EPISODE 10/15/01
Simon Looks For Katie At The Convent

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October, 2001


MONDAY, OCTOBER 15, 2001

Scene 1:
Location: Oakdale Police Department precinct station.
Scene: Interrogation room

MARGO HUGHES AND SIMON FRASIER

>> Margo: Man, Simon, you must have broken speed records to get down here.
>> Simon: I'm just worried sick about Katie. Have you found out anything about this Bruno guy?
>> Margo: Yeah. Well, I got a call from a nun. A Sister Mary Bastalista. This is where Katie is.
>> Simon: What, a convent?
>> Margo: Yeah. Katie asked the nuns for sanctuary.
>> Simon: That's because she feels threatened. That's why. I've got to get to her before this Bruno guy does.
>> Margo: Hey, hey, hey, hey. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Now that we know that she's okay for the meantime --
>> Simon: Margo, I really have to --
>> Margo: Listen -- you asked me to check out this Bruno guy and I did. And now, I have some questions for you.

Scene 2:
Scene: Interrogation room

MARGO HUGHES AND SIMON FRASIER

>> Margo: Look, you and I both know that Katie can be a little out there.
>> Simon: Yes, she is.
>> Margo: And she's my little sister and I love her.
>> Simon: I know that. And you have been a big help. And I mean it, thank you.
>> Margo: Well, now, you can be an even bigger help. You know why she took off, don't you?
>> Simon: Yes. Because of me. I know, I messed up. And I really -- I'm gonna make it up to her.
>> Margo: I know. And I'm not trying to guilt-trip you. Katie's a handful, and I know it. But when she comes back, I would like her life to be different.
>> Simon: And it will be. It will.
>> Margo: So you'll be truthful with her?
>> Simon: Mm-hmm.
>> Margo: Then go and find her, and you need to promise me that you'll be straight with her. Because, Simon, she is in love with you.
>> Simon: I know.
>> Margo: And you know that she never would've gotten messed up with this Bruno guy if she hadn't been wanting to prove something to you.
>> Simon: I know, I know. And now, I know what I have to say to her. I do.
>> Margo: Yeah. What you should have said months ago, that the two of you never should have staged this wedding just so you could stay in the country.
>> Simon: Yes. It was wrong. I know.
>> Margo: All right. Then you can make it right. Go and you find her and you convince her that this ridiculous marriage is over, and I know it'll be painful for her to hear, but in the long run she'll be better off. What?
>> Simon: I don't want to end it.
>> Margo: What?
>> Simon: Yeah. I -- I love Katie, and I want to give it a shot.
>> Margo: What?
>> Simon: Yes. Believe me, it took me long enough to realize it myself.
>> Margo: Simon, if you don't end this now, you're gonna be spending the rest of your life with her.
>> Simon: I know.
>> Margo: Simon, the rest of your life.
>> Simon: Yes!
>> Margo: No, let me be very clear with you, Simon. If you go and you get her and you tell her that you don't wanna split up, then you get ready for 50 or 60 years of Katie. And I'm talkin' a house and kids and a white-picket fence, and possibly a dog and a bunny. And if, down the road, you do want to break up with her, she will hunt you down and make your life miserable. And, quite frankly, I'll help her. So you be clear with yourself, Simon, and Katie.
>> Simon: I will be. I wanna go get her.
>> Margo: Okay. The convent is just out past Luther's Corners. And these are the directions.
>> Simon: Thank you. I really mean it. Thank you.

Scene 3:
Location: Convent near Luther's Corners

SIMON FRASIER AND A CATHOLIC NUN

>> Nun: May I help you with something?
>> Simon: Yes, I'm here to see Mother Superior. It's about a visitor who came to your convent.
>> Nun: And the visitor's name?
>> Simon: It's actually my wife. Katie Peretti Frasier?
>> Nun: Yes. You will have to see the reverend mother, Sister Mary.
>> Simon: Well, is she gonna be much longer?
>> Nun: I don't think so. She's in with the other gentleman.
>> Simon: Who's that?

SIMON FRASIER, BRUNO PORTOLANO, A CATHOLIC NUN, AND SISTER MARY

>> Simon: How did you get here?
>> Bruno: I got my ways -- just like you, it seems.
>> Simon: I'm sorry, Mother Superior. You cannot let this guy near my wife, Katie!
>> Sister Mary: I'm afraid that's irrelevant, gentlemen. Katie is gone.

Scene 4:
Location: Convent near Luther's Corners

SIMON FRASIER, BRUNO PORTOLANO, A CATHOLIC NUN, AND SISTER MARY

>> Simon: Excuse me, what do you mean, Katie is gone?
>> Sister Mary: I'm sorry. I did not mean to seem so dire. What I meant to say is Katie has left the convent. She has gone away, moved on, vamoosed.
>> Simon: Why? Why? Did you let this guy here near her or what?
>> Bruno: Wait just a minute. Come on.
>> Sister Mary: She told one of the sisters that she had not yet finished her quest for tranquility -- her spiritual journey.
>> Simon: And do you know where this spiritual journey was taking her?
>> Sister Mary: No. I have no idea.
>> Simon: Right. And you just let her leave? Like that?
>> Sister Mary: Well, to be perfectly honest, Mr. -- ?
>> Simon: Frasier. I'm her husband, as I mentioned to the sister right here.
>> Sister Mary: Oh, I see. Well, to be perfectly honest, Mr. Frasier, your wife's stay with us has been a bit of a nightmare.
>> Bruno: Ah, that's just because you don't understand --
>> Simon: What are you even doing -- will you just shut -- I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. Please, can you explain to me what actually happened?
>> Sister Mary: Well, first of all, she was completely unable to keep the vow of silence at meals.
>> Bruno: That's my little songbird.
>> Sister Mary: Yes, and when it was her turn to lead the evening prayers, she offered makeover tips for those confined to black and white wardrobes. She also suggested that we should petition the "Popester," as she referred to our Holy Father, about "That chastity thing." She said, and I quote, "Poverty and Obedience are enough already!" After one week with her, three -- three -- of our sisters have given over their vocations entirely!
>> Simon: Well, she's very, extremely sweet girl once you get to know her. And helpful, too, yes.
>> Sister Mary: Oh, yes, yes, I know. When she receives the Sacrament of the Holy Communion, she told us that the host would go down easier with guacamole.
>> Simon: Well, that's a good point. I'm sorr -- if you weren't gonna keep her here safely in this sanctuary, why did you call Margo Hughes?
>> Sister Mary: Her sister?
>> Simon: Yes.
>> Sister Mary: Yes, yes. Well, to be perfectly honest, we were desperate. And Ms. Hughes said that a gentleman would come to get her. But before either of you arrived, Katie was gone.
>> Simon: And you have no idea where she went?
>> Sister Mary: I can only hope that she finds whatever it is she's looking for, and that she never again requires sanctuary from our order. Now, if you gentlemen will excuse us. Sister?
>> Simon: Thank you. Thank you.

SIMON FRASIER AND BRUNO PORTOLANO

>> Simon: Well, you heard her, didn't you? Weren't you listening? Katie obviously wants no part of you.
>> Bruno: What makes you think she wants any part of you?
>> Simon: I know she does. I'm gonna go find her.
>>Bruno: Where?
>> Simon: Why don't you mind your own business? Why are you even hanging around like such a bad smell? Go back. Go back to Atlantic City, all right? Nobody wants you here.
>> Bruno: Whoa, slow down, pal. You're not going anywhere.

Scene 5:
Location: Convent near Luther's Corners

SIMON FRASIER AND BRUNO PORTOLANO

>> Simon: Get your hands off me.
>> Bruno: Or what?
>> Simon: Or I'll get the mother superior in here to rap you over the knuckles.
>> Bruno: Look, Katie changed my life.
>> Simon: Yeah? Don't take it too personally.
>> Bruno: Listen, I am not gonna take this from a guy who marries her and can't even tell her he loves her.
>> Simon: Listen! What the hell do you even know about our situation?
>> Bruno: What do I know? I know you used her to stay in this country. You had her brother foot the bill for the two of you. And you never once told her how beautiful she was. Or that she had a smile that could make a joint checking account look good.
>> Simon: Well, thanks for the psychoanalysis, but you're a -- you're a gambler, right? Yeah? Why don't you go back to blackjack? 'Cause I'll tell you, you don't stand a chance with Katie.
>> Bruno: When I find Katie, that'll all change.
>> Simon: Really? Hey, lots of luck.
>> Bruno: Look, if you get in my way, we'll see who's got the good luck and who's got the bad.

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October, 2001