carly: Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. This is my sister Gwen and this is her husband, Will.
>> Simon: Will.
>> Carly: This is Simon Frasier. He's my boss.
>>< Simon: It sounds like you two had quite an ordeal. I'm glad that you are both okay.
>> Gwen: Thank you. Are you going somewhere.
>> Carly: I was thinking about it.
>> Gwen: Like a business trip.
>> Carly: Personal business.
>> Gwen: What kind of personal business?
>> Carly: Oh, Gwen. It's nothing for you to worry about, really. Simon was going to come along with me for moral support. That is if I decide to go, because I'm not even sure that I can leave you. That I want to leave you.
>> Gwen: Oh, no. I'm fine. I'm just going to chill out on the couch with the remote and a bag of potato chips.
>> Will: And I'm going to be here checking in every hour on the hour.
>> Simon: All right then, we should really get going. Carly, what's stopping you now? Your sister is going to be fine. Let's do this.


Scene 4:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Kasnoff House

MIKE KASNOFF, KATIE KASNOFF

>> Katie: Mike, give me one good reason why we can't move.
>> Mike: I'll give you a handful of reasons. First off, you love our house.
>> Katie: It's just a house.
>> Mike: The house has been lived in. I mean, it's not just a house. We made a lot of memories there.
>> Katie: Yeah, well, it wasn't always our house.
>> Mike: Okay, but we've worked hard to make it our house. Why do you think I put the deck out back? So we could sit outside and watch the kids play.
>> Katie: I have been thinking a lot about our son lately, and he looks just like you.
>> Mike: Okay. Look, you want another reason why we shouldn't move? All right, our family's here. Okay, Casey's laid up. Your sister's going to want you around. You're going to want her around when that baby comes. Okay, everything we have, everything we want, is right here. It doesn't make any sense at all to move.
>> Katie: Even though Simon's right there every time you turn around?
>> Mike: Look, I'm not saying that I like having him around. I don't even like being in the same area code as the guy, but I'm going to be damned if I'm going to let him run us out of town.
>> Katie: No, I don't want that either.
>> Mike: Okay, look, we both want the same thing. We want a family and a future. I don't care if the two of you carved your initials in the wood. I'll sand it off.
>> Katie: So, you're really not mad that I told Simon we were trying for a baby?
>> Mike: I was a little irritated at first, but I don't know, it just hit me, you know? I don't care what he knows, I don't care what you told him. Okay, because the Kasnoff family, party of two, soon to be party of three -- that's all that matters to me. What's wrong?
>> Katie: Nothing, just a cramp.
>> Mike: You all right?
>> Katie: I'm not sure I know how to answer that.


Scene 5:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Emma Snyder's House

SIMON FRASIER, CARLY SNYDER

>> Carly: You don't have to hold my hand, Simon. Or shove me through the door.
>> Simon: How about a gentle little push?
>> Carly: Try it, and you'll end up in the cow pasture.
>> Simon: Yeah, there's nothing like being back on a farm to make you realize how nice it is not to be back on a farm.
>> Carly: I love this place.
>> Simon: Well, maybe you can make it part of the divorce settlement. You get to visit every second Tuesday.
>> Carly: No, don't do that. Don't make it sound like my marriage is something that I'm trading away.
>> Simon: I'm not. I'm not. I just thought that's why we were here.
>> Carly: My reasons are my own.
>> Simon: Obviously. I mean, you haven't even told your sister about the divorce yet.
>> Carly: Well, maybe that's because it's not all about me. Maybe because she's having marriage problems of her own.
>> Simon: Or maybe if you actually say those words out loud, "I'm divorcing Jack", it will all make it seem too real.
>> Carly: I've said it. Well, I whispered it. I've stood there in the shower and thought about it for so long that I couldn't even remember if I washed my hair. I even asked J.J.'S magic eight ball. "Will jack and I get divorced?"
>> Simon: And what'd it say?
>> Carly: "Reply hazy, try again." I will tell Gwen when the divorce is final.
>> Simon: Okay, there you go. So maybe the haze has lifting a bit. What about Jack?
>> Carly: What about him?
>> Simon: What if he's not as willing to walk away from this as he said? Are you going to puddle up and go back to the guy that walked out on you?


Scene 6:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Emma Snyder's House

SIMON FRASIER, CARLY SNYDER, JACK SNYDER

>> Carly: Would you go back to Katie if she gave you another chance?
>> Simon: I told you -- I've moved on and I meant it.
>> Carly: Well, so have I. And for your information, I don't dissolve into puddles as you said.
>> Simon: My mistake.
>> Carly: So why are you standing here watching me?
>> Simon: I don't know -- I guess I just enjoy the view.
>> Carly: Go wait in the car, Simon. Wait in the car.
>> Simon: Yes, ma'am.
[ Carly remembering ]
>> Carly: Hello, Jack.
>> Jack: Carly.
>> Carly: I guess I don't have to ask what those papers are?
>> Jack: I haven't signed them yet.
>> Carly: You're not going to sign them, Jack. And neither am I.


Scene 7:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Emma Snyder's House

CARLY SNYDER, JACK SNYDER

>> Jack: Carly, what are you doing?
>> Carly: What does it look like?
>> Jack: Like you just shredded our divorce papers.
>> Carly: Do you have a problem with that?
>> Jack: I'm just confused.
>> Carly: Seems to be a lot of that going around lately.
>> Jack: Thought we both decided that we were gonna go through with the divorce, right? That it was the best thing for both of us.
>> Carly: Only thing we've agreed on in a very long time. And if we're both so sure, I got to thinking, why drag it out? Filing for divorce and waiting for it to become final -- it's really not good for either one of us.
>> Jack: That's why you filed the papers in the trash?
>> Carly: I went online. And I found a way to speed up the process. But I have to go down to Santo Domingo to make it official. So you'll need you to take the kids and hopefully you can go over and check on Gwen --
>> Jack: Like you have to ask.
>> Carly: Good. Thank you. So, this is what I downloaded. And you just have to sign and in 48 hours, we'll both be free.
>> Jack: No, no Carly. I can't let you do this. I can't let you go all the way to Santo Domingo.
>> Carly: Why not?
>> Jack: Well, in the first place, you can't afford a trip like this.
>> Carly: And in the second place?
>> Jack: I don't like the idea of you traveling all the way to a strange country all by yourself.
>> Carly: Well Jack, in the first place, with what Simon pays me, I can afford the trip. And it's actually irrelevant in this case because he's flying me down there on his private jet, and in the second place, they're not called strange countries just because you've never been there.
>> Jack: I guess you've got this all figured out then.
>> Carly: I'm trying. Any objections? Because if it's Simon, there is nothing going on. He's just, he's going with me as my friend.
>> Jack: Whatever -- it's not my business anymore, now is it?
>> Carly: I guess not.
>> Jack: Let me take a look at these. Who knew you could do this over the internet now?
>> Carly: I know. It's perfectly legal. If you want to check it out, you can log on to the website yourself.
>> Jack: www.Divorce.Com?
>> Carly: Something like that. >> Jack: Yeah, and to think I was the one who bought you your first computer. So where do I sign?
>> Carly: You just have to sign and date it here -- and here -- and here.


Scene 8:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Kasnoff Cottage

KATIE KASNOFF, MIKE KASNOFF

>> Katie: Mike, I was so sure that I was pregnant.
>> Mike: You didn't tell me.
>> Katie: Well, I didn't want to get your hopes up until I was positive. So, instead I got my hopes up.
>> Mike: I'm sorry.
>> Katie: It's okay. It's not your fault.
>> Mike: It's not your fault, either.
>> Katie: I was two days late. I was gonna go to the drug store today and get the test so that -- by tonight, I could have like, a little Father's Day card waiting for you with the blue stick inside.
>> Mike: Aww, sweetheart.
>> Katie: I was even starting to feel like I had cravings, you know? I wanted you to go out and get me chow mein in the middle of the night. My clothes felt tighter. I even saw a glow this morning in the mirror, I thought.
>> Mike: Well, I hate to tell you this, but you always have that glow.
>> Katie: Why do I do this to myself? Two days late and I already had myself six months pregnant. Then I felt that feeling and -- not this time.
>> Mike: Okay, well then next time.
>> Katie: This is what I get for telling Simon that we wanted to have a family.
>> Mike: Sweetheart, it doesn't work that way.
>> Katie: Yeah it does. I totally jinxed us. I had to throw it in his face.
>> Mike: Hey, hey hey -- let go of Simon. He's not any part of this.
>> Katie: I was so sure.
>> Mike: It'll happen when the time is right. Your clothes will start to get a little tighter. And I'll be out doing those chow mein runs every night, and I promise you when you give me that card it will be sitting right on the bedside table right next to your picture. And I'll be thanking God for both of you.
>> Katie: And see -- I've been emotional.
>> Mike: I love you.
>> Katie: I love you too. So much. All right, you said when the time is right it'll happen. And when is that gonna be?
>> Mike: We won't know. It'll be a surprise to both of us. But you've got to remember, we just started trying.
>> Katie: Okay. Well, I guess I'd better let you get back to work.
>> Mike: You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna take my beautiful wife to lunch. I have this little, sudden craving for chow mein.


Scene 9:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Emma Snyder's House

SIMON FRASIER, CARLY SNYDER, JACK SNYDER

[ Car horn honking ]
>> Carly: That must be my ride.
>> Jack: Yeah. You don't want to keep him waiting now, do you?
>> Carly: The kids.
>> Jack: Taken care of.
>> Carly: So that's it, then?
>> Jack: Yeah, that's it.

Home
Simonscript
September, 2006