EPISODE 5/17/00
Lily And Rose Plan To Trade Places To Fool Simon

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Simonscript
May, 2000


TUESDAY, MAY 17, 2000

Scene 1:
Place: Atlantic City, New Jersey
Location: Boardwalk Plaza Hotel

LILY WALSH SNYDER AND ROSE DE'ANGELO

>> Lily: You're still sleeping?
>> Rose: Ooh, not anymore. What're you doing up so early?
>> Lily: It's noon, most people have been up for hours by now.
>> Rose: Most people don't dance until their foots are stumps till all hours of the night. Ahh. My back is like a rock. If I have to crash here another night, I may never dance again.
>> Lily: Until simon gets out of jail, we have to stay here.
>> Rose: But there's so many great places to hide. Like all the great hotels with beds and room service.
>> Lily: Yes, but here we have your friendly guards outside the door.
>> Rose: So you believe simon's danger warnings?
>> Lily: We can't take any chances. Assuming that the diamond is real, then other people will be after it.
>> Rose: If it's real. If it's real. You know, when you talk to that simon guy, you don't know if he's telling the truth when ya ask him the time.
>> Lily: So where's the diamond? You still have it, right?
>> Rose: Oh, no, no. No, I gave it to some junkie who was looking for a fix on the boardwalk. Yeah, of course I have it, hon!
>> Lily: Are you sure that this isn't it?
>> Rose: Are you trying to make me crazy? I can't tell the difference between these.
>> Lily: With any luck -- neither will simon.

Scene 2:
Place: Atlantic City, New Jersey
Location: Boardwalk Plaza Hotel

LILY WALSH SNYDER AND ROSE DE'ANGELO

>> Rose: You mind telling me why I'm seeing double here? Please take it nice and slow, because my eyes may be open, but my brain doesn't turn on till I've had my morning coffee.
>> Lily: Well, while you and your brain were sleeping, I have come up with a plan to keep simon off your back.
>> Rose: You bought him his own diamond. Everybody's happy.
>> Lily: No. No, no, it's a fake. It's a fake. It looks like yours, but this one really is a hunk of glass.
>> Rose: Where'd you find it?
>> Lily: I had it made up. It's a decoy. And we'll let simon think that it's the real thing.
>> Rose: And the real thing will be where?
>> Lily: At your jeweler friend's being appraised. And simon or the thugs that he claims are after the diamond, will never know that the real rose of sharon diamond is missing. What do you think?
>> Rose: It's brilliant.
>> Lily: Then why so serious?
>> Rose: Well, you know, I'm just thinking. You know, what if -- what if simon is telling the truth, and you're the one that's lying?
>> Lily: You still don't trust me?
>> Rose: You look trustworthy enough, let me tell ya. And you're really cool, but if simon can lead me to my family fortune, then I don't wanna tick him off. You know?
>> Lily: Once you have that rock appraised, you'll know who's telling the truth, and who can be trusted. What you're holding in your hand right there will change your life, rose.
>> Rose: If it is real, I don't even know what I'm gonna do with it.
>> Lily: Unless you want to insure it and have it locked in a vault, sell it.

[ Phone rings ]

ROSE DE' ANGELO AND SIMON FRAISER

>> Rose: Hello.
>> Simon: Hey, rose. It's simon.
>> Rose: Hi.
>> Simon: I've been so worried about you. Are you all right? Did the guard keep a look out for you all night?
>> Rose: Yeah, everything's hunky-dory.
>> Simon: And what about lily? Have you managed to stay far away from her?
>> Rose: Don't worry your sexy australian head, simple simon. I haven't seen pushy lily all day. And I've been up since the crack of dawn.
>> Simon: That's strange.
>> Rose: Maybe I got up a little after the dawn cracked.
>> Simon: No, no, no. It's strange about lily. I just assumed she'd be camping outside your dressing room door.
>> Rose: She did.
>> Simon: But you just said --
>> Rose: I haven't seen her. But she's been knockin' on my door all night, tryin' to get me to let her in.
>> Simon: Okay. And what did you tell her?
>> Rose: To come back when there's ice fishin' in the sahara.
>> Simon: That's a smart move, rose. You just -- you need to stay away from her. Okay? For your own safety.
>> Rose: I'm fine, sy. You're the one who spent the night in the clink. And I am so -- I am so upset about that.
>> Lily: Ask him when he's getting out.
>> Rose: So, when ya gettin' out?
>> Simon: I have a lawyer on his way over to handle the arraignment. And once that's done, I'll post bail.
>> Rose: So -- you should be able to be here by tonight then?
>> Simon: Oh, no, no, no. Sooner than that.
>> Lily: Tell him not to hurry.
>> Rose: I'm dying to see ya, hun, but take your time, because I've got costumes, rehearsal, the show.
>> Simon: Just -- just tell the security guard to let me into your dressing room as soon as I get there. Please.
>> Rose: Oh, I don't know if that's such a good idea.
>> Simon: Listen, rose. If you want what's due to you, we have to work together on this. Okay? So just -- just promise me that you will not leave that dressing room, except to do the show.
>> Rose: I promise.
>> Simon: Good. I'll see you as soon as I can.
>> Rose: Okay. So he's gotta have the arraignment, and then he's gotta make bail. And he should be back here in time just to kill you.

Scene 3:
Place: Atlantic City, New Jersey
Location: Boardwalk Plaza Hotel

LILY WALSH SNYDER AND ROSE DE' ANGELO

>> Lily: We have to work fast, because simon cannot get his hands on you or the diamond.
>> Rose: Who would have thunk the day would come when I wouldn't want a hunk like that to lay his hands on me.
>> Lily: Rose, rose, simon will do anything to get his hands on that rock, because he's convinced that it's worth a fortune. And we have to find out first if it is. So please get your jeweler friend on the phone.
>> Rose: Boris? Hey, baby, it's rose. Yeah, d'angelo. Your favorite, from the show. Yeah, the one with the tightened tresses and the giant -- earrings. Look, baby, would you mind if I come over? I've got a rock that I would love for you to appraise. Sure. All right. I'll see you then. You're a doll.
>> Lily: So he can see you now?
>> Rose: Half hour. He's booked till then.
>> Lily: That's no good. Because simon could be here any minute. No, we have to get that diamond appraised before you run into him.
>> Rose: So I'll head to the jeweler now. I'll be there early.
>> Lily: We can't, because we could run into him on the street. Or he could ask somebody in the hotel where you went, if you took a cab --
>> Rose: All right, so he comes in, you clunk him on the noggin, and I'll be back before he wakes up.
>> Lily: I have a better idea. We're trying to replace the real diamond with a look-alike. Right?
>> Rose: Yeah, so?
>> Lily: So we'll do the same with you.
>> Rose: Replace me -- with you?
>> Lily: Of course.
>> Rose: Yeah, yeah, yeah. All you need is an extensive cosmetic overhaul. Why bother?
>> Lily: Because simon is after you now, rose. He doesn't care what lily is up to or where she is.
>> Rose: Go on.
>> Lily: See, "rose" is here when simon comes back, okay? And she has the fake diamond. He won't know anything is up. You, as "lily," could walk out of this hotel with the diamond in your purse, and even if he bumps into you, he wouldn't care. So you're free and clear as "lily" to go see your jeweler friend. Do you get it?
>> Rose: Yeah, yeah, and it works for me. To a point.
>> Lily: What? It's perfect. Come on.
>> Rose: Wait, wait, what if I get stuck in traffic, or something comes up? I'm there stuck at the jeweler looking like you. Who goes on for me in the line?
>> Lily: That's a good question. With a very good answer.
>> Rose: You're kidding.
>> Lily: I go on as you.

Scene 4:
Place: Atlantic City, New Jersey
Location: Boardwalk Plaza Hotel

LILY WALSH SNYDER AND ROSE DE' ANGELO

>> Rose: You go on for me. That's a good one. That's a very good, very good one. Very good.
>> Lily: I'm serious.
>> Rose: Yeah, right. You -- you are serious. You've got to be kidding me. When was the last time you were in front of an audience? When you were, like, in third grade at a church pageant? You know, angel on the left?
>> Lily: If simon doesn't see you on stage, he's going to start asking questions. But if I'm up there, as you, he'll be fooled. >> Rose: Yeah, until you kick somebody in the head and fall down.
>> Lily: I probably don't even have to go on. I'll just sit in the back and I'll hang out with the girls.
>> Rose: Yeah. 'Cause we're not talking, like, an aerobics class that you take at the local gym or back to your cheerleader days.
>> Lily: I've been on stage, and I've seen the show a few times. And the choreography is a little intricate in places.
>> Rose: Big whoop. I let you go on for me, and I can kiss my career good-bye. If there's traffic, I'll climb over it.
>> Lily: Thanks a lot. Okay, okay, we'll assume that you'll be back before show time.
>> Rose: Yeah. How long can it take for him to tell me whether the rock is real or not, hmm?
>> Lily: Okay, we have to switch clothes.
>> Rose: And you're gonna have to do yourself up. But how am I gonna dull myself down like you? No offense. It's a look you've got going on there. It's just not the look that I'm going for.
>> Lily: I will work on you, and when I'm finished, neither one of us will know who's who.
>> Rose: Your hair. Dead giveaway.
>> Lily: There's a wig right there. It looks exactly like your hair.
>> Rose: That's my wig. That's mine. I had that made up when I have my bad hair days, you know? But no, no, no, I'm talkin' like, I don't have, like, a perky brown "hello, I'm from illinois" wig to make me look like you.
>> Lily: Look at all the wigs around here. We'll cut one of them. We'll blow out the curls. We'll play with it. We'll color it. What do you need to do?
>> Rose: I'm not flushin' $540 down the toilet. And that was wholesale.
>> Lily: I'll pay for the wig. I'll write you a check.
>> Rose: You're not wreckin' my wigs. All right. Time to say good-bye to the split ends.
>> Lily: What?
>> Rose: My real hair will grow back, for free. A little of this, a little of that. I hope it's worth it.

Scene 5:
Place: Atlantic City, New Jersey
Location: Boardwalk Plaza Hotel

LILY WALSH SNYDER AND ROSE DE' ANGELO AND SIMON FRAISER

>> Rose: Oh. No. I will never, ever be able to pull this off.
>> Lily: You're a pro. Just pretend like it's part of the show.
>> Rose: Like I would ever be cast as you.
>> Lily: You'll be great.
>> Rose: Okay. I'm ready.
>> Lily: Now, promise me you'll be honest.
>> Rose: I always am, remember?
>> Lily: Silence. That's not a good sign.
>> Rose: You carry off the costume just fine.
>> Lily: What's wrong?
>> Lily: Come on. More color, hon. Don't be so chintzy. Uh -- something's not kosher. You gotta stay symmetrical. This is never going to work.
>> Security guard: How's my rosie doing? Holding up under the pressure?
>> Lily: Sure.
>> Security guard: You ever ditch that aussie who keeps comin' by? Sidney?
>> Lily: Simon.
>> Security guard: What's he want from you, anyway?
>> Lily: What does any man want? But I feel perfectly safe with you out there. These muscles protecting me, I can sleep like a baby.
>> Security guard: I won't let no one near you, rosie. Especially that louse.
>> Lily: Um, no. Me and the ex-louse had it out over the phone. Everything's okay. You let him in if he shows up. Okay?
>> Security guard: Okay. But if you change your mind, gimme a holler.
>> Lily: Yeah. It worked! I can't believe -- everything's comin' up roses! Dim the lights, turn up --
>> Simon: Well, somebody's in a good mood. I wonder why.

Scene 6:
Place: Atlantic City, New Jersey
Location: Boardwalk Plaza Hotel

LILY WALSH SNYDER AND SIMON FRAISER

>> Simon: You know, I would love to hear what's put you in such a good mood. 'Cause my spirits could use a lift right about now.
>> Lily: Sorry to disappoint you, but I was just warmin' up for the show.
>> Simon: By what? Talking to yourself?
>> Lily: And singin'. You know, gets me pumped up. Stoked. You know what I mean?
>> Simon: Yeah, yeah, I think so. Anyway, listen, rose, I'm glad I caught you. We really need to talk.
>> Lily: Well, it's gonna have to wait, 'cause I got to do my stretchin'. And the curtain's about to go up.
>> Simon: Are you okay, rose? You know, you seem a little nervous.
>> Lily: I always get high-strung when I know I've got to go out there and show my stuff in front of hundreds of people that I don't even know.
>> Simon: Oh, come on. You've got to be kidding me. You do this show, what, four times a day, and you've checked that clock twice since I've been in here and you haven't stood still for a moment. What's going on?
>> Lily: Oh -- the girls aren't supposed to know this, but there's this big talent agent in the audience, and I don't want to blow my big break.
>> Simon: Relax, rose. You will -- you'll knock them dead, as usual. Tell me, have you seen our mutual friend, lily?
>> Lily: Nope. But you've got to clear out, take a seat, please. Come on. Go out there and enjoy the show.
>> Simon: Rose, straight after the show, you and I talk. Please.
>> Lily: I can't wait, babe.
>> Simon: Okay.
>> Lily: He bought that. He bought that, for the moment. Rose, where are you? You'd better get back here before I get busted.
>> Security guard: Got a problem, rosie?
>> Lily: No, just getting ready for the show.
>> Security guard: Then why are you headed for the kitchen? The rest of the girls are getting into their places.
>> Lily: Yeah. No, no, no, no. I just wish everybody was here.
>> Security guard: One of the girls is missing?
>> Lily: No, no, no, no. I'm just expecting somebody here to see the show tonight. That's all.
>> Security guard: Well, your friend better hurry. Show starts in a minute.
>> Lily: All right.
>> Security guard: Better get on stage yourself.
>> Lily: Okay.
>> Showgirl #1: Rose? What are you waiting for? They called places.
>> Lily: I need to finish my makeup first.
>> Showgirl #2: Skip the prima donna routine. You look great.
>> Showgirl #1: No time to start messing with your makeup. Come on.


Home
Simonscript
May, 2000