EPISODE 9/18/01
Katie Tells Simon She's Going Away With Bruno

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September, 2001


TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 18, 2001

Scene 1:
Location: Lakeview Towers Hotel
Scene: Craig Montgomery's Suite

BRUNO PORTOLANO, SIMON FRASIER, AND KATIE FRASIER

>> Bruno: Hey, Simon. Funny running into you here.
>> Simon: Yeah, it's hysterical, isn't it? Since I live here with my wife.

KATIE FRASIER AND SIMON FRASIER

>> Katie: How long have you been standing there?
>> Simon: Long enough.
>> Katie: So what'd the doctor say about your stab wound?
>> Simon: I'll survive. But this -- this is enough for even an uninjured man to beg for mercy.
>> Katie: So you like it?
>> Simon: I've never seen you in anything like this before.
>> Katie: It's a gift from Bruno.
>> Simon: What, so you let another man buy you clothes? Clothes that make you look like that?
>> Katie: Yeah, I'm beginning to think that there's nothing he won't do for me.
>> Simon: Yeah, me neither. Playing house, stomping on grapes, going on dates. And what, now he's your stylist? It's pathetic.
>> Katie: You're jealous.
>> Simon: I'm not jealous! I'm -- I'm whatever.
>> Katie: You're angry. Another man bought me something, and it's all you can do to keep from ripping it off me with your bare hands. So let me save you the trouble, huh? You want me to take it off?

Scene 2:
Location: Lakeview Towers Hotel
Scene: Craig Montgomery's Suite

SIMON FRASIER AND KATIE FRASIER

>> Simon: Okay, so what? Tell me. Tell me. What's this little striptease all about?
>> Katie: Well, my hubby's a little jealous and you want me to return the outfit, so --
>> Simon: Look, for the fiftieth time, I'm not jealous. I just don't like the idea of my wife accepting gifts from sleazebags.
>> Katie: Oh. Okay, let me get this straight. You don't want me accepting sexy outfits from other men.
>> Simon: Right, yeah.
>> Katie: But I can do anything else with him.
>> Simon: What other -- what other things? What are you talking about?
>> Katie: You don't like the outfit, but you don't want me naked. You don't want me, but you don't want anyone else to have me. You can't have it both ways forever, Simon!
>> Simon: Look, Katie, I'm the first to admit that our marriage, it's unconventional. But, please, just be a little respectful until we work things out!
>> Katie: This part of the "We" has her whole future mapped out. What are you doing? I thought you were only staying until the payday. Well, the payday's come and gone. Is there something else keeping you here?
>> Simon: No. No, there's not. Nothing I can think of at the moment. No.
>> Katie: So you have everything you wanted.
>> Simon: In spades.
>> Katie: Then when are you leaving?
>> Simon: Leaving?
>> Katie: Yeah. You know, the thing you do the best, Simon. When are you leaving?
>> Simon: Not soon enough!
>> Katie: Tonight?
>> Simon: Yeah. Yeah, great idea. Tonight. Tonight it is.
>> Katie: Great. That's when I'm leaving, too. As soon as Bruno says good- bye to Rose, we are outta here.
>> Simon: Why? Why? Why does he have to say good-bye to Rose?
>> Katie: Because they are friends from New Jersey.
>> Simon: Yeah, well, that figures.
>> Katie: Yeah, it's funny, isn't it? Oakdale's trashiest show girl. If it wasn't for her, I would still not know the true meaning of romance. We're taking off in his private jet. You wouldn't need a lift somewhere, would you?
>> Simon: No, no. Please, I'd prefer to walk.
>> Katie: We're going to St. Martin.
>> Simon: Oh. Oh, another island? All right, Rose, you want to play games? Let's play some games.

Scene 3:
Location: Lucinda Walsh's estate.
Scene: Study

ROSE D'ANGELO AND BRUNO PORTOLANO

>> Rose: And what took you so long to get your rear out here? You fly all the way out here for my birthday. I don't hear a peep one out of you since.
>> Bruno: Hey, don't blame me.
>> Rose: Ah, I see. What is her name?
>> Bruno: She is the wildest little blonde you'll ever meet.
>> Rose: Oh.
>> Bruno: Found her at the Lakeview the night of your party.
>> Rose: Ah, so when do I get to meet the mystery woman?
>> Bruno: We're gonna flying to St. Martin this weekend.
>> Rose: Well, that little chestnut, huh? So you like this chick?
>> Bruno: Could be. I'll drop you a line. I'll let you know how it goes.
>> Rose: You do that. Who's that?

SIMON FRASIER, ROSE D'ANGELO, AND BRUNO PORTOLANO
>> Simon: Rose?!
>> Bruno: Oh, we've got company.
>> Simon: Rose --
>> Bruno: Simon? Every time I turn around I run into this guy. You sure you're not following me?
>> Rose: Oh, wait a minute. The blonde we're not talking about Katie Peretti, are we?
>> Simon: It's Frasier. Rose, Katie Frasier. As in Simon and Katie Frasier -- something your friend here can't seem to remember.
>> Bruno: Yeah, I remember. But do I care? That's the question.
>> Simon: Do you really think I'm gonna sit back and let you run off with my wife?
>> Bruno: Your wife seems to think you will.
>> Rose: Oh, no, don't say that. Go, go, go, go.
>> Bruno: I'll talk to you soon, Rose.
>> Rose: Yeah, yeah.

ROSE D'ANGELO AND SIMON FRASIER

>> Simon: Two minutes, Rose. Give me two minutes.
>> Rose: What? What are you gonna do, huh? You got your little injury there. You're gonna get yourself even more hurt.
>> Simon: Did you do this?
>> Rose: Do what? Oh, no, no, no. I don't play matchmaker. You think I'd set Bruno up with Katie? No, I wouldn't put Bruno through that nightmare.
>> Simon: Look, that is wife you are talking about!
>> Rose: Ooh, Mr. Protective, all of a sudden. When did this happen?
>> Simon: He's trying to steal my wife.
>> Rose: You want her? You want her?
>> Simon: No!
>> Rose: No, all right. That good then, because Bruno -- he's hot. He's nice, and he knows how to treat a lady.
>> Simon: She's not a "lady," Rose. She is my wife!
>> Rose: Oh, dear. It's worse than I thought.
>> Simon: What are you talking about?
>> Rose: Oh, Cleopatra, queen of denial. Listen to me. One thing. I'm gonna ask you one question. Are you the only person who doesn't you know that you're in love with your own wife?

Scene 4:
Location: Lucinda Walsh's estate.
Scene: Study

ROSE D'ANGELO AND SIMON FRASIER

>> Rose: Look, do you wanna know how to get your wife back in line?
>> Simon: No, I don't. No, don't tell me. I don't wanna hear it.
>> Rose: If you love her, then you gotta tell her that you love her, because the girl is not a mind reader.
>> Simon: Yeah, well, I don't love her!
>> Rose: You're still married to her. You're flying off to Never-Never Land to save her scrawny butt, and you got that look in eye at Bruno like you're gonna kill somebody and -- look, if you don't tell what's in your heart, you're gonna have to kiss her good-bye.
>> Simon: Yeah? Why is that?
>> Rose: Because I know Bruno. I mean, I've heard stories. Gets you to the mile-high, and the next thing you know, he's charming your pants off. If you don't tell her how you feel, then you're gonna lose her.
>> Simon: Yeah, great. Well, thanks for that, Rose. And do us a favor. Keep your friends and your bad advice to yourself.

Scene 5:
Location: Lakeview Towers Hotel
Scene: Craig Montgomery's Suite

KATIE FRASIER AND CRAIG MONTGOMERY

>> Katie: Oh, that smug, self-satisfied smile. Whose life did you destroy now?
>> Craig: On the contrary, my sweet Katerini. You missed a button, by the way. I've found a way to keep Carly in town.
>> Katie: Great. Well, guess what I've been up to. Packing for my trip to St. Martin with Bruno.
>> Craig: Hey, Bruno. Well, I hope you kids have a ball.
>> Katie: I'd rather have your head.
>> Craig: Why me?
>> Katie: Simon's leaving town, and it's all your fault. I had him right where I wanted him, Craig, here in town, jealous and half-crazy with repressed desire. And what do you do? You slap him 25 G's. You may as well just have given him a one-way ticket home.
>> Craig: I keep my word, it's my fault.
>> Katie: And how did you keep your word?
>> Craig: I was just helping you resolve that age-old floral conundrum -- he loves me, he loves me not.
>> Katie: It's like getting fashion advice from a nudist. You have no idea what you're talking about.
>> Craig: Simon had the means to escape. What does that prove? Not that he loves you, but that he's broke. Now that he's got a roll of bills burning a hole in his pocket and he sticks around, you'll know he's yours and he's yours alone.
>> Katie: Oh, yes, the old "If you love something, set it free." What if he doesn't come back?
>> Craig: Then he was never yours.

Scene 6:
Location: Lakeview Towers Hotel
Scene: Craig Montgomery's Suite

KATIE FRASIER, BRUNO PORTOLANO, AND SIMON FRASIER

[Katie laughs]
>> Bruno: Hey, stick with me. I'll show you the time of your life.
>> Katie: Oh, I can't wait!
>> Bruno: Into the wild, blue yonder my wild, Tuscan treasure for as long as she wants, and when you get tired of traveling, just say the word. I'll bring you back home safe and sound.
>> Katie: No, no, no. Nothing could drag me back here -- not for the foreseeable future, at least.
>> Bruno: Good. Are you ready to fly?
>> Katie: Mm-hmm.
>> Bruno: Let's do it. Hey, cowboy.
>> Simon: So, I haven't heard you laugh like that.
>> Katie: It's been ages since I had any reason to. And Bruno told me, "You should never cry over something that can't cry over you."
>> Simon: When was the last time that you cried?
>> Katie: So when did you say you were leaving?
>> Simon: As soon as humanly possible.
>> Katie: You going back to Sydney?
>> Simon: No, probably Tahiti. You know, white sand, blue skies -- you're welcome to come with me if you want to.
>> Katie: Some last-minute afterthought? I don't think so, especially now that I know what it feels like to have a guy put me first.
>> Simon: A guy you don't even know.
>> Katie: Yeah, well, I'm having a lot of fun learning. So I guess this is it, huh?
>> Simon: Sure. Sure, if this is what you want.
>> Katie: What's not to want? I have a millionaire, and you have your freedom and your money. Don't spend it all in one place.
>> Simon: Katie, after everything we've been through, can't we just -- Katie --

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September, 2001