EPISODE 7/10/06
Simon Keeps A Secret

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July, 2006


MONDAY, JULY 10, 2006

Scene 1:
Location: Magique Island
Scene: Bar

MIKE KASNOFF, VIENNA HYATT, BARTENDER

>> Mike: She's been missing a couple of days. Have you seen her?
>> Bartender: I wish I could help you out.
>> Mike: How about a tall guy, Australian, dark hair?
>> Bartender: Sorry.
>> Mike: Maybe you could post some of these and if you hear anything just let me know.
>> Bartender: I'll let you know.
>> Vienna: I don't know why you keep getting your hopes up.
>> Mike: You know, if you want to leave, go.
>> Vienna: Your wife fell off a cruise ship and into the ocean. She's been missing ever since.
>> Mike: I'm telling you, she's out there somewhere right now waiting for me. If you think I'm gonna give up on her, you're crazy.
>> Vienna: All right, all right. Give me some of those thingies. And I'll ask at the hotel. And you check at the cabanas and -- Mike, wait -- wait for me!


Scene 2:
Location: Magique Island
Scene: Beach

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE KASNOFF

[ Simon whistling ]
>> Katie: Simon!
>> Simon: Yeah. Yeah, what's wrong?
>> Katie: It's beautiful!
>> Simon: What -- that? Yeah, I know. And it's sturdy, too.
>> Katie: I can't believe you built it so fast.
>> Simon: I know. I am kind of handy to have around, you know?
>> Katie: It's so cozy. When are you gonna build one for yourself?
>> Simon: What? Oh, I thought we'd --
>> Katie: We'd sleep here together? Think again.
>> Simon: Well, we were married once --
>> Katie: And now I'm married to Mike. And when he finally finds me on this godforsaken island, I'm not going to be spooning in a lean-to with you.
>> Simon: Spooning? I hadn't thought of that, but now that you mention it, that would be fantastic. Listen, where are you going now?
>> Katie: I'm going to wash off, I feel disgusting.
>> Simon: In the ocean?
>> Katie: Where else?
>> Simon: Well, you could do that. But there's gonna be a fresh water source somewhere on this island. I'll go find it.
>> Katie: No -- please, you just want to see me naked.
>> Simon: Yes I do. No, I just want to make you comfortable. Katie, come on, we don't know how long this is gonna be our home for.
>> Katie: This is not home. It's a temporary emergency situation.
>> Simon: Is that what we're calling it?
>> Katie: That's what it is. Don't worry, mike will find us in a couple of days at the latest.
>> Simon: And if he doesn't? Maybe you should think about what happens then.


Scene 3:
Location: Magique Island
Scene: Bar

MIKE KASNOFF, VIENNA HYATT, CAPTAIN SPAULDING

>> Mike: Captain Spaulding?
>> Captain Spaulding: You must be Mr. Kasnoff.
>> Mike: Yeah. You have any news about my wife?
>> Captain Spaulding: Not yet.
>> Vienna: Vienna Hyatt.
>> Captain Spaulding: Ma'am. I've been briefed by the captain of the cruise ship. Judging from the statements from various passengers, we have pretty good coordinates on where your wife and the male passenger --
>> Vienna: Simon Frasier. My boyfriend.
>> Captain Spaulding: Oh, I didn't realize.
>> Vienna: Yes, and Simon's also Mike's wife's ex-husband. Small world, isn't it?
>> Captain Spaulding: So your wife and Mr. Frasier are together, and you two --
>> Mike: No, no. Simon and Katie aren't together. They just went overboard at the same time.
>> Vienna: Yeah, we've been pooling our resources and comforting each other.
>> Mike: Okay, look, I know she's out there somewhere. Just tell me what to do and I'll do it.
>> Vienna: Do you think there's any chance that they're still alive? >> Mike: Vienna --
>> Captain Spaulding: We're proceeding as if they are, ma'am. We've got three cutters and a rescue chopper scouring the sea and the surrounding islands. Now if they're still afloat, we will find them. But the more time that passes --
>> Mike: How can I help out?
>> Captain Spaulding: Keep distributing those flyers and coordinating with the local police.
>> Mike: All right.
>> Captain Spaulding: Mr. Kasnoff, I've got a lot of manpower and equipment dedicated to this search. Now if there's any chance that your wife and Mr. Frasier planned this disappearance --
>> Mike: They didn't. Captain, please, help me find my wife.
>> Captain Spaulding: I'll be in touch.
>> Mike: What are you doing? You made it sound like Simon and Katie had something going on.
>> Vienna: Just because you refuse to see it --
>> Mike: Katie loves me.
>> Vienna: If that's true then where is she?


Scene 4:
Location: Magique Island
Scene: Beach

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE KASNOFF

>> Katie: Okay, I see what this is -- a desperate situation, a cozy lean-to, a nice bath with coconut oil and tropical flowers, maybe some fresh jungle juice --
>> Simon: Yeah, yeah, yeah, keep going. Sounds good.
>> Katie: And I just won't be able to help but fall in love with you again.
>> Simon: Well, they do say third time's a charm.
>> Katie: Except for the fact that I love Mike and he loves me. And he's gonna find me.
>> Simon: Katie, come on, lets just be realistic about this situation. There are literally hundreds of islands out there. You think the guy can check every single one?
>> Katie: He will if he has to.
>> Simon: Where are you going now?
>> Katie: I'm gonna go find that fresh water you were talking about.
>> Simon: Hey, listen, I've checked up there -- I looked up there.
There's nothing up there, just pure jungle. And I even saw a couple of snakes, yeah.
>> Katie: Big snakes?
>> Simon: Big, about -- come on, I thought you wanted to find your wedding ring.
>> Katie: I do.
>> Simon: All right, good. Let's go and I'll help you look.
>> Katie: You are just trying to me. And I'm telling you something, simon, it's not gonna work.
>> Simon: No, I insist on helping.
>> Katie: Why? What do you care about my wedding ring? You would throw it into the ocean if you could. Maybe you already did.
>> Simon: You know what? I would never do anything so hurtful.
>> Katie: You already have. I don't love you anymore, Simon.


Scene 5:
Location: Magique Island
Scene: Beach

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE KASNOFF, GOLFER

>> Golfer: Pina colada?
>> Simon: No, I'm trying to give up. Hey, listen, did you lose another golf ball? 'Cause I haven't seen it.
>> Golfer: Tell me something.
>> Simon: Yeah, please be quick about it, 'cause I'm kind of busy right now.
>> Golfer: You're busy?
>> Simon: Yeah.
>> Golfer: What is going -- did you lose a bet or something? Because you're out here picking fruit in the middle of nowhere when there's a lobster bar and all the well-aged scotch you can drink just over that hill.
>> Simon: Well, you are right about something. There is something going on.
>> Golfer: I knew it. I knew it. You're doing one of those reality television shows out here, aren't you?
>> Simon: No, no, no, no. Listen, I should've told you before, but it's kind of embarrassing. But I don't need to be rescued, so --
>> Katie: Simon?
>> Golfer: You have a girl out here. Is she a model?
>> Simon: Well, she is hot, and she's my wife. And you know, we're doing one of those, you know, little island fantasies. You know, lost on a deserted island, just the two of us. And if someone turns up --
>> Golfer: I get it. Spoils the mood.
>> Simon: Kills it.
>> Golfer: Enough said. I understand. And here I was feeling bad for you.
>> Simon: Do not.
>> Golfer: You're a lucky devil.
>> Simon: I certainly am. Listen, thanks a lot. Enjoy your golf, your pina colada. Off you go.
>> Katie: Simon?
>> Simon: Yep?
>> Katie: I thought -- were you just talking to someone?


Scene 6:
Location: Magique Island
Scene: Bar

MIKE KASNOFF, VIENNA HYATT, CAPTAIN SPAULDING

>> Mike: Hey, you have any news?
>> Captain Spaulding: No, we haven't seen any sign of them, but we have an emergency situation. A ferry boat crashed west of here. I've got to pull the resources, send them over there.
>> Mike: You're calling off the search?
>> Captain Spaulding: The chances they could have survived this long are practically non-existent, Mr. Kasnoff. I wish we could have done more, and I'm sorry.


Scene 7:
Location: Magique Island
Scene: Beach

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE KASNOFF

>> Simon: I was just talking to myself, you know? I mean, I've got to keep my spirits up somehow.
>> Katie: Why are you mad?
>> Simon: I don't know. I don't know. I mean, it could be that when you fell off that ship, I didn't think twice about going overboard to save you. I mean, if I hadn't grabbed that life preserver --
>> Katie: I wouldn't have made it. I know. I do know what you've done for me.
>> Simon: Well, you're acting like this is some kind of holiday for me. And all I keep hearing from you is, "Mike, Mike -- I wish Mike was here. I wish Mike was here." 'Cause you know what? I wish he was here, too, instead of me. And then he could figure out how you're gonna survive.
>> Katie: You're worried?
>> Simon: What, you're not? I mean, yesterday, you had a crab hanging off your toe. What if that gets infected? What if we get hit by another storm?
>> Katie: We're gonna be all right.
>> Simon: Yeah, we. We. Yeah, I did think there was two of us on this island. But you see, you're acting like this is all me.
>> Katie: I'm sorry. No, I didn't mean to. I just --
[ Katie groans ]
>> Simon: No, no, don't. Don't cry. I shouldn't have said that.
>> Katie: I just looked for my wedding ring everywhere, and I couldn't find it.
>> Simon: Oh, look, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Look, I shouldn't have said any of that. I'm being an idiot. I just -- maybe Mike will find us.
>> Katie: I hope so. But you were right.
>> Simon: Really? 'Cause that's a first.
>> Katie: No, we need to work together. If we're gonna be alive when we get found, I need to help you instead of nagging.
>> Simon: You know, I'd like that. I really would.


Scene 8:
Location: Magique Island
Scene: Bar

MIKE KASNOFF, VIENNA HYATT, GOLFER, GOLFER 2

>> Mike: Of course, Margo's a cop. Maybe she would pull some strings and get the search back on. My battery's dead. Bartender, can I use your phone to make a credit card call to the states?
>> Vienna: Oh, you can use mine.
>> Mike: Thanks.
>> Vienna: It's the least I can do.
>> Mike: You know what you should do? You should go home and forget you ever met a guy named Simon Frasier, because when I get a hold of him, there's gonna be nothing left of that guy. Mark my words. When I get a hold of that worthless Aussie snake, I'm gonna drag him by the neck all the way back to Australia myself.
>> Golfer: Excuse me, did you say you were looking for an Australian guy?
>> Mike: Yeah.
>> Golfer: Is he kind of a tall guy with dark hair?
>> Vienna: Right, right, Simon Frasier is his name.
>> Golfer: I never actually caught his name, but I think I know where he is.
>> Mike: Hey, so where have you seen this guy?
>> Golfer: Well, it's like this. Yesterday, I hit this slice. It went in way wide.
>> Golfer 2: Never seen anything like it.
>> Golfer: Anyway, so I track it down to the far side of the island, the undeveloped side, and there's this Australian guy there playing Robinson Crusoe.
>> Mike: Wait, the other side of the island -- this island?
>> Golfer: Yeah. And I've got to tell you, this guy was strange. He didn't want any help. He said that he and his wife were there having some adventure, pretending to be on a deserted island. Now, I didn't -- I didn't actually see the girl, but I heard her. Come to think of it, actually, she did call him Simon.
>> Mike: What did I tell you? She made it. Katie is alive.


Scene 9:
Location: Magique Island
Scene: Beach

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE KASNOFF

>> Katie: And we need to find the highest point on the island. That's where we'll make our smoke signal. Actually, we should do that first.
>> Simon: Katie, Katie -- I'm not gonna let you down. I know I have in the past, and -- this time is different. I'm not gonna do it again.
>> Katie: Good, 'cause you're all I've got.
[ Simon drops the golf ball. ]

Home
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July, 2006