EPISODE 7/15/02
"Simon" Outfoxed by Lucinda, Rose, and Katie

Home
Simonscript
July, 2002


MONDAY, JULY 15, 2002

Scene 1:
Location: El Capitan Hotel
Scene: Katie Frasier's Room

"SIMON FRASIER", KATIE FRASIER, ROSE D'ANGELO, LUCINDA WALSH

>> Katie: Cooley is obviously playing with us. He told you that I had the diamond. He told me that you have it. And obviously, somebody else has it, like Desi at the front desk or the woman who cleans the sheets or Rose or Lucinda or some other Simon.
>> "Simon": What did you just say?
>> Katie: Hmm?
>> "Simon": What other Simon could there possibly be?
>> Katie: What other Simon? The nice one.
>> "Simon": No, no, no, no, no, no. You're not going anywhere until you tell me what you just meant.
>> Katie: Why are so nervous, hubby, if you are my hubby?
>> "Simon": See, that's it. That's it. It's little comments like that. I -- I just want to know what you're getting at.
>> Katie: Okay, why not? You -- ain't him.
>> "Simon": Him who?
>> Katie: Simon. You're not him. You look like him, you kind of talk like him, but you definitely don't kiss like him. My Simon has clean teeth.
>> "Simon": Whoa. So what are you saying? You think I'm not your husband, huh?
>> Katie: No.
>> "Simon": You know what? It's, um -- it's talk like that that can get a person killed.
[ Knock at door ] Don't you move. All right, whatever you're selling, I ain't buying!
>> Rose: Oh! Hey!
>> "Simon": Now look, this is a really bad time.
>> Rose: This will only take a minute.[Rose slugs "Simon", who falls to the floor.] And that is how they do it back in Hoboken.

Scene 2:
Location: El Capitan Hotel
Scene: Katie Frasier's Room

"SIMON FRASIER", KATIE FRASIER, ROSE D'ANGELO, LUCINDA WALSH

[Unconscious "Simon" on the floor.]
>> Rose: Oh! Ah! That plastic surgeon must have put a metal plate in his jaw.
>> Katie: That was amazing. Where did you learn how to do that?
>> Lucinda: Oh, come on, darling! Don't encourage her.
>> Rose: Oh, we can't all be like ms. Walsh, now. Kill 'em with an evil look.
>> Lucinda: Oh, come off it. If we want to see some evil, we could just stand around here chatting --
>> Rose: Yeah, I know, I know. You're the brains. I'm the muscle.
>> Lucinda: Okay, I love you, too. Go through his pockets, everybody.
>> Rose: Okay.
>> Lucinda: Come on, search.
>> Katie: Gosh, it looks so much like him. It's weird. Wait. What is that? My Simon doesn't have a scar like that.
>> Lucinda: Where?
>> Rose: That's because your Simon isn't Donovan Curry.
>> Katie: Oh, my god, he looks like his cousin or something, like kind of the same, but --
>> Lucinda: Good heaven! Is that military?! I'll bet you there are some outstanding warrants down under. We should check.
>> Rose: Yes! Look into that.
>> Katie: Hello? This guy has my husband and your dad. We need him.
>> Rose: No, we need leverage. We gotta have somethin' to trade.
>> Lucinda: Well, I'll tell you something. This guy doesn't want his real identity known.
>> Katie: He wants the diamond. That's what he wants. That's what all this is all about.
>> Rose: Well, we don't got the diamond, girl.
>> Lucinda: Well, he don't got it, either.
>> Katie: Yes, but he does have something -- the provenance.
>> Rose: And the letter from the Carpenters, yes.
>> Katie: Okay. We gotta find it. Obviously, he wouldn't keep it in his pockets, would he? Okay, he's gotta have it. He hid it around here somewhere.
>> Lucinda: All right, all right. It's time to ransack this room.
>> Katie: Henry and I already tried that.
>> Lucinda: Well, honey, you didn't have me to help you. Let's start right here. Okay!
>> Lucinda: This guy never cleaned out his pockets. They're disgusting.
>> Katie: That's because he never cleans his clothes.
>> Lucinda: Well, I'm gonna wash my hands because that's ridiculous. Maybe he -- maybe he hid it in the commode.
>> Katie: Well, he definitely didn't hide it in his mattress. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe he didn't hide it here. Maybe he hid it up at the top of a coconut palm or swallowed it.
>> Rose: Hey, what's behind the armoire?
>> Katie: The wall?
>> Lucinda: The armoire?
>> Rose: Katie, help me.
>> Katie: Hold on.
>> Rose: You got it?
>> Katie: I got it.
>> Rose: Careful. There you go. There's plenty of room. Okay, thank you.
>> Katie: Oh, gosh, that is disgusting.

Scene 3:
Location: El Capitan Hotel
Scene: Katie Frasier's Room

"SIMON FRASIER", KATIE FRASIER, ROSE D'ANGELO, LUCINDA WALSH

["Simon" comes to.]
>> "Simon": What the hell is going on in here, huh? What the hell is going on?
[Lucinda slugs "Simon".]
>> Rose: Good job, Ms. Walsh.
>> Katie: How come everybody else gets to hit him? I wanna hit him. He's my fake husband.
>> Lucinda: Honey, you've got my permission. You hit him next. All right? How are we doing? What did you find?
>> Rose: I got something here. Hold on.
>> Katie: What is it?
>> Rose: It's a letter! It's a letter or something! It's the provenance! This is it, right here!
>> Katie: What do we do? What do we do? Wake him up?
>> Rose: No. No, no, no. First thing we gotta do is we gotta stash this someplace.
>> Katie: Where are we gonna stash it?
>> Lucinda: I don't care about that. Let's get the hell out of here before Prince Charming wakes up again. Get your stuff. Come on. Let's get out. Come on, honey.

Scene 4:
Location: El Capitan Hotel
Scene: Hotel Lobby

>> "Simon": Well, well, well. Simon's here, sweetheart, and he's not happy. Where's the letter?
>> Katie: What letter?
>> "Simon": The letter -- the letter for the provenance. I taped it behind the dresser, and one of you took it. Now, I want it right now.
>> Lucinda: Oh, he's mad.
>> Katie: Definitely angry.
>> "Simon": So are you gonna give me that letter?
>> Katie: No.
>> "Simon": No?
>> Katie: No, I don't think so. What do you think?
>> Lucinda: No, I don't think so. We're gonna keep it.
>> Katie: Sorry.
>> "Simon": I will cut your throat and not bat an eye.
>> Katie: I wouldn't be so sure about that. You wouldn't want to cut my throat because then you'll never get the letter, so stop making so many threats, Mr. Donovan Curry.
>> Lucinda: Mr. Curry, you might get the letter if we get Simon and poor ol' Mr. D'Angelo.
>> "Simon": Oh, bravo, ladies. Bravo. Well-done. What, you think you've outfoxed me? Huh?
>> Katie: Yeah, pretty much. Don't you think?
>> Lucinda: Absolutely.
>> "Simon": Well, let me tell you something. I will find that letter, and when I do, I'll make you both a copy, in your blood.
>> Katie: That was unpleasant.
>> Lucinda: But ultimately satisfying.

Home
Simonscript
July, 2002