EPISODE 3/22/02
Dahlia Pays Simon A Visit

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Simonscript
March, 2002


FRIDAY, MARCH 22, 2002

Scene 1:
Location: Al's Diner

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER, NANCY MCCLOSKY, CUSTOMERS

>> Katie: Hi! I'm Katie Frasier. You know, Al's Diner meant so much to me in the early years, I thought that I should give something back. So here is a copy of my new workout video.
>> Customer #1: Thank you.
>> Katie: You're welcome. Oh, please, it's my pleasure. Hello. Katie Frasier here. A copy of my new workout video.
>>< Customer #2: Mm-hmm.
>> Katie: When you get a chance. Hello, fellas. Good evening. I'm Katie Frasier, and this is my new workout video. I'll give you three copies. Enjoy. Well, I am so sorry. That's all I have to give out. But, for those of you who didn't get one, my new video will be out in stores within weeks. So thank you very much, and stay pumped! Ooh, excuse me. Oh, hi, Mrs. Hughes.
>> Nancy: Hello, Katie. Is that really you under all that?
>> Katie: It is me. How are you?
>> Nancy: Fine. Thank you for asking. Are you on the way to a costume ball?
>> Katie: Oh, no. I'm actually celebrating the release -- well, the almost-release of my new workout video.
[ Grabs a copy of her video from a man at a nearby table and offers it to Nancy ]
>>Katie: It's more for women, anyway. For you.
>> Nancy: Thank you. "Katie's Butt Bustin' Workout." That's catchy.
>> Katie: Would you like me to autograph it for you?
>> Nancy: You read my mind.
>> Katie: Here we go. You know, making this video taught me one very important thing.
>> Nancy: Never take thin thighs for granted?
>> Katie: Close. Perseverance. You know, there were times in my life where I thought I just couldn't go on. No friends, no prospects. Darkness all around me. But I didn't give up. I kept reaching, reaching for my dream. And I didn't do it alone. Although I could've, but it would've taken a lot longer and been a lot harder. No, no, there were those precious few who believed in me just as much as I believed in myself. And you are one of those few who made me what I am today.
>> Nancy: Well, thank you, Katie. But I don't think I want to take any credit for that.
>> Katie: You were always so generous, always so kind. And let me tell you something -- I am not gonna forget you, no matter how huge I become.
>> Nancy: Have you been feeling all right?
>> Katie: Great. Why?
>> Nancy: I was just asking. Now, I have to get to the hospital 'cause I'm taking some hot chocolate and a cookie to Kim.
>> Katie: Kim's in the hospital? Wh -- what happened?
>> Nancy: It's nothing serious. But I have to get there before the visiting hours are over. So thank you, dear. And good-bye. And the best of luck on your video.
>> Katie: Thank you so much. I hope you enjoy it. And remember -- stay pumped.
>> Nancy: Simon, keep your eye on her. She may be slipping away from us.
>> Simon: Excuse me, didn't you used to be Mrs. Katie Frasier?
>> Katie: That better be Simon. Hey, babe, you made it.
>>: Of course. So tell me, what's all this -- this stuff about an interview?
>> Katie: Well, have you ever heard of "Self" magazine?
>> Simon: Yes, sure.
>> Katie: Well, they're coming here tonight to interview me about my video.
>> Simon: Well, that's fantastic news.
>> Katie: I know!
>> Simon: That's great.
>> Katie: I'm a celebrity again, and I am loving every minute of it.

Scene 2:
Location: Al's Diner

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER, CLIFF, DAHLIA VENTURA

>> Katie: So, Dahlia called the magazine to tell them how popular I had become on college campuses,and she suggested that they do an interview before it goes national. And they jumped at the chance.
>> Simon: Well, that is great news. I'm so happy for you.
>> Katie: Thank you.
>> Simon: Is that why you're dressed like -- what are you wearing?
>> Katie: Hey, come on. It's an image. I'm a celebrity now. I can't just dress like any other ordinary person.
>> Simon: Yeah, well, you always seemed to have a way of taking my mind off other things.
>> Katie: What other things? What's wrong, babe? Oh, here they are, honey. I gotta go. Ooh! Looks good. Hello, hello, hello. Hi, I'm Katie Frasier.
>> Kathy: Hi, Kathy Kayler from "Self" magazine. And this is my photographer Cliff Holloway.
>> Katie: It's a pleasure to meet you both.
>> Cliff: Nice to meet you.
>> Dahlia: This is Simon Frasier, Katie's husband.
>> Simon: Hi. Hi, nice to meet you.
>> Kathy: Hello. Are you gonna be joining us for the interview?
>> Simon: No, no, I don't think so.
>> Katie: No, yes, of course he is. We are -- we do everything together.
>> Kathy: Oh, that's so nice. You guys must be newlyweds.
>> Katie: Well, yes, actually -- well, yes and no. We've been married twice.
>> Kathy: Already? How'd that happen?
>> Simon: Well, the first time, actually -- [ camera snaps ] Sorry, mate, not tonight, okay?

Scene 3:
Location: Al's Diner

SIMON FRASIER, DAHLIA VENTURA, KATIE FRASIER

>> Dahlia: Simon, I had no idea you were so camera-shy.
>> Simon: Look, Dahlia, this interview is about Katie, all right? You really don't need any pictures of me.
>> Dahlia: Well, isn't that sweet? Most men like to take credit for everything their wives do.
>> Simon: Look, I'm sorry, okay? Buddy, look, no offense.
>> Cliff: It's cool.
>> Simon: Excuse us. Look, I'm sorry, all right? I really shouldn't be here. I'm not gonna help you at all.
>> Katie: What's wrong?
>> Simon: This is just stuff that happened today. It's -- it's just got -- look, it's nothing.
I'm fine. I'm just gonna get out of here.
>> Katie: Well, do you want me to come with you?
>> Simon: No. Well, what about the interview?
>> Katie: Oh, I'll be -- well, I love you. If you need me, I'm here.
>> Simon: No, please. Katie, just stay. Enjoy your moment. I'll catch up with you later, all right?
>> Katie: Wait. Wait, wait. Where are you going?
>> Simon: I don't know. I don't know. Maybe the cottage. Maybe some hammering will take my mind off things.
>> Katie: Honey, okay. Well, be careful, all right? I don't want anything happening to you.
>> Simon: I'll be fine. I gotta do some work, guys, all right? Take care of Katie.
>> Kathy: I hope we didn't scare him off.
>> Katie: No, no. You don't know my husband.
>> Dahlia: Work, at this hour? Doing what?
>> Katie: You know, he said he had a bad day, so he's gonna go work on the cottage. I'm sure it'll make him relax more. It's our first home. Simon's doing all the renovation himself.
>> Dahlia: Listen, why don't we just take this to a booth? This looks good.
>> Katie: Okay.

Scene 4:
Location: The Cottage

SIMON FRASIER, DAHLIA VENTURA

[ Knock at the door ]
>> Simon: Katie?
>> Dahlia: No, it's Dahlia.
>> Simon: What do you want?
>> Dahlia: Well, I'll answer that as soon as you invite me in. I thought you said -- I thought Katie said you were gonna renovate.
>> Simon: Is Katie done with the interview yet?
>> Dahlia: Oh, she'll keep it going until Kathy runs out of paper.
>> Simon: You're obviously not here to see her, then.
>> Dahlia: How perceptive of you.
>> Simon: I've had a rough day, Dahlia. You wanna play games -- hey, I'm great at checkers.
>> Dahlia: Actually, I just came to satisfy my curiosity. Is that such a terrible thing?
>> Simon: Yes, it is, if it involves you and me.
>> Dahlia: Men never seem to realize that women don't think like you do. Get over yourself, Simon. I'm not gonna pounce on ya.
>> Simon: Oh, well, how refreshing. So why are you here?
>> Dahlia: Just wanted to see how you spent your late wife's money.
>> Simon: How do you know about my inheritance?
>> Dahlia: Katie tells me everything.
>> Simon: Okay.
>> Dahlia: And when she found that check you were hiding from her --
>> Simon: Look, I was gonna tell her about the check.
>> Dahlia: But you didn't, did you? So Katie called me and asked me what she should do.
>> Simon: And what did you tell her?
>> Dahlia: Oh, I told her that she should insist on the entire story, with nothing held back. Do you have a problem with that advice?
>> Simon: Oh, no, that's great advice. I -- 'cause she did ask, and I did tell her everything.
>> Dahlia: "Everything" is a very big word.
>> Simon: Meaning what?
>> Dahlia: Well, here you are, given an enormous amount of money. And you could've actually bought any house you wanted. Instead, you end up with this.
>> Simon: If Katie did tell you everything, then you would know that we were putting most of the money away for the future. And what was left over -- yeah. Yeah, we loved this place.
>> Dahlia: Isn't that convenient? You forced the innocent wife to shack up in this disaster area while the rest of your fortune earns money for you in the bank.
>> Simon: There's the door. Get out of my house. Get out of my business.
>> Dahlia: See, you and Katie are my business, Simon. And I intend to protect it with everything I've got.

Scene 5:
Location: The Cottage

SIMON FRASIER, DAHLIA VENTURA

>> Simon: Dahlia, your relationship with Katie is strictly professional. Yet from the moment you met, you've tried to force your way into her personal life. Now, as of tonight, I'm not putting up with it anymore.
>> Dahlia: You know what? Whether you like it or not, Katie and I have become friends. Her happiness is important to me, and I intend to protect it.
>> Simon: So the only thing you're protecting is your investment in a videotape. Now that's fine by me. I got no problem with it. As long as you do it from a distance.
>> Dahlia: Mm, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Less people to catch you in your lies. Do you have any idea how routinely you hide things from her?
>> Simon: Get out of here.
>> Dahlia: You don't like it, do you? The fact that Katie has shared so much with me?
>> Simon: Yeah, whatever little "sharing" goes on between the two of you is gonna be ending sooner than you think.
>> Dahlia: What do you mean?
>> Simon: What do I mean? Well, once this little video project is over, so are you.
>> Dahlia: Mm. Well, have you happened to run this little edict by Katie? Because I highly doubt that she'll go along with it.
>> Simon: You see, you underestimate Katie. She's more than capable of seeing you for who you really are.
>> Dahlia: You have no idea who I really am, Simon. But you will.
>> Simon: Fine. Whatever you think. It's time for you to leave.
>> Dahlia: Not until you answer one question.
>> Simon: And what's that?
>> Dahlia: Do you intend to do the same thing to Katie that you did to your late wife Monique?

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March, 2002