EPISODE 7/05/06
Simon Finds A Golf Ball

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July, 2006


WEDNESDAY, JULY 05, 2006

Scene 1:
Location: Magique Island
Scene: Beach

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE KASNOFF, GOLFER

>> Katie: Stupid wave! Stupid fire! Stupid island! Oh, go ahead, Simon. Stoke your fire. Cook your food. I don't need you. I'll eat fruit, berries and seaweed until Mike comes and gets me. So put that on your barbie and smoke it! Ow!
[ Down the beach ]
>> Golfer: Don't touch that ball! It's still in play. Oh, man! Did I hit you? Are you okay?
>> Simon: Yeah -- yeah, no, I'm great now. Where did you -- where did you come from?
>> Golfer: Well listen, don't tell anyone that I hit you, okay? I mean, it's bad enough that shot went so wild that it came all the way over to the undeveloped side of the island. I -- I stink at this game
. >> Simon: Whoa, whoa, hey, hey -- you said undeveloped?
>> Golfer: Right.
>> Simon: Which means there must be a developed side?
>> Golfer: Well, you could call it that, yeah. There's three staff members for every spa guest and a golf course that's better than St. Andrew's. What happened here? Did you have some -- did you have some boat trouble or something?
[ Simon chuckling ]
>> Simon: Yeah, something.
>> Golfer: Well, help's only about a half a mile away.
>> Simon: That close?
>> Golfer: And there's ferry service back to the mainland, three times a day.


Scene 2:
Location: Cruise Ship
Scene: Kasnoff's Cabin

MIKE KASNOFF, VIENNA HYATT

>> Vienna: There's only one thing that can take a bite this big out of a life preserver.
>> Mike: Okay, you know what? I don't want to hear it, Vienna.
>> Vienna: We have to face it, both of us. They're not coming back. Simon and your wife have been shark food.
>> Mike: Okay, there's no way I'm gonna believe that. She got away.
>> Vienna: This piece of clothing is shred --
>> Mike: Katie is fine, I'm sure Simon is, too.
>> Vienna: They have been gone too long, Mike.
>> Mike: You know what? You give up if you want to. I'm not going to. I'm gonna make sure the captain keeps on searching.
>> Vienna: There's only one thing left to do. Don't you understand?
>> Mike: What, search for them on our own?


Scene 3:
Location: Magique Island
Scene: Beach

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE KASNOFF, GOLFER

>> Katie: And I know it's hard to face, but you signed your own death warrant by biting me. So, now I'm gonna have to eat you. You understand, right? You eat creatures that are smaller than you? And now my toe is bleeding, fantastic. I need a leaf or something. Aloe! I will heal myself with nature. You stay right there, buddy. No! No, no, no! No, wait! Get back here! Get back here you little --
[ Down the beach ]
>> Simon: Magique Island? Is that what it is? How come I've never heard of it?
>> Golfer: It's a pretty well-kept secret. We try to keep it exclusive. Listen, if you want, you can make the next ferry. I can show you the way back.
>> Simon: No, no, no, no, no. No, I can find it. I just got to put out of this fire and get rid of this stupid little sign here, you know? So, you want your ball?
>> Golfer: Ah, keep it. I hate this game.
>> Simon: Yeah.
[ Simon whistles ] Hey, hey, what happened?
>> Katie: Do you want to be my friend? Do you want me to like you, just a little bit?
>> Simon: Hmm. Are you making me an offer?
>> Katie: I'm begging you. Get me off this godforsaken island.


Scene 4:
Location: Cruise Ship
Scene: Kasnoff's Cabin

MIKE KASNOFF, VIENNA HYATT

>> Mike: Whoa, what are you doing? I thought you cared about Simon!
>> Vienna: I do!
>> Mike: Then why are you kissing me?
>> Vienna: Simon would want me to be happy.
>> Mike: Okay, stop!
>> Vienna: Let me ease your pain --
>> Mike: Okay, no, no, no. I'm not gonna give up my wife because of a half-eaten life preserver. All right, you do whatever you want to do, just don't do it with me.
>> Vienna: But what if they're dead?
>> Mike: What, do you think I'm just gonna give up on my wife just like that? You are just like Simon -- con artists, out for yourselves. You know I hope you find him, because you two really deserve each other.


Scene 5:
Location: Magique Island
Scene: Beach

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE KASNOFF

>> Simon: Well, you're gonna be crazy about me when I tell you this. I just -- Katie, you're bleeding. What happened?
>> Katie: I couldn't start a fire, and then a crab bit my toe, which was fine, because I was gonna eat him, then he ran away --
>> Simon: It's all right. Come here. Sit down -- just there. And I'll go find something to put on it, okay? Wait until you find out --
>> Katie: No, no! Don't go!
>> Simon: Okay, whoa, I won't.
>> Katie: Sorry I'm being so needy.
>> Simon: No, no, no, it's okay.
>> Katie: It's just that I'm tired, and I'm hungry, and I miss Mike, and I don't have any sunscreen, and he's gonna be wondering what's happening to me --
>> Simon: Listen, look at me. Now this is gonna be over, probably sooner than you think. I just found out --
>> Katie: Can I just come over to your side of the island? Please? Until someone finds us?
>> Simon: Of course you can.


Scene 6:
Location: Cruise Ship
Scene: Kasnoff's Cabin

MIKE KASNOFF, VIENNA HYATT

>> Vienna: What are you doing?
>> Mike: Going through this scrapbook Katie made for us. I'm gonna get as many pictures of her as I can. That way, when I get to the dock, I can make copies, I can post them --
>> Vienna: You really love her. Every time I mentioned the word love to Simon, he just found a way to change the subject. My intuition always told me that there was a woman in his past, a woman he loved so much that he could never get over, and now I know who it is. It was Katie. He's still in love with Katie.
>> Mike: Wake up. Simon doesn't love anybody. He talks a big game. But when it comes down to it, he doesn't care about anybody but himself.
>> Vienna: I'm sorry, but you're wrong. Simon loves Katie with everything he has. And I think -- when I've seen them together -- the way she looks at him, the way she snarls at him. Mike, I think your wife is still in love with him, too.


Scene 6:
Location: Magique Island
Scene: Beach

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE KASNOFF

>> Simon: There you go. Feel better?
>> Katie: I thought I would, but I don't. I miss my husband. And I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere with my ex-husband.
>> Simon: Yeah. Yeah, that's such a shame. But you are hungry, right?
>> Katie: Starving.
>> Simon: And I do have food.
>> Katie: Which you won't share with me unless I, what --
>> Simon: Well, I don't know where to start. I mean, after all, I did jump overboard and save your life.
>> Katie: I wouldn't have been overboard if you hadn't have been hitting on me in the middle of a typhoon.
>> Simon: All right, okay, let's just put all that aside. Listen, Katie, I think it's time for you to start to face facts. If we're going to survive this island, we have to work together. I mean, who knows how long we're gonna be here. It could be days, weeks, months.
>> Katie: Months?
>> Simon: Who knows? I'm just saying. And I think it's going to be better for both of us if you come to peace with that. Here. You'll feel better once you eat.
>> Katie: What is that?
>> Simon: What? Whoa, hey! Katie, where's your wedding ring?
[ Katie gasps ]
>> Katie: I know I had it on my finger when we woke up here this morning.
>> Simon: You sure? I mean, you could've lost it in the ocean.
>> Katie: No, no, I didn't. I know I didn't. But what could have happened to it? Simon, we have to find it.
>> Simon: Come on, let's go sit by the fire.
>> Katie: No, I can't.
>> Simon: Well, you're not gonna accomplish anything rummaging around in the dirt like this. You'll end up infecting your cuts. Come on, come back over here, relax, eat some food, build up your strength, and then we'll spend all the time we need finding it.
>> Katie: You don't care about my ring.
>> Simon: No, I don't. But you do, so I promise we will find it.
>> Katie: Well, we have plenty of time to look for it. This looks good.
>> Simon: Thanks.
>> Katie: They'll find us, right? I mean, the Coast Guard's probably on its way now. Mike and Vienna must be looking for us.
>> Simon: Well, Mike's probably looking for us. Vienna? She's probably sipping cocktails with the captain.
>> Katie: They're gonna find us. I mean, how many islands can there be within surviving distance of that ship?
>> Simon: Who knows?
>> Katie: Poor Mike -- he's probably freaking out right now.
>> Simon: Hey, listen, you know, it could have been a whole lot worse. Right? I mean, we could have been separated at sea. Lost, alone, drowned. Look, no matter what happens, no matter how long it takes them to find us -- at least we've got each other.

Home
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July, 2006