EPISODE 2/7/03
Simon Worries About Katie

Home
Simonscript
February, 2003


FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 7, 2003

Scene 1:
Location: Frasier Cottage
Scene: Living Room

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER, BARTLEBY SHEARS

>> Bartleby: What do I have to do to convince you I mean business? I mean, be a bloody shame to have to harm one of god's gorgeous, fuzzy, little creatures, but -- I will if I have to. Do I have to, Simon?
>> Simon: No. No. I know you're serious.
>> Bartleby: Then no worries, mate. The rabbit gets to live, and so does your wife. Or not.
>> Katie: Hey.
>> Simon: What are you doing home so early?
>> Katie: Well, checkups are quick when you're healthy. This must be your friend from back home?
>> Bartleby: Ma'am, the pleasure is mine.
>> Katie: Simon, aren't you gonna introduce us?
>> Bartleby: You must be the little missus. Simon, you slight. You've been holding out on me. She's far lovelier than you led on, you old so and so.
>> Katie: Oh, I like him already. And snickers likes you, too. Mr. --
>> Bartleby: Shears. Bartleby shears at your service. Simon's old mate from years ago. I'm sure he goes on and on about me. Damn glad to meet you, Mrs. Frasier.

Scene 2:
Location: Frasier Cottage
Scene: Living Room

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER, BARTLEBY SHEARS

>> Bartleby: Nice place you've got here. Any little ones yet?
>> Katie: No, not yet.
>> Bartleby: Oh, pity.
>> Katie: Well, that could be changing any minute.
>> Bartleby: Oh, nothing quite like young love, is there? Every moment's just ripe with possibilities.
>> Katie: So you guys know each other a long time?
>> Bartleby: Oh, Simon's my favorite old drinking buddy from years back until some beautiful Sheila domesticated him.
>> Katie: Oh, he's not that domesticated. Actually, if you guys want a guys' night out, then I'm totally cool with it. I think wives should be understanding about those things, don't you?
>> Bartleby: Well, aren't you just as sweet as sugar?
>> Simon: Actually, Bart was leaving when you got here, honey. So why don't I walk you out to the car and we can discuss that business on the way?
>> Katie: Business?
>> Bartleby: Oh, it's -- it's kind of embarrassing to talk about, actually. I was in Chicago, and I ran short on funds. Then I remembered the mate was out here conquering the wild Midwest, and he was good enough to float me a fifty 'til the missus can squeeze some through the wire.
>> Katie: Oh. Simon. We can do better than a fifty.
>> Simon: No, it's --
>> Katie: Come on, no --
>> Simon: No, it doesn't -- it's fine, hon.
>> Katie: Here, here, here, here. Any friend of Simon's is a friend of mine. Let's see what we've got. Hundred?
>> Bartleby: Katie, no, I couldn't.
>> Katie: Oh, no, we insist. You have to take it, right?
>> Bartleby: Well, that's right generous of you. She's one in ten million, Simon. If I were you, I would take extra-special care of this one. You wouldn't want anything to happen to her.

Scene 3:
Location: Frasier Cottage
Scene: Outside

SIMON FRASIER, BARTLEBY SHEARS

>> Simon: All right, mate. You've had your fun.
>> Bartleby: You're gonna have to start taking me a little more seriously, mate. I need your answer, and soon. And don't make the mistake of going and talking to the cops about me again. We wouldn't want anything to happen to that beautiful wife of yours.
>> Simon: You stay the hell away from my wife.
>> Bartleby: It's in your hands, mate. Toodle-oo.
[ Simon returns to the living room. ]
>> Katie: Interesting character. Seems like fun.
>> Simon: Yeah, Barty? Yeah, he's a real laugh riot.
>> Katie: You know, when he asked if we had any kids, it got me thinking. I don't know why I was so adamant about waiting till we get to Australia to start getting pregnant. What are we waiting for? Let's get serious about this.
>> Simon: I thought we were serious.
>> Katie: Well, of course we've been practicing and everything. But I say we get rid of the birth control now, instead of next month. What's wrong?
>> Simon: Nothing.
>> Katie: I mean, I totally understand if you have doubts. It's natural.
>> Simon: Look, I don't have any doubts. I -- I never dreamed of having a family till I met you.
>> Katie: So there's nothing stopping us now.
>> Simon: Look, I want to start a family with you, Katie. I do, but --
>> Katie: But what?
>> Simon: I've gotta go.
>> Katie: You've gotta go? Where?
>> Simon: The car. It's been -- running a little roughly lately. I should take it to the garage.
>> Katie: Right at this moment?
>> Simon: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, now. It's way overdue for service.
>> Katie: Okay, I'll come with you.
>> Simon: No, it's fine. Please, just -- stay here. I won't be long.
>> Katie: Okay. Um -- while you're gone, I'll get things ready to start on the little one?
>> Simon: Yeah. Yeah, do that.
>> Katie: Okay.
>> Simon: You lock up tight when I go, okay? I love you.
>> Katie: Mm. I love you, too.
>> Simon: Just lock up tight.
[ Simon leaves, Bartleby comes out of hiding. ]

Scene 4:
Location: Oakdale Police Department
Scene: Squad Room

SIMON FRASIER, MARGO HUGHES, BARTLEBY SHEARS

[ Bartleby hiding outside the squad room. ]
>> Margo: Hey, Simon.
>> Simon: Margo. Hey.
>> Margo: What, the celebration's over? What are you doing here?
>> Simon: Uh -- I came to have a word to Jack. But he seems to be on vacation, so I'll just --
>> Margo: Well, is there anything that I could help you with?
>> Bartleby: Wrong move, Simon. Now let's make sure your first mistake is your last mistake.
[ Bartleby leaves. ]

Scene 5:
Location: Oakdale Police Department
Scene: Squad Room

SIMON FRASIER, MARGO HUGHES, POLICEMAN

>> Margo: So you're honestly going to try and tell me that you're here looking for Jack Snyder when you should be home celebrating with your beautiful blond wife?
>> Simon: Ah, it's just a guy thing, you know? No big deal.
>> Margo: Is everything all right?
>> Simon: All right? Yeah, no. Couldn't be better. Good.
>> Margo: 'Cause, I mean, forgive me for asking, but you do seem just a little jumpy. So is there anything I can do for you?
>> Policeman: Excuse me, detective?
>> Margo: What?
>> Policeman: The guy being interrogated has asked for a glass of water so he can take some pills?
>> Margo: Well, get him a glass of water so he can take some pills. Simon!

Scene 6:
Location: Frasier Cottage
Scene: Living Room

SIMON FRASIER

>> Simon: Katie? Katie! Katie?
>> Simon: "Simon, gone with Bartleby to help find a gift for his mom. Back in a few. Can't wait to get started on that project." God, no.
[ Simon phones Katie. ]
>> Simon: Pick up!

Home
Simonscript
February, 2003