EPISODE 7/18/00
Simon Can't Get The Radio To Work

Home
Simonscript
July, 2000


TUESDAY, JULY 18, 2000

Scene 1:
Place: Deserted island off of the North Carolina coast - Atlantic Ocean.

Location: The cave.

LILY WALSH SNYDER, SIMON FRAISER, AND COOLLY.

>> Lily: Simon!
>> Coolly: Oh, sweet lips has got a great set of pipes, but she could scream all night, it wouldn't do you any good.
>> Simon: All right, or you could kill me -- but I'd be much more useful to you alive.
>> Coolly: Oh, no, no. See, I can think of a million uses for her, but you -- you're a liability.
>> Simon: Yeah, yeah, would you find a few million dollars useful?
>> Coolly: Huh, you ain't got a penny!
>> Simon: No, no, I haven't, but I got a diamond the size of a coconut. You let us go, and it's all yours.
>> Coolly: I don't care if you've got a diamond the size of my rear, I'd take more pleasure burying your carcass in the sand!
[Lily screaming.]
>> Coolly: Ahh -

Scene 2:
Location: The cave.

LILY WALSH SNYDER, SIMON FRAISER, AND COOLLY.

[Coolly yelling.]

[Coolly lashes out blindly and nicks Lily with his machete on her back.]

[Coolly flees.]

LILY WALSH SNYDER AND SIMON FRAISER

>> Simon: Lily, are you all right?
>> Lily: No, it's just a little cut. Just go.
>> Simon: No, I'm not going anywhere until I see that you're okay. Move your arm, move your arm. It's a nasty cut, but it's fairly surface. I'll clean it off, but you're gonna live.
>> Lily: Not if our newfound friend has his way.
>> Simon: Who was that lunatic?
>> Lily: He was hiding in here. He was all over me. It was horrible.
>> Simon: You were right. I should never have left alone. I'm so sorry.
>> Lily: This is the one time I wish I hadn't been right.
>> Simon: Throwing water in his face, that was genius.
>> Lily: Wasn't it? Oh, he's going to be back.
>> Simon: Any idea where he came from?
>> Lily: Yeah, he touched on his life story when he was -- ahh -- he was fondling me. He was running -- ah -- running guns from El Salvador, and the coast guard caught up to him.
>> Simon: Wait, wait, wait. El Salvador? That must've been years ago.
>> Lily: 1976. Oh, but you cannot believe anything -- ahh!
>> Simon: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just need to clean this wound to prevent infection. I'll be careful.
>> Lily: Please, be gentle.
>> Simon: I will.
>> Lily: Thank you. He said something about how his ship crashed. He ended up here, and he didn't want to stay in prison in the states. He'd be better off here for the rest of his life.
>> Simon: So he made this his own devil's island, huh?
>> Lily: Yeah.
>> Simon: There we go. How does that feel?
>> Lily: Better. Thanks.
>> Simon: Yeah.
>> Lily: So, I guess the mystery of the missing clothes is solved. I'm so -- I'm so sorry for accusing you of taking them, and for a million other things that you didn't do, or --
>> Simon: Look, I haven't been a saint.
>> Lily: No, but you've been a friend. I'm sorry I didn't see it sooner. The idea of that man watching us, every move that we make -- it's disgusting. When we get home, we'll call the coast guard on him.
>> Simon: Whatever that creep has got planned for us, lily, I'm not going to let him get away with it, all right? I'm not gonna let him get near you again. I promise.

Scene 3:
Location: The cave.

LILY WALSH SNYDER AND SIMON FRAISER.

>> Simon: Okay.
>> Lily: Oh!
>> Simon: How does that feel?
>> Lily: Kind of feels like rubber cement.
>> Simon: Yeah, it's a good mixture. I think it'll help prevent infection.
>> Lily: Looks like a side dish at the mona lisa.
>> Simon: It'll help your wound heal faster. Here, have a taste.
>> Lily: Oh, no, I'd rather eat sand.
>> Simon: Well, we've got plenty of that for dessert.
>> Lily: Thank you.
>> Simon: For what, feeding you dirt?
>> Lily: No. For showing up when you did and for making me laugh, making me feel like we're gonna get through this.
>> Simon: We will, lily. I give you my guarantee. There. All done.
>> Lily: You know, with that psycho running around, we have to be very careful. We cannot relax even for a second.
>> Simon: I know, I know. We will stick together as much as humanly possible and sleep in shifts, so at least one of us is always on the lookout for that errant gun runner.
>> Lily: I know this isn't just our island anymore. For all my complaining, the one good thing about being here was being here with you. You're here to protect me and take care of me, and we're working together to get off this island together so we can get home safely. Do you think I've gone off the deep end?
>> Simon: Not at all. No, I know exactly what you mean.
>> Lily: You do?
>> Simon: Uh-huh. Until today, I thought it was just you and me here on the island -- us here, alone. Now I feel like we're being invaded.
>> Lily: We're fighting for our lives -- again.
>> Simon: I know how much that man frightened you, lily.
>> Lily: He's insane. He's gonna kill us.
>> Simon: No. No, he may try, but he definitely will not succeed.
>> Lily: How do you know that? We're stuck here. We're stranded here. We don't have our raft anymore.
>> Simon: We could build another one. Wait. Wait, wait, wait. There may be another way off this island, a faster one.
>> Lily: Simon, nobody knows that we're here. People probably don't even know about this island, that it exists. We're stranded here.
>> Simon: No, this is what I was coming to tell you when I caught you with that barbarian. Wait a sec.
>> Lily: Where are you going? Simon, where are you going?
>> Simon: It's all right, I'm right here.
>> Lily: This is not a joke! Please, Simon!
>> Simon: It's okay. Wait.
>> Lily: What is that?
>> Simon: I found it at the gun runner's hovel. As for what it is, I think it could be an old short-wave radio, circa 1940.
>> Lily: You think that it's his?
>> Simon: I'm assuming it was left here from world war ii.
>> Lily: You think it will work?
>> Simon: It's possible. I mean, these babies were built to last.
>> Lily: Well, come on, come on, come on! Send out a signal. The sooner we do that, the sooner we're gonna get home.

Scene 4:
Location: The cave.

LILY WALSH SNYDER AND SIMON FRAISER.

>> Lily: Come on, come on, come on! Turn it on!
>> Simon: If we can get it to work, Lily.
>> Lily: "If"? No, no, no, no, no, no. It has to work.
>> Simon: Be careful, lily. Don't pin all your hopes on this old radio.
>> Lily: Then what else do I have to pin them on? I mean, come on. This is our first lucky break since we left Atlantic City. It could be our ticket home!
>> Simon: Yeah, on the other hand, it could just be a useless piece of junk.
>> Lily: Well, we'll never know until we try.
>> Simon: All right.
>> Lily: Come on. Come on. What do you have to do?
>> Simon: All right. I think I've seen these in old world war ii films. If I can just get this thing cranking, maybe it'll work.
>> Lily: Well, go ahead. Turn it! Come on!
>> Simon: Oh. Ow, it's stuck.
>> Lily: Well, unstick it!
>> Simon: It's rusty, all right? Not to mention covered with 55 years of gunk.
>> Lily: Please tell me that you don't think this is hopeless.
>> Simon: No, hardly. If I can just get this thing to turn, maybe it's possible we can send out a message.
>> Lily: Okay, we're sending a message. Who gets it? Who gets the message?
[Simon groans.]
>> Simon: Anyone tuned to the same frequency -- a passing ship, a plane. Even the coast guard.
>> Lily: The coast guard. The coast guard could rescue us. We could be home as early as tomorrow night!
>> Simon: Yeah, let's just get this thing working before we start plotting our return itinerary, all right?
>> Lily: Any progress? Come on. Can you get it to turn?
[Simon grunting.]
>> Lily: Simon --
>> Simon: Wait, wait, wait. It's almost here.
>> Lily: Wait, Simon. Wait. Wait! I want to say something. You've tried to help me so many times, and I've been too stubborn to let you. And I just wanna say that you've been a good friend. And I'm sorry that I gave you such a hard time.
>> Simon: I -- I didn't trust you much either. You know, I can't apologize enough for everything that I've put you through.
>> Lily: I'm sorry, too. You think it'll work?
>> Simon: Let's get this -- crank going. There. All right.
[Cranking.]
[Feedback on radio.]
>> Lily: Is it supposed to make those kind of sounds?
>> Simon: One can only hope.
[Feedback on radio.]

Scene 5:
Location: The cave.

LILY WALSH SNYDER AND SIMON FRAISER.

>> Lily: Come on, come on! Pick up something -- anything!
>> Simon: It's not happening, Lily --
>> Lily: We're gonna make it happen!
>> Simon: We'll keep searching up and down those dials.
>> Lily: Well, all I hear is you. I hear you cranking.
>> Simon: Turn up the volume, the one in the middle. Anything?
>> Lily: No. No, no. You're not -- are you giving up?
>> Simon: No, but my arm is.
>> Lily: Let me do it, let me try.
>> Simon: It doesn't make any difference, all right? We're not picking up anything.
>> Lily: Well, what do we do now? Do -- do we try it again?
>> Simon: There may not be any point.
>> Lily: Maybe it just needs to warm up -- or something!
>> Simon: Or maybe we are trying to do the impossible.
>> Lily: What do you -- what are you doing?
>> Simon: I don't know, it's worth checking out the insides. Maybe there's something loose, a loose wire or something like that.
>> Lily: What?
>> Simon: The diode's missing. We could crank this thing from now to the new millennium, and we're not gonna transmit anything.
>> Lily: No, see, it has to work.
>> Simon: It's not gonna work. It's not happening.
>> Lily: It has to work, Simon! I've got to get a signal out there, because if I don't, I'm never gonna be able to see my husband or my children ever again!
>> Simon: It's all right. It's okay. It's okay.

Scene 6:
Location: The cave.

LILY WALSH SNYDER AND SIMON FRAISER.

>> Lily: No, we cannot give up. Come on! There's gotta be a way to make this thing work!
>> Simon: No --
>> Lily: Let's just try!
>> Simon: Look, put it down. No, no, listen, look, look! Without that missing piece, there's no point wasting another second on this thing. All right? We have to find some other way off this island.
>> Lily: There's no other way because the radio -- that was it. We're stranded.
>> Simon: No.
>> Lily: We're gonna be stuck here.
>> Simon: Don't say that. Look at me. Don't say that, all right? If we lose hope, we lose everything.
>> Lily: Just open your eyes! Simon, we're in the middle of nowhere! There's some madman running around here trying to kill us! You know, we'd probably be better off because the alternative is being stuck here for the rest of our lives! What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do? Simon -- what are we gonna do?
>> Simon: Don't, don't. Lily, please. Come here.


Home
Simonscript
July, 2000