EPISODE 1/30/01
Simon Questions Katie About The Pregnancy

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Simonscript
January, 2001


JANUARY 30, 2001

Scene 1:
Location: Burt's garage.

SIMON FRAISER AND MISS KATIE PERETTI

[Sounds of vomiting.]
> >> Katie: You know, I wonder if women who are pregnant with twins actually throw up twice as much? Tell me their aren't twins in your family, Simon. Simon? What is it?
> >> Simon: Are you really pregnant?
> >> Katie: I can't believe you're asking that again.
> >> Simon: Or is this just an attempt to mess up my plans with Lily?
> >> Katie: That is so insulting.
> >> Simon: Yeah, it's too convenient.
> >> Katie: Convenient?
> >> Simon: Yeah, I just --
> >> Katie: It's not like I planned this!
> >> Simon: Then prove it.
> >> Katie: I was a virgin when we slept together.
> >> Simon: No, no, no, I'm not asking if the baby is mine. I'm asking if it really exists.
> >> Katie: I have symptom upon symptom. Are you blind and deaf?
> >> Simon: I'm not gonna lose Lily because of a lie, okay? So I want hard proof that you really are pregnant, or I walk out of here today.

Scene 2:
Location: Burt's garage.

SIMON FRAISER AND MISS KATIE PERETTI

> >> Katie: How am I supposed to prove that I'm pregnant? I can't invite you in to watch me be sick.
> >> Simon: Even if you did, that'd only convince me that you might just have a stomach virus.
> >> Katie: Oh, this is unbelievable.
> >> Simon: Oh, yeah, my feelings exactly. What? Am I supposed to turn my life upside-down based on nothing but your word?
> >> Katie: Just like I turned my life upside-down to keep you from being deported.
> >> Simon: Don't you get it? I went through all of this -- the marriage, the meetings with the I.N.S., the honeymoon, so that one day I can be with Lily. And now, you've managed to come up with one thing --
> >> Katie: That could what? I know you went to see her. What did she say to you?
> >> Simon: You being pregnant is not gonna change the way I feel about Lily, okay? So there's no use lying about it.
> >> Katie: Yeah, but it could change the way that lily feels about you. Which is why you're pushing this, isn't it?
> >> Simon: I deserve to know the truth, Katie.
> >> Katie: Stop calling me a liar.
> >> Simon: Then prove me wrong. It's easy enough to do, isn't it?
> >> Katie: Yeah, I just didn't wanna have to. Yes, we have a fake marriage. I accept that. But I thought we were friends. And now, you're just treating me like everybody else does. Like I can't be trusted.
> >> Simon: Listen, if you really are pregnant, then I will stand by your side. I'll hold your hand, I'll pay the bills. I'll be a great dad. But I can never, ever love you.
> >> Katie: I know that.
> >> Simon: Good. Good, 'cause it'd be a shame if some fantasy you've woven about us living happily ever after has led you to create something completely and utterly false.
> >> Katie: But it's not --
> >> Simon: Because I will not forgive it, Katie -- or forget.
> >> Katie: You don't have to be so nasty about it. In a couple of weeks, I'll have my sonogram, and you'll have your proof. Would you like a photo or a videotape?
> >> Simon: No, no, no. I'm not waiting. We're gonna settle this whole thing today.
> >> Katie: How?
> >> Simon: You and I are gonna go to the doctor together. And he's gonna tell me for himself if you really are pregnant.

Scene 3:
Location: Burt's garage.

SIMON FRAISER AND MISS KATIE PERETTI

> >> Katie: Besides, we can't drive all the way to Peoria today.
> >> Simon: Why not?
> >> Katie: 'Cause I don't have an appointment.
> >> Simon: Well, I asked you to make one, remember?
> >> Katie: You said, "soon." I didn't think you meant this soon.
> >> Simon: Fine, I'll call the doctor myself. What's his number?
> >> Katie: Um, you know, I didn't write it down.
> >> Simon: Then look it up.
> >> Katie: The doctor's busy, Simon. I sure he can't just see us on the spur of the moment.
> >> Simon: Oh, you're right. Why didn't I think of that? Well, we'll just have to find some obstetrician right here who Oakdale who can fit you in. Where are the yellow pages?
> >> Katie: No, no. Would you stop it? I'll call and try and make an appointment today.
> >> Simon: Good. I'll be back in a few minutes.
[Simon goes to the bedroom]
[Katie is calling Henry]
> >> Katie: Who's stopping you? Oh, come on, Henry, please pick up.
[Simon is in the bedroom calling Lily]
> >> Simon: Oh, come on, Lily, please pick up. Where could she be?
> >> Katie: No, I don't need your voice mail, Henry. I need you, like two days ago. Simon's totally on to me. I have got to have that doctor's appointment today or I'm totally sunk.

Scene 4:
Location: Burt's garage.

SIMON FRAISER AND MISS KATIE PERETTI

> >> Simon: I heard you.
> >> Katie: What are you talking about?
> >> Simon: You said you were totally sunk! I heard you. Why'd you say that? Who's on the phone?
> >> Katie: The doctor.
> >> Simon: Don't.
> >> Katie: What are you doing?
> >> Simon: Hello? Who is this? You're lying, Katie! There's nobody there.
> >> Katie: He put me on hold. Yes, doctor. Yeah, I know you're busy. It's just that between the morning sickness and everything, I just feel awful. And I just get so depressed, between the fatigue and everything, and I just think, "I'm sunk. I'm totally sunk. I can't do this for nine months." Can you see me today?
> >> Simon: Tell him I'm coming with you.
> >> Katie: My husband is very eager to meet you and hear all about our little bundle of joy --
> >> Simon: Let me speak to him --
> >> Katie: What? This afternoon? Okay, see you then, bye.
> >> Simon: What are you trying to pull, Katie?
> >> Katie: It was crazy there. You heard. He put me on hold practically mid- sentence.
> >> Simon: So what time's our appointment?
> >> Katie: He didn't say. But his nurse is gonna call back with our time in a few minutes.
> >> Simon: You just told the doctor that we'd see him this afternoon.
> >> Katie: Well, we can't get there any earlier than this afternoon, so we'll see him later this afternoon.
> >> Simon: Right. That is, until he calls back to cancel.
> >> Katie: That's not gonna happen. Would you quit being so suspicious, Simon! Why don't you just hang me on the rack and torture the truth out of me?
> >> Simon: If I find out that you've been lying to me, Katie, you're gonna wish I had.

Scene 5:
Location: Burt's garage.

SIMON FRAISER AND MISS KATIE PERETTI

> >> Simon: Did the doctor call yet?
> >> Katie: You know what's really sad? This should be an extremely happy time for us. But instead, it's being ruined because lily is so envious.
> >> Simon: Most women wouldn't call an unexpected pregnancy with a virtual stranger a "Beautiful time."
> >> Katie: You're more than that to me, Simon. Come on, after all that we've been through together don't at least have some kind of relationship?
> >> Simon: Yeah, what kind is it, though, Katie? That's the question.
> >> Katie: If you'd just relax, we could be happy. I know we could.
> >> Simon: You're unbelievable. You are pretty, smart -- you're funny. You deserve true happiness, Katie, not some cheap imitation. > >> Katie: I've found happiness with you.
> >> Simon: How could you? Don't you want some guy who loves you? Someone who can't bear to live their life without you? Look, you have been -- you have been my friend. And you have -- you helped me through one of the worst nights of my entire life. And you helped bail me out of this horrible situation with the I.N.S.
> >> Katie: I wanted to do that.
> >> Simon: Why? Why though?
> >> Katie: Because you were good to me.
> >> Simon: But be good to yourself, Katie. Tell me the truth, Katie. There is no baby, is there?
[Telephone rings.]
> >> Katie: Katie Frasier. This afternoon? That will be great. Yes, Dr. Early. Yeah, can you remind me of that address again? I always get lost in Peoria.

Scene 6:
Location: Burt's garage.

SIMON FRAISER AND MISS KATIE PERETTI

> >> Katie: Okay, it's all set. The doctor's office is gonna be open a little late today, so he can see us.
> >> Simon: Really? So there's no problems?
> >> Katie: None whatsoever. Except --
> >> Simon: What is it?
> >> Katie: Oh, here it goes again!


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Simonscript
January, 2001