EPISODE 6/20/06
Simon Sees Katie

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June, 2006


TUESDAY, JUNE 20, 2006

Scene 1:
Location: Cruise Ship
Scene: Simon's Cabin, Hallway, Kasnoff Cabin

SIMON FRASIER, VIENNA HYATT, KATIE KASNOFF, MIKE KASNOFF, PORTER

[ Simon Coughing ]
>> Simon: Baby. Baby, what time is it?
>> Vienna: It's time for food. Where's room service?
>> Simon: Oh sweetie, you didn't fill out the breakfast order.
>> Vienna: Oh, please. Do you think anyone ever does? This is a high-class cruise. They're supposed to just know.
>> Simon: All right, now you're just wasting your time.
>> Vienna: Yes, I'd like to have two goat cheese and spinach omelets, a pot of coffee, and two spicy Bloody Marys.
[ Vienna scoffs ] What do you mean, an hour? You can't expect us to wait that long. We need it now. No, I didn't fill out your stupid form.
>> Simon: I told you so. I need a shower.
>> Vienna: No, I'm not going to the buffet. I don't stand in line, ever! Now what am I supposed to do?
>> Simon: You know what, princess? You know what I'll do for you? I'll go to the buffet, I'll get you some food, and I'll bring it back. Make you happy?
[ Knock at the Kasnoff cabin door ]
>> Porter: Room service?
>> Katie: Ooh, right on time.
>> Mike: Just leave it outside the door. We'll get it in a minute, okay? Thank you.
>> Katie: No, I want to go get it. I 'll be right back.
>> Mike: No, I'm not done with you yet.
>> Katie: I'm sorry. I've really been dreaming about feeding you strawberries in bed. I will be right back, I promise.[ Katie finds Vienna taking their breakfast. ] Excuse me. What the hell do you think you're doing?


Scene 2:
Location: Cruise Ship
Scene: Hallway, Simon's Cabin

SIMON FRASIER, VIENNA HYATT, KATIE KASNOFF

>> Vienna: It's mine, I tell you.
>> Katie: No, it's not! I left a card on the door last night requesting our breakfast at this exact time. Not only that, the porter just knocked on my door to tell me our delivery was here.
>> Vienna: Check your hearing when you get back to the mainland, lady. The porter knocked on my door. And he left my breakfast. Now, leave me alone.
>> Katie: Not without my food. Give it to me!
>> Vienna: No, let go!
>> Katie: It's my food!
>> Vienna: No, it's my food!
>> Katie: Oh, really? Then why don't you tell me what's under the lid.
>> Vienna: You know, you're really starting to annoy me.
>> Katie: You can't tell me because you didn't order it.
>> Vienna: So, I don't remember what I got. Big deal.
>> Katie: Well, I do. French toast, turkey sausage, fresh strawberries and a basket of croissants -- viola! It's mine!
>> Vienna: Not anymore, it is!
[ Door slams ]
>> Simon: Did I just hear you yelling at somebody?
>> Vienna: No.
[ Banging on the door ]
>> Katie: Open up, you thief!
>> Simon: So, who's that?
>> Vienna: Sounds like our neighbor from hell. And I've about had enough.
>> Simon: You know what, so have I. I'm gonna nip this in the bud.
>> Simon: Well, I guess you scared her off.
>> Vienna: I'd like to throw her off the boat.
<< Simon: All right, what were you two fighting about this time, huh?
>> Vienna: She accused me of stealing her breakfast.
>> Simon: Well, apparently, you did. Come on, isn't this feud getting a little tiresome?
>> Vienna: Okay. Let's complain and have them removed to another room.
>> Simon: No, you know what? You know what? I got a more civilized idea.
>> Vienna: Stop, the suspense is killing me.
>> Simon: Why don't you and I invite them to have drinks with us in the lounge after dinner?
[ Coughing ]
>> Vienna: Please tell me that's a joke.


Scene 3:
Location: Cruise Ship
Scene: Simon's Cabin, Hallway

SIMON FRASIER, VIENNA HYATT, KATIE KASNOFF, MIKE KASNOFF

>> Simon: Oh, greedy, thanks for leaving me some.
>> Vienna: I was hungry and you took forever to get dressed.
>> Simon: So, how was it?
>> Vienna: At least the little witch knows how to order.
>> Simon: So, you did steal it! Come on, sweetie. Get up. Get dressed. We are gonna go and make peace with them right now.
>> Vienna: I'd rather die.
>> Simon: Well, that's one way to get rid of them, but that would leave me stuck here all by myself. And a lonely Simon is a very, very, unhappy Simon.
[ Hallway outside the cabins. ]
>> Katie: Oh, wait, I forgot my key.
>> Mike: Don't worry, I've got mine. Come on.
>> Katie: Well, just in case. Just go get our table. I'll be right there.


Scene 4:
Location: Cruise Ship
Scene: Simon's Cabin, Hallway

SIMON FRASIER, VIENNA HYATT, KATIE KASNOFF

[Simon sees Katie ]
>> Vienna: What are you waiting for? What happened to your plan to make nice with the neighbors?
>> Simon: Huh? Oh. I changed my mind.
>> Vienna: You did?
>> Simon: Yep.
>> Vienna: Why?
>> Simon: They're not worth my time. To hell with them.
>> Vienna: That's the spirit. Yes, I'm still here. Not until this afternoon? Who? Did she, now? Well, how long a massage does one girl need?
>> Simon: What's the matter?
>> Vienna: Now little miss neighbor from hell has tied up the only masseur for the entire morning! Must that woman have everything I want?
>> Simon: She's pretty good at getting what she wants, yes.
>> Vienna: What's that supposed to mean?
>> Simon: What? Well, nothing, nothing, look at her. I mean, it seems that way, right?
>> Vienna: I want a massage, Simon. A professional massage. And I want it this morning. Now, what are you going to do about that?
>> Simon: You know what, sweetie? I'm gonna kill two birds with the one stone.


Scene 5:
Location: Cruise Ship
Scene: Hallway

SIMON FRASIER, MASSEUR

>> Simon: Hey, bud. Hey. You're here for the massage, right?
>> Masseur: Yeah.
>> Simon: I believe the appointment's in this room.
>> Masseur: No. It says I'm scheduled for this room over here.
>> Simon: Well, well, whoa, whoa, whoa. Let me look at that. Oh. You sure about that? [ As he counts out money ]


Scene 6:
Location: Cruise Ship
Scene: Hallway, Kasnoff's Cabin

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE KASNOFF

[ Knock at the door ]
>> Katie: It's open. I am so glad you're here. Boy, do I need you.
[ Posing as the masseur, Simon walks into the Kasnoff's cabin.]

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June, 2006