EPISODE 6/30/06
Simon Jumps Overboard
Home
Simonscript
June, 2006
FRIDAY, JUNE 30, 2006
Scene 1:
Location: Cruise Ship
Scene: Kasnoff's Cabin
KATIE KASNOFF, MIKE KASNOFF
[ Mike laughs ]
>> Katie: Sorry.
>> Mike: Yeah, it's all your fault.
>> Katie: It is my fault, I booked this cruise.
>> Mike: Hey, look, look, look -- you're paying for it now, all right? Well, it was a good idea on paper.
[ Glass breaking ] I hope you didn't want those.
>> Katie: No, no, no more drinks. The smell is even making me just --
>> Mike: You gonna be sick?
>> Katie: No, I'll be fine.
>> Mike: Why don't you go up and get some air?
>> Katie: And leave you here to clean up all this mess?
>> Mike: Oh, it's fine. It's fine. If you're sick, the best thing to do is go get some air. Okay?
>> Katie: Okay.
>> Mike: Go
[ Katie leaves the cabin. ]
Scene 2:
Location: Cruise Ship
Scene: Simon's Cabin
SIMON FRASIER, VIENNA HYATT
>> Simon: I'm hungry, do you think the dining rooms are open?
>> Vienna: If you dare to speak to me about food, I swear I will lose my lunch.
>> Simon: Not in here, okay? Not in here again -- in there.
>> Vienna: I can't move.
>> Simon: All right, just hang tight, all right? I'm gonna go find you some drugs.
>> Vienna: Really?
>> Simon: Yeah, there's gotta be some kind of medication for motion sickness on board this boat. Just lie still.
>> Vienna: I am lying still, it's this damn boat that won't stop moving.
Scene 3:
Location: Cruise Ship
Scene: Deck
SIMON FRASIER, KATIE KASNOFF
>> Simon: You shouldn't be up here.
>> Katie: I need air.
>> Simon: Not out here, you don't. It's too dangerous. Please, come back inside. Come on!
>> Katie: If it was that dangerous, they would've closed the deck.
>> Simon: Fair enough. Just don't look at the waves, it'll make it worse.
>> Katie: You're making it worse.
>> Simon: Come on, am I really still that much of a threat?
>> Katie: Please leave.
>> Simon: What?
>> Katie: Please, just leave me alone.
>> Simon: All right. Fine. Whoops.
Scene 4:
Location: Cruise Ship
Scene: Deck
SIMON FRASIER, KATIE KASNOFF
>> Katie: You are unbelievable! You were just leaving!
>> Simon: Hey, I want to leave. But I just don't think you want me to.
>> Katie: Trust me, I do.
>> Simon: Okay, all right, okay. Then riddle me this. If you want absolutely nothing to do with me, why did you try to scare Vienna away? Huh?
>> Katie: It's my civic duty. Even someone like Vienna doesn't deserve to be robbed blind by you.
>> Simon: You were worried about her? That's really sweet.
>> Katie: I'm trying to be the bigger person.
>> Simon: Or just maybe -- you don't like seeing me with someone else.
>> Katie: What?
>> Simon: Yeah, I'm just saying, I still think there's a little something between us. Admit it.
Scene 5:
Location: Cruise Ship
Scene: Hallway
MIKE KASNOFF, VIENNA HYATT, WAITER
>> Mike: Thank you.
>> Vienna: You! I'll give you $500 to get me some medicine to get rid of this sea sickness.
>> Waiter: Really?
>> Vienna: Get it here in five minutes and I'll double it!
>> Mike: You look a little green.
>> Vienna: That is so not my color. Have you seen Simon?
>> Mike: No.
>> Vienna: He was supposed to get me some medicine.
>> Mike: If you promised him $500, I'm sure he'll be back with it.
>> Vienna: Oh, my god, we're going down!
>> Mike: No, no, we're not going down. It's just fine.
>> Vienna: That's what they said about the Titanic. And the next thing we know, there's gonna be lifeboats and fat, brave women with tiaras and Celine Dion, she'll start pounding her chest and --
>> Mike: Easy.
>> Vienna: Oh, my god. Oh, god, I'm gonna get sick!
>> Mike: No, no, no, no, no. Whoa, not there, not there, not there! In here! In here!
Scene 6:
Location: Cruise Ship
Scene: Deck
SIMON FRASIER, KATIE KASNOFF
>> Katie: Simon, please, grow up! I am married now to the man of my dreams.
>> Simon: Are you?
>> Katie: Yes!
>> Simon: Okay.
>> Katie: Mike is an incredible man. He treats me like a queen, okay? He's perfection!
>> Simon: All right, well, this perfection is never going to see you again unless you step back from the rails. Please, come back!
>> Katie: I will, when you leave.
>> Simon: Will you please come back from the rails now?
>> Katie: Okay, just leave!
>> Simon: Katie! [ Katie screaming ] Katie! Katie!
>> Simon: Katie! Katie, can you hear me? Anybody! Woman overboard! Help! Katie!
Scene 7:
Location: Cruise Ship
Scene: Kasnoff's Cabin
MIKE KASNOFF, VIENNA HYATT
>> Mike: Better?
>> Vienna: I need to lie down.
>> Mike: Okay, great idea. Just do that right over here.
>> Vienna: You're no fun.
>> Mike: All right, I gotta go find Katie.
>> Vienna: If you see Simon, tell him I need drugs.
>> Mike: Something tells me he's heard that before. Whoa.
>> Vienna: Oh, whoa. That was it. Iceberg.
>> Mike: There are no icebergs.
>> Vienna: Wanna bet? The engine room's probably flooding -- as we speak. The happy peasants in steerage are trying to save their accordions -- and their little bundles of clothes.
>> Mike: Okay, just take a break from your imagination for a second, okay? Oh, you've gotta be kidding me.
>> Vienna: What?
>> Mike: The door's jammed.
Home
Simonscript
June, 2006