EPISODE 1/14/02
Katie Tries To Hide Her New Job From Simon

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January, 2002


TUESDAY, JANUARY 15, 2002

Scene 1:
Location: Al's Diner

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER, LUCY MONTGOMERY, JOCK

>> Katie: Ooh, there's another one. Hey you're just on time.
>> Lucy: When you said Al's Diner was crawling with jocks, I thought you were crazy.
>> Katie: Well, the gym's right down the block. They come in here to carbo load.
>> Lucy: You're a marketing genius, Aunt Katie. And you sure do have an interesting life.
>> Katie: An interesting business life. We are only contacting these guys for one reason -- to make my aerobics class look so good that the ladies flock to me. All right, here are the first ten sign-ups. Copy down their names and their numbers while I go work on number eleven.
>> Lucy: He's not even gonna know what hit him.
>> Katie: Hey.
>> Jock: Hey.
>> Katie: So, what'cha order?
>> Jock: Protein shake.
>> Katie: Hmm, makes sense. Goes with the muscles. May I?
>> Jock: Sure.
>> Katie: Nice. You must do a lot of weight training.
>> Simon: I'll give you a word of advice, mate -- lay off the aminoes and go for the ginseng, 'cause that's what you're gonna need to keep up with this one, here.
>> Katie: Simon, hi.
>> Simon: Hello, sweetheart. Tell me what you're doing here picking up strange men? Again.

Scene 2:
Location: Al's Diner

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER, LUCY MONTGOMERY, JOCK

>> Jock: The lady and I are friends.
>> Simon: Well, the lady and I are married. [ Simon laughs ] Well, he's kinda nimble on his feet for a weightlifter.
>> Katie: How could you do that?
>> Simon: Me do what?
>> Katie: You totally scared him off? He was supposed to be the 11th guy --
>> Simon: Oh, why don't you make it an even dozen. What are you talking about?
>> Katie: [ scrambling ] I was getting gym advice. 'Cause I'm probably gonna join a gym. You were jealous!
>> Simon: Whatever.
>> Lucy: That is so romantic.
>> Katie: And I am so innocent.
>> Simon: Innocent, innocent? You weren't innocent the day you were born. And I'm gonna stick to you like -- like something really sticky.
>> Katie: Oh, really?
>> Simon: Yes.
>> Katie: Is that what you were doing? Checking up on me?
>> Simon: No. No, actually, I was on the way to the station to see Jack. And I was about to cross the street, and I looked in here and I see you squeezing some guy's -- some guy's muscles.
>> Lucy: Are you helping the police, Uncle Simon?
>> Simon: Well, actually, Detective Snyder is helping me with the whole Paris gig.
>> Katie: Oh, well you shouldn't keep him waiting. Ready to go, Lucy? We'll see you later.
>> Simon: [ grabs Katie's notebook ] Ahh, what do we have here?
>> Katie: Nothing that would interest you. Nothing that would interest you.
>> Simon: Well, that's where you're wrong, my love.

Scene 3:
Location: Lakeview Towers
Scene: Craig's Suite

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER, LUCY MONTGOMERY, DAHLIA

>> Lucy: Dad? It's okay, he went out.
>> Katie: Oh, good. No offense to your dad, but Craig is the last person you want knowing your secrets.
>> Lucy: Maybe I should have stuck around. You know, he seemed kind of down tonight. You don't think he drowning his sorrows or anything, do you?
>> Katie: No, he's fine. Besides, I needed you. Tonight we have a little bit of time to ourselves, so, we're gonna make up a great routine to impress the workout divas. "Lunge your way to lean" fantastic. It's gonna be a long night.
>> Lucy: I'll order something from room service.
>> Katie: Oh, get me a hot fudge sundae and a soda.
>> Lucy: Are you sure that's a good idea? I mean, you have to wear spandex to work.
>> Katie: Make it a diet soda.
>> Simon: Honey, I'm home.
>> Katie: Hi.
>> Simon: Hello, sweetheart.
>> Katie: Hi. I thought you were working with Jack tonight?
>> Simon: No, he didn't show up. So what are you two planning? A movie marathon?
>> Lucy: Yes right, Aunt Katie?
>> Katie: Right.
>> Simon: What do we have - "Dirty Dancing," -- "Break Dance Two, Electric Boog-a-Loo," nice -- and "Flashdance," you maniac.
>> Katie: It's a theme movie marathon.
>> Lucy: And the theme is sweat.
>> Katie: Got lots of movies of people sweating.
>> Simon: Right, and these are your top three perspiration pics? All right Katie, it's time for you to tell the truth. What are you up to?
[ Knock on door ] go away.
>> Katie: Come in. Oh, wrong room.
>> Dahlia: Oh, great news! Oh, cute. Is he yours?
>> Katie: Yes, he is my husband, Simon Frasier.
>> Dahlia: Well, you have a remarkable wife. It's a pleasure to meet you.
>> Simon: And you, too. And you are?
>> Katie: She is the reason that I'm spending my life in spandex.

Scene 4:
Scene: Craig's Suite

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER, LUCY MONTGOMERY, DAHLIA

>> Katie: Play along, okay? Just play along.
>> Simon: What did you say? What did you say?
>> Katie: Me?
>> Simon: Yes. What did you say?
>> Katie: I said they're playing our song. Dahlia and her boyfriend are getting married, and I'm her personal trainer. There, that's the secret. I'm helping her out on her big day. She's a little touchy about her hips.
>> Dahlia: What did you say?
>> Katie: No loose lips. 'Cause this is a secret. It's a surprise for her fiancé.
>> Lucy: And that's why Katie was at the diner with all those jocks. She was researching other gyms.
>> Simon: Well, that makes sense, yes.
>> Lucy: Yes.
>> Katie: So there's the whole story. What do you think?
>> Simon: I think I'm gonna teach you how to lie better. Later. Dahlia, best of luck with married life.
>> Katie: Oops.
>> Lucy: I didn't realize marriage was so much work. I'm going to bed. Good night.
>> Katie: Good night. I'll see you in the morning, okay? Okay, now, I don't want you worrying about what just happened.
>> Dahlia: Doesn't your husband approve of your working?
>> Katie: Oh, of course he does. It's just, we had this bet goin', and I need to win and I need to have him not know what I'm doing until I know I've won.
>> Dahlia: Okay. Well, can you still teach those extra classes this week?
>> Katie: Oh, yes.
>> Dahlia: I mean, we were counting on you.
>> Katie: No, no, I know. No, I will be there for sure. Don't worry about me. Besides, Simon's gonna be in Paris, so he won't know any different.
>> Dahlia: Oh, really? You're a confident wife.
>> Katie: What do you mean?
>> Dahlia: Well, if I had a husband that good-looking, I'm not sure I'd let him go to church by himself, let alone a romantic city like Paris.

Scene 5:
Scene: Craig's Suite

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER, DAHLIA

>> Dahlia: Plus, the PR that you've been doing has been a total success. I mean, I'm getting dozens of calls about your class. Keep it up, tie, and I'll have no trouble getting the green light on our video deal.
>> Katie: Great.
>> Dahlia: What's wrong? I hope it wasn't that random comment about your husband. I mean, I really, I was just kidding around. I'm sure that your faith in him is completely justified.
>> Simon: Katie -- hey, I'm sorry, guys, I thought you'd be done by now.
>> Dahlia: You see, he can't stay away. We were just nailing down our next session. Good night.
>> Simon: Good night.
>> Katie: Good night.
>> Simon: Well, talk about nailing down -- why don't we go to the bedroom and have a little session of our own?
>> Katie: Hold on a minute, Mr. Love 'em and leave 'em. Tell me something. How many women do you know in Paris, anyway?

Scene 6:
Scene: Craig's Suite

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER

>> Simon: Let's forget gay Paris and talk about something a little more home-grown, like, oh, Al's Diner. What were you doing there with all those gym monkeys?
>> Katie: Lucy told you. I was researching gyms, so I could help out --
>> Simon: Ah, ah, ahh -- [ Simon clears throat ] let's try again. I've always learned with you that it's a good idea to dig a little deeper.
>> Katie: Okay, so you don't trust me?
>> Simon: About some things, implicitly. About everything? No. I mean, I still can't figure out what would involve Dahlia, videos and a bunch of -- a bunch of muscle heads. But I will find out. I'll crack the code. Never fear.
>> Katie: From Paris?
>> Simon: Mm-hmm.
>> Katie: How? I thought you were going to be spending all your time looking for Carly. Well, that is, if you have any time left over after you hook up with all of your Mademoiselles from your bachelor days.
>> Simon: Oh, come on, you -- please. Don't you get it yet? My bachelor days are over. I'm officially in my married ones. And there's not one mademoiselle on this earth who can hold a candle to you. You know, I miss you so much already, it hurts. And I refuse to sit here and argue when we could be doing something else.
>> Katie: Okay, how many women do you know in Paris?
[ Simon sighs ]
>> Simon: Let me think. [ Simon counts in French ]
>> Katie: Hey!
>> Simon: But you, my love, are the only one that I caress, kiss and love.

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January, 2002