EPISODE 6/21/02
Simon Plays the Game

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June, 2002


FRIDAY, JUNE 21, 2002

Scene 1:
Location: Avanya
Scene: El Capitan Hotel Bar

"SIMON FRASIER", POKER PLAYERS, WOMAN

>> Well, as they say in the classics -- read 'em and weep, muchachos. Yeah. So -- anyone else wanna try and win their money back? 'Cause I could go all night.
>> "Simon": Well, well, well. You boys play a mean game of poker. So what say we mix it up a bit? Seven-card stud. Table stakes. Nothing wild -- apart from this lovely young lady, of course.
>> Poker player #2: You don't look as lucky as you did before, my friend. I'm in.
>> "Simon": You're a brave man. Your money's gonna be safe with me.
>> Poker player #3: Talk less and play more, mister. And don't get too cocky.
>> "Simon": Oh, come on, fellas. I'm just happy to be alive. Just happy to be alive.
>> Poker player #4: That can change quickly in Avanya.
>> "Simon": So I've heard. So I've heard.
>> Poker player #1: What is your business in town, Mr. Frasier?
>> "Simon": Apart from enjoying the hospitality of the local townsfolk? I'm here to find one of the most fantastic diamonds in the world. >> Woman: I love diamonds.
[ "Simon" laughing ]
>> "Simon": So I see, sweetie. So I see. But, hey, I tell you what -- don't hold your breath. 'Cause this one is all mine.

Scene 2: Location: Avanya
Scene: El Capitan Hotel Bar

"SIMON FRASIER", HENRY COLEMAN, BARTENDER

>> Henry: Gin martini, dirty and dry. Can I get a cup of two fingers of quinine, too, while you're at it, will you? I'm not getting out of this festering bog with a nice case of malaria. Say, my good man, I'm looking for some old friends of mine -- a nice young couple.
>> Bartender: Americano?
>> Henry: Yes, very much so. The -- the man's a sort of college football quarterback-type, you know? The woman is -- is from New Jersey -- deep joisey. Need I say more?
>> Bartender: I haven't seen them, no.
>> Henry: Good. This is excellent. You -- you mix a great drink, amigo.
>> Bartender: Muchas gracias, amigo.
>> Henry: Listen, I'm -- I'm also looking for a Mr. Cooley -- Cooley. I don't know if you know which room he's staying in, possibly?
>> "Simon": Well, you do look shocked there, Henry. I've got something to tell you. Cooley's gone. Which means I'm in charge now, mate.

Scene 3: Location: Avanya
Scene: El Capitan Hotel Bar

"SIMON FRASIER", HENRY COLEMAN, WOMAN

>> Henry: Simon? What's happening? Hey, what -- what brings you to this wild and woolly part of the world? Wait, I read something about you Aussies. Now, don't you do that -- what's that called? It's a walkabout, isn't it? Is that what this?
>> "Simon": Are we really going to play it that way, Henry? Are we? Are we? I didn't think so. Now, I'm not here on vacation, and neither are you.
>> Henry: Funny thing is -- I am on vacation. And boy, oh, boy, what a bad idea. You know, I thought I'd learned my lesson after I'd been -- that time on the island with your lovely missus. But I just -- I can't -- can't resist the siren call of the tropics. So, speaking of the lovely missus, is Katie here?
>> "Simon": Henry? Henry, Henry -- now listen up. I'm only going to say this once. Don't treat me like an idiot. Are we clear?
>> Henry: Oh, sure. Sure.
>> "Simon": Good, good. Now, Rose D'Angelo and Paul Ryan?
>> Henry: Some of Oakdale's finest citizens.
>> "Simon": Where are they?
>> Henry: Oh, you really know a lot, don't you?
>> "Simon": I know everything.
>> Henry: That's a lot. That's a lot. Rose and I, we took some puddle jumper, and we landed in some godforsaken airport that's cut right out of the jungle. I mean, it was like a Quonset hut and an outhouse. I mean, they didn't even have like a rental car place.
>> "Simon": Whatever. Whatever, Henry. How did you end up here in the city?
>> Henry: We hitchhiked. Can you believe that? And then Paul caught up to us. And I decided it wasn't a good idea to stick around. So I disappeared at the first possible moment. But, listen, I don't know where they are, okay? So don't ask me.
>> "Simon": Fine. Fine. Where's the thing?
>> Henry: The thing? The thing?
>> "Simon": The paper. The document that you blackmailed Rose to get. The one that proves the Rose of Sharon diamond is legit.
>> Henry: Oh -- oh, the provenance? Listen, I don't know where that is. I believe that's -- that's my grocery list. Yeah, I didn't think so.
>> "Simon": Well, well, well, well. I think I might just have to hold onto this until we find Rose and Paul.
>> Henry: You know what? That thing is useless without the diamond.
>> "Simon": Ah, ah, ah-ah. Now we're talking. That was my next question.
>> Henry: Cooley has it. He didn't think it was a very good idea for us to have the rock and the provenance in the same place.
>> "Simon": Well, you see, Mr. Cooley had to leave the hotel in a bit of a rush. I don't think he had time to take the stone with him.
>> Henry: I doubt that very much. Hey, are you saying -- are you saying the diamond's still here?
>> "Simon": Shh, shh, shh. I'm the one asking the questions tonight, Henry.
>> Henry: How do you know what may or may not have happened to Cooley?
>> "Simon": Now, listen, that sounds like another question. You've finished your drink. Why don't you be smart for once and get the hell out of here before you run out of options?
>> Henry: Some sage advice.
>> Woman: Where'd you go? I was worried.
>> Henry: Good. Be careful, Simon. Things around here have a tendency to bite or sting. Ma'am.
[Henry leaves.]
>> Woman: I'm thirsty.
>> "Simon": Well, pleased to meet you, thirsty. I'm busy.[Simon picks up his winnings.]Enjoy, boys.
["Simon" follows Henry.]

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June, 2002