EPISODE 11/7/00
Rose Finds Simon And Katie The "Morning After"

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November, 2000


TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 7, 2000

Scene 1:
Location: Sparky's Garage in Milltown
Scene: Backseat of a convertible car (roof up).

MISS KATIE PERETTI AND SIMON FRASIER

>> Katie: Simon.
[Knock at window.]
>> Katie: Uh! Who's that?
>> Simon: Shh! Listen. It could be the I.N.S.
>> Katie: The what?
>> Simon: The I.N.S., Immigration? Remember? They want to throw me out of the country.

Scene 2:
Location: Sparky's Garage in Milltown
Scene: Backseat of a convertible car (roof up).

MISS KATIE PERETTI AND SIMON FRASIER

>> Katie: I have to get dressed.
>> Simon: Shh! Wait a minute. Can you come back a little later, mate?! Thanks!

ROSE D'ANGELO SPEAKS UP.

[Rose retracts the roof of the convertible]
>> Rose: Open up, Simon! G'day, mate. Who's the blonde chauffeur?
>> Katie: Why don't you make yourself useful and get us some coffee.
>> Rose: Oh, my -- tell me, oh tell me, axle-grease-for-brains, that I am hallucinating. Tell me that you've been sniffing too much gasoline. How could you do that? That?! With the one girl in Oakdale that Lily hates as much as me! You stupid?!

Scene 3:
Location: Sparky's Garage in Milltown
Scene: Backseat of a convertible car (roof up).

MISS KATIE PERETTI, ROSE D'ANGELO, AND SIMON FRASIER

>> Katie: What's the matter, Simon, are you okay?
>> Simon: Look, I drank a little bit too much, okay? I've got a headache.
>> Rose: Oh, yeah, you've got a headache! One that aspirin won't cure, trust me!
>> Katie: Why don't you get the hell out of here?
>> Rose: Why don't you come over here and say that, Blondie.
>> Katie: You are not going to ruin this for me, Rose. That was the best night of my entire life!
>> Rose: Oh, congratulations, Simon! Two thumbs up.
>> Simon: Stop this, please! Katie, it's getting a little cold, why don't you go get dressed. The bathroom's over there.
>> Katie: Okay. I'm sorry that your head hurts, sweetheart.
>> Simon: It's okay, it's fine.
>> Katie: I'll find you some aspirin.
>> Rose: Oh, allow me.
>> Katie: Thank you very much.
[Rose holds up Katiešs underwear]
>> Rose: Oh, don't forget these, Katie, might be a little drafty without them. How dumb are you?
>> Simon: Very.
>> Rose: Talk about sleeping with the enemy. Come on. This is the best way to lose Lily for good. Trust me. She likes her men to wear chastity belts. She's not like you and me --
>> Simon: So what? Are you gonna tell her?
>> Rose: Tell her? No. Don't worry about me. It's that one in the bathroom you got to worry about. She's got a big mouth.
>> Simon: What are you doing here, Rose? What? Did Lucinda send you here to check up on me?
>> Rose: No, I was so worried about you. You got hit in the face last night from Holden --
>> Simon: Come on. You don't give a damn about me.
>> Rose: No, I don't. You're right. I came here to talk to you about business.
>> Simon: If you're after a little tune-up, you know, you're going to have to wait. As you can see, I'm a little busy right now.
>> Rose: You're very interesting. Please. Please, last time I did a little business like that with you, I ended up in the hallway, half-naked. No hard feelings.
>> Simon: All right, all right. Fine. What are you doing here?
>> Rose: I -- I was thinking about you last night. But now, I'm not so sure it's going to work.
>> Simon: All right. Would you just tell me? Just tell me what you came to say and get out of here?
>> Rose: I thought we could team up, you and me. You want Lily more than anything. I want Holden just as much. If we don't work together, we don't help each other, then who's going to help us. I thought we could work together to break up Holden and Lily for good.

Scene 4:
Location: Sparky's Garage in Milltown
Scene: Backseat of a convertible car (roof up).

MISS KATIE PERETTI, ROSE D'ANGELO, AND SIMON FRAISER

>> Simon: You're kidding me, right?
>> Rose: You're going to be laughin' out of one side of your mouth when Lily sends you back to Australia, on a coach ticket, one-way.
>> Simon: Look, look, look, listen -- Lily and I are through. Okay? You really think I would've done that if I knew there was any chance between Lily and I?
>> Rose: You give up too easy.
>> Simon: Yeah?
>> Rose: Mm-hmm.
>> Simon: And you're so cocky it's embarrassing. Only you would come up with a scheme like this.
>> Rose: Positive thinking. Positive thinking. You ever hear of that? You better do something about this, too, if you're going to be dating the richest girl in town. And you better fix that problem in the can, too. Trust me. Are you listening? Are you listening?
>> Simon: Look, even if it were possible, all right, between Lily and -- and me, why would you even want to help us out?
>> Rose: If Lily is happy with you, then I can afford to be generous, because then I'll be deliriously happy with Holden.
>> Simon: Right, yeah, yeah, sure. And why should I even trust you?
>> Rose: You don't have many options. You got none, big goose egg, nothin'!
>> Simon: Look, if Lily wants to be with me, all right, she is going to have to come to me. She will come to me on her own. All right?
>> Rose: Sure. And look like the complete slut homewrecker to everybody in town? No way.
>> Simon: No, no, listen, Lily does not care about appearances.
>> Rose: That's very sweet. She's very high-minded. She's never had to live on her wit like you and me. She's had everything that she wants. And she likes being St. Lily.
>> Simon: Don't talk about her like that. Please.
>> Rose: Why do you think she kicked you out of that party last night, huh? If she went with you, she'd have to give up everything she cares about -- her life, her family, and her money, if Lucinda puts her foot down.
>> Simon: Look, even if it were true, Rose, how can you change it?
>> Rose: If that marriage was to blow up on its own, if Holden decided he wanted out just as much as Lily does, then it's mutual. Lily doesn't lose face.
>> Simon: Right. And that's where you step in, eh, genius?
>> Rose: That's right. Just -- just tell Lily that you're still interested, okay? I'll take care of the rest.
>> Simon: It's as simple as that?
>> Rose: Three things I know, three things. Number one -- Holden will never be completely satisfied with lily now that he's been with me. And Lily will never be completed satisfied with Holden after she's had you.
>> Simon: Right. And number three?
>> Rose: Number three, you are a complete wuss if you don't go after what you want.
>> Simon: Yeah. So now, I'm going to go back to playing games like I did at high school.
[MISS KATIE PERETTI returns from the restroom screaming]
>> Katie: Ooh, ooh, ooh!
>> Rose: Speaking of high school?
>> Katie: Get it off. Get it off. Get it off. Get if off!
>> Simon: What? Will you slow down, what is it? What?
>> Katie: A cockroach, it's like it fell from the ceiling!
>> Rose: What were you doing in there all that time? What are you doing in there? I was looking for some aspirin! Is it gone? Is it gone?!
>> Simon: Yes, there is nothing there. Okay? All right. Turn around.
>> Katie: It was in my hair! It was this cockroach! It was so huge.
>> Simon: Shh! Will you just calm down. Okay? No harm done. Okay?
>> Katie: Thank you.
>> Rose: Oh, my. What? What? What am I looking at here?

Scene 5:
Location: Sparky's Garage in Milltown

MISS KATIE PERETTI, ROSE D'ANGELO, AND SIMON FRASIER

>> Katie: I don't know why you're still here, Rose, unless you're some sort of voyeur, which is someone who likes to watch in case you didn't know.
>> Rose: Oh, I know a lot of big words. And if I wanted to voyeur anything, I could find something a little more titillating than this. Trust me.
>> Katie: Really? Well, why don't you leave then? You know, there's an old folks home down the street. Maybe you could find a blind man to fleece.
>> Simon: Listen, Katie, please. I am a little hung over for this right now.
>> Rose: [to Simon] Katie, Katie, stands for "K," which means "Keep off the grass."
Keep mowing that lawn, you're in for trouble.
>> Katie: It's rude to whisper. >> Rose: Oh, you wanna see rude? Think about my proposition. Any move you make -- any move -- is better than that one. Trust me.
[Rose leaves]
>> Katie: Her proposition? What does that mean?
>> Simon: Nothing, you know. You know Rose, she's always working some angle.
>> Katie: Not on you, I hope.
>> Simon: Me? Come on, you know, I'm hardly Rose's type.
>> Katie: Well, you're definitely my type.
>> Simon: Yeah, how do you know?
>> Katie: How do I know? Uh, last night -- hello? That was the most incredible thing I have ever experienced.
>> Simon: Oh, that's very sweet. That's really nice.
>> Katie: Is it always like that?
>> Simon: What? Is what -- what always like that? What?
>> Katie: Sex.
>> Simon: Yeah. No, no, no, I mean, no, no. It's different with everybody. But you know that.
>> Katie: No, I don't. That was my first time.
>> Simon: What? You mean that -- your first time? Ever? You mean you were -
>> Katie: I'm a virgin. I was a virgin. That's why this means so much to me.
>> Simon: So you're telling me I --
>> Katie: Mm-hmm. So what'd you think?
>> Simon: Think?
>> Katie: How was I?

Scene 6:
Location: Sparky's Garage and Milltown

MISS KATIE PERETTI AND SIMON FRASIER

>> Simon: You know, I really -- I really wish you would've told me.
>> Katie: What? Told you what? About being a virgin?
>> Simon: Yeah.
>> Katie: Why?
>> Simon: You know, it's just something that I think I should've known.
>> Katie: Oh, don't worry, you did everything just right.
>> Simon: Yeah, well, I'm not searching for compliments here.
>> Katie: Well, you deserve them.
>> Simon: You know, it's just that -- it's just that doing that, losing that with the wrong guy, I mean, that can be a big mistake.
>> Katie: Choosing you was no mistake. That is something that I am gonna remember for the rest of my life.
>> Simon: Oh, that's great.
>> Katie: Will you always remember?
>> Simon: Yeah, well, you're kind of making it hard for me to forget.
>> Katie: Well, I'm not a girl anymore. People are always sneering at me. They think I'm some know-nothing kid. But now I have experienced what it's like to be a woman.
>> Simon: And I only wish you would've told me before.
>> Katie: Everything was so perfect. I didn't think it was the right time to mention it.
>> Simon: The right time? Katie, that was the perfect time.
>> Katie: Why, didn't you like me?
>> Simon: No, no, no, it's not that really. It's --
>> Katie: What is it?
>> Simon: It's -- it's -- okay. Losing your virginity, you know, for the first time -- it's a special occasion, you know? It should be with someone that you really care about.
>> Katie: I do really care about you. I mean, I can talk to you. And you're the first guy that I've ever met that actually listens.
>> Simon: But how many conversations have we had? What, two? Two? And you'd been drinking.
>> Katie: So, I'm old enough to drink.
>> Simon: Yeah, but you don't deserve to lose your virginity in the backseat of a car with a complete stranger.
>> Katie: That is the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. You're so sweet. And you're not a stranger, not anymore. I feel so close to you.
>> Simon: And I'm so flattered that you really feel close to me.
>> Katie: But you're stuck on Lily.
>> Simon: Yeah, well, there are no secrets in this town, huh?
>> Katie: Simon, she's married. And she's never gonna leave Holden, and he's never gonna leave her. Why don't you just face the facts?
>> Simon: Yeah, and why do people have to face the facts?
>> Katie: What do you mean?
>> Simon: Well, if people faced their feelings and not their facts, then we would all be a whole lot better off.
>> Katie: Wow. You really are stuck on Lily, aren't you? Why does she get all the great guys? It's not fair.
>> Simon: Look, Katie, I'm not that great a guy, believe me, you know. I mean, take a look around you. There's not much going on for me right now. You know, you deserve -- you deserve a guy with some prospects.
>> Katie: You're trying to let me down gently, aren't you? Well, I don't care about Lily. I care about you. And I'm glad you were my first. And if you're smart, you'll wanna be my last.

Scene 7:
Location: Sparky's Garage in Milltown

MISS KATIE PERETTI AND SIMON FRASIER

>> Katie: What's wrong?
>> Simon: I'm in love with another woman. Remember Lily?
>> Katie: I know.
>> Simon: And it doesn't bother you?
>> Katie: Not really 'cause you're never gonna get her.
>> Simon: Listen, listen, Katie, please.
>> Katie: Do you still have family in Australia?
>> Simon: What? No, no, I don't. Not immediate. I'm the last of the Frasiers. Why? Why?
>> Katie: Until you have kids.
>> Simon: All right, okay, listen, listen. I'm gonna be completely honest with you right now. What happened last night, that was a complete accident, you know? You didn't probably know what you were even doing.
>> Katie: Of course I knew. I picked you, didn't I? Oh, and Lily does not know what she's missing.
>> Simon: What I've saying -- what I'm trying to say to you is that we don't have to feel any obligations towards each other. All right? I know -- perfect. Let's just forget the whole thing ever happened.
>> Katie: I don't wanna forget it happened.
>> Simon: No, and neither do I. I mean, I don't mean forget -- what I mean is that it can be a memory, you know? A really -- really special memory that you and I just keep locked away.
>> Katie: I am too young to have memories. I want real, live experiences like in the backseat. And you need a girlfriend. I can help you, you know.
>> Simon: Yeah? Help me how?
>> Katie: I think I'll let that be a surprise. You have a great day. Get to work. I'll get to work, too. Call me later, lover. Oh, and good luck with that INS thing.
[Katie leaves]
>> Simon: Oh, no. What have I done?

Home
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November, 2000