EPISODE 11/2/01
Katie Wants To Wait

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Simonscript
November, 2001


FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 2, 2001

Scene 1:
Location: Lakeview Towers Hotel
Scene: Simon and Katie Frasier's Room -- Bedroom

SIMON FRASIER AND KATIE FRASIER

>> Katie: No, no, no, wait. We can't.
>> Simon: We can't? That's really funny. You say the funniest things sometimes. That's what I love about you. Your unexpected sense of humor.
>> Katie: No, no, I'm serious, Simon. I can't -- I can't -- I cannot make love to you.
>> Simon: Yeah, sure you can. Look, I know it's been a long time, but it's just like -- riding a bike. You just gotta get back on. Let me refresh your memory.
>> Katie: No, Simon, don't. Please, it's -- we've probably gone too far already. With any luck, we haven't completely ruined our marriage yet.
>> Simon: Are you trying to drive me completely insane? Because if you are, you're doing a pretty fantastic job. Look, we've been through so much over the last year or so, so we could end up here in each other's arms. Am I wrong?
>> Katie: No. No, and I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.
>> Simon: Good, so what's the problem? I love you. I am crazy about you. I never wanted anyone more than I want you.
>> Katie: I've waited so long to hear those words.
>> Simon: They're just words. See, words mean nothing. Let me show you. I want to show you how much you mean to me.
>> Katie: No, no, no, no!
>> Simon: Why not?!
>> Katie: Because it's not our anniversary yet.

Scene 2:
Scene: Simon and Katie Frasier's Room -- Bedroom

SIMON FRASIER AND KATIE FRASIER

>> Simon: Our anniversary? Our ann -- do you want to explain what our anniversary has anything to do with what's going on here right now?
>> Katie: Okay, last year, Craig's roaring '20s party. You and I playing "to getting to know each other" in the backseat of that convertible.
>> Simon: Yeah?
>> Katie: Or is this all just an insignificant, drunken blur to you?
>> Simon: No! Oh, you mean the anniversary of the first time that we were together?
>> Katie: Yeah.
>> Simon: Right.
>> Katie: The first, last and only time we were together. The night that you initiated me into the world of love and turned this inexperienced young woman into --
>> Simon: Into a raging nympho.
>> Katie: Oh, you remember.
>> Simon: Of course. How could I forget?
>> Katie: Okay, so then you'll understand why we have to wait until the anniversary to sleep together.
>> Simon: Oh, come on, be reasonable!
>> Katie: If I was, you wouldn't love me.
>> Simon: Yes, I would. I would love you. I would worship you. I would - - I would carve little statues of you.
>> Katie: Oh, you sweet, wonderful man. Hands off. Hands off. I'm serious, Simon. If you touch me again, there will be major consequences.

Scene 3:
Scene: Simon and Katie Frasier's Room -- Bedroom

SIMON FRASIER AND KATIE FRASIER

>> Simon: So I am being told -- no, ordered -- to keep my hands off my own wife.
>> Katie: Ooh, it's really hard to explain. Okay, remember when I was running away from Bruno and I ended up at that spiritual retreat?
>> Simon: Yes, yes.
>> Katie: Okay, well, I was talking to the guru about the first night that you and I made love.
>> Simon: Oh, really? Just some casual information to share with a complete stranger?
>> Katie: And she got really, really scared and upset when I told her that it was on all Hallow's Eve!
>> Simon: Why are you telling me this?
>> Katie: Because this is the time of year the spirits mingle with the living. And apparently some of those little spirits are major pranksters. You know, the whole trick-or-treat thing? So while you and I were treating ourselves to each other, these spirits were tricking up our emotional signals.
>> Simon: Are you sure this guru didn't give you a cup of tea with some really funny-looking mushrooms?
>> Katie: No, Simon, it's true! Think about it -- it makes sense.
>> Simon: All right, okay.
>> Katie: So it's not our fault that we haven't connected until now. But, see, the gateways are opening up.
>> Simon: The gateways are open right now, exactly! So let's consummate our marriage.
>> Katie: No, it's not about consummating our marriage. Okay? It's about reliving that first night together. Same time, same place. Except for, this time, we do it right.
>> Simon: It felt pretty darned right the first time.
>> Katie: I'm not talking about that. This time, we have to give ourselves to each other with nothing but love in our hearts.
>> Simon: Katie, look at me. We can do that right now.
>> Katie: But we won't. We will wait until that fateful night of our anniversary. What do you say, husband of mine? Is it a date?

Scene 4:
Scene: Simon and Katie Frasier's Room -- Bedroom

SIMON FRASIER AND KATIE FRASIER

>> Simon: And what am I supposed to do till then?
>> Katie: Resist.
>> Simon: With what?
>> Katie: Oh, come on, it'll be fun. You and I will just want to devour each other.
>> Simon: Yes.
>> Katie: Every time we see each other, you'll want to rip my clothes off. In fact, being in the same room together will be complete torture.
>> Simon: Kind of like it is right now?
>> Katie: Worse.
>> Simon: What if I can't subject myself to this cruel and very unusual punishment? What if I just can't wait? Because I find you way too delicious.
>> Katie: Okay. No, no. Too much, too close. No, no, let go.
>> Simon: I can't, I can't. See, I just can't. Nothing on earth do I want more than you right now. Can you really say no?
>> Katie: Yes -- I mean, no! I mean, yes, I can say no! See, I'm saying it -- no, no, no, no. No, Simon -- no.

Scene 5:
Scene: Simon and Katie Frasier's Room -- Bedroom

SIMON FRASIER AND KATIE FRASIER

>> Katie: Oh, Simon, you can't.
>> Simon: Yes, I can.
>> Katie: No, you can't. No, no, no, no, no, no, you can't. If you can't see the value in honoring our first night together, if you don't care enough to do whatever's necessary to ensure a long and lasting love together, and if I mean that little to you that you have to have me right now? Fine. Take me. Do whatever you want with me.
>> Simon: Whatever I want?
>> Katie: I'm at your disposal.
>> Simon: Look, great, that's real sexy.
>> Katie: Well, I told you what I want. But if you have to have your uncontrollable Cro-magnon man urges and ignore what I want, just have your way with me. Oh, and let me know when it's over.

Scene 6:
Scene: Simon's and Katie Frasier's Room - the bedroom.

SIMON FRASIER AND KATIE FRASIER

>> Katie: Contemplating divorce?
>> Simon: Yep.
>> Katie: Hate me?
>> Simon: Aw, yeah.
>> Katie: Think I'm a lunatic?
>> Simon: Absolutely. You're really serious about this whole abstinence till our anniversary thing? It's really that important to you?
>> Katie: Yeah, it means everything. It's like a symbol. It's like a sacred symbol that in the span of one year, you and I went from a one-night stand to a couple who would do anything for each other. Isn't that important to you, too?
>> Simon: Yes. Yes, of course it is, but --
>> Katie: Oh, I knew you'd say that! I knew you would agree! Ah, you are the most wonderful husband in the world.
>> Simon: Hey, hey, whoa, get -- aren't you forgetting something? None of that.
>> Katie: You stopped me from kissing you!
>> Simon: Yes.
>> Katie: Which makes me want to kiss you a million times more!
>> Simon: Nope. Nope. Back off.
>> Katie: The fact that you would do that for your wife, that you love your wife enough to not touch her after months and months of unquenched desire -- mm.
>> Simon: Don't push your luck. If you're not out of here in five seconds, I will revert back into Cro-magnon man.
>> Katie: Love you!

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November, 2001