EPISODE 7/6/01
Simon Rescues Katie

Home
Simonscript
July, 2001


FRIDAY, JULY 6, 2001

Scene 1:
Place: Island outside of North Carolina
Location: The Beach

SIMON FRASIER, HENRY COLEMAN, AND KATIE FRASIER

>> Simon: Yeah, there's only room for two people on that plane. So sorry to leave you behind, but those are the breaks, Coleman.
>> Henry: Wait, wait, wait -- you don't mean that! He's always joking, this guy. He wouldn't -- he wouldn't leave me here on a rock in the middle of the ocean!
>> Simon: Give me one good reason.
>> Henry: Wait, wait, wait -- wait a second. I did not sign on for a one-way trip.
>> Simon: Oh, then take it up with your travel agent. Let's go, Katie.
>> Katie: The joke's over, Simon. We're not going to leave you here, right?
>> Simon: The hell we're not.

Scene 2:
Location: The Beach

SIMON FRASIER, HENRY COLEMAN, KATIE FRASIER, AND COOLEY

>> Henry: Wait, wait, wait, wait, Simon.
>> Simon: I'm sorry, boys. I'm sorry. I really am. But that plane has space and weight limits, and I have patience and tolerance limits.
>> Henry: Can't -- just think of me as baggage?
>> Simon: My layover is over. Let's jet, Katie. We have hours of flying and many lectures ahead of us.
>> Katie: What lectures?
>> Simon: Well, the ones your mother obviously forgot to give you or the ones you ignored. Let's go.
>> Henry: I'm all packed and ready.
>> Katie: Oh, wait, I can't leave without Snickers.
>> Simon: What, Snickers? Oh, no, no, no, no. That is not a pet. That's dinner.
>> Henry: Yeah, we tried.
>> Cooley: Yeah, but she wasn't too keen on the idea.
>> Katie: You know, if Snickers doesn't go, I don't go.
>> Simon: Whatever, fine. Take the rabbit.
>> Henry: What?! This is unreal! With everything that we've been through, with everything that you've put me through, you're gonna sell me out for a bunny rabbit?!
>> Katie: Well, if you were a little smaller and lighter and nicer maybe --
>> Henry: I was as nice as I get, Katie.
>> Katie: Well, good. Good practice, honey, because you're gonna need that positive outlook. You're gonna be here for a long, long time.
>> Henry: No, wait, wait, wait, wait.
>> Simon: Let's go. [Simon finds the "Simon" coconut] What -- what the -- what is this?
>> Katie: That's you.
>> Cooley: Don't ask.
>> Simon: Me?
>> Henry: Yeah, yeah, she talked to it day and night.
>> Cooley: Like I said, don't ask.
>> Simon: It's a wonder you didn't starve to death the way you befriended all your food.
>> Henry: I know. It's a wonder the fruit didn't commit suicide.
>> Katie: It's a wonder I didn't kill you in the middle of night with it!
>> Henry: This is it, Katie. This is the last time I let you bring my life down to rubble. You got it?
>> Simon: Yeah, that's right because this time the pleasure's all mine. Say good-bye, Katie.
>> Henry: Wait, wait, wait.
>> Katie: Good-bye, Katie! Bye, boys! Thanks for everything!
>> Henry: Hey, Katie, you're not gonna leave me here to die, are you?
>> Cooley: You kids have a nice flight.
>> Henry: Katie, I am serious! I won't survive here! I'm allergic to shellfish! We're gonna run out of sunblock, my skin's gonna get burned to a crisp! Katie!
>> Cooley: And then there were two.

Scene 3:
Location: In an Airplane
Scene: Cockpit

SIMON FRASIER AND KATIE FRASIER

>> Katie: Did you hear something?
>> Simon: It was just the engine. Don't worry. You'll be safe and sound, at least until we get back to Oakdale.
>> Katie: Bye, Henry. Bye, Cooley. Bye, Simon's island. Good luck.
>> Simon: Just wait till we get back to Oakdale.

Scene 4:
Scene: Cockpit

SIMON FRASIER AND KATIE FRASIER

>> Simon: There's food and water in the cooler back there. Help yourself.
>> Katie: No, thanks.
>> Simon: You've got to be hungry. You're not hungry?!
>> Katie: I didn't say that.
>> Simon: What's wrong?
>> Katie: Well, say, I have a sandwich and maybe some water and accidentally spill some on the console. You're gonna start yelling at me again like you have been since we took off.
>> Simon: Yelling?
>> Katie: So no thanks. I will just sit here in silence until we get home and you start acting more like a human being.
>> Simon: I wasn't yelling!
>> Katie: Okay.
>> Simon: How else can I get it into your head? This unbelievably reckless adventure of yours has put us in the hole for a very long time.
>> Katie: What do you mean?
>> Simon: I spent every cent I earned tracking you down, and somebody's gonna have to pay a small fortune for that plane you trashed.
>> Katie: Well, can't they just come and fix it?
>> Simon: Why fly into the middle of nowhere and fix a plane when they can take a hefty chunk out of somebody's butt instead?
>> Katie: I'll figure something out.
>> Simon: Just face it, Katie. You lost. You lost. You have nothing but enough debt to choke a horse and a pretend husband who's never been so ticked off in his life.
>> Katie: Oh, come on. I have a lot more than that.
>> Simon: What, a wretched case of scurvy?
>> Katie: When that bird took your diamond, I made one wish -- that you would come and rescue me. And you did.

Scene 5:
Scene: Cockpit

SIMON FRASIER AND KATIE FRASIER

>> Simon: Please, do not read into my actions too much. Trust me.
>> Katie: You did rescue me.
>> Simon: And I'll never forgive you for it.
>> Katie: Okay, of course you haven't said, "I'm so glad you're alive" or "Babe, you're a sight for sore eyes."
>> Simon: And I won't.
>> Katie: Well, you don't have to, because we speak each other's unspoken language.
>> Simon: Right. On what planet?
>> Katie: You know, Henry went on and on about how you didn't care about me and how you were just gonna leave me on that island to rot.
>> Simon: Yeah, well, I came pretty darned close.
>> Katie: But I knew you'd come for me, because you love me.
>> Simon: All right, Katie. Listen up, and please, right this down or at least commit it to memory. I do not love you. There is no chance I will ever love you. You have cost me way too much for one lifetime.
>> Katie: You ought to be glad I forgive you.
>> Simon: You?! You forgive me?!
>> Katie: You how many weeks did it take you to come get me, huh? What was that about?
>> Simon: Well, next time you want to play little desert island damsel in distress, tell someone. Tell someone apart from me. No one ever knew your note existed until last week.
>> Katie: When you finally do come, you're a total disappointment.
>> Simon: Disappointment how?
>> Katie: In my dream, when you rescued me, you came out of the water, and you took me in your arms, and you told me that you cared about nothing but me.
>> Simon: Oh, you poor thing. See, that's called sunstroke. I'll get you a doctor when we get back.
>> Katie: In reality, I had to be the one to take you in my arms, but that's okay. You did find me, and you did kiss me back. So that means you care.
>> Simon: I never said I didn't care about you. I just said I wasn't in love with you.
>> Katie: How deluded are you?

Scene 6:
Scene: Cockpit

KATIE FRASIER AND SIMON FRASIER

>> Simon: I care about you, just like someone would care about a -- an exotic houseplant, you know? A high-maintenance, very-toxic, potentially lethal houseplant.
>> Katie: The Red Cross "cares." I risked everything to find your diamond because I love you, and you risked everything to find me for the same reason. Why is it so difficult for you to say you love me? Am I that horrible?
>> Simon: Do I have to answer that? Do I? All right. Maybe in some -- some very small, guilty, loosely defined way, I do love you.
>> Katie: You love me! I knew it! Oh, Simon loves me! I knew it! I knew it!
[Katie kisses Simon] >> Simon: Katie, back off! You're making me --
[Simon loses control of the plane.]
Home
Simonscript
July, 2001