EPISODE 3/5/02
Simon Tells Katie About Monique

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Simonscript
March, 2002


TUESDAY, MARCH 5, 2002

Scene 1:
Location: The Lakeview
Scene: Simon & Katie's Room

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER

>> Katie: I cannot stay mad at you. I love you, and so when I see you I just -- wanna --
>> Simon: Me, too.
>> Katie: And then I lose my grip, but I can't lose my grip.
>> Simon: Lose your grip. Lose your grip.
>> Katie: Really?
>> Simon: Absolutely.
>> Katie: So you don't need your space?
>> Simon: I need you.
>> Katie: Okay. Why did Monique Ferrara give you that check?
>> Simon: How do you know about the check -- don't answer. Why do I even wonder?
>> Katie: Well, I saw you hiding something. So can you blame me for letting my curiosity get the best of me?
>> Simon: What, so you went snooping through my pockets?
>> Katie: Well, listen, if I can't trust you to be honest, then how am I supposed to be?
>> Simon: Listen, you already know that you can trust me. And this isn't about honesty. This is about -- I am asking you to be direct.
>> Katie: Okay, direct, in exchange for -- ?
>> Simon: Why does everything have to have a price? Be direct because -- I don't know. It's the right thing to do.
>> Katie: Oh, yeah, right. Where did that ever get anyone?
>> Simon: Oh, pardon me. Who did I think I was talking to?
>> Katie: Okay, now you're making fun of me.
>> Simon: I'm not. I'm not making fun of you. Well, maybe I am. But in my best and most affectionate way. Let's just forget about it.
>> Katie: Okay, Simon, tell me something.
>> Simon: Absolutely. Anything.
>> Katie: Why is it that you think my attention span is so unbelievably short? The check?
>> Simon: All right. Listen, I wanted to tell you about the check. I just -- I didn't know how.
>> Katie: Why not, Mr. "Be direct and everything will be hunky-dory"?
>> Simon: I never asked for this money, Katie.
>> Katie: So that big check just fell into your lap? Wow. I wish I had that kind of bad luck.
>> Simon: I'm telling you, I never wanted it.
>> Katie: Why not? Maybe because it's from one of your ex-wives?
>> Simon: That's not really a question, is it?
>> Katie: No, not really. But you know that I had Henry dig up all that information about you and your ex-wives last year. What, you think I just threw that stuff away?
>> Simon: What, you have a file on me?
>> Katie: Yeah. Well, it's more of a scrapbook. Anyway, when I called that law firm that was listed on the check to find out where it came from, they told me it was from the estate of Monique Ferrara. Why is Monique giving you money?
>> Simon: She isn't. She isn't, no. No. Well, not really.
>> Katie: Okay, forget about being direct. We'll try my tactic. See this neck? It's all yours for the price of one straight answer.
>> Simon: The truth is, Katie, the check is an inheritance. Monique is dead.

Scene 2:
Scene: Simon & Katie's Room

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER

>> Katie: I guess you weren't such a bad husband after all.
>> Simon: I was lousy, believe me.
>> Katie: Well, obviously not. Monique kept you in her will after you got divorced.
>> Simon: We never got divorced.
>> Katie: All right. Are you gonna tell me what happened?
>> Simon: Are you sure you really want to sit here and hear about me and one of -- one of my ex-wives?
>> Katie: No, Simon, I'm really not sure that I want to sit here and hear about that, but I'm gonna have to because, otherwise, I'm gonna start snooping again, and then you're gonna hate me, and I'm gonna feel guilty about it. So -- >> Simon: Or you could just trust me -- trust me, and let this whole thing go.
>> Katie: I miss us. I miss how it was after we got married. Everything was so perfect, and there were no secrets.
It was just us. And I need that back. I need us. So you might as well just start from the beginning.
>> Simon: All right. All right, I met Monique in L.A. She'd just moved there, and so had I. She was lonely.
>> Katie: And rich.
>> Simon: Yep. And I was broke.
>> Katie: Broke? We, how did -- what happened to all the money from what's-her-name -- wifey number two?
>> Simon: I'd completely blown it. Spent every single penny. I owed money, too. So it was either marry Monique or face some pretty ruthless creditors.
>> Katie: So how long did you guys go out before you got married?
>> Simon: In total? About three weeks.
>> Katie: Wow, she was an easy one.
>> Simon: We married in Vegas on a whim. Well, she thought it was a whim, anyway.
>> Katie: Yeah, right. All part of your plan.
>> Simon: Yeah. The thing is, Monique was a lot smarter than I gave her credit for. She hired a detective after we got back from our honeymoon.
>> Katie: What, did he dig up your past?
>> Simon: In all its gold-digging glory.
>> Katie: Did she confront you?
>> Simon: Yeah. Yeah, it was awful. She had this list, kind of like what Henry dug up for you, cataloging all of my dirty deeds. She -- she was crying and shaking and cursing me out saying,"how could you have been so sincere?" What was worse was that she was saying how stupid e was, how blind she was. I just stood there listening to her, seeing myself the way that she saw me. This lowlife creep who had trashed her heart. I felt about that big. I didn't have the stomach to tell her any more lies.
>> Katie: Did she call the police?
>> Simon: No. No, that's the thing. I don't know why she didn't, either. I just -- she came from a pretty well-to-do family. I guess she didn't want to make them endure some sort of scandal. She told me to get out. And I'd hurt her so much already, I didn't want to put her through anything more and drag things out, so I just packed my stuff and left. A few days later, I read in the paper that Monique had died in a boating accident. Well, Monique loved to sail. She was really good at it, too. The morning that she went out, there was a terrible storm -- ten-foot seas, 30-knot winds.
>> Katie: How scary.
>> Simon: Must've been terrifying.
>> Katie: Simon, I'm sorry. I really am. I just still don't understand the inheritance.
>> Simon: Monique never had a chance to change her will.
>> Katie: Why not?
>> Simon: Because the day that I packed up and left was the day that Monique got onto that boat and died.

Scene 3:
Scene: Simon & Katie's Room

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER

>> Katie: Simon, that check was for a lot of money.
>> Simon: Yep. It was Monique's entire estate.
>> Katie: What about her family? I'm sure they didn't want to let that will stand?
>> Simon: No, of course not. They fought it tooth and nail. You can imagine how much they hated me. And quite frankly, no, I don't blame them. They must have spent a fortune trying to get it thrown out in court. And I guess they didn't succeed.
>> Katie: Wait, you took them to court?
>> Simon: No. No, when I found out how Monique died, I didn't want a cent of that money. Know what I used to say to myself? I used to say, I gave lonely women a few good months, and only took the money that they could afford to lose. But when Monique died, it was a reality check, you know? A wake-up call to what a lowlife I'd really become.
>> Katie: Come here. Come here, baby -- I know that was so hard to tell me.
>> Simon: I'm glad I did.
>> Katie: Me, too.
>> Simon: You know what you were saying before, about missing us? I do, too.
>> Katie: So don't ever be afraid to tell me anything again, okay? We're in this together.
>> Simon: Yes, we are. Yes, we are. And now that you know about the money, we can give it away, huh?
>> Katie: What? Are you crazy?

Scene 4:
Scene: Simon & Katie's Room

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER

>> Simon: There is no way that I am keeping that money!
>> Katie: Why not?
>> Simon: Because I will not profit from that woman's death! Katie -- didn't you just listen? The only reason she got on that boat was because she was upset with me and what I'd done to her.
>> Katie: How do you know that? You don't know that for sure.
>> Simon: What you and I have is special. Let's just forget -- I'm done talking about it. Let's just talk about how amazing you and I are together.
>> Katie: Yes, but everything that's wonderful between us could be so much more wonderful with that cushion.
>> Simon: I am not gonna let the only marriage that means anything to me be tainted by money from what I used to do.
>> Katie: Tainted? You don't have to look at it that way. At the ashram, I learned about this little thing called the law -- listen to me! It's important! The law of karmic transmutation. It's like, if an object has a negative vibe to it, you can change the energy of it by doing something positive with it. So if we do something good, then it'll take away the taint.
>> Simon: Yeah, put it to good use. Is that what you're saying?
>> Katie: Right.
>> Simon: That's what I'm saying. The burn unit at the hospital.
>> Katie: No, no, no.
>> Simon: That is good use.
>> Katie: Honey -- let's use it to good use for us. Remember that house that I told you about, the one that I've always dreamed of?
>> Simon: Buying a house is not exactly a charitable act.
>> Katie: Okay, okay, okay. Come here. Then we'll go to Tuscany. And we will help the peasants. [ Simon laughs ] All right, fine. I'm talking about doing all the things that we said we were gonna do someday.So let's just make someday now.
>> Simon: Katie, you are incredible. You are the most amazing person. I would do anything to make you happy. But taking that money? No -- I don't know.
>> Katie: You don't have to say yes. Just promise me you'll think about it.
>> Simon: All right. I'll think about it.
>> Katie: But not now. Right now, I want you to think of nothing but me.
>> Simon: That's the easiest thing I could ever do.

Scene 5:
Scene: Simon & Katie's Room

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER

>> Katie: Sometimes after we make love -- I don't know where you end and I begin. I've never felt this close to anyone.
>> Simon: And tonight's different?
>> Katie: I just feel like I know everything about you now.
>> Simon: 'Cause I told you about Monique?
>> Katie: Well, I just think that both of us have done some pretty awful things.
>> Simon: Yeah.
[ Both chuckling ]
>> Katie: Okay, maybe very, very awful things.
>> Simon: Yeah, like you trying to take Molly's job, and moving in on your boss's marriage --
>> Katie: Hey, hey, hey! You and your ex-wives. Hey, stop, stop. No, no. I'm talking about something serious here. After all that horribleness, you and I found each other. We made something so beautiful.
>> Simon: This is beautiful. I'd almost go so far as to say it's nirvana.
>> Katie: You know about nirvana?
>> Simon: Yeah. Just because I didn't spend 24 hours in an ashram -- yes, I do. Yes.
Me, being in love -- it's nirvana.
>> Katie: Exactly what we're experiencing. And no big, stupid, old check can get in the way.
>> Simon: Oh, you just don't -- you don't know how to let up, do you?
>> Katie: No. Not on you.
>> Simon: You really know how to wear a guy down.
>> Katie: Speaking of -- you wanna join me in the shower?
>> Simon: Yes, I do. Go get it started, and I'll be right in.
>> Katie: All right. Don't you leave me waiting, mister.
[ Katie leaves to start the shower, and Simon pulls out the check ]
>> Simon: Katie, if only you knew the whole story.

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March, 2002