EPISODE 1/24/02
Simon Finds Out About Katie's Job

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January, 2002


THURSDAY, JANUARY 24, 2002

Scene 1:
Location: The Gym - Aerobics Studio
Scene: In the hallway outside the Studio

SIMON FRASIER, JULIAN

>> Julian: You're late. Did the agency send you?
>> Simon: What agency? Who are you?
>> Julian: Great voice. Too bad nobody will hear it. Now, go change before they call you.
>> Simon: Call me for -- call me -- hey, call me for what?
>> Julian: A review of your hindquarters. Now, move it. Out of those clothes and into some spandex. And make it snappy.

Scene 2:
Scene: Aerobics Studio

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER, DAHLIA

>> Katie: How about some weights? Dahlia, do we have any free weights? And where's bachelor number three we should check that out.
>> Dahlia: I'll check with Julian.
>> Katie: Come on, guys. You can do more than that. Show me what you really got. Oh, what are you doing? Oh, whoa! No. I didn't really mean that. Put me down. No, really. Um, that's good. That's really good. You could put me down now. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, put me down. Thank you. It. I was the weight. That was good. I liked that. Very smart. Whoa, whoa. Okay, going on now? Oh. Oh, my god.
>> Simon: Will you get your eyes off my rear end?! Back off! Katie?
>> Katie: I thought you were in Paris.
>> Simon: And what is this? What is this? My Eiffel Tower welcome?
>> Katie: Welcome home, sweetheart.
>> Simon: - Will you put down my wife? Now!
>> Katie: Okay, guys, seriously. Put me down, please. Thank you. Oh, it's so good to see you! Oh, hey, where are my manners? Trey, Mark, this is my husband, Simon Frasier. This is my crew. How did you find me?
>> Simon: Your "crew"? Rappers need a crew. Since when did you need a crew?
>> Katie: Since the buns of America are in my hands
>> Simon: All right, okay, all right. Confusion's always been an integral part of our relationship, but what are you talking about?
>> Katie: Dahlia, should we tell him? We should tell you the secret, finally.
>> Dahlia: You know what, guys? Why don't you take a five? Lucy and I are going to go get a soda and give you two some privacy.
>> Katie: So, what do you think of my brand-new career?
>> Simon: As a free weight?
>> Katie: No, as an aerobics instructor. Those guys are for my video.
>> Simon: Your video -- what videos are you making?
>> Katie: An aerobic video. "Katie Frasier's All-New Butt-Bustin' Workout." Well, at least that's the working title, or something like "get the bod you want from the babe who can give it to you." I told you I was gonna be rich and famous.
>> Simon: Okay, okay, whoa. What does Dahlia have to do with all of this?
>> Katie: Well, she is part mentor, part backer. She's a huge fan of mine from my WOAK days.
>> Simon: A-ha, really? Right.
>> Katie: In fact, she approached me about teaching a couple aerobics classes, and I did. And then she said I was a natural in front of the camera. Don't be so doubting, please. With my brains, her money and those bodies, we are gonna make tons of money. We're gonna make so much money, we're gonna make Lucinda Walsh look like a bag lady.

Scene 3:
Scene: Aerobics Studio

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER

>> Simon: Okay, I can see you're very psyched about this video. But are re that dahlia can deliver on everything she promises?
>> Katie: Well, are you sure she can't?
>> Simon: Okay. Pop quiz, Katie. Have you ever worked in a gym?
>> Katie: No.
>> Simon: Do you have your own syndicated television show?
>> Katie: Not yet.
>> Simon: Exercise books -- do you have any exercise books that you've written that I don't know about?
>> Katie: No, but that's a great idea.
>> Simon: Listen -- what I'm trying to say is that it's very unusual for someone to invest in a complete unknown.
>> Katie: "Unknown"? Did you know that my "Q" rating at WOAK was off the charts? I was the smile of Oakdale. And it is not easy smiling when you're reporting the news, let me tell you.
>> Simon: Okay, so this fan is investing everything she has in you and this project. Is this right?
>> Katie: Yeah. And we're gonna make gazillions. My concept has never been done before, and it's brilliant. It's like the laws of nature. Women wanna see how a guy's working out, and guys wanna watch me. You do the math.
>> Simon: I was never very good at numbers.
>> Katie: This is the best thing that's ever happened to me --
>> Simon: Uh.
>> Katie: Second best thing. And even if this is only sold in the Chicago area, we're gonna make tons of money.
>> Simon: And what's 's Dahlia's take?
>> Katie: It's all in the contract. Here, It'll tell you everything you wanna know.
>> Simon: All right. I bet what is not in here is where she gets her money from and whether she's done this before. I wanna know who Dahlia's backers are. Look, Katie, for all we know, she could be a complete nut job. You have to find out what her agenda is -- her whole agenda, not just the part that she wants to share with you.

Scene 4:
Scene: Aerobics Studio

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER

>> Katie: I just really didn't expect this. Simon, I didn't expect you, of all people, to rain on my parade.
>> Simon: That's not what I'm doing. I'm not raining on any butt-busting parade here.
>> Katie: Oh, right, okay. "Did you check her out?" "Did you see how big her checkbook is?" "Did you give her the third degree?"
>> Simon: Well, if you'd filled me in a little earlier about what you were doing, it's -- look, I'm sorry. Okay. Look, don't worry. I'll check Dahlia out, and I'll let you know if I find anything that alarms me. Okay?
>> Katie: I can't believe this. You can't handle me bringing home the bacon.
>> Simon: Not only can I handle it, I can find a half dozen different ways I can cook it. I just wanna know if this horse is a pig.
>> Katie: Dahlia hasn't asked for one red cent.
>> Simon: That's what bothers me. Look, just don't go signing any more contracts or anything else until I do a little bit of a background check.
>> Katie: No, no, no, no, no. I am a strong, independent woman, mister. I don't need your male seal of approval.
>> Simon: Why are you being so stubborn about this? Testadora?
>> Katie: Why are you being so suspicious? This is my project, my idea, my video. Why are you doing this, Simon? Just don't ruin this for me, okay?

Scene 5:
Scene: Aerobics Studio

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER

>> Katie: So if you can't accept the choices that I've made, you -- the guy whose middle name is "risk," who laughs in the face who goes to the ends of the earth to do anything --
>> Simon: Who adores and loves his wife.
>> Katie: If you can't take one little, teeny, tiny business risk, then you're not the guy that I thought you were.
>> Simon: Shut up and kiss me!
>> Katie: Mm, let's argue some more.
>> Simon: No more arguing.
>> Katie: Okay. I know that you're just looking out for me.
>> Simon: Always and forever.
>> Katie: So are you gonna support me in this video thing?
>> Simon: Yes, yes, of course I am. Of course. I just want you to keep those baby blues wide open.

Scene 6:
Scene: In the Hallway

SIMON FRASIER, DAHLIA, LUCY MONTGOMERY, KATIE FRASIER

>> Lucy: I've got more pictures.
>> Dahlia: Great, let's have a look.
>> Lucy: Maybe we should do it with Katie.
[ Dahlia and Lucy walk in on Simon and Katie ]
>> Lucy: Hello, people. Impressionable minor present.
>> Simon: Oh.
>> Katie: Sorry. I guess we just kind of got carried away. Big surprise.
>> Lucy: I hate to break up the reunion, but I should be getting back. Grandmother will be expecting me.
>> Katie: Okay.
>> Dahlia: All right, well, why don't we just continue the auditions tomorrow? It's giving us some, you know, a chance to get some new recruits.
>> Katie: Great. Well, I will take Lucy back, and I'll meet you The Lakeview.
>> Simon: Don't be long.
>> Katie: I won't. Lucy, let's get going.
>> Dahlia: Okay, see you tomorrow.
>> Katie: Oh, you'll close?
>> Dahlia: Yeah, sure, no problem.
>> Katie: Okay.
>> Simon: Katie's very excited about this whole video thing.
>> Dahlia: She's a natural in front of the camera.
>> Simon: I'm sure she is. She's very enthusiastic, as well. And I just hope this video delivers. I would hate to see Katie disappointed.
>> Dahlia: Your wife is a very smart woman, Mr. Frasier. I believe in Katie's talent. Don't you?

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January, 2002