EPISODE 7/25/02
Simon Wants Out!

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July, 2002


THURSDAY, JULY 25, 2002

Scene 1:
Location: Avanya Jailhouse
Scene: Simon's Cell

SIMON FRASIER, HENRY COLEMAN

>> Simon: I never actually thought I'd be happy to see that -- that simpering smile.
>> Henry: Oh, yeah. You smell awful.
>> Henry: [ Laughing ] You know, speaking of stink, your -- your double, Donovan Curry, he has a little penchant for homicide. I don't know if you knew that. You can ask our old friend Cooley if you have the stomach to dig him up.
>> Simon: Look, I know he's bad news.
>> Henry: Mm-hmm.
>> Simon: He was just in here. He took Joe with him.
>> Henry: Any idea where they went?
>> Simon: No, I don't. All I know is that Joe is sick, Henry. You've got to find him, get him to a hospital.
>> Henry: Yeah, we'll find him, we'll find him. But now that I've found you, um, how the heck do I get you out of here?
>> Simon: How's Katie?
>> Henry: Uh, she's furious, but she's fine.
>> Simon: That man, has he -- has he abused her at all?
>> Henry: Hmm?
>> Simon: Has he hurt her, Henry? Has he touched her?
>> Henry: What? Oh, you mean has he -- has he touched her?
>> Simon: You know what I mean, Henry.
>> Henry: Oh, dios mio. Man, I can't believe this. You're stuck in this Avanya hellhole, and your evil doppelganger is wreaking havoc on us, and you're worried about whether Betty's been kissing Reggie? Let me tell you something you, Archie --
>> Simon: Listen up, Jughead! You tell me right now. Has that counterfeit reject been doing anything improper with my wife?

Scene 2:
Location: El Capitan Hotel
Scene: Hotel Lobby

"SIMON FRASIER", ROSE D'ANGELO, KATIE FRASIER, PAUL RYAN

>> "Simon": So, since I've got the old man, you have 24 hours to bring me the provenance and the diamond.
>> Rose: Or what?
>> "Simon": Or your pop comes to a slow and very painful end.
>> Katie: Oh, come on, that's ridiculous! We don't have the diamond. What, are we just supposed to go find it? We have no idea where it is!
>> "Simon": Then why are you still here then, huh? Go on. Off you go. Start looking.
>> Rose: What is your malfunction? We just told you, we don't have the diamond!
>> "Simon": My terms are non-negotiable. If you think I'm gonna change my mind or have an 11th-hour attack of conscience, you're wasting precious time.
Now, if you want to see your father again, bring me what I want.
>> Paul: How do we know you'll hold up your end of the bargain? How do we know you even have Joe?
>> "Simon": Well, well, well. Finally someone's thinking. Good work, son. It's story time, kiddies. Gather 'round. A message from dear old pop. Sit, Rose. Sit! Good girl. You've been well-trained.
["Simon" turns on a cassette recording from Joe.]
>> Joe: Rosie, bella bambina, don't give in to this joker. And Rosie -- don't you worry about me. I'm gonna be okay, no matter what they tell you. Your old pop is gonna be just fine, and so are you. Just do what you do right. I love ya', cara mia. I love you --
>> Rose: What did you do to him?! What did you do to him?!
>> "Simon": Oh! Finally we understand each other, huh? I've got something you want, and you've got something I want. Now, are we gonna make a deal?
>> Rose: You're killing him! You are killing my pop!
>> "Simon": I'm not killing him, Rose. You are.

Scene 3:
Location: El Capitan Hotel
Scene: Hotel Lobby

"SIMON FRASIER", ROSE D'ANGELO, KATIE FRASIER, PAUL RYAN

>> Katie: It'll be okay. We'll find that diamond, we'll find your father, we'll bring him home. He'll be fine.
>> Rose: He's gotta get to a hospital! He can't even see a doctor because this maniac will not tell us where he is!
>> "Simon": So give me the diamond, and you can do with him whatever you choose.
>> Paul: All right, you need a hostage, you take me. Let her father go free.
>> "Simon": No, that's okay. Hey, thanks for the heroics, though. But there's not much fight left in the old man, if you know what I mean. He's a lot easier to control. 24 hours.
>> Rose: What was that?! What are we supposed to do here?! I mean, we have no idea where the hell that diamond is!
>> Katie: Okay, we're just gonna turn this island upside down, we'll bribe the right people. It's okay. If Simon and I can make it through Malta, we can bring your father back.
>> Rose: I am not leaving here without my pop, you hear me?
>> Paul: Now you're talking.
>> Rose: If only dead men could talk.
>> Katie: Cooley must have hidden that diamond somewhere on this island. We'll just start throwing money around. We'll start with Desi, we'll get as much information as we can, and we'll find it. We'll take it to not-Simon, we'll find my Simon, and then we'll be done, okay?
>> Rose: This is killing me. I mean, my pop, he's holdin' on for dear life here, all because of this stupid rock that has brought me nothin' but bad luck since I found out what it was worth. That guy is right. If anything happens to my pop, I'm gonna know that it's my fault.

Scene 4:
Location: Avanya Jailhouse
Scene: Simon's Cell

SIMON FRASIER, HENRY COLEMAN

>> Simon: All right, so you're telling me she doesn't --
>> Henry: Yes, I'm telling you. What are you? What are you, crazy? Of course. She saw right through him! For some unfathomable reason, she's crazy about you, all right? I don't understand why. She adores you. She's memorized every part of you. So if she can't see through some impostor, who could?
>> Simon: All right.
>> Henry: All right. That's what makes her so irresistible. Now, if we are done with this installment of "Avanya Confidential," let's get back into getting you out of here, okay? All right. How about the window? Can you -- I don't know. Can you pull the bars out of the wall?
>> Simon: I've already tried that. The jailers cemented it stronger than ever, so now it's a no go.
>> Henry: Well, uh, I'm out of brilliant ideas, so good luck. Let me know how it works out.
>> Simon: Henry, if you walk out of this jail, you'd better run for your life, because I will hunt you down!
>> Henry: I'm only joking, old boor. I gotta tell you though, I am -- well, I'm in the dark here. I got nothin', so if you have any contributions --
>> Simon: What about Paul? Have you -- have you found Paul?
>> Henry: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He caught up with us yesterday. He's a little beaten and battered. I -- I think the Avanya welcoming committee found him.
[ Simon sighs ]
>>Simon: All right, look, uh -- go back to the El Capitan. Tell Rose that Joe is no longer here, but do not tell her how sick he is.
>> Henry: Yeah. That's not gonna work. Have you ever been the bearer of bad news to that woman?
>> Simon: After that, um, you're gonna have to get me some explosives.
>> Henry: I'm gonna what?
>> Simon: Yeah, you heard me.
>> Henry: Okay. Yeah, that's fine. I saw some dynamite laying around at the Fiesta Lounge. No problem, Simon.
>> Simon: Black market, Henry. Use your brain. They'll sell anything there. They'll sell their own mothers. Find some kids with some cherry bombs,
whatever. Just bring back something that goes "bang." All right, you got it?
>> Henry: Okay, yeah, me savvy GI. Boom. TNT make jail go boom. Okay.
[ Simon laughs ]
>> Simon: I'm counting on you, Henry. And I tell you what, it scares the hell out of me. Get out of here! Go!
>> Henry: All right.

Scene 5:
Location: El Capitan Hotel
Scene: Hotel Lobby

KATIE FRASIER, ROSE D'ANGELO, LUCINDA WALSH, PAUL RYAN, HENRY COLEMAN

>> Katie: This is not your fault, Rose. You can't blame yourself for things that are completely out of your control. Your dad's a tough guy. He's gonna get out of this just fine.
>> Rose: You think so? It's just that everything and thinking about me, who I am is -- is my pop, you know? He's the last of the D'Angelos. If he dies --
>> Katie: He's not gonna die, Rose.
>> Rose: If he dies, then part of me is going with him.
>> Lucinda: Dear --
>> Rose: The best part of me.
>> Lucinda: Desi's got a guard 24 hours a day on the safe just in case. Are you holding up?
>> Rose: Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm great. I want my pop.
>> Henry: What's a guy got to do to get a martini around here?
>> Rose: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Did you find him?! Did you follow him out of here?! Where did he go?! Where did -- the guy, the other guy, the other Simon?!
>> Katie: Did he -- did he lead you to my Simon?
>> Lucinda: What about Joe?
>> Paul: Yeah, what about --
>> Henry: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. One at a time here, please! Yes, yes, I followed the impostor all the way from El Diabolito to what can best be described as a jail, and that's where I found Simon.
>> Katie: Is he okay? Tell me. You've got to lead me to him. You've got to take me to him. He needs me.
>> Henry: No, no. I'll tell you what Simon needs, and it's not his hysterical little wife running wild in that jail, all right?
>> Katie: Did he leave a message for me?
>> Henry: Oh, yeah, two messages -- one for Rose, and one for Paul. Paul? Listen, Simon says, and I'm paraphrasing here, "get some dynamite, blow up the jail." He wants out.

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July, 2002