EPISODE 11/6/01
Simon And Katie Borrow Nancy's Car

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November, 2001


TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 6, 2001

Scene 1:
Place: Oakdale, Illinois
Location: Lakeview Hotel
Scene: Craig Montgomery's penthouse suite.

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER, RAINBOW, AND ARETHA.

>> Katie: Okay. Make yourselves at home. Let's see. We can order from room service, and until then, there's all of this to drink. I don't think there's anything organic in here, but what moon doggie doesn't know won't hurt him.
>>Rainbow: He really misses you, you know. He's the one who sent us to bring you back.
>> Simon: Well, she's not going back with you, okay? Especially to some dude called moon doggie.
>> Aretha:No offense, but your old man is giving off some bad energy.
>> Katie: He'll be fine if he and I can just talk briefly for a moment.

SIMON FRASIER AND KATIE FRASIER

>>Katie: They came all the way here. I can't just send them back without at least offering them something to eat.
>> Simon: Well, if they think you're going to go with them to feed free-range chickens and stir free-range compost, they can use the free-range door.
>> Katie: Shh! Okay, one hour. One hour, and then I promise you and I will have some very good free-range alone time.

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER, RAINBOW, AND ARETHA

>> Katie: Oh, you already ordered from room service?
>> Aretha: Are you serious? There is not one thing in here with millet or spelt. It's all additives. Luckily, I found a health food store in the neighborhood, and they are lending us a juicer.
>> Katie: Oh, so you're gonna juice things here? That sounds like it'll take awhile.
>> Rainbow: Yeah, but when something's really worth waiting for, who minds an extra hour or two?

Scene 2:
Location: Lakeview Hotel
Scene: Craig Montgomery's penthouse suite.

KATIE FRASIER, SIMON FRASIER, RAINBOW, AND ARETHA

>> Katie: Wow, it's gonna be some juice. Look at all those ingredients.
>> Simon: Katie -- hey, sorry, starshine. I can't keep up with the changing rules, you know? Touch, don't touch. Make love, not make love. What's going on?
>> Katie: Oh, okay. I'm sorry. No more rules, I promise. I don't know why I was being so ridiculous thinking that we had to wait for some karmic reason to make love again. I promise, no more rules. We don't need it. We only need each other.
>> Simon: You mean that?
>> Katie: Of course I mean it.
>> Simon: What?
>>Katie: Of course I mean it! I'm so hot for you right now, I can barely stand it.
>> Aretha: It's a good thing that this isn't a love potion. Doesn't look like you need it. Chugalug. And if you drink that all down, I will read your fortune.

Scene 3:
Location: Lakeview Hotel
Scene: Craig Montgomery's penthouse suite.

KATIE FRASIER, SIMON FRASIER, RAINBOW, AND ARETHA

>> Katie: Mmm, what can I say? Wild.
>> Rainbow: Yeah. Now, you get your fortune told. Some people read tea leaves. Aretha reads what's left in the glass when the juice is done.
>> Aretha: Hmm --
>> Katie: Hmm, what?
>> Aretha: You're on the verge, on the cusp of something wonderful.
>> Katie: I know.
>> Aretha: But you can't rush it.
>> Katie: I can't?
>> Simon: Oh, I can. I can't go through this again.
>> Katie: No, no, no, wait, wait. Simon, you just need to hear the rest.
>> Aretha: You made a plan, but you abandoned it. Why?
>> Katie: Was that wrong?
>> Aretha: When we work the land, we learn to hear the rhythms of life. You were trying to hear the rhythm of yours. Love is beautiful, but the time must be right for celebration when you can't hear the music. Rainbow, we need to go. Our work here is done.
>> Katie: Well, thank you. Good to see you. Take care.

SIMON FRASIER AND KATIE FRASIER

[Katie sighs.]
>> Simon: Okay. We were gonna make love as soon as they left. That's not gonna happen now, is it?
>> Katie: Well, you heard Aretha.
>> Simon: Oh!
>> Katie: We're on the verge. We're on the cusp.
>> Simon: Yes.
>>Katie: We've done everything right. We just need to wait till the right moment to make love again, and then we'll hear the music -- our own music that belongs only to us. Oh, wait. I have to call him before he leaves. [Katie calls Burt's Garage] Burt? Hi. It's Katie Peretti-Frasier. Do you remember me? You remember? Yes, hi. You remember that old convertible Cadillac that Simon was working on last year?
>> Simon: Forget about it, Katie.
>> Katie: You what? Who bought it? You have got to be kidding me. No, no, thank you. That's okay. Where there's a will, there's a Katie. [Katie hangs up]
>>Simon: Why don't you just forget this whole thing? Can we go now next door?
>> Katie: Do you want our marriage to work or not?
>> Simon: Well, given the last year, I don't seem to have much say in the matter. [Looking in the phone book]
>> Katie: "H," "H" --
>> Simon: Wait, wait, wait. You are gonna call up a perfect stranger and ask them if we can borrow their car so we can -- ?
>> Katie: Consummate our marriage?
>> Simon: Yeah.
>> Katie: Absolutely. Besides, we're in luck. This Cadillac lover is no stranger.
>> Simon: Oh -- oh, you have got to be kidding me.

Scene 4:
Location: Al's Diner.
Scene: Table.

KATIE FRASIER AND SIMON FRASIER

>> Katie: Okay, now let me do all the talking.
>> Simon: This is insane.
>> Katie: Excuse me? Who is the one that braved the crazy jungle man and the coral reef full of sharks?
>> Simon: Yeah, and who lost my diamond and would have starved to death if I hadn't rescued her? Hey, by the way, how's Henry?

NANCY HUGHES McCLOSKEY, SIMON FRASIER, AND KATIE FRASIER

>> Nancy: Katie, Simon --
>>Simon: Oh, Mrs. Hughes. Allow me.
>> Nancy: You sounded so urgent on the telephone. What seems to be the problem?
>> Katie: Mrs. Hughes, so good of you to come. Um, how is your grandson, Chris?
>> Nancy: He's recovering nicely, thank you. She very nearly ruined his life, or tried to.
>> Simon: Well, now she's trying to ruin mine.
>> Nancy: Oh?
>> Katie: Mrs. Hughes, actually, you are the reason that we're here. Well, your car, in fact. Simon was working on it all last year, and it seems that he thinks there is a tiny problem with the engine.
>> Nancy: It works perfectly. I had it serviced just last week.
>> Katie: Well, if we could just look at it tonight, free of charge, Simon would feel a whole lot better.
>> Simon: Look, Mrs. Hughes, Katie and I -- well, we kind of found ourselves and the reason for getting married in that car a year ago, and we just want to borrow it. Kind of, you know, a goofy reminiscence, and we promise we will return it in the exact state that we borrowed it. It would mean a lot to us.
>> Nancy: That sounds very romantic.
>> Simon: Yeah. Well, I am a goner.
>> Nancy: Well, if you add a cannoli and drive me home, you have a deal.
>> Katie: Done.
>> Simon: Oh, yeah. When you order Mrs. Hughes' cannoli, why don't you bring her a fresh pot of coffee?
>> Katie: Okay. To go?
>> Simon: No. To stay.
>> Katie: Okay.
>> Nancy: This reminds me of when my husband Chris and I got together.
>> Simon: Well, life must have been a lot simpler back then. Tell us. I would love -- we would love to hear how you and Chris met.
>> Nancy: You really want to hear that?
>> Simon: Yeah.
>> Nancy: Well, actually, it's very much like you two. Chris' best buddy, Jim Lowell, was going with my best friend, Claire, and --

Scene 5:
Location: Wooded Area
Scene: Nancy Hughes' Cadillac

SIMON FRASIER AND KATIE FRASIER

>>Simon: I've got to hand it to you, Frasier.
>> Katie: Oh, please. The only reason we have this car is because Nancy Hughes is a sweetheart.
>> Simon: And it's almost midnight. Let's get this karmic ritual on the road, shall we?
>> Katie: Beer -- didn't we have beer last year?
>> Simon: Yeah, but last year we needed it. Come here.
>> Katie: Music, music. We definitely were listening to music.
>>Simon: Okay, okay. The lady wants music. [Rock music plays.]
>> Simon: Where were we?
>> Katie:I'm pretty sure it was country-western.
>> Simon: It doesn't matter what it was.
>> Katie: No, it does. It does. We have to make this perfect, or else, it's not gonna work.
>> Simon: Katie, come here. Look at me. Look at me. We have been through so much. We have been kidnapped, jailed, shot at, and here we are. What's the problem?
>> Katie: I don't think I can go through with this.

Scene 6:
Location: Wooded Area
Scene: Nancy Hughes' Cadillac

SIMON FRASIER AND KATIE FRASIER

>>Simon: Look, I refuse to believe this. Look at this. Look. We have got everything set up exactly the way you wanted it, and now you can't go through with it? I'm beginning to believe you don't want me at all. I mean, what's going on?
>> Katie: No, no, no. Of course I do. No, I do. It's just -- I'm not like you, Simon. I haven't been with a million people. Just you, and it was last year, and we were drunk. And now we're married, and we're in love, and I'm just -- I'm just -- I'm scared that when we make love again, I'm not gonna be what you want.
>> Simon: So then, we're gonna have to practice over and over and over and over and over.
>> Katie: I'm serious, Simon. I've heard about this happening. I've read about it. Some people are just incompatible.
>> Simon: Okay. All right, so I have been with a lot of women. But that doesn't mean that I know the first thing about a real marriage or that word that you always use -- that --
>> Katie: "Intimacy"?
>> Simon: Yes, that one. I could end up making you as unhappy as you could make me.
>> Katie: That's supposed to cheer me up?
>>Simon: No. No, no. Remember when you left the airport to go to St. Maarten, what you said to me -- that you were my big adventure? Well, adventures are full of risks, right? And that's why we like them.
>> Katie: Yeah, we do like them.
>> Simon: We love them. Because life without risks is really boring, right?
>> Katie: So it's worth it, huh?
>> Simon: It's worth it to me.

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November, 2001