EPISODE 6/19/06
Simon Parties

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June, 2006


MONDAY, JUNE 19, 2006

Scene 1:
Location: Cruise Ship
Scene: Simon's Cabin

SIMON FRASIER, VIENNA HYATT

>> Vienna: I found it in the bartender's private stash.
>> Simon: Good girl.
>> Vienna: It's worth more per ounce than I am. How 'bout a vodka massage?
>> Simon: Couldn't that get a little messy?
>> Vienna: That's half the fun. Why do we always end up in bed?
>> Simon: I don't know, baby. It's just what we do.
>> Vienna: Who are you, Simon Frasier?
>> Simon: Who do you want me to be?
>> Vienna: Tell me about yourself. A sip for every honest answer.
>> Simon: How will you know I'm being honest?
>> Vienna: How will you know I care?
[ Vienna laughs ] What's your favorite color?
>> Simon: Uh, your eyes.
>> Vienna: Favorite name?
>> Simon: Vienna.
>> Vienna: Am I the only Vienna you've ever known?
>> Simon: Yes. My sip.
>> Vienna: When was the last time you told a woman you loved her?
>> Simon: Have I ever made you my crazy koala?
>> Vienna: Game over so soon?
>> Simon: Yeah. No, all I need is a dash of lime and a splash of grand marnier.
>> Vienna: Oh, Simon --
>> Simon: No, listen, babe, relax. It's just a short walk to the bar.

Scene 2:
Location: Cruise Ship
Scene: Simon's Cabin

SIMON FRASIER, VIENNA HYATT

>> Simon: So, what? I'm your prisoner now?
>> Vienna: You can be.
>> Simon: Sweetie, come on, I just need a little air.
>> Vienna: I ask you one simple question about past loves and suddenly you're suffocating?
>> Simon: Vienna, please --
>> Vienna: Who is this woman who takes your breath away?
>> Simon: All right, fine. Okay -- her name was -- Maggie.
>> Vienna: And you loved her?
>> Simon: Yeah.
>> Vienna: Was she beautiful?
>> Simon: The most beautiful Border Collie I ever saw.
[ Vienna laughs ]
>> Vienna: You're impossible.
>> Simon: Come on, baby, please -- let's not talk about love, okay? Please, it just -- gets in the way of having a good time.
>> Vienna: Can't have that.
>> Simon: No, no, no, no, no, no. Come here, come here, come here. This time -- I want you to leave them all on.
>> Vienna: All of them?
>>Simon: Yeah, all of them.


Scene 3:
Location: Cruise Ship
Scene: Simon's Cabin

SIMON FRASIER, VIENNA HYATT

>> Vienna: Buffets are so tacky.
>> Simon: Yeah, well, so do you got a better idea?
>> Vienna: I have lots of better ideas.
>> Simon: Whoa, whoa. Well, I'm hoping they include more vodka.
>> Vienna: Let's find a party.
>> Simon: Where?
>> Vienna: Simon, people come on cruises to have fun. Find the fun, find the party. Maybe that cute guy across the hall.
>> Simon: Cute guy, huh? I see you're making new friends already?
>> Vienna: Keeping my options open.
>> Simon: Enterprising girl.
>> Vienna: Aren't you jealous?
>> Simon: I'm insanely jealous, baby -- insane. I'm gonna blacken his eye just for looking at you -- after dinner.
>> Vienna: You'd really fight over me, Simon?
>> Simon: Yes, sweetie, all the way to the front of the buffet line. You ready?
>> Vienna: Wait, baby. My bracelet fell off. Help me find it.
[Hallway just after Mike and Katie leave.]
>> Simon: Come on, sweetie. Chop, chop, chop. You really need to get a stronger clasp.
>> Vienna: Or a tamer boyfriend.
>> Simon: No chance.


Scene 4:
Location: Cruise Ship
Scene: Simon's Cabin, Hallway

SIMON FRASIER, VIENNA HYATT, KATIE KASNOFF, DRUNK GUY

>> Simon: Are there any more coming?
>> Vienna: Maybe a few.
>> Simon: What, after they get tossed out of the bar?
>> Vienna: That's no way to treat a first class passenger.
>> Simon: Did you say first class?
>> Vienna: One and all. That's Seymour Calloway -- ring a bell?
>> Simon: Energy futures?
>> Vienna: And Reata Langdon. Her ex invented the microchip or something. She practically walked away with his worldwide web.
>> Simon: Well, sweetheart, I think Reata needs a refill. Reata -- I thought I recognized you. You look as lovely as ever. [Pounding on door] Hey, will you get that for me, buddy? Thank you.
[Drunk guy opens the door to Katie who is in the hallway.]
>> Drunk guy: I just died and went to heaven.
>> Katie: Could you turn it down a little bit? My husband and I are --
>> Drunk guy: Your what? Hey, Vienna -- a drink for the lady.
>> Katie: No, I don't want a drink.
>> Drunk guy: I know what you want.
[Katie punches the drunk guy.]
>> Simon: All right, so who wants a drink?
>> Drunk guy: She changed her mind.


Scene 5:
Location: Cruise Ship
Scene: Simon's Cabin, Hallway

SIMON FRASIER, VIENNA HYATT, KATIE KASNOFF

[Katie pounding on door...Vienna opens the door. ]
>>Vienna: Your room's that way.
>>Simon: Not more company?
>>Vienna: Just the boring blonde across the hall.
>>Katie: Turn down the music!
[ Pounding on door ]
>>Turn it down! I said turn down the mu --
[ Music stops ]
>>Vienna: Simon, what are you doing?
>>Simon: I know that voice.
>>Vienna: What are you doing?


Scene 6:
Location: Cruise Ship
Scene: Simon's Cabin, Hallway, Kasnoff's Cabin

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE KASNOFF, MIKE KASNOFF, VIENNA HYATT

>> Katie: Thank you!
[Katie returns to her cabin. Simon opens the door to the hallway.]
>> Vienna: Baby, I want my music.
[Mike and Katie's cabin.]
>> Mike: Where'd you go?
>> Katie: To get them to turn down the music.
>> Mike: It was loud?
>> Katie: She shut the door in my face.
>> Mike: Well, somebody obviously heard you.
>> Katie: Finally.
>> Mike: All right, no more sneaking out of the room. I want you right here next to me when I wake up in the morning, okay?
>> Katie: Okay. I'll be right here.
>> Mike: Did you see him? The boyfriend?
>> Katie: If he's anything like her, then he deserves what he gets.
[ In Simon's cabin. ]
>> Simon: Impossible.
>>Vienna: Come dance with me.
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June, 2006