EPISODE 10/26/06
Simon Fools Carly
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October, 2006
THURSDAY, OCTOBER 26, 2006
Scene 1:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Police Department
VIENNA HYATT, JACK SNYDER
>> Vienna: I am Vienna Hyatt.
>> Jack: Jack Snyder.
>> Vienna: Ah, yes. You and I, Jack Snyder, I understand that we'll be dealing with each other -- intimately.
>> Jack: Well, you'll be wearing the jewels -- it's my job to protect them.
>> Vienna: And me, too, right?
>> Jack: Right. It's a a package deal. A very nice package.
>> Vienna: I have a feeling that you and I will get along very well.
>> Jack: And this is based on --
>> Vienna: I always get along with men. It's one of my particular talents.
>> Jack: Well, it seems you get along very well with the prince. Him bathing you in jewels and everything.
>> Vienna: He adores me. He is wrapped around mon petit doigt. It is because of me and my influence that we are in Oakdale.
>> Jack: Yes, I had a few questions about that. We don't get a lot of princes with jeweled escorts in Oakdale every day. You have a personal tie?
>> Vienna: Have you ever heard of someone named Simon Frasier?
Scene 2:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Frasier Towers Condo
SIMON FRASIER, CARLY SNYDER
>> Carly: I was so happy to find this.
>> Carly: We were finished with the place. We were just ready to sell it. Who would do this?
>> Simon: I -- I don't know.
>> Carly: You know something, Simon? I think you do.
[ Sneeze ]
>> Simon: I am so sorry.
>> Carly: So it was Spirro.
>> Simon: Well yeah, of course it was Spirro. I mean who else could it possibly be --
>> Carly: I warned you about him. I told you that he would destroy everything. And you said that you were not gonna deal with him, and then you turned around and you did.
>> Simon: I know. I know how much you were banking on this project.
>> Carly: It's not just about that. This was not just about the money. This is about this work that we've done. Good work, work that we should proud of. And he just walks in here and destroys it?
>> Simon: Yeah.
>> Carly: Why? Why would he destroy his own collateral?
>> Simon: I don't know. I guess he wanted to teach us a lesson.
>> Carly: What? No, Simon, if he wanted to teach you a lesson, he would have gone after you. This place could have made him money.
>> Simon: He didn't think --
>> Carly: No, he did. Of course he thought. He's mean, he's not stupid. Why would he do this? You know, I'm not scared very often, Simon, but I'm kind of scared now. Because if Spirro would do this -- then we're not dealing with a very rational person here, are we? Paying us back has started to mean more to him than the money.
>> Simon: Carly --
>> Carly: And a loan shark who doesn't care about the money? We are in very deep trouble.
Scene 3:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Police Department
VIENNA HYATT, JACK SNYDER
>> Vienna: Thank you, Bernie. That was so sweet of you.
>> Jack: How'd you do that?
>> Vienna: Do what?
>> Jack: Get Evans to bring you stuff. He doesn't do that. He's mean. Really mean.
>> Vienna: He asked me if there was anything he could do for me while you were on the phone. You actually work with some very nice people.
>> Jack: Oh, yeah, they're sweethearts. Listen, while we're on the subject, Simon Frasier. How much do you know about him?
>> Vienna: Actually, I know everything about him.
>> Jack: Figures.
>> Vienna: You don't like him, do you?
>> Jack: You're a real mind reader.
>> Vienna: Women adore him and men don't like him.
>> Jack: No, he's great!
>> Vienna: Ah, and now I will play the detective. I deduce that you, Jack Snyder, adore one of those women who adores him.
Scene 4:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Frasier Towers Condo
SIMON FRASIER, CARLY SNYDER
>> Carly: What?
>> Simon: You're right. This situation has gotten dangerous.
>> Carly: You think?
>> Simon: Are you all right? What is it? Are you okay?
>> Carly: No, I'm just -- I'm thinking about what you said the other day about how Spirro saw me coming into the police station and now he blames me. And I have my kids, and Parker needs me right now, and I cannot get hurt, I can't! He can't go through it!
>> Simon: He won't. He's not going to get hurt.
>> Carly: Oh, really? Look around this room and ask yourself if I'm in the mood for your worthless promises.
>> Simon: No, I don't think you are.
>> Carly: What are we gonna do? How are we gonna get out of this?
>> Simon: Well, we need more money. Double the interest. And then I go to Spirro and I grovel.
>> Carly: Okay. Well, the groveling is the easy part, but how do we get the money? Give me the picture.
>> Simon: What?
>> Carly: Don't play dumb with me. The picture of the tart with the jewelry!
>> Simon: No, no, absolutely not. There is no way I'm going to drag you into this.
>> Carly: I'm in it. I am in it, up to my neck. And as I am determined to keep this neck unbroken, show me the picture, Simon, please. Now!
>> Simon: It's worth twice what I owe Spirro.
>> Carly: But only if you steal them.
>> Simon: But only if we steal them.
Scene 5:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Frasier Towers Condo
SIMON FRASIER, CARLY SNYDER
>> Carly: Why did you say we?
>> Simon: It's a two-person job.
>> Carly: What a surprise.
>> Simon: I -- I steal the jewels, and you provide the distraction.
>> Carly: I'm on probation, Simon. I get caught, I go to jail.
>> Simon: You've seen what I can do. There is no way we will get caught. Ever.
>> Carly: Once again, right now, your assurances don't carry a lot of weight.
>> Simon: Okay. What you will be doing is not even illegal, okay? All you will be doing is distracting the prince. That's it.
>> Carly: Having been married to a cop, I do know a few legal terms, such as conspiracy. I will be as guilty as you.
>> Simon: That's if I get caught and I give you up, which I never would do. I swear.
>> Carly: You know, I remember worrying, really worrying about whether I had picked the right fabric. And now, here I am, worrying about whether I'm gonna get whacked or wear an orange jumpsuit for the next ten years. I am such a fool.
>> Simon: Carly, please --
>> Carly: I am. I spent all this time blaming you, acting like it was all your fault.
>> Simon: It is.
>> Carly: It's not. It's me. You see, you didn't exactly come with the best of references. But I didn't listen. I thought I could handle you. So when this all started, I was just broke. And now I'm planning my first heist.
>> Simon: You're right.
>> Carly: That's a comfort.
>> Simon: No, you're right, this is a terrible idea. We're not doing it.
Scene 6:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Frasier Towers Condo
SIMON FRASIER, CARLY SNYDER
>> Simon: We're not gonna do it. Just go.
>> Carly: I can't. I'm in too deep.
>> Simon: You're only going to get in to much deeper if you stick with me. So please, I think if you go now, you will be safe.
>> Carly: Spirro's after me, too.
>> Simon: Not if I tell him that you didn't tell Jack anything, that you were there to talk about the kids.
>> Carly: He's not going to believe that --
>> Simon: I'll make him believe it, okay? I got us into this, I'm going to take the hit for it. Please, please give me the comfort that I'm going to go down by myself and not take you with me.
>> Carly: Simon --
>> Simon: No, I mean it. Please, just go. I was the one that got us into this mess. This all my fault. I, for once, want to do the right thing. Now please, go.
>> Carly: Simon --
>> Simon: Go now before I call Jack and tell him everything.
[ Carly leaves ]
>> Simon: This had better work.
Scene 7:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Police Department
VIENNA HYATT, JACK SNYDER
>> Jack: Okay, how about a few ground rules? Once you put on those jewels, I need to know where you are at all times. I need to know immediately if someone gets too close to you, or asks you to go off with them.
>> Vienna: Yes.
>> Jack: And we don't talk about my personal life.
>> Vienna: Ooh, I touched a nerve, didn't I? You know, Jack Snyder, if you're jealous of Simon --
>> Jack: Absolutely not.
>> Vienna: Maybe we could arrange so Simon gets jealous of you.
>> Jack: This prince, the one with the jewels -- he doesn't mind it when you, you know, throw yourself at other men?
>> Vienna: Oh no, he gets insanely jealous. And, when I'm drenched in all the jewels, looking like millions of dollars, I'll throw my charms at you and Simon and the boy passing the canapes. Whomever strikes my interests. And Adolpho, he will --
[ Vienna makes exploding noise ]
>> Jack: That game's a little dangerous, don't you think?
>> Vienna: A lot dangerous. That's what makes it fun.
Scene 8:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Frasier Towers Condo
SIMON FRASIER, CARLY SNYDER
[ Carly returns; Simon smiles ]
>> Carly: So, if we're stealing those jewels -- what do we have to do first?
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October, 2006