EPISODE 6/23/06
Simon Faces Mike

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Simonscript
June, 2006


FRIDAY, JUNE 23, 2006

Scene 1:
Location: Cruise Ship
Scene: Bar

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE KASNOFF, MIKE KASNOFF, VIENNA HYATT, BARTENDER

>> Mike: Simon.
>> Katie: Simon.
>> Vienna: Simon?
>> Simon: Well, what a surprise.
>> Mike: What the hell are you doing here?
>> Simon: Oh, we're just having dinner here, same as you.
>> Katie: Stop it! Stop it! Mike! He is not worth it!
>> Vienna: Not worth it? Are you kidding? I'd pay big money to watch these two boys mix it up.
>> Bartender: Is there a problem here, gentlemen?
>> Katie: No, no. It's just a misunderstanding.
>> Simon: No, no, no, nothing you had to worry about.
>> Bartender: Boxing ring in the gym if you --
>> Katie: No, that won't be needed. Thank you.
>> Mike: You followed us here. You stalked us on our honeymoon? What is your problem?
>> Simon: I never followed anyone, Mike. I'm just as surprised as you are.
>> Mike: Yeah, like I believe that.
>> Simon: Trust me if I knew Katie was going to rush into a marriage, you would have seen me a whole lot sooner --
>> Katie: I wasn't rushing into marriage.
>> Simon: Well, I'm glad to hear it.
>> Katie: We've been married for quite awhile actually.
>> Simon: Really? You are only just taking your honeymoon now? You're a little slow aren't you, Mike?
>> Katie: We were living together.
>> Simon: Well, couldn't commit. You know, I can understand that.
>> Katie: Not, it's -- it's not like that, but you wouldn't understand, so don't even try. Let's go.
>> Vienna: What about dinner?
>> Simon: Yes, dinner. Dinner, Vee and I, we were just looking so forward to it. Just stay.
>> Katie: You're actually with her?
>> Vienna: Excuse me? I'm no her. I'm Vienna Hyatt. And who the hell are you to torment my Simon?
>>Katie: Your Simon? That, that's good. She obviously doesn't know you very well.
>> Mike: If I would have known this is the Australian boyfriend you were telling me about, I would have told you to ditch him right then and there. This guy is a conniving, worthless --
>> Katie: Liar. Who has never kept a promise in his entire life.
>> Simon: I never lied to you without good reason, Katie. I told you that and I'm sorry.
>> Katie: No, you're not. You promised to stay away.
>> Simon: This wasn't my idea. This little get-together was Vee's.
>> Katie: And I'm sure that Vee let you into our cabin?
>> Mike: Wait, wait a minute. You knew he was here and you didn't say anything?


Scene 2:
Location: Cruise Ship
Scene: Bar

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE KASNOFF, MIKE KASNOFF, VIENNA HYATT

>> Mike: You knew Simon was on this ship?
>> Katie: No, I mean, not when I booked it.
>> Mike: Then when?
>> Simon: You might as well tell him, Katie.
>> Katie: There's nothing to tell.
>> Simon: I think it was fate, pure and simple.
>> Vienna: It was me. I booked a cruise.
>> Katie: I'll explain everything. Let's just go back to the cabin.
>> Simon: That'll be cozy, right? Back in the room, nice, little dinner for four?
>> Katie: Mike and I are going back together, alone. Good night.
>> Simon: Katie. I wouldn't have told him, you know I wouldn't.
>> Mike: Let's go.
>> Vienna: You were in her cabin? Who exactly is this girl?
>> Simon: My wife.


Scene 3:
Location: Cruise Ship
Scene: Kasnoff's Cabin

KATIE KASNOFF, MIKE KASNOFF

>> Katie: You booked the massage. I was just lying there waiting for a good time. Not a good time, a relaxing time. And when the guy came in, I was lying down with my eyes closed, I thought it was the guy that you booked. How was I supposed to know that Simon bribed him and took his place?
>> Mike: Simon was in the bathroom when I came back here, wasn't he?
>> Katie: Yeah.
>> Mike: Why didn't you say anything?
>> Katie: Because I knew you would take one look at him and clobber him, like you just did. I was trying to prevent that. I made him promise to leave us alone, which he obviously didn't do, so I'm going to fix this.
>> Mike: I don't you anywhere near him.
>> Katie: You think I want him living across the hall? No, we're going to the purser, we're going to explain the entire situation, and get booked to a different cabin, okay? I never wanted to see that man again, especially not on our honeymoon. Mike, please wait. You can't think I still have feelings for Simon, not after all this time.


Scene 4:
Location: Cruise Ship
Scene: Simon's Cabin

SIMON FRASIER, VIENNA HYATT

>> Vienna: Your wife?
>> Simon: Once upon a time.
>> Vienna: Don't tell me, she's the one who got away?
>> Simon: More or less.
>> Vienna: And you've never gotten over her?
>> Simon: Honestly not a subject I want to pursue right now, Vienna.
>> Vienna: Honey, don't worry. I've had my heart broken, I've even had my nose broken, but that's another story. What matters to me is not the past but the present. Right now. You and me. And all the magic we can make in a moment. So what do you say we do whatever it takes to forget that little blonde next door?


Scene 5:
Location: Cruise Ship
Scene: Simon's Cabin

SIMON FRASIER, VIENNA HYATT

>> Simon: Whoa, whoa, baby. What's the matter?
>> Vienna: The floor -- moved.
>> Simon: The floor? We haven't even gotten started yet, Sweetie.
>> Vienna: Oh, not the earth, Romeo! The floor!
>> Simon: Ah, baby. You want any of that motion sickness medicine?
>> Vienna: Not yet. Not until I can keep it down.
>> Simon: Well, I'll be in the bar.
[ Simon pauses outside the Kasnoff's cabin. ]


Scene 6:
Location: Cruise Ship
Scene: Kasnoff's Cabin

KATIE KASNOFF, MIKE KASNOFF

>> Mike: It's not what you think, okay. It's not about jealousy or insecurity. I know you love me. But the guy is bad news. He nearly got us killed.
>> Katie: Do you think I could ever forget that? I loved Simon. But it was a long time ago. A long time ago, when I believed in fairy tales. But I've grown up, Mike. I want a real life with a real man who comes home every night, wants to help me cook and play with the kids. I want a home and a family and a future that I can count on, I want you. You're my best friend. I can talk to you. I can count on you. I can trust you. I could never trust Simon. And I love you more than anyone I have ever loved in my life. So please, tell me that you feel the same and haven't I really have messed everything up.
>> Mike: Of course I feel the same way. That's why I married you, Mrs. Kasnoff.
>> Katie: Say it again.
>> Mike: Mrs. Kasnoff.
>> Katie: One more time.
>> Mike: Mrs. Kasnoff.
>> Mike: Where do you think you're going?
>> Katie: I don't know about you, but I'm starving. We never had dinner.
>> Mike: So, I'll call and have them send something.
Katie: And wait two hours? I'm going to grab a bottle of champagne and every hors d'oeuvre I can get in that bar, and then you, Mr. Kasnoff, you can show your wife how grateful you are.


Scene 7:
Location: Cruise Ship
Scene: Bar

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE KASNOFF, BARTENDER

>> Simon: Hey buddy, do you mind if I --
>> Bartender: Knock yourself out.
[ Simon picks up the guitar, begins to play. ]
[ Katie watches. ]

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June, 2006