EPISODE 7/9/01
Simon And Katie Fly Home

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July, 2001


MONDAY, JULY 9, 2001

Scene 1:
Place: Somewhere in the air.
Location: Small airplane.

MRS. KATIE PERETTI FRASIER AND SIMON FRASIER

[Katie is kissing Simon]
>> Simon: Whoa. What are you trying to do? Kill us?
>> Katie: Simon, do you know that I almost gave up hope. I almost gave up my dream. And now, I know that dreams really do come true.
>> Simon: What -- what -- you dreamed that we crash landed in the Atlantic?
>> Katie: No. I dreamed that once you rescued me, that you would pledge your love.
>> Simon: I didn't "pledge" anything. You needled me until I was forced to say that maybe in some loosely defined way I felt something for you that vaguely resembled love. You do know what "loosely defined" means, don't you?
>> Katie: Nope. And I didn't "needle." I merely helped you gain clarity. You love me. You said you did. And you can't take it back now.

Scene 2:
Location: Small airplane.

MRS. KATIE PERETTI FRASIER AND SIMON FRASIER

>> Katie: We're going home, Simon, to Oakdale!
>> Simon: I remind you, Oakdale is not my home.
>> Katie: Well, for the time being it is, especially since you don't have any money.
>> Simon: Yeah. Yeah, another one of your many special gifts.
>> Katie: And with all that trouble that you said Craig got himself into, I don't think he's going to be paying you very soon.
>> Simon: Right. And my misfortune makes you happy why?
>> Katie: Because it means you have to go back to the Lakeview with me, where there's running water with room service and no sand in the bed!
>> Simon: No, no, no. There's no way I'm living off Craig again.
>> Katie: Okay, fine, we'll move, later. But for the time being we're there, right? We're stuck.
>> Simon: Unfortunately, yes.
>> Katie: So let's make the best of it!
>> Simon: I'm not blowing up a hundred balloons. So what else have you got in mind?
>> Katie: Well, I say we land this thing, run home, rip off our clothes and make mad passionate love.

Scene 3:
Location: Small airplane.

MRS. KATIE PERETTI FRASIER AND SIMON FRASIER

>> Simon: Hey, look out the window. Katie -- look, look, look! We just passed Chicago. The green river is just up ahead.
>> Katie: Simon, c'mon, don't ignore me. Do you know how long it's been since I've gotten any? And don't even pretend that you've gone as long without it as I have, because I know you and that Brazilian chick were not just cha-chaing whenever you were alone together.
>> Simon: Oh, please, can we not go there?
>> Katie: Don't worry, Simon. I forgive you, and I didn't just bring that up to get in a fight. But really, do you know how long it's been? Since Halloween! Halloween, Simon! I waited until my '20s to give myself to a guy, and when I finally did, it was amazing. It was the most amazing experience. And then boom! It's over! Over, like a tablecloth being pulled out from under this beautiful meal, with fine china and beautiful silver and really expensive wine.
>> Simon: Okay, I get it! I do get it!
>> Katie: I feel deprived, and only a mean and selfish man would make his own wife --
>> Simon: Wait, wait --
>> Katie: Even a phony wife go for nine months without getting the good stuff. It's a woman's basic right, especially a woman who sacrificed and nearly starved and went through sheer hell to get a diamond back.
>> Simon: All right! All right!
>> Katie: You said, "all right." So that means that -- I mean, will you really make love to me?
>> Simon: All right, if you just shut up for 30 seconds, yes, I'll do it! Just please, I'll do it, if you just sh -- zip it! Let me land the plane.
>> Katie: Ooh, sailor, I am gonna rock your boat!

Scene 4:
Location: Oakdale International Airport
Scene: Terminal

MRS. KATIE PERETTI FRASIER AND SIMON FRASIER

>> Simon: Okay, the bus stop must be this way.
>> Katie: Oh, to heck with the bus. I'll spring for a taxi!
>> Simon: You don't have any money!
>> Katie: Oh, you are right. Well, we'll find the Limo stand and charge it to Craig's account. Come on.

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July, 2001