EPISODE 9/19/01
Simon Tries To Stop Katie From Going With Bruno

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September, 2001


WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 19, 2001

Scene 1:
Location: Oakdale International Airport
Scene: Airline Terminal

KATIE PERETTI FRASIER AND BRUNO PORTOLANO

>> Bruno: Did you pack that bathing suit I like?
>> Katie: The grape stomper? Absolutely.
>> Bruno: Of course, where we're going, you're not really gonna need it.
>> Katie: Why? What kind of hotel is it?
>> Bruno: It's not a hotel. I didn't tell you? I have a place down there.
>> Katie: In St. Martin?
>> Bruno: Yeah.
>> Katie: Wow. Kinda like your own island getaway.
>> Bruno: Are you nervous?
>> Katie: No. No. It's just -- airports.
>> Bruno: And getting on an airplane with a man you don't know.
>> Katie: Oh, yeah, well, there'
>> Bruno: Katie -- you know what you're afraid of? You're not afraid of me.
You like me. You're afraid of yourself. You're afraid to -- to let go.
>> Katie: Of what?
>> Bruno: When was the last time you were really happy?
>> Katie: The grapes were fun.
>> Bruno: Why? Why were they fun? Because you knew I wanted you.
And that felt good, didn't it?
>> Katie: Yeah. And the grapes between my toes.
>> Bruno: Katie, you are a beautiful woman. I mean, you tell me, what makes more sense? To bet on a horse that's running away or take a ride on a sure thing.
>> Katie: Uh, I need to make a call.

BRUNO PORTOLANO AND SIMON FRASIER

>> Bruno: She's got somethin'.
>> Simon: Yeah. A husband.

Scene 2:
Location: Oakdale International Airport
Scene: Airline Terminal

BRUNO PORTOLANO AND SIMON FRASIER

>> Bruno: Well if it isn't the absent husband. What'd you do, come to see the lady off?
>> Simon: You mistreat her in any way, I will hunt you down and roll you like a pair of dice. Do we understand each other?

KATIE FRASIER ALONE

[Katie Frasier on the phone]
>> Katie: Simon, pick up. Come on, I know you're there. Simon? All right, I just wanted to say good-bye. I'm at the airport with Bruno. And I told you I'm going to St. Martin, and I'm going. And it's gonna be fun. Remember fun, Simon? F-U-N? Rhymes with "none," which is exactly what we've had. So, fine. Go, leave Oakdale. I won't be there, anyway. Simon, if you leave Oakdale, I'll hate you forever.

BRUNO PORTOLANO AND SIMON FRASIER

>> Bruno: That's cute. You worrying about the wife. We in fact, I suspect Katie's gonna have the best time she's ever had.
>> Simon: One of these days, you are gonna seduce the wrong woman. You're gonna wind up with a knife in your back.
>> Bruno: Listen to you. Do you even know which end of the knife works? I mean, I wouldn't want you to cut yourself.
>> Simon: As long as we understand each other.
>> Bruno: All right. So she got under your skin. But obviously not enough. So why don't we be gentlemen about this? You go your way, I go mine.
>> Simon: Listen, Katie is not that kind of woman.
>> Bruno: Yeah? Then why'd you make her your wife? I mean, I know you. That's how you operate. You bring these women in close, and then you steal from them.
>> Simon: Did Katie tell you this?
>> Bruno: Come on. Who do you think you're talking to? I had you checked out. And frankly, I'm not impressed.

KATIE FRASIER ALONE

[Whispering.]
>> Katie: Simon.

Scene 3:
Location: Oakdale International Airport
Scene: Airline Terminal

BRUNO PORTOLANO, SIMON FRASIER AND KATIE FRASIER

>> Bruno: Why don't pick 'em up?
>> Simon: Or what? What, are you and your boys gonna drag me to the alley? You are not gonna use her.
>> Bruno: Isn't that up to the lady?
>> Katie: Simon! What are you doing here? What's going on?
>> Bruno: Hey, we're fightin' over you, babe.
>> Katie: Really? Well, there must be a more civilized way to handle a situation like this, don't you think?
>> Bruno: Yeah, so why don't you tell your friend here to go home before he breaks a nail?
>> Katie: Oh, no, no, no. See, you don't want to talk to Simon like that. He's got a very short fuse -- like, no fuse at all, actually. And I wouldn't want you to get hurt.
>> Bruno: Honey, I could clean the tarmac with this guy.
>> Simon: You don't wanna do this. You're trying to make a point, but this is not the way to go about it.
>> Katie: Hmm. What point?
>> Simon: That -- it's the same point you're always trying to make.
>> Katie: Yeah, same point that you never seem to get.
>> Bruno: Kids, we got a plane to catch.
>> Katie: Bruno, why don't you go get our boarding passes?
>> Bruno: Baby, we don't need boarding passes. We're flying private.
>> Katie: Right. So why don't you go get her fueled up, gassed up, tanked up?
>> Bruno: Right. Five minutes, cowboy.

SIMON FRASIER AND KATIE FRASIER

>> Simon: What, you're going away with that?
>> Katie: You have a better idea?
>> Simon: Listen, you don't even know this -- you don't even know the guy.
>> Katie: Well, that's why we're going away. To get to know each other.
>> Simon: What, is that what you call it? Listen, I spoke to Rose about this guy. He's a professional gambler, Katie. He could be dangerous.
>> Katie: Oh, please! Spending a little money never hurt anybody. He's not dangerous. If he wanted to murder me, he could've cut me up into pieces the other day in the bathroom.
>> Simon: Oh, good. Oh, that's right. Yeah, thanks. That's very comforting.
>> Katie: Where are you going, Simon?
>> Simon: I don't know. Look, you don't wanna do this. I know you don't wanna do this!
>> Katie: So I should cancel my trip? Break poor Bruno's heart? Stay in Oakdale? I need a reason, Simon. Anything come to mind?

Scene 4:
Location: Oakdale International Airport
Scene: Airline Terminal

SIMON FRASIER AND KATIE FRASIER

>> Simon: All right, fine. Okay, let's lay our cards on the table.
>> Katie: Mine have been on the table for months.
>> Simon: Oh, really? What, you want this guy? Some casino rat from Jersey? Who's gonna take you away and -- and --
>> Katie: And?
>> Simon: Look, the only reason you are doing this is to make me jealous. You wanted me to come down here to the airport, to charge down here and try to convince you to stay in Oakdale.
>> Katie: Seems to be working.
>> Simon: No, it's not. The only reason I'm here at the airport is because I'm leaving.
>> Katie: Yeah, because you want me to get so upset that I follow you.
>> Simon: No.
>> Katie: Well I'm not going to. Simon, I'm going to St. Martin, and you can go wherever you want.
>> Simon: But you don't mean that.
>> Katie: Yes, I do. I told you, I'm special. And I am not going to follow some guy around ever again who doesn't want me.
>> Simon: It's not that I don't want you, it's -- in fact, I've kinda got used to you.
>> Katie: Oh, that's romantic.
>> Simon: Okay, fine. All right, you want romance? Then go to St. Martin.
>> Katie: I am.
>> Simon: Look, lis -- Katie. Just --
>> Katie: I just want you to tell me how you feel about me. Just admit it.
>> Simon: You know how I feel about you. Okay, I, Simon Frasier, I --
>> Katie: Love?
>> Simon: I like you a lot, and --!
>> Katie: Oh, you like me! That's so cool! Bruno wants to lick grape juice from my toes, he wants to lavish me with --
>> Simon: "Ravish" you, "ravish" you is what he wants. He's gonna -- that's what he's going to do to you, this guy.
>> Katie: So what? You seem to have this idea that I don't need things that other woman need.
>> Simon: I know you. I know you. You don't want just sex. You need love. You want love.
>> Katie: I have love. Maybe you just can't admit it. And that gets really lonely sometimes and boring. So maybe, just maybe, if I go away for a couple days with a guy that likes me, that would be good for me.
>> Simon: Even if I tell you how I feel, I mean what difference is it going to make? I'm the kind of guy who likes to travel, you know? Pick up and leave at a moment's notice. That bag there? That's all I need.
>> Katie: So go. Testa dura.
>> Simon: And what's that supposed to mean?
>> Katie: Thick head. Don't you think if you were that kinda guy, you woulda been gone a long time ago.

Scene 5:
Location: Oakdale International Airport
Scene: Airline Terminal

KATIE FRASIER AND SIMON FRASIER

>> Katie: Face it, Simon. You're not the kinda guy you think you are.
>> Simon: What's that supposed to mean? What's that? What am I?
>> Katie: You're the stickiest guy I ever met. You were stuck on Lily. And now look at you, stuck on me.
>> Simon: You just don't understand, that's all.
>> Katie: No, I understand. I do. It's chivalry. You love me, even more than you think you loved Lily.
>> Simon: If I loved you, believe me, I'd know it.
>> Katie: Yeah?
>> Simon: Mm-hmm.
>> Katie: What would it feel like? Remember when I first met you? And you were moping around Oakdale, pining after some married woman you knew you could never have? I changed that. You had more fun in the last six months with me, your wife, than you ever had with those 2,000 women you seduced.
>> Simon: Oh, 2,000 -- wasn't it, what, 3 -- 4,000 maybe?
>> Katie: You want adventure, Simon? You're lookin' at it. I'm your adventure. I'm your open road, your blue sky, your last chance. 'Cause, you know, you say that you know women, but I know men. And if they don't grow up, they end up being like my brother.
>> Simon: Well you're going to have to catch me first.
>> Katie: No, I'm not. Because you know what, we're through. As soon as I leave this airport with Bruno, you and I are done.

BRUNO PORTOLANO, KATIE FRASIER, AND SIMON FRASIER

>> Bruno: That's five and then some, cowboy. You ready to go?
>> Katie: Yeah, let's get outta here.
>> Simon: Don't do this.
>> Katie: Have a nice life, Simon.
>> Simon: Katie, you go through that gate, that's it! I'm not coming after you.

Scene 6:
Location: Oakdale International Airport
Scene: Airline Terminal

SIMON FRASIER, BRUNO PORTOLANO, AND KATIE FRASIER

>> Simon: Listen, for a whole year now, I have pulled you out of the fire every time you did something stupid! Like when you got yourself kicked out of Craig's, you crash landed a plane, now away in Malta!
>> Bruno: You're even more fun than I thought.
>> Katie: Yeah, you'd think somebody'd notice.
>> Simon: I swear to you, you get on that plane with this low-rent hustler --
>> Bruno: Low-rent? Try first class.
>> Simon: That's it. It's over. You can never count on me again.
>> Katie: I'm gonna miss you.
>> Bruno: Hey, cowboy, you're a fool. No offense.

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September, 2001