EPISODE 10/27/00
Lucinda Bribes Simon To Leave Town

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October, 2000


FRIDAY, OCTOBER 27, 2000

Scene 1:
Place: Oakdale, Illinois
Location: Sparky's garage.

SIMON FRASIER ALONE.
>> Simon: I know exactly how you feel, buddy. Ain't got no car, no cash, no luck.

LUCINDA WALSH ENTERS.
>> Lucinda: And ain't gonna have no girl.

Scene 2:
Location: Sparky's garage.

SIMON FRASIER AND LUCINDA WALSH

>> Simon: Well, well, this is a pleasant surprise. What, should I -- should I ring a defense attorney? Call the National Guard?
>> Lucinda: Now, why do you say a thing like that?
>> Simon: Well, we both know this isn't a friendly visit.
>> Lucinda: What do you mean? Maybe one of my automobiles needs some servicing.
>> Simon: Something tells me that your cars don't go to the mechanic, the mechanic goes to the cars.
>> Lucinda: Right. Master mechanic.
>> Simon: Oh, those guys. What, they're the ones that wear the starched, white lab coats, aren't they? Not a speck of grease?
>> Lucinda: This won't take long. I just heard that you were working here, so I thought I would come out and verify it.
>> Simon: Right. I wasn't aware I needed your permission to get a job in this town.
>> Lucinda: You take many things for granted, don't you? And many people. However, I have not come to bury you, I have come to praise you.
>> Simon: You? Praise me?
>> Lucinda: Mm-hmm.
>> Simon: Yeah, right. I seriously doubt anyone does anything worthy of your praise.
>> Lucinda: Why do you say that? You saved my daughter. My daughter says you saved her life on that island. And for that, I will always be grateful, and you have my thanks.
>> Simon: That's not necessary.
>> Lucinda: Well, I think it is. Okay? Now, of course, you presume to know me better than I know myself, so you must know that I am she who will not be denied.
>> Simon: And that would contain --
>> Lucinda: This is just a -- it's just a token of my gratitude, and I want to bestow it this moment, right now, if you will take another step and just do a little, tiny something for me.
>> Simon: Yeah, and what's that?
>> Lucinda: Pack your bags. Leave Oakdale. And leave my daughter without looking back.

Scene 3:
Location: Sparky's garage.

SIMON FRASIER AND LUCINDA WALSH

>> Simon: Well, this is a very interesting development. Lucinda Walsh, offering me a cash reward to what? To leave the country?
>> Lucinda: It's just a little something, little something to grease the wheels.
>> Simon: Yeah, but I have to admit, I am a little disappointed in you. I expected so much more. Calling in a fleet of I.N.S. Agents to toss me out of the states, or hiring a gang of thugs to rough me up, sure, but flat-out bribery? That's lame.
>> Lucinda: Oh, but I thought it would be all right. It was so simple, even I, a woman, could do it.
>> Simon: A woman who does her own dirty work. Got to love that. But you better -- you better watch yourself around here. Things can get a little messy.
>> Lucinda: Interesting that you would mention the I.N.S. Having a little problem with your green card? Do you have a green card? A guy who doesn't have a green card might be a little testy.
>> Simon: Look, you're getting awfully close to my work area. So like I said, you'd better step back.
>> Lucinda: You've done quite enough damage to my daughter's marriage. And I am here to see that there's no further damage done.
>> Simon: So what are you, the self-appointed savior for someone who doesn't need saving? You know, where I come from, that's called interfering. Sticking your nose where it doesn't belong.
>> Lucinda: Oh, but are you going to interfere further in my daughter's marriage?
>> Simon: You want to know what my plans are? My plans are to get this baby up and going before midnight, I'm gonna get something to eat, drag myself back home, where I plan to sleep like a stone, get up in the morning and do it all again. That's it.
>> Lucinda: Tell me something. Tell me. How does a grease monkey like you afford a suite at the Lakeview? Have you got some other woman keeping you?
>> Simon: Nobody keeps me but myself. I've got my own place, right out the back, close to work. I'll be moving in very soon.
>> Lucinda: Is this going to be temporary or permanent or what?
>> Simon: Yeah. Yeah, I think I'll stick around Oakdale a little longer.
>> Lucinda: Look here, my friend, your time is up. It's over. You're like a blister that won't heal. You're like a painful reminder to Lily and Holden of everything that they want to forget, of everything that all of us want to forget --
>> Simon: Yeah, the thing is, I like it here. It's nice and quiet. And the people are some of the -- the nicest, friendliest people I've ever met. Besides, it'll -- it'll give me more pleasure than money can buy just to stick around here and watch you squirm.
[Simon starts a caršs engine and oil squirts all over Lucinda]
>> Lucinda: Ugh -- ugh -

Scene 4:
Location: Sparky's garage.

SIMON FRASIER AND LUCINDA WALSH

>> Lucinda: Oh, great. You're painting me in oil. Or are you just punishing me for speaking my opinions?
>> Simon: Look, look, as I recall, I gave you fair warning to step back out of the way. Here.
>> Lucinda: Great. You're a real gentleman.
>> Simon: Look, despite your low opinion of me, I never went out of my way to hurt anyone.
>> Lucinda: I don't care about your intentions. I just want you to get out of here.
>> Simon: That's right. That's right. We were gonna discuss this mysterious offer of yours here. Okay, so I'll humor you. What's in the envelope?
>> Lucinda: Look, I am prepared, if you leave town -- if you leave town tonight, I will compensate you very nicely. This is just seed money, all right? It's just $20,000. But it's cash, and it will start you on a future. Or you can go anywhere, someplace else, in another country.
>> Simon: Wow. You've really surprised me again. And here all I was just thinking you'd sprung a one-way plane ticket out of town, but this? Wow, that's impressive.
>> Lucinda: Do we have a deal?
>> Simon: Keep your money, all right? I can earn it myself.
>> Lucinda: What do you want?
>> Simon: Lily. I'm completely in love with her. And I'm not going anywhere --
>> Lucinda: You -- you can't have her. You can't have her that way.
>> Simon: Yeah, we'll see.

Scene 5:
Location: Sparky's garage.

SIMON FRASIER AND LUCINDA WALSH

>> Lucinda: Ugh -- dream on. You know, dream on. Are you blind? I mean, do you think that you can do the impossible and separate Lily and Holden? They're infrangible. Better men than you have tried to and failed. Even I -- even I couldn't destroy their love.
>> Simon: Look, I'm not here to "destroy" anything. Look, if there marriage is on the rocks, that has got nothing to do with me.
>> Lucinda: Oh, you've convinced yourself of that?
>> Simon: Yeah, yeah. I have. 'Cause it's the truth.
>> Lucinda: Ah -- the truth. You wouldn't know the truth -- Holden and I know the truth about you. We know what you are. You're an opportunist with dollar signs in your eyes and overactive glands. And some how -- some how you've convinced lily that she can't live in civilization again without you. Well, I take back my thanks. You are not a hero. You are not. And Lily's eyes will be opened and she'll see you for what you are.
>> Simon: You don't know the first thing about me.
>> Lucinda: Oh, but I can draw conclusions.
>> Simon: Yeah?
>> Lucinda: Yeah.
>> Simon: You think so?
>> Lucinda: Your future? You haven't got a future. Look. And your past, that's in question. And you know -- you know in your heart you are not in Lily's league. So why don't you just cut your losses, take the money. Take the money.
>> Simon: Yeah. Well, it is a lot of money, isn't it? That is a lot of money. And if it was any other woman on earth, I wouldn't hesitate in taking it and getting out of here.
>> Lucinda: Ah -- but with Lily, no. There's an irresistible allure.
>> Simon: Yeah. Every bounder has his weakness. For some, it's the battle. Others, the roll of the dice. For me it's Lily. Lily makes me think and do things that I would never dream of.
>> Lucinda: Like what?
>> Simon: Like this.
[Simon holds a blow torch to the money Lucinda brought over to bribe him with]
>> Lucinda: Oh, come on. You wouldn't do that.
>> Simon: Wouldn't I?
>> Lucinda: No, you --
>> Simon: Huh? You want to test me?
>> Lucinda: You wouldn't.
>> Simon: Either you get rid of this dirty bribe or trust me, lady, I will do it for you.
>> Lucinda: No, you wouldn't.

Scene 6:
Location: Sparky's garage.

SIMON FRASIER AND LUCINDA WALSH

>> Simon: I'm gonna give you till the count of five, okay? One -- two -- three --
[Lucinda laughs.]
>> Simon: Oh, you are such a brave and wealthy woman, aren't you?
>> Lucinda: Okay.
>> Simon: Four --
>> Lucinda: All right. Waste not, want not. You have made one big mistake.
>> Simon: Well, you think you can buy me off with any sum of money. Any threat or warning -- it just proves what I said before. You don't know the first thing about me.
>> Lucinda: Ooh -- I do. You're demented! Yes, you're demented! Which proves to me, you could not have a real relationship with my daughter.
>> Simon: Yeah, how well do you know your daughter, Ms. Walsh? I think I'm exactly what she needs.
>> Lucinda: Sure. Sure. Every lady needs a temporary lunatic. Lunatic attachment. Every diversion as you had on the island. But you were a temp. And you've been voted off the island, darling. Time is up.
[Door closes.]


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October, 2000