EPISODE 5/15/01
Katie Challenges Simon to a Kiss

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May, 2001


TUESDAY, MAY 15, 2001

Scene 1:
Location: Lakeview Towers Hotel
Scene: Craig Montgomery's Suite - Katie and Simon's Room

KATIE FRASIER ALONE

[Katie is trying on her safari regalia]
>> Katie: Maybe I should get a hunting rifle.

KATIE FRASIER AND A DELIVERY MAN

[Knock at door.]
>> Katie: Come in, come in. I'm so excited. So you have everything I ordered?
>> Delivery man: Snakebite kit.
>> Katie: Yes, check.
>> Delivery man: Pith helmet with mosquito netting.
>> Katie: So cute. Check.
>> Delivery man: Crocodile Dundee knife.

SIMON FRASIER'S VOICE IS HEARD FROM BEHIND THE DOOR

>> Simon: Katie, open the door, I forgot my keys.
>> Katie: That's my husband. He's not supposed to be home yet.
>> Simon: Open the door please.
>> Delivery man: Is there a problem?
>> Katie: Yes! You've got to hide!

Scene 2:
Location: Lakeview Towers Hotel
Scene: Craig Montgomery's Suite - Katie and Simon's Room

KATIE FRASIER AND A DELIVER MAN

>> Katie: You, get in the closet! Get in the closet!
>> Delivery man: Lady, I don't even know you! What is this?!
>> Katie: Just get in there and be quiet! My husband is a very jealous man!
I'm coming!

SIMON FRASIER'S VOICE IS HEARD FROM OUTSIDE THE DOOR

>> Simon: Come on, Katie, open up!
>> Katie: I'll be right there! [Simon enters the room] What a nice surprise.
>> Simon: What took you so long?
>> Katie: I wasn't dressed, and you were supposed to be gone all night.
>> Simon: I forgot my keys. I left them in my jacket.
[Simon goes for the closet]
>> Katie: Oh, here they are. And your wallet. [Katie throws them both at him]
>> Simon: Oh, Geez. What are you wearing?
>> Katie: This? Oh, this is the hottest thing this summer, "Survivor" chic.
>> Simon: Yeah, right. I'm out of here. See you later.
>> Katie: Okay.
[Delivery man sneezes]
[Katie sneezes]
>> Katie: Oh. Allergies. You know, I have got to talk to housekeeping, 'cause in an expensive place like this, you'd think that they'd have the dust under control. [Katie sneezes] I'm fine. You go. I'm fine, see?
[Delivery man sneezes]
>> Simon: You want to tell me what's going on here?
[Delivery man sneezes]

Scene 3:
Location: Lakeview Towers Hotel
Scene: Craig Montgomery's Suite - Katie and Simon's Room

KATIE FRASIER, SIMON FRASIER AND A DELIVERY MAN

>> Katie: No, no, no, it's not what you think.
>> Simon: Back away, Lara Croft.
>> Katie: Simon, wait, don't, please, just -
>> Simon: Let go of the door.
>> Delivery man: No way!
>> Simon: Fine, all right. Katie, can you pass me my chain saw? It's under the bed.
>> Delivery man: Don't look at me. It was her wacked idea.
>> Simon: I have no doubt. Safari Sam's outfitters. So what are you delivering, mate? We're not going on a safari.
>> Katie: He was delivering some things for my ensemble. You know, accessories.
>> Simon: Just an innocent delivery, huh? So why are you hiding in the closet?
>> Delivery man: I don't know. Ask her. She's crazy!
>> Simon: I know she is. Here's something else you should know. I don't like coming home and finding strange men playing hide-and-seek with my wife, so I'm going to make you a little suggestion here. Disappear, now.
>> Delivery man: But she hasn't paid the bill yet.
>> Simon: Well, you've got three seconds, and then I am gonna shoot you. All right? One, two -- Katie, get my gun, will you?
>> Delivery man: I'll send it in the mail.
>> Simon: Good. Three.

SIMON FRASIER AND KATIE PERETTI

>> Simon: What?!
>> Katie: You know, if I didn't know any better, Mr. Frasier, I'd swear you were jealous.


Scene 4:
Location: Lakeview Towers Hotel
Scene: Craig Montgomery's Suite - Katie and Simon's Room

SIMON FRASIER AND KATIE FRASIER

>> Simon: I am so not jealous of Safari Sam.
>> Katie: Oh, I'll bet he'd disagree.
>> Simon: I would have reacted exactly the same way if I found him, I don't know, stealing the TV.
>> Katie: Oh, that is proof. You practically just said you love me.
>> Simon: You're making even less sense than usual, and that's impressive.
>> Katie: According to statistics, most men say that they love their TVs more than their wives. So just think of me as your own, special entertainment unit.
>> Simon: Oh, I wish you came with a remote. See ya later.
>> Katie: Just admit that you have feelings for me.
>> Simon: I do have feelings for you. I do. Sometimes I feel like I want to drop-kick you across Oakdale, other times I feel like I want to wring your neck, and sometimes I feel like I want to --
>> Katie: Kiss me?
[Simon begins to move closer in order to kiss Katie]


Scene 5:
Location: Lakeview Towers Hotel
Scene: Craig Montgomery's Suite - Katie and Simon's Room

SIMON FRASIER AND KATIE FRASIER

>> Simon: I'm not gonna kiss you.
>> Katie: Chicken.
>> Simon: And what am I scared of exactly?
>> Katie: You're scared of the truth. See, a kiss is kind of like a lie detector test. So if you can kiss me without your heart racing, I'll know that there's nothing between us.
>> Simon: This sounds like one of your tricks.
>> Katie: No, no, no. No tricks, just good, clean fun. Promise.
>> Simon: All right, all right. So what are the rules? I kiss you --
>> Katie: Long and hard.
>> Simon: Yeah, whatever, right. And if my heart doesn't start beating like a tom-tom, then you'll finally accept that I feel nothing for you and never will.
>> Katie: Yep.
>> Simon: Pretty confident, aren't you?
>> Katie: Yep.
>> Simon: Pucker up, buttercup.
[Katie and Simon kiss]


Scene 6:
Location: Lakeview Towers Hotel
Scene: Craig Montgomery's Suite - Katie and Simon's Room

SIMON FRASIER AND KATIE FRASIER

>> Simon: Katie, Katie, Katie --
>> Katie: You felt it, didn't you? See, I told you there was something between us.
>> Simon: No, no, no. You bet me there was.
>> Katie: "Bet," "told" -- what's the difference?
>> Simon: The difference is, a bet has a winner and a loser. You lost this one, Katie.
>> Katie: Simon! You know, for an ex-gigolo, you're a pretty bad liar.


Scene 7:
Location: Lakeview Towers Hotel
Scene: Outside of the hotel room door

SIMON FRASIER ALONE

>> Simon: Wow.

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January, 2001