EPISODE 10/31/06
Simon Makes The Switch
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October, 2006
MONDAY, OCTOBER 31, 2006
Scene 1:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Lakeview Towers Hotel Room
SIMON FRASIER, VIENNA HYATT
>> Vienna: Does someone need a map to find the hidden treasure?
>> Simon: Oh, no. I remember the way quite well.
>> Vienna: Mmm, you're getting warmer. Warmer -- ooh, you're burning up.
>> Simon: That's right. And I want nothing between us, Vienna, absolutely nothing. So, allow me to -- here --
>> Vienna: Naughty boy. I told you to keep those sticky fingers off my baubles.
Scene 2:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Lakeview Towers Hotel Room
SIMON FRASIER, VIENNA HYATT
>> Vienna: Mmm! I told you I wanted to keep that necklace on, to remind me of that night in Biarritz.
>> Simon: Oh, Biarritz was amazing, but we can do way better.
>> Vienna: We can?
>> Simon: Yeah. See, that was the past. Tonight's going to be way more memorable.
>> Vienna: I believe you. Make love to me, Simon Frasier.
>> Simon: All right -- uh -- I -- well, I really want to. Just one quick question? When is the prince expecting you back?
>> Vienna: Oh, forget about the prince. We have lots of time.
>> Simon: More? Just a little --
>> Vienna: Are you trying to have your way with me, Mr. Frasier?
>> Simon: Yeah --
>> Vienna: Mmm. Mmm!
>> Simon: What --
[ Vienna laughs ] What is it? Are you all right?
>> Vienna: I see two of you. Now you can both make love to me!
Scene 3:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Lakeview Towers Hotel Room
SIMON FRASIER, VIENNA HYATT, PRINCE ADOLPHO
>> Simon: You know what? I should order another bottle of champagne.
>> Vienna: No, no, no more champagne.
>> Simon: Oh, come on. The prince has turned you into a lightweight.
>> Vienna: I want to drink you in, Simon, until I can't get enough.
>> Simon: Vienna? Vienna?
[ Banging on the door ]
>> Prince Adolpho: What is the meaning of this?
Scene 4:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Lakeview Towers Hotel Room
SIMON FRASIER, CARLY SNYDER, VIENNA HYATT, PRINCE ADOLPHO, HANDLER
>> Simon: You are just in time, Mr. Highness.
>> Prince Adolpho: In my country you'd be hanged for this.
>> Simon: This is not how it looks. See, I noticed that Vienna was drinking rather excessively. So, I didn't want her to embarrass you or our host, so I brought her up here, into my room, ducked out to get some coffee, came back, and she was undressed, and passed out.
>> Prince Adolpho: Step away from her.
>> Simon: I didn't want the press blowing this up into a royal scandal, especially with the crown jewels at risk.
>> Prince Adolpho: I said step away.
>> Simon: Just didn't want her humiliating the crown, sir.
>> Prince Adolpho: You were to keep an eye on her.
>> Handler: My apologies, your Highness.
>> Simon: It wasn't his fault. She gave the security people the slip.
>> Prince Adolpho: Then you should have called them yourself.
>> Simon: There wasn't enough time, sir. You see, she was wandering up and down the halls, singing, threatening to strip off her clothes. And as I said before, with the press so close by, it could have been a public relations disaster.
>> Prince Adolpho: Take her to my suite immediately. Make sure she's properly covered and have security attend to the jewels.
>> Handler: Of course, your Highness.
>> Prince Adolpho: We will be together soon, my American beauty. And as for you -- thank you for assisting Vienna.
>> Simon: Oh, it was an honor, sir.
>> Carly: Well, I held up my end of the deal.
>> Simon: Yes, you did, my American beauty.
>> Carly: While you were here doing who knows what with the lovely Vienna, Prince Leadfoot out there, nearly got me killed on route 30! Then, I walk in here and see that she's still got the jewelry around her neck.
>> Simon: It was a good night, Carly. A good night.
>> Carly: Good? Good? I was this close to being roadkill, and the crown jewels just got carried out of here with the royal tart. I hate you, Simon!
Scene 5:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Lakeview Towers Hotel Room
SIMON FRASIER, CARLY SNYDER
>> Simon: If you would just let me get a word in --
>> Carly: I don't want to hear another word out of your mouth!
>> Simon: Well, Vienna was very tough.
>> Carly: Tough? No, no, no. Simon, tough is having your life flash before your eyes at 100 miles an hour. Tough is trying to keep your stomach out of your throat on a hairpin turn. And tough is definitely having Jack look at me like I've whored myself out to some man just because he's got a title before his name. Now, all I was trying to do was keep the royal knives from carving out your heart, and what do I get in return? Nothing! We're back to square one, aren't we? With some loan shark who wants tear us limb from limb --
>> Simon: And we're back in business. Whoa, where'd that come from?
>> Carly: No, I just -- just saw Vienna wearing --
>> Simon: The very good replica of Prince Adolpho's precious jewels.
>> Carly: Replica?
>> Simon: We did it, Carly. We did it.
>> Carly: We did? We did it? We did it! We did it! We did it!
Scene 6:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Lakeview Towers Hotel Room
SIMON FRASIER, CARLY SNYDER
>> Carly: How did you do it?
>> Simon: I managed to acquire a very detailed photo of the crown jewels.
>> Carly: And you had a copy made?
>> Simon: An exquisitely good copy.
>> Carly: And you don't think they'll find out?
>> Simon: Hopefully, not for a very long time.
>> Carly: And didn't the jeweler wonder why you wanted a replica?
>> Simon: No, the jewelers' a friend. I told him I wanted to treat my girlfriend like royalty.
>> Carly: Well, I feel better than royalty.
>> Simon: You were magnificent tonight, and no one will find out quite how magnificent you were, because this will not be traced back to you. I promise.
>> Carly: I'm what Jack would call a red-hot accomplice.
>> Simon: A very, very red hot accomplice.
>> Carly: I've never felt what I felt tonight before. Walking on the edge, my heart pounding. It's either get caught or win the grand prize. And we did it, we walked away with the jackpot.
>> Simon: Well, sinful pleasures are the very best kind.
>> Carly: Yeah, the thrill -- it was exhilarating. You know, like, almost -- almost better than sex.
>> Simon: Are you kidding me? Nothing is better than sex.
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October, 2006