EPISODE 11/7/01
Simon And Katie Imagine Their Life Together
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Simonscript
November, 2001
WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 7, 2001
Scene 1:
Time: Morning
Place: Oakdale, Illinois
Location: Wooded Area
Scene: Nancy Hughes' Cadillac
SIMON FRASIER AND KATIE FRASIER
>> Simon: Good morning.
>> Katie: Good morning. Oh, I
haven't slept that well in --
>> Simon: -- In a year?
>> Katie: To the day.
>> Simon: So you don't
wanna check in with the guru or affirm one of those nuns?
>> Katie: Why would I wanna do that?
>>Simon: I don't know. I just don't wanna skip any rituals and invite the curse of the bogeyman into our
lives.
>> Katie: Oh, no, no. The bogeyman took his gold chains and went way back to New Jersey.
>> Simon: I hate to say it, but all good things must come to an end. We should get this honeymoon
suite of ours back to Nancy.
>> Katie: You know what I think we should do? I think we should buy
this, and then every anniversary, we'll spend like we did last night.
>> Simon: Yeah, who cares? It's
only time. We got time -- plenty of time for another road trip down honeymoon lane.
>> Katie: Oh,
but -- the honeymoon's over, baby.
>> Simon: What? Already? What?
>> Katie: Well, I mean, it was
definitely magical. Definitely magical. I mean, last night was the second-best night of my entire life,
but that was just an hors d'oeuvre. Our marriage is the main course. You just wait. I promise you,
the best is yet to come.
Scene 2:
Location: Lakeview Towers Hotel
Scene: Craig Montgomery's Suite
SIMON FRASIER AND KATIE
FRASIER
[Katie and Simon are going through Katie's Hope chest]
>> Simon: Ooh.
>> Katie: Look at
all the memories in here. Look, I made these when I was 12. I already have the "P" embroidered.
>>Simon: Oh, and what's the "P" for, Princess?
>> Katie: Perretti, and now I have to add your initials
to it. Look at all this, we have sheets and towels, everything for our new home.
>> Simon: What are
all those books?
>> Katie: Oh, just tons of cookbooks, how-to books --
>> Simon: How to what?
How to -- karma sutra? Yeah.
>> Katie: How to be the perfect wife, the perfect friend, the perfect
mate.
>> Simon: What's this one?
>> Katie: Oh, no, no, no, not that one.
>> Simon: Why? Wha
t's so
special about this one?
>> Katie: It's just -- it's private, okay?
>> Simon: Okay.
>> Katie: I have had
this journal since I was 7 years old. You know my dad died when I was practically a baby, so this
was my way of talking to him. Whenever I needed advice I would just write down the question, and I
believed that he could hear me. Oh, I wrote down all my dreams in this book. Now they're all coming
true. I have a man who loves me, and we're gonna get a beautiful, perfect place to live, and you're
gonna get a real job and end every typical day by saying, "Honey, I'm home!"
>> Simon: Okay, wait,
wait -- whoa, hey, baby. Define typical, and then define real job.
>> Katie: Well, you'll get a job, I don't
know -- doing whatever it is you realize you want to do to. But you gotta start doing that quickly,
because a steady paycheck is nothing to joke about.
>> Simon: Ah, wait, wait -- whoa, wait. Come
here. Look, I love you so much, and I will do everything in my power to give you anything you want,
but I --
>> Katie: That is the same exact way I feel. Oh, Simon, we are going to have the most
perfect life in the world.
Scene 3:
Location: Lakeview Towers Hotel
Scene: Craig Montgomery's Suite
KATIE FRASIER AND SIMON
FRASIER
>> Katie: I have this book, and it tells you just how to give each other space and how to
work out fights. Let me see, arguments, arguments, arguments --
>> Simon: We don't need a book.
Katie, let's -- can't we just talk?
>> Katie: Just listen.
>> Simon: Talk, literally.
>> Katie: Okay, wait,
mirroring. Okay, we have to mirror each other's thoughts.
>> Simon: A mirror is used for checking
out your hairstyle, and that's it.
>> Katie: Okay, Simon, I hear you when you say you have concerns
about our future.
>> Simon: Okay, what do you hear, O great one.
>> Katie: Fear and doubts maybe
-- but it's okay, 'cause once you get used to everything it'll be great. I promise. Okay, your turn.
>>Simon: To do what?
>> Katie: To tell me what you hear when I talk about our future.
>> Simon: You
already know what I hear. You already know.
>> Katie: Come on, if you don't try, it's not gonna
work.
>> Simon: Look, okay, it's not so much then what I hear. It's what I see, up here in my mind.
>> Katie: Well, I can't read your mind.
>> Simon: Okay, I would give you the world, all right, you know
that. But when I picture my life, I do not see time clocks and budget reports and a tie -- a tie -- a tie is
what my father used to wear. And what I see when you describe our life is -- I'm sorry, but I gotta be
honest, it's kind of scary.
[Simon imagining a la 'Leave it to Beaver' style]
>> Simon: Honey, I'm
home!
>> Katie: Welcome home, honey. I missed you so much.
>> Simon: Oh, I missed you, too.
>>Katie: How was your day as the happiest man in the world?
>> Simon: Incredible! I happily made an
obscene amount of money. I was voted the happiest man in the world. And I managed to produce
more widgets than anyone in the company before the old time clock had even struck noon! How
was your day, honey?
>> Katie: Perfect as usual.
>> Simon: And how's our new arrival?
>> Katie: Oh, an absolute angel. Come here, Flickers! Daddy's home. [Katie picks up a bunny] All of his
brothers and sisters just adore them. Wait until you see them all together. Wickers, Knickers,
Slickers and Bickers, come here, daddy's home. Oh, and of course my little angel, the original
Snickers. [Katie punches Simon and knocks him into reality]
>> Simon: Ow! What was that for?
>>Katie: For making fun of me.
>> Simon: Look, I wasn't making fun --
>> Katie: Simon, I have spent the
whole past year studying every little part of you inside and out, and all you see when you look at me
is some air-headed cartoon queen with a bunch of furry friends.
>> Simon: No, I --
>> Katie: Sometimes you're just -- oh, you're just such a man!
Scene 4:
Location: Lakeview Towers Hotel
Scene: Craig Montgomery's Penthouse
SIMON FRASIER AND
KATIE FRASIER
>> Simon: Okay, fine. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Here, may I have a look at the book?
Here.
>> Katie: Oh, now you want the book? No, forget it.
>> Simon: Yes, yes, give me the book.
Pass it. Where were we?
>> Katie: Mirroring.
>> Simon: Oh, yes, mirroring. Okay. Katie, I hear you
when you said I was mocking you. Now, why don't you tell me what you believe that I think our
marriage should be.
>> Katie: Okay, I can see it now. A day in the life of the fearless Frasiers.
[Katie
imagining a la 'Mission Impossible' style]
>> Simon: Rendezvous at 1,800 hours, confines secured,
debriefing to be downloaded immediately. [Mission impossible theme plays.]
>> Katie: Hi-ya! Ya!
Welcome home, darling.
>> Simon: That's my cat.
>> Katie: It's Frasier, Katie Frasier.
>> Simon: Well, you look -
-
>> Katie: Almost as pretty as you do.
>> Simon: Martini?
>> Katie: Of course, but
shaken --
>> Simon: Never stirred.
>> Katie: Is there any other way? How was your day?
>> Simon: Oh, nothing out of the ordinary. Spent a few hours at the casino trading passwords with lesser
spies, then a very attractive woman threw me into a tent full of famished piranhas. Jolly good fun,
actually. And you, my love?
>> Katie: I broke a few secret codes before breakfast, and then I was
captured and almost painted gold -- all over.
>> Simon: Oh, behave.
>> Katie: That guy started such
a weird trend. Anyway, I escaped, as usual, and now I'm starving. Dinner in Rome?
>> Simon: Why
not? Jet's on the roof. Shall we?
>> Katie: Let's. [Back to reality] So see, Simon, sometimes you
have to grow up. Life is not one big international adventure.
>> Simon: All right, but that doesn't
mean that we have to sit here and be bean counters, does it? Look, Katie, we are going to find what
works for us. I don't know how, but we will. Okay? And there, there we go. That smile -- that's all the
inspiration that I need.
>> Katie: You mean it?
>> Simon: Of course I mean it. But you know that
change doesn't come without a price. If I buckle down and give us a simple life here, then I'm not
gonna be the man that you fell in love with. So you have to work out and decide what you want --
the man that you love right now or the man that will give you the life that you think you need.
Scene 5:
Location: Lakeview Towers Hotel
Scene: Craig Montgomery's Suite
KATIE FRASIER AND A
BELLHOP
[A bellhop is carrying out Katie's hope chest]
>> Katie: Just take good care of it, please,
and put it in a safe place.
>> Bellman: Of course, Mrs. Frasier.
>> Katie: Thank you.
SIMON FRASIER
AND KATIE FRASIER
>> Simon: You're right, you know. There are all kinds of adventures. Well,
there's the shopping mall during holiday season, right? Yeah. Then there's the adventure of the
30-year mortgage. And then there's scaling new tax brackets. That's fun.
>> Katie: You don't have to
say that.
>> Simon: You, Katie, are an adventure all to yourself. And I want to take you on another
adventure, right here, right now.
>> Katie: Oh, no, where are we going?
>> Simon: Ah, take my hand.
It's gonna be tricky. The terrain can fool you, so you have to hold on tight.
>> Katie: Oh, no, not the
jungle. You know I can't live without indoor plumbing.
>> Simon: No, this one is a little bit closer to
home. I want to do something that we've never dared to do before. We're gonna make love to each
other in our own bed.
>> Katie: Oh, I've gotta warn you, I haven't packed for that trip.
>> Simon: Well, clothes are optional. Honey, I'm home.
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November, 2001