EPISODE 7/28/00
Celia Tells Lily About Rose And Holden

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July, 2000


FRIDAY, JULY 28, 2000

Scene 1:
Place: Deserted island off the North Carolina coast - Atlantic Ocean.

Location: The beach.

LILY WALSH SNYDER AND CELIA FRASIER

>> Lily: Celia!
>> Celia: Oh, it's so nice to know that I haven't been forgotten.
>> Lily: When I heard the airplane, I thought --
>> Celia: You thought it was the cavalry coming to rescue you? Ah, no such luck.
>> Lily: How did you find us?
>> Celia: Oh, it wasn't difficult. So, where's my brother? Where's my darling brother? Hey, Simon? Aren't you gonna come welcome me back? Huh, where is he?
>> Lily: Why are you here?
[Laughing.]
>> Celia: Oh, Lily. You know, I really missed you. Why do you think I'm here? I'll give you a little clue. It's not the soft island breezes or the relaxation or the solitude.
>> Lily: Oh, you should try it for about a hundred years. It's just what the doctor ordered.
>> Celia: You know, that's a very smart mouth coming from someone who ought to be pleading for her life. I'm here for the diamond!
>> Lily: You -- you frisked me, like, a half a dozen times before you threw us into the Atlantic. You know that I do not have the diamond!
>> Celia: Well, according to Rose D'Angelo, you do.
>> Lily: Rose? Rose? You've seen Rose?
>> Celia: Oh, yeah. Oh, Rose and I are old buddies. We've run into each other more than a half a dozen times already.
>> Lily: Oh, how -- how is she? Where is she?!
>> Celia: She's in Oakdale.
>> Lily: In Oakdale? That's -- that's fantastic!
>> Celia: Do you think so? Great. Well, I just can't wait to see your reaction once you find out what she's been up to and with whom, hmm?

Scene 2:
Location: The beach.

LILY WALSH SNYDER AND CELIA FRASIER AND SIMON FRAZIER

>> Lily: If you've done something to Rose -- to hurt her -
>> Celia: I doubt you'd be so protective of her if you knew what she was doing to you.
>> Lily: Is this the part where you switch the blame? Save it!
>> Celia: Oh, you're not interested in what little old Rosie's up to? Oh, it's quite juicy information. The latest news is --
>> Lily: If you want to tell me that my children are healthy, that my family misses me, that they're scouring every corner of the earth to find me --
>> Celia: Well, that's one out of three. That's not bad. The Snyder family are very happy and healthy. In fact, they're flourishing. And those beautiful little moppets -- oh, they've grown so much in the last few weeks. Even I've noticed. And then there's Holden. He's spending a lot more time at home with the family. In fact, I have to tell you, Lily, I don't think I've ever seen a man so in love.
>> Lily: "In love"? Holden's in love? With whom?
>> Celia: With his wife, of course. Lily Snyder. Who, in fact, is having quite a summer in Oakdale.
>> Lily: What?
>> Celia: Well, let's see. What with the surprise party for her husband and then that luscious nude painted by my very talented brother --
>> Lily: What are you talking about?
>> Celia: And then there was the -- the benefit for memorial hospital. I have to tell you, everyone finds this new Lily delightfully unpredictable.
>> Lily: New Lily? No. No. Rose would never, ever do something like that.
>> Celia: Oh, but she has, sweetums. And let me tell you, the new version is a vast improvement on the original. There she is. She's doing such a good job. Do you know what she's managed to do? She's managed to choke back that screeching accent of hers. Oh, she's terribly good with your little children. Kissing them good night at bedtime, entertaining your friends and Lord knows what she's getting up to with her hu -- ooh. Excuse me. Your husband. But then again, from all the signs that I've seen -- and I've seen quite a few at a cozy little table in the middle of the Mona Lisa -- touchy, touchy, feely, feely -- they're, oh, so much in love.

[Simon breathing heavily.]

>> Celia: Hello, Simon.
>> Simon: Oh, not you.
>> Celia: Oh, it's good to see you. You look mighty good! I'm glad you survived. Listen, hey! Stay right there, darling. Why don't you move on over there to your island temptress? Now, go on. Hello, sweetheart. And this is not a rescue mission, just in case you were curious.
>> Simon: So what did you come back for? Huh, Celia? Finish off the job?
>> Celia: Well, if you push my hand, I'll do whatever's necessary. Yes! I came for the diamond. Why don't you give it to me, or would you prefer that I pry it out of your wet, cold, dead hand? Simon, my darling brother. As always, the choice is yours.

Scene 3:
Location: The beach.

SIMON FRASIER AND CELIA FRASIER AND LILY WALSH SNYDER

>> Simon: You got a bone to pick, Celia? Take it out on me. Lily has suffered enough because of us.
>> Celia: No, it was Lily who put herself right in the middle of our family squabble.
>> Lily: How? How did I do that?
>> Celia: By pocketing the diamond, or at least Rose did. You had it in the cabin! You had it in the airplane! And now you've got it here on this island!
>> Simon: Oh, that is some fairy tale, Celia. Oh, don't tell me you're off your medication again.
>> Celia: You're a funny guy, aren't you?
>> Lily: Where did you come up with a story like that?
>> Celia: From Rose, dear.
>> Simon: Rose? Rose? What --
>> Lily: Your sister claims that Rose is in Oakdale. Rose told you that I had the diamond?
>> Celia: Uh-huh. Rose told me that you had the diamond. Now, that means you've been a very naughty girl because you lied to me. Hey, Simon, why don't you tell your girlfriend here how much I detest being lied to.
>> Lily: You -- you don't like it. I get it.
>> Celia: All your island adventures have toughened you up. Not terribly attractive to you, lily. But, hey, what does it matter? You're stuck out here in the middle of nowhere, and there's good old "Lily Snyder," AKA Rose, luxuriating in her newfound, easily acceptable new life.
>> Lily: Your sister claims that not only is Rose in Oakdale, but she's going around impersonating me.
>> Simon: Oh, well. Oh, well, Celia's always had a very vivid imagination. Not to mention a compulsive liar who'd do anything to get what she wants.
>> Celia: I have a very nice photo essay right here in my bag. I've entitled it Lily Snyder's summer vacation." You can feast your eyes on it -- as soon as you give me the diamond.
>> Simon: You want the diamond?
>> Celia: Yes, I do.
>> Simon: Fine. Let's go get it.
>> Lily: No! Simon!
>> Celia: If this is a wild goose chase, Simon, dear --
>> Simon: Well, Celia, there's only one way to find out.

Scene 4:
Location: The cave.

CELIA FRASIER AND SIMON FRASIER AND LILY WALSH SNYDER

>> Celia: My, my, my, isn't this downright domestic. It's lacking a few of the feature comforts from home. Isn't it, Simon? Ah, but then again, you can't have everything, not even in paradise. Where is my diamond?
>> Simon: We'll give it to you as soon as you take us back to the mainland.
>> Celia: Oh, no, no, no. This is your final destination, kids.
>> Simon: You can't leave us here to die, Celia.
>> Celia: Live, die, play house -- do I care? I knew you'd make it. I knew you'd survive. Hey, I could've maimed you or killed you at least a half a dozen times, couldn't I? But I didn't, did I?
>> Lily: But you will as soon as you get your hands on that diamond. And so long as my life depends on it, you will not see it.
>> Simon: Take us out of here, Celia, then you can go wherever you want.
>> Celia: I'll tell you what, my brother, you give it to me and we'll discuss the details later.
>> Lily: And you'll kill us as soon as you get your hands on the diamond. You're not going to get that stone. I'm telling you right now.
>> Celia: You know what? Never is a very long time, Lily.
>> Simon: Lily's right, though, Celia. You see, it's not even here.
>> Celia: Oh, it's not even here, is it? Oh, all right. You don't mind if I look around then.
>> Lily: He's leading you on a wild goose chase. You said that yourself.
>> Celia: Do you know your credibility with me is zero? Rose staked her life on the fact that that diamond is here.
>> Lily: Rose -- Rose would do anything to protect what's hers.
>> Celia: And yours.
>> Lily: I don't believe anything you've told me. I don't.
>> Celia: Really? 'Cause that's a shame. I thought it would be refreshing if one of us told the truth around here.
>> Lily: The truth is you'll be an old and bitter woman before you even see that stone. Looks like you're halfway there already.
>> Celia: Wow, these past few weeks in the sun have really toughened you up. Or perhaps it's just your true nature coming through. You know, they say in times of crisis, you find out what your true colors are, huh, Simon? You know what? Rose hit a crisis point not so long ago, and I have to tell you that I really think that it strengthened their marriage. Really made their love much stronger. It does my heart such good to see such determination.
>> Simon: What are you going on about, Celia?
>> Celia: What am I going on about? I would say this Lily is about as romantic as a dried up carcass. No wonder Holden prefers the vast improvement.
>> Lily: I don't believe anything that's coming out of your mouth, Celia.
>> Celia: Okay. Fine. The truth is a very, very powerful thing, Lily. Right? Well, let me prove to you I am not lying to you. I am not lying to you. Go on, look at them. Go on. That is the truth of a man very much in love with his wife, only she's not really his wife, is she?
>> Simon: What is it, lily?
>> Celia: How do you feel about your husband now -- and your trusted friend?

Scene 5:
Location: The cave.

>> Simon: I don't believe it, Lily. It's probably a trick. Don't even look at them.
>> Celia: It's not a trick, Simon. They're the genuine article, except for Lily's stand-in, of course. Hey, Lily, those photographs of the loving couple with the little tykes -- don't you think those would be a good start to a new family album?
>> Simon: Don't listen to her!
>> Celia: Tell me something, Lily. Tell me, what hurts the most? Seeing your husband in love with another woman or realizing that you know you've been wasting your time here? Because he hasn't been scouring the globe looking for you, leaving no stone unturned -- he really hasn't been wasting his time. His life hasn't changed at all.
>> Lily: I want you to take me home. Please, just take me home, or -
>> Celia: What? There's no place for you at home, dear. What are you gonna do? Get a job as a showgirl, change your name? Even those people who love you so much, who know you so well, even they have been so easily fooled. Happily so. Those little kids. I mean, look at that picture of Rose, Lily, with the kids. Look at her with her children.
>> Lily: Those are my children. Those are my --
>> Celia: Just like it's my diamond.
>> Simon: What did you tell Rose, Celia? She wouldn't have done this without any reason!
>> Celia: You'd be surprised what a woman will do when she feels betrayed.
>> Lily: Betrayed? Look, I didn't betray Rose!
>> Celia: You took her diamond. You ran off into the sunset with her diamond and the man.
>> Lily: You told her that?
>> Celia: I didn't have to tell her anything. She figured it out when you didn't show up. You took the diamond, she took over your life. You hardly left her much choice.
>> Simon: Why are you doing this to her?
>> Celia: 'Cause I thought it'd be nice to get a little news from home. Hey, you know, you really should see what this high-kicking showgirl has managed to do in such a very short amount of time.
>> Simon: Shut your mouth, Celia!
>> Celia: It's so ironic! That the two of you are gonna die here, and your bones are gonna be bleached by the sun, and no one will be the wiser! No one will know the truth. Huh? Your children call her "mommy." Your husband -- well, what does he call her in the middle of the night when he's holding her tight?
>> Lily: Shut up! Listen to me! Just shut up!
>> Celia: You want me to stop? Do you want me to stop?! Then you give me what I want. You have till the count of three. One! Two!
>> Simon: You want the god forsaken diamond, Celia?! Huh?! Here it is!

Scene 6:
Location: The cave.

CELIA FRASIER AND LILY WALSH SNYDER AND SIMON FRASIER

>> Celia: Give that to me, Simon. Give it to me.
>> Simon: You don't have to hurt anyone to get what you want, Celia.
>> Celia: Don't you make me do this. You give that to me or she's gonna pay for it.
>> Lily: Simon, please do something --
>> Simon: Back off!
>> Celia: Listen to your girlfriend! I'm not backing off!
>> Simon: I don't want the bloody stone! All right? If these are the lengths that you would go to get it, it's all yours. There is no way I would hurt anyone for it.
>> Celia: What's got into you?
>> Simon: Take it.
>> Celia: What are you doing?
>> Simon: Take it. Take it! Take it! It's all right, okay? Everything's gonna be all right.
>> Lily: No, it's not. It's never going to be all right again, Simon.


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July, 2000