EPISODE 6/27/06
Simon Filthy Rich?
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June, 2006
TUESDAY, JUNE 27, 2006
Scene 1:
Location: Cruise Ship
Scene: Bar
SIMON FRASIER, KATIE KASNOFF, MIKE KASNOFF
>> Mike: You got that?
>> Katie: Yeah, I'm fine.
>> Mike: You can set it down right there. It's fine.
>> Katie: Okay. So, how long 'til we reach Grand Cayman?
>> Mike: An hour or two, tops. Look, are you sure you're okay with this? I know you put in a lot of work to make this cruise happen.
>> Katie: Yeah, so I can spend my honeymoon alone with you. I love the idea of hiding away on a tropical island.
>> Mike: I'll get the steward, make sure he grabs our bags, and make sure the captain knows we're going to disembark as soon as we get to Georgetown.
>> Katie: I love you.
>> Mike: I love you, too. Wait 'til you see the sunsets at Turtle Point, it's beautiful. Grab us a table, we'll have breakfast when I get back.
>> Katie: Okay.
>> Simon: You don't have to run away from me, Katie.
Scene 2:
Location: Cruise Ship
Scene: Bar
SIMON FRASIER, KATIE KASNOFF, MIKE KASNOFF
>> Katie: Running from you? Don't be ridiculous.
>> Simon: Okay then, why jump ship?
>> Katie: When you're having so much fun making us miserable?
>> Simon: Look, Katie -- I am never going to make you miserable again, okay? I promise.
>> Katie: Well, I signed up for a vacation, and this has felt more like hell week.
>> Simon: Has it really been that bad?
>> Katie: Worse.
>> Simon: My apology last night was sincere.
>> Katie: I know all about your sincerity, Simon. You think the sound of your voice can just erase years of hurt and anger. But it can't, not anymore. The only voice I want to hear is Mike's. So, we're leaving, so that you and your girlfriend and your recycled memories can't ruin our honeymoon.
>> Simon: Well, if memories can do that, they must be pretty intense.
>> Katie: Nothing in my past compares to how much I love Mike. So you can take your snide comments and your barfly girlfriend and stick 'em down under, because I am never going to have to look at your face for the rest of my happily married life.
>> Simon: There's a lot of fire in you, Katie. I miss that.
>> Katie: Just leave, please?
>> Simon: And passionate. Very passionate.
>> Katie: My passion is for Mike.
>> Mike: Hey, what happened? Forget your guitar this morning, Simon?
>> Katie: Hey.
>> Simon: He knows, huh?
>> Katie: Everything.
>> Simon: Listen, Mike, honestly, I don't want any trouble.
>> Mike: Yeah, trouble follows you. We learned that the hard way. That's why we're leaving.
>> Simon: Good. Honestly, enjoy the rest of your honeymoon. I mean it.
>> Katie: Let's forget the steward. Let's just get our bags and go, okay?
>> Mike: We can't.
>> Katie: Why not?
>> Mike: I just talked to the first officer. No one's allowed off the ship.
Scene 3:
Location: Cruise Ship
Scene: Bar
KATIE KASNOFF, VIENNA HYATT
>> Katie: If our marriage was so forgettable, I'm surprised Simon even mentioned it to you.
>> Vienna: Just in passing. He and I don't really spend much time talking, if you know what I mean. I'm sorry. Too much information? I didn't mean to upset you.
>> Katie: I'm not upset. But I also don't like seeing the wool pulled over someone's eyes, not even yours, Vienna. The man lies like it's his job -- actually, it is his job, literally. Simon Frasier is a con man, a complete fake. You can't trust a word he says.
>> Vienna: Well, at least life is not a bore.
>> Katie: When I met him, he was after a diamond the size of my head. And when he was done, everybody involved was either left miserable or lonely, and those were the lucky ones.
>> Vienna: Do you think Simon is after my jewels?
>> Katie: He will start there.
>> Vienna: Well, love me, love my loot.
>> Katie: You think he loves you?
>> Vienna: Well, duh.
>> Katie: Then why was he in here last night, playing his guitar for me, trying to win me back into his heart?
>> Vienna: Honey, he pulls out that guitar for every lonely creature he meets. I'm sure it helps to think that Simon is after my money, but really, that's too funny. The man is filthy rich.
Scene 4:
Location: Cruise Ship
Scene: Bar
SIMON FRASIER, KATIE KASNOFF, MIKE KASNOFF, VIENNA HYATT
>> Katie: Simon? Rich? Oh, he has you snowed worse than I thought.
>> Vienna: He's dripping in assets.
>> Katie: Really? Who bought the tickets for the cruise? Who buys all the great clothes and the fancy --
[ Ship creaking ]
[ Both Katie and Vienna land on the floor. ]
>> Katie: Get off of me!
>> Vienna: I'm trying!
>> Simon: Oh, this is like a dream I had last night. Here, babe --
>> Vienna: Very funny. What was that?
>> Simon: It's entertaining. Katie?
>> Katie: I'm fine. No thanks.
>> Vienna: Perfect timing, baby.
>> Simon: You okay?
>> Mike: Hey, you okay?
>> Katie: What was that?
>> Mike: They're not kidding about that storm. It's a bad one, and it's moving in fast.
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June, 2006