EPISODE 6/26/00
Simon And Lily Find A Land Mine
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June, 2000
MONDAY, JUNE 26, 2000
Scene 1:
Place: Atlantic Ocean.
Location: Deserted island.
LILY WALSH SNYDER AND SIMON FRASIER
>> Simon: Hey, rise and shine. Rise and shine. Up you get.
>> Lily: I slept kind of late. What time is it?
>> Simon: I would say from where the sun is, probably about midmorning. I hope the storm didn't keep you up
all night.
>> Lily: No, I got some sleep, thanks to you putting the parachute on top of me. Thank you very much.
>> Simon: Oh, you'd have done the same thing for me. And I see you enjoyed the fish. Nothing left but fin
and bones.
>> Lily: It was good.
>> Simon: Well, I'm sorry there's no -- there's no continental breakfast for you, but, here. I got some berries for
you just to start off the day. Don't worry. These are completely edible, unlike the ones you picked yesterday.
Come on. It's a shame Celia didn't let us go shopping before she pushed us off that plane.
>> Lily: Your sister's a heartless human being. The only reason you're helping me is so that I can take you
back to that diamond.
>> Simon: Oh, come on, Lily. That's not true.
>> Lily: You know what? We've talked enough. One night as Robinson Crusoe is enough for me, thank
you.
>> Simon: Well, at least I'm glad you're finally saying "we."
>> Lily: It's a figure of speech. We're not on the same team, Simon.
>> Simon: Well, we'd better be, Lily. 'Cause working together is the only chance we have got of getting off this
island.
Scene 2:
Location: Deserted island.
LILY WALSH SNYDER AND SIMON FRASIER
>> Lily: So you have a plan to get us off this island?
>> Simon: Ah, yes, but it is gonna take some work.
>> Lily: Well, tell me what you want me to do.
>> Simon: All right. See these vines I've gathered here? I need you to weave them into kind of a
blanket.
>> Lily: Weave a blanket?
>> Simon: Yes. Yes, yes, weave a blanket out of this. And I'm gonna go over there --
>> Lily: A blanket?
>> Simon: Lily, listen to me. We've got to fend for ourselves. Okay?
>> Lily: Yeah, I know that, but what are you gonna do in the meantime? Are you gonna go out hunting game,
go on a vision quest?
>> Simon: Just look, I know how to survive a little better out here than you. Okay?
>> Lily: Maybe you got the wrong impression of me back in Oakdale. I am not the domestic goddess of the
midwest.
>> Simon: Really?
>> Lily: Yeah.
>> Simon: Fine. Then how 'bout we swop jobs then.
>> Lily: Fine.
>> Simon: I'll weave the blanket, and you can go over there and dig.
Scene 3:
Location: Deserted island.
LILY WALSH SNYDER AND SIMON FRASIER
>> Lily: You know, I really got the short end of the stick.
>> Simon: Well, well, you insisted on calling the shots, Lily. You know, I could do with a break, though. You
know, my shoulders are a little stiff from all this weaving and, well, you must be exhausted.
>> Lily: If that's your subtle way of asking for a massage, forget it.
>> Simon: No, no. Look, I was about to suggest we trade jobs. How about you do some weaving for a bit and
I can dig?
>> Lily: Oh, no, no, no. I can handle this. Just tell me. Why the fire pit, oh, great one?
>> Simon: Well, my loyal subject, it is to shelter the bonfire from the wind. This is our only chance of attracting
a passing ship or plane.
>> Lily: Okay, then why the blanket? I mean, we have parachutes. Oh, wait a minute, don't even tell me that
you want me to wear that.
>> Simon: Come on. I've made it in your size. No, no, look, if we do see a passing ship or plane, this is to hold
over the fire and give out smoke patterns.
>> Lily: Wow! Morse code, leaf blankets, my goodness. Fishing with spears, not to mention my portrait in oil,
putting a few blueprints together for a family room. You know, if you put yourself, your mind to something half
way honest, you wouldn't have to con somebody out of a diamond. You'd be a wealthy man.
>> Simon: Yeah, but it just wouldn't be half as much fun, would it?
>> Lily: Fun? You call being shot at by your deranged sister and pushed into the middle of the Atlantic fun?
You obviously have no responsibilities back home, nobody who's worried about you, no family. You have know
idea what it's like to have somebody depend on you, people that you would give your life for. You call this
fun? No, this isn't fun. Fun is being at home with your family and your children, cuddling with them. Fun is
taking a drive on a Sunday to the middle of nowhere. Fun is being with your husband and watching an old
movie and crying at all the sentimental parts. This is a long shot.
>> Simon: Yeah. But you seem to forget, Lily, a long shot is all we've got.
Scene 4:
Location: Deserted island.
LILY WALSH SNYDER AND SIMON FRASIER
>> Simon: Have you ever tasted kangaroo meat, Lily? It's very, very low in fat, high in iron. But it gets a little
tough, if you overcook it. Kind of like crocodile tail, but unlike kangaroo meat, it just kind of tastes like
chicken.
>> Lily: Ugh, is this good enough?
>> Simon: Look, if you want to take a break, Lily, you've just got to say so, okay? 'Cause I'm all done over
here. What do you think?
>> Lily: Gorgeous.
>> Simon: Fairly primitive, but not without a kind of a certain, what, style. All right, let me check out what you've
done. Oh, not a bad job at all, muscles.
>> Lily: Thank you. Thank you.
>> Simon: You know, though, it could use a little widening and definitely could go a bit deeper. Here, I'll give
you hand.
>> Lily: No! I can do it. Thank you.
>> Simon: All right, fine, suit yourself. Well, I got to go up the beach, collect some more drift wood. We've got
to keep that fire burning constantly. Oh, yeah, and Lily, from time to time, just glance out at the horizon in case
there's any passing ships, 'cause we don't want to miss one. Because otherwise there might not be another
one for weeks.
>> Lily: Anything else you'd like me to do while you're gone?! Build a watchtower? A lighthouse, maybe?
Weeks! No way. I'm not staying on this island for weeks. What is this? A turtle shell? It's metal. Buried
treasure?
Scene 5:
Location: Deserted island.
LILY WALSH SNYDER AND SIMON FRASIER
>> Simon: Hey, Lily, what do you say we get some lobsters and clams for lunch? What are you doing?
>> Lily: I'm digging a hole. What does it look like I'm doing.
>> Simon: Hey, snappy, snappy. Relax.
>> Lily: I found something. At first I thought it was a treasure chest, but I looked closer and it's man-made,
which means that somebody reached this island even if it was a long time ago.
>> Simon: Yeah? Lemme see.
>> Lily: Score one for the girl's team!
[Lily has uncovered a landmine. Simon realizes this by the look on his face.]
Scene 6:
Location: Deserted island.
LILY WALSH SNYDER AND SIMON FRASIER
>> Simon: Lily, stop, stop, stop. Don't -- don't touch it.
>> Lily: Why?
>> Simon: Shh. Very, very slowly. Don't touch it. Get out of the hole, now.
>> Lily: What is it?
[Simon gets Lily away a few feet. The landmine goes off and they are thrown forward face down as the sand
flies.]
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June, 2000