EPISODE 5/2/01
Lily Asks To Meet With Simon

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Simonscript
May, 2001


WEDNESDAY, MAY 2, 2001

Scene 1:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Lily and Holden's House

LILY WALSH SNYDER, ROSE D'ANGELO

[ Doorbell Rings ]
>> Rose: Rose D'Angelo, party planner to the stars, here to ask the guest of honor a couple of questions.
>> Lily: Hi, Rose.
>> Rose: I hope you and Holden are working up a really big appetite, because I have got such a menu planned. You're going to feel like you died and went Napoli. I wanted to get your thoughts on the appetizers. Are you ready? I figured we'd start with roasted peppers, marinated mushrooms, stuffed mushrooms, finocchio, salami -- you can never have enough salami -- black olives, sicilian olives, grissini, stuffed clams, boiled shrimp, fried calamari, ah -- celery. Celery. You think that's enough?
>> Lily: I think we'll be stuffed, like the clams.
>> Rose: Are you kiddin' me? That's just the antipasto. I was hoping you could help me with the guest list. I was gonna call matt about this, but apparently he up and quit, right in the middle of all this. I cannot believe he left your mother in the lurch like that. Or we can bag the whole thing, and pitch a tent on the garden state parkway and barbecue there. What are you looking at? Oh -- the face that launched 1,000 tears. Ah, do not tell me that you're reminiscing about a certain Australian guy. I'm here, throwing you a party for you and your husband.
>> Lily: No, no. No, I'm not reminiscing. It's -- you've been in this since the beginning, so heck, I'll just tell you. I -- I went to my mother's house, and I saw Simon there making out with some bimbo on her couch. And then, Katie showed up. And there were some things that were said.
>> Rose: So he brought his new chippy and his wife to your mother's house? I got a few choice words for that.
>> Lily: This is not me obsessing about Simon and what he's doing now. I'm over Simon, in spades. It's -- it's what else I found out.
>> Rose: Well, don't keep me in suspense.
>> Lily: It turns out that before I met Simon, he married women with money for a living.
>> Rose: He was a gigolo? That son of a -- ah, ooh! And he stole my diamond, too, that rat. Oh, so all the time he was after you, it was all an act? The only thing he was in love with was your big, beautiful bank account?
>> Lily: I can't help but think that.
>> Rose: Let's rip up that picture. Let's just rip it up. Let's burn all the evidence of that guy. You know what we can do -- we can get one of those smudge sticks, you ever heard of that? You light it up, and then you do this -- this thing.
>> Lily: I wish it were that easy, Rose, but it's not. Because I have so many questions, and I have no answers.

Scene 2:
Location: Lakeview Towers
Scene: Craig's Suite

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER

>> Katie: Oh, don't get out of bed, Simon. I found the menu. Just lie there. I am gonna get you the best breakfast in bed. Ooh, how do Belgian waffles sound?
>> Simon: Katie, did you do this?
>> Katie: You know, I was thinking that we could spend the morning together, 'cause Craig's gonna be out all day. Are you still mad? Is this about that fight we had about Lily?
>> Simon: Nope. I haven't given that a second thought.
>> Katie: Good. So did you really tell her about all your rich ex-wives?
>> Simon: Oh, Katie, please, enough.
>> Katie: Okay, fine, I might have tied your shoes together, but only because I don't want you working for Craig anymore.
>> Simon: Right, right. And why is that again?
>> Katie: Do you know how many times he's been investigated by the police? There must be a reason. In fact, when I was working for him --
>> Simon: Look, save it, Katie. You're only worried that once Craig pays me, I'll leave Oakdale without a trace.
>> Katie: Okay, maybe, but that's not the only reason. Look at this. Genuine plastic. Craig gave this to me so we could buy new clothes for his insane wedding. So how about we go hit the store and see how much the credit limit is?
>> Simon: Have a nice day.
>> Katie: No, wait, wait, wait. Is this Ruby again? Please tell me it's not. If I had known that you had to seduce that woman for your job, I never would have -- you went to see her yesterday after you left me at Al's, huh?
>> Simon: Good-bye, Katie. And don't try and follow me, or else I'll leave Oakdale sooner rather than later.
>> Katie: Good riddance! Why won't he take me seriously?
[ Katie sighs ] Henry? Hi, it's Katie. How are you? No, I don't need anything, just the pleasure of your company. Oh, come on. What else do you have to do with your life? Uh, Craig's letter of recommendation? Yes, actually, that's why I'm calling. I have it right here in front of me. Yeah. So why don't you come over to the Lakeview to Craig's suite? Okay. Toodle-oo. Oh, come on. All I need is one little signature. There's gotta be one here somewhere. Yes, thank you. Okay.

Scene 3:
Scene: Craig's Suite

KATIE FRASIER, HENRY COLEMAN

>> Katie: Not bad. "I take pleasure in recommending Henry Coleman -- " blah, blah, blah, yada, yada. "For his many outstanding qualities, including his tenacity --" when it comes to sticking his nose where it doesn't belong. "An ability to work well with others --" when you bribe him. "And an enthusiasm which is infectious --" so be sure to sterilize after he goes.
[ Knock on door ] Henry, hi. You got here quick. You must want something.
>> Henry: I must say, I'm stunned, Katie. You managed to worm your way back into big brother's cushy feathered nest after all.
>> Katie: And the bathroom has a Jacuzzi in it.
[ In an excited voice ]
>> Henry: Really? Let's try it out.
>> Katie: Oh, don't be insane! And please, promise never to threaten to undress in front of me again.
>> Henry: Well, okay, all right. Why don't you order me room service then? I'm starved.
>> Katie: Why don't you call yourself? I'm not your maid. And don't order too much.
>> Henry: Ooh, selfish, selfish, selfish. Hello, room service? Hi, yes. I'd like a caesar salad, dressing on the side, and also a martini, very dry. Actually, make that an apple martini. It's not quite noon. Pectin, it's good for you. All right, thanks. Well, Katie, it seems like you're back on top again. Now, where's that letter of recommendation? "An enthusiasm which is infectious"? Well, I guess I do have a sort of let-them-eat-cake insouciance, don't I? Still, this is awfully effusive for Craig, considering how he fired me.
>> Katie: Well, I guess he just remembered all your good qualities. So, now that I did you that huge favor --
>> Henry: Uh, uh, uh. Not so fast, babycakes. This letter of recommendation was only part of the payment. You still owe me the $500 that we gave to the doctor to help fake your pregnancy.
>> Katie: Which I have not forgotten. I just need you to help me stop Simon from leaving town.
>> Henry: Still?! Why, Katie?! He's a ruthless cad. Come on.
>> Katie: Who is wanting to change, and I can be the woman he changes for.
>> Henry: You know, there's a word people like you. It's "delusional." Or have I told you that before?
>> Katie: Oh, please, Henry. You've done it before. You can do it again.
>> Henry: Well, look, you know Simon better than I do. Just find out whatever gets to him, huh?
>> Katie: Like what? He wants to leave town right now. The only thing that even made a blip on his radar was seeing Lily yesterday.
>> Henry, yes, Lily Snyder, your arch nemesis. She didn't have any problem keeping him around, did she? So, I guess the question we have to ask ourselves is, what does she have that you don't?

Scene 4:
Scene: Lily and Holden's House

LILY WALSH SNYDER, ROSE D'ANGELO

>> Rose: Lily, if all this talk about questions is your twisted way of telling me that you're still in love with Simon --
>> Lily: I'm not in love with Simon. I told you that.
>> Rose: Good. That's good! Very, very good! Because aside from the fact that I went through all this agony because you decided that you wanted Holden back, I made ten trays of manicotti for your "whoop-de-do, you're back together" party, and if I have to cancel it, you're eating all of them.
>> Lily: This is not about my lingering feelings for Simon. It's about the wreck that I almost made of my life. I almost gave up everything for a man who could be a complete fraud. What kind of person does that make me? Please don't answer that.
>> Rose: Would you stop, Lily? Stop beating yourself up. You fell for a smooth-talking hottie. It happens to the best of us. I mean, if I had to list every muscle head in jersey that turned my knees to pesto --
>> Lily: This is different. I'm not a kid anymore. And yet, look what I risked. I turned my husband and my children's lives upside down, and for what? Ever since I found out, I can't sleep, I can't eat. Holden keeps asking me what's wrong, and I almost told him last night.
>> Rose: What?! How dumb are you?! You can't tell Holden. You tell Holden, he's gonna go after Simon and beat the crud out of him. You don't want that. You don't want that, do you? Well, all right, then you gotta handle it yourself, and there's only one way to do that, only one solid way -- a good, old-fashioned vendetta.

Scene 5:
Scene: Java Underground

SIMON FRASIER, JAKE MCKINNON, ISAAC JENKINS

>> Simon: [ on the phone ] Ruby, I need to see you. I can't stop thinking about you, and if I don't see you soon -- well, I don't even want to think about it, so call me when you get this message. I'll be waiting.
>> Jake: Look, Isaac, I gotta run, okay?
>> Isaac: Already?
>> Jake: Well, I have to follow up on a lead.
>> Isaac: Is this about Curtis' father?
>> Jake: No, that ship has already sailed. Now I'm onto the -- "the case of the missing butler."
>> Simon: Isaac, how are things?
>> Isaac: Pretty much the same as when you left. How are things with you in Montgomeryland?
>> Simon: Well, I have to admit, a couple of red flags have flown up since I started working for Craig.
>> Isaac: Mm-hmm. What did I tell you?
>> Simon: If you got some time, I'm really interested in some full disclosure about my big, bad brother-in-law.
>> Isaac: Have a sit-down.
>> Simon: Great, great.
>> Isaac: It's a long story.

Scene 6:
Scene: Java Underground

SIMON FRASIER, ISAAC JENKINS

>> Isaac: It's like this. I hate the guy, but if it wasn't for Craig, I wouldn't have this place. He staked me when nobody else would. The problem was what he wanted in return.
>> Simon: What, your firstborn?
>> Isaac: Pretty much. Now, I know my way around, but Craig has a funny way of not wanting to end a partnership, if you know what I'm saying. I barely got out by the skin of my teeth, Simon.
>> Simon: Thanks, I'll keep it in mind, but I'm not a guy who really plays by the books either, so we'll see.
>> Isaac: Fine, but don't say I didn't warn you.
>> Simon: All right.

Scene 7:
Scene: Craig's Suite

KATIE FRASIER, HENRY COLEMAN

>> Katie: You're right. As long as Lily Snyder is still in his heart, it's like Simon has blinders on. Until he gets her out of his system completely, he'll never see the woman that's right in front of him that's been there all along, never wavering in her devotion to him.
>> Henry: Katie the stalwart. Katie the brave.
>> Katie: I just need to find a way to distract him from his pain. I tried the sex thing, but, except for that one time, he's just not interested.
[ Henry chuckles ] what? He can't give his body without his heart.
>> Henry: Gumdrop, you have a lot to learn about men.
>> Katie: I've been a great wife. I've cooked for him and cleaned for him and done his laundry.
>> Henry: Have you thought about maybe changing your perfume, 'cause --
[ Henry sniffs ] you're wearing eau de hausfrau, and Simon, he has a yen for -- for yen. It's the scent of greenbacks that really turns him on. That's why he's racked up all those wives and fiancés. Now, soft spot for Simon is any woman with a big, voluptuous bank account. So all you have to do is go make yourself a fortune, and he's all yours.

Scene 8:
Scene: Lily and Holden's House

LILY WALSH SNYDER, ROSE D'ANGELO

>> Rose: Simon took something of yours. Now, you gotta take something of his. Revenge, it's the law of the jungle. Let me tell ya a little story -- about how I got back at one of my many ex-boyfriends, Guy Zanzone. The only thing he loved more than himself was his beautiful black sports car. I was so gone on that guy I blew off an audition for the Rockettes so I could entertain his Aunt Lucia, from Italy, when she flew in. Come to my surprise to find out that he was dating half the girls on the boardwalk.
>> Lily: What'd you do?
>> Rose: I got a couple of friends of mine to take that car apart and reassemble it, sorta, in his living room.
[ Giggles ] I know. I lost a night's sleep over that, but it was worth it. Every single second, it was worth it to see his face when he slithered in that night.
[ Rose giggles ] I know we can't get a car, but you gotta get something like that, do something like that, really stick it to Simon.
>> Lily: I don't think that's up my alley.
>> Rose: You afraid of getting your hands dirty?
>> Lily: Oh, I don't want to stoop to his level.
>> Rose: Then I don't get it. What do you want?
>> Lily: The truth. I want to know all the things that he said to me on that godforsaken island were -- were true. Risking his life to save mine -- I have to know if that was real. I wanna know what kind of man he is. I wanna know what kind of person I am for believing him. Look, I don't have any feelings left for Simon. I just -- I just wanna know that all the pain that I've put my family through was for something -- something real. You must think I'm pathetic.
>> Rose: No, I think you're a moron. But not because you had a moment of confusion with Simon -- I mean, believe me, a year ago, I wouldn't have minded being confused with him myself -- but because it took you a year and a day to figure out that Holden is the prize in all of this. So if you're looking for sympathy from me because you got taken by some gold-digging boomerang thrower with a nice butt, forget it.
>> Lily: You don't sugarcoat things, do you, Rose?
>> Rose: You're a big girl, Lily, even though people don't treat you like one.
>> Lily: Thank you for your two cents.
>> Rose: All right, if revenge doesn't work for you, then, all right, this is what ya gotta do -- you gotta get Simon on the horn. You gotta get him on the horn. You gotta tell him you wanna meet him someplace.
>> Lily: And then what?
>> Rose: You grill him like a shish kebab.
>> Lily: I can't confront Simon.
>> Rose: Why not?
>> Lily: Well, what if --
>> Rose: "What if" what? What if the truth is something that you don't wanna hear? Come on, face it, Lily, not knowing is even gonna be worse. You gotta pin Simon down and get some answers to your questions, or you're gonna spend your life torturing yourself, and you're not gonna be able to get back to the business at hand that you really wanna do, which is loving your family. And that's what you want, right?
>> Lily: What if he turns out to be a cold-hearted user from beginning to end?
>> Rose: You'll deal with it and you'll move on. Or maybe, just maybe, you knew another Simon, the Simon that was honest for the first time in his life. And that's what you saw in him, and that's why you followed him. Just call him, all right? Talk to Simon. Pin him down and talk to him and ask him the tough questions. Trust me. You got nothing to lose, and everything to gain.

Scene 9:
Scene: Craig's Suite

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER, HENRY COLEMAN, LILY WALSH SNYDER

>> Katie: So it's really that simple, huh? I just need to be rich.
>> Henry: Well, you were wondering what Lily had that you didn't -- buckets of money. It's an age-old incentive.
>> Katie: Ooh, and just think, if I were rich, I'd be pulling all the strings, and Simon would find me irresistible. All right, where do I get all this money?
>> Henry: Well, I was about to consider robbing a bank, but then this lovely letter of recommendation fell into my lap. And now, I'm free to pursue gainful, legal employment. And as for you --
>> Katie: It's Simon. You gotta go out the back way! Just -- just slip out the back.

>> Simon: Why have you got that devilish look in your eye? What have you been up to?
>> Katie: Moi?
>> Simon: Yeah.
>> Katie: Nothing. Just enjoying all the perks that Craig's money has to offer. And I was thinking --
>> Simon: Ah, ah, ah. Ooh, don't do that.
>> Katie: I was thinking that maybe once Craig sees how happy you make me, he'll give us a little upgrade, maybe get us our own penthouse suite.
>> Simon: Ah, that'd be great if I was staying, but I'm not.
>> Katie: Even if you had your own penthouse suite? Come on, don't look a gift horse in the mouth. You know how hard it is on the road.
[ Cell Phone Ringing ]
>> Simon: I'll wait. Don't hold that thought. Hello?
>> Lily: Simon?
>> Simon: Well, this is a surprise.
>> Lily: I need to see you. Please don't say no.


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May, 2001