EPISODE 11/27/06
Simon Reads Oakdale Confidential

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November, 2006


MONDAY, NOVEMBER 27, 2006

Scene 1:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Carly Snyder Home

SIMON FRASIER, CARLY SNYDER, LUCINDA WALSH

>> Simon: I missed you.
>> Carly: I wasn't gone that long.
>> Simon: Gone long enough -- I didn't know what to do with myself.
>> Carly: Well you do what everybody does on Thanksgiving -- eat, and then eat some more. Then watch football.
>> Simon: Well, I prefer rugby and thinking of you.
>> Carly: Awe, that's nice, I like that.
>> Simon: Well I like seeing you wear your necklace.
>> Carly: Yeah, you know I'm still a little uncomfortable traipsing around town wearing this thing.
>> Simon: Well, first of all, you don't traipse -- yeah, continue.
>> Carly: The point is, what if somebody finds out that this is one of the diamonds from the necklace we stole from Vienna.
>> Simon: There not going to because nobody knows we did it. And besides it's a reminder of our very first, passionate night together.
>> Carly: So what, so it's a sort of a turn-on for you?
>> Simon: A turn-on?
>> Carly: Uh-huh?
>> Simon: What do you think?
[ Door bell rings ]
>> Simon: No, no.
>> Carly: I got a get it. No, it might be important.
>> Simon: You're not getting -- you're not getting --
>> Carly: Oh, Lucinda hi.
>> Lucinda: Happy Thanksgiving.
>> Carly: You too.
>> Lucinda: I have something for Simon -- ooh, ooh my, that's very pretty.
>> Carly: Ohh!
>> Lucinda: Is he here?
>> Carly: Yes, as a matter of fact.
>> Lucinda: That's more than pretty, that's more than pretty -- that's beautiful.
>> Carly: Thank you.
>> Lucinda: Yeah -- umm --
>> Simon: Hey, Lucinda how are you?
>> Lucinda: Happy Thanksgiving.
>> Simon: Oh, you too.
>> Lucinda: I have much to be thankful for this year, as you probably know it. I was at the hospital and someone gave me a present and I thought I would just pass it on to you because you might need a drink.
>> Simon: Okay.
>> Lucinda: The new edition of Oakdale Confidential is out and thanks to Katie all of us in this little town, we know more than we ever wanted to know about the pair of you.


Scene 2:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Outside Bookstore

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE KASNOFF, HENRY COLEMAN, BOOKSTORE CLERK

>> Bookstore clerk: Hey, that's you!
>> Katie: Yes, I am the author.
>> Bookstore clerk: You don't have to buy a copy, you can have as many you want. We have plenty of boxes in the back.
>> Katie: Boxes? Oh, yeah. No, thanks. Never mind. Yup, it's official. My life in Oakdale is over as I know it. I might as well pack my bags and get the hell out of here.
>> Henry: There is no way you are leaving me alone in this burg.
>> Katie: Be smart. Let me go so I don't ruin your life, too.
>> Henry: Hey, your pen is mighty, but I am indestructible.
>> Katie: I could have stopped it, you know. With Simon. There was a moment there, there was a second where I could have remembered what was important to me, but I didn't.
>> Henry: We've all been there.
>> Katie: But I've hurt Mike so much. And now, everyone's going to know how awful I was. And I can't even make an excuse for myself because there are no excuses.
>> Henry: You made a mistake. You made a big mistake. But all is not lost.
>> Katie: Really? Name one person whose life isn't messed up because of me.
>> Henry: Snickers.
>> Katie: Snickers is a rabbit.


Scene 3:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Carly Snyder Home

SIMON FRASIER, CARLY SNYDER, LUCINDA WALSH

>> Simon: Of course, I don't need a reason to drink. But Katie wrote about us?
>> Carly: Oh, she wouldn't. She wouldn't, would she? I'll kill her. What did she say?
>> Lucinda: What did she say? What didn't she say? She outdid herself.
>> Carly: Listen, what exactly did Katie write?
>> Lucinda: Now, I wouldn't want to ruin the ending for you.
>> Simon: Okay, how about just some highlights?
>> Lucinda: Okay, all right. Con man, Simon Frasier comes back to Oakdale. He carelessly seduces our heroine, Katie, who is happily married to Mike. Well, maybe not so happily married.
>> Carly: Look, if Katie wants to publish her business and her life, that's fine but me, as long as she leaves me out of it.
>> Lucinda: Oh, then let me get to this part. You see, con man, Simon Frasier, he dumps our heroine Katie for a conniving slut.
>> Simon: Ouch.
>> Carly: Excuse me?
>> Lucinda: In the book. In the book.
>> Carly: Lucinda! How could you publish something like this?
>> Lucinda: Well, I didn't hold her hands to the keyboard --
>> Carly: You know, I ought to sue. I ought to sue you, too.
>> Lucinda: Me, what for?
>> Carly: For being involved in the slander of me -- and libel and so forth --
>> Lucinda: Well, look darling. This is a work of fiction. And nobody sued the last time around.
>> Carly: But you do understand that I have children. My boys, Parker and J.J., They're in school. You know how school can be. You know how kids can be.
>> Lucinda: Maybe you should have given that some thought. Think about your kids, sooner rather than later.
>> Simon: All right, okay, that's enough.
>> Lucinda: Um, okay, look, Simon, you will understand that this is actually cracking good business, as an entrepreneur, you'll appreciate that. And you know, that from my point of view, there was nothing personal.
>> Carly: Oh, please. Please.
>> Lucinda: Okay, now let's look at all of this from a different perspective. Actually, and inadvertently, I may have done you both a favor.
>> Carly: Unless that favor is recalling every single one of Katie's trashy little books, then I fail to see the part where I thank you for this favor.
>> Lucinda: You two are trying to put yourself on the map as real estate entrepreneurs, right? I have raised your profile. This book is a best-seller. Tons of pr. So, maybe next year, maybe even Thanksgiving, you'll thank me. And if you do, I shall most gracious.
>> Simon: Okay, I'm officially speechless. I had no idea Katie could pull a stunt like this.
>> Carly: We've got to read this book. Now.
>> Simon: Now.
>> Carly: Now.


Scene 4:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Outside Bookstore

SIMON FRASIER, CARLY SNYDER, KATIE KASNOFF, HENRY COLEMAN

>> Henry: I know. Fame -- fame isn't everything, okay? But there are worse things to be left with, Katie.
>> Katie: Like a broken heart?
>> Henry: Come on, kiddo, you're killing me. I know I'm no Mike. We tried that once and it didn't work. But I am your friend. Always.
[ Simon and Carly enter ]
>> Carly: Well, that's nice. You better stay close to him, Katie. Because after this, you're not going to have a friend in the world.


Scene 5:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Outside Bookstore

SIMON FRASIER, CARLY SNYDER, KATIE KASNOFF, HENRY COLEMAN

>> Carly: Right, and Katie is suddenly interested in discretion?
>> Simon: How could you do this, Katie?
>> Henry: Actually, the book signing was my idea.
>> Simon: Only, no, no, you want to get back at me? You want to hurt me? Go ahead. Give me your best shot. You know, write as many books as it takes to get it out of your system. But why drag Carly into this mess? All right, she's got nothing to do with any of this.
>> Katie: I did not create this situation, Simon. In fact, I warned you that he would ruin your life just like he ruined mine.
>> Carly: Oh, come off it. You're not worried about me. You're jealous. You're jealous because Simon is moving on, and moving on with me. And that's one less person to pay attention to you. So, you certainly fixed that, haven't you?
>> Katie: I'm an author. I'm supposed to give up my life's work just because you have a problem with it?
>> Simon: Oh, come on, come on, writing has gotten nothing to do -- this is not your life's work, this little tell-tale is nothing more than an act of revenge.
>> Katie: Where do you get off judging me after what you've done? Or is jumping from one lover's bed to the next something that you're proud of?
>> Carly: Oh, you're such a hypocrite!
>> Katie: Excuse me?
>> Carly: You're married, Katie. Or have you forgotten about Mike? You know, the guy that you said you wanted to spend the rest of your life with?
>> Katie: Shut up.
>> Carly: Oh, right. Because we're supposed to conveniently forget that you cheated on your husband when you had sex with Simon.
>> Henry: At the risk of being assaulted by everyone present here, have either of you actually read the book?
>> Carly: I wouldn't waste a moment of my time.
>> Henry: Okay, maybe buy a copy, skim it, and that way you can have a well-informed conversation.
>> Carly: Not a chance.
>> Katie: They wanted me to apologize. They have each other and I'm supposed to feel bad? No way.
>> Henry: Sing it, sister!
>> Katie: You know what that was, Henry? That was exactly what I needed. I am so done feeling sorry for myself. Nobody bounces back better than Katie Frasier! Kasnoff! Nobody bounces back better than me. And I'm going to prove it. Let's sign some books!
>> Henry: Hey! Let's sign some books, folks! Single file, please. Single file. Let's step over this way.


Scene 6:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Carly Snyder Home

SIMON FRASIER, CARLY SNYDER,

>> Carly: I wanted to strangle Katie right there in front of the bookstore. She's so delusional! She refuses to take responsibility for anything. It's all our fault, right? We've hurt her, it's our fault. We're the reason that her life is a disaster.
>> Simon: Okay, shh. Just calm down.
>> Carly: I really don't want to calm down.
>> Simon: You need to try.
>> Carly: What I want to do is read the book and find out what I'm so mad about.
>> Simon: Maybe I can arrange that.
>> Carly: No, no, no. I'm not going to give her the satisfaction of spending one red cent on that stupid book.
>> Simon: Okay, there it is. Not one red cent spent.


Scene 7:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Carly Snyder Home

SIMON FRASIER, CARLY SNYDER

>> Simon: All right, all right, here's another gem. "I kept resisting Simon after he moved back to Oakdale and even after he went into business, and other things with Carly" --
>> Carly: Does she think that's cute? Who told her she could write, anyway?
>> Simon: At least, so far, nothing too incriminating.
>> Carly: Well, let's hope it stays that way. You know, she didn't write the most flattering things about me the first time around, and everything turned out okay. And it's not like you and I are any strangers to being gossiped about. So, and the fact is, if the book is as successful as Lucinda says it will, then really then it might work in my favor. You know, it might help me out of those awkward conversations I've been forced to have. So, if somebody asks me what happened with Jack and asked if I'm seeing somebody else, I can just say, hey, why don't you --
>> Carly: Why do you look like that? What's wrong?
>> Simon: Oh, maybe we should have read ahead.
>> Carly: Why?
>> Simon: This book? It's a lot worse than I thought.

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November, 2006