EPISODE 2/4/03
Simon Receives Good News

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Simonscript
February, 2003


TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 4, 2003

Scene 1:
Location: Frasier Cottage
Scene: Living Room

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER

>> Katie: What body makes the laws in America?
>> Simon: Yours. Congress.
>> Katie: Very good. And what exactly is Congress?
>> Simon: The House of Representatives and the Senate, which is made up of men and women elected to office.
>> Katie: And how long is a senator's term?
>> Simon: Coconut. Nice. Tasty.
>> Katie: Come on, you're stalling.
>> Simon: A senator's term is -- four years.
>> Katie: Hm-mm. Six. And how long is a term in the House of Representatives?
>> Simon: Whoa? You hear that?
>> Katie: What?
>> Simon: It's the bell. Sorry, teacher, class is officially dismissed.
>> Katie: Oh, no, no, no, no. No, no. You are about to take your citizens test! And you are not gonna fail.
>> Simon: Listen, even if I pass, I still might not be able to go home.
>> Katie: Are you casting aspersions on my brother-in-law? He is the best lawyer around. As long as you become an American citizen, he can make all of your legal problems in Australia disappear.
>> Simon: Why is it so important for you to go back to some dingy, old sheep farm?
>> Katie: Because our lives are going to begin on that sheep farm.
>> Simon: Our lives have already begun, my love. Oh, I know that look. What are you up to?

Scene 2:
Location: Frasier Cottage
Scene: Living Room

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER,MARGO HUGHES, TOM HUGHES

>> Katie: I am not up to anything.
>> Simon: You've got "scheme" written all over your face. You don't think I know that look by now?
[ Doorbell rings ]
>> Katie: Aw.
[ Katie laughs ]
>> Simon: Do you pay people to turn up at precisely these moments?
>> Katie: Margo! Hi! Come on in. Come in, come in.
>> Margo: Well, what a great welcome.
>> Tom: So you haven't already heard, have you?
>> Simon: Heard what?
>> Tom: Well, your legal problems should soon be over.

Scene 3:
Location: Frasier Cottage
Scene: Living Room

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER,MARGO HUGHES, TOM HUGHES

>> Tom: Ah, thanks, no. So the attorney in Sydney has worked out a deal where all the charges will be dropped against you. It's contingent on your successful application for U.S. Citizenship.
>> Katie: Oh, no worries about that. He's gonna ace that exam. I'm his coach.
>> Margo: Oh, great. Then you know all the important things, like the theme song for "The Brady Bunch" and intentional grounding rules in football.
[ Laughter ]
>> Katie: Very funny.
>> Margo: All right, all right.
>> Katie: That's good.
>> Margo: So I contacted the authorities in Sydney, and I told them that you had given up your career in petty larceny. And also that you did some pretty spectacular work for the Oakdale PD. So when you get to Australia, I expect you to make me look as good.
>> Simon: Mm, okay.
>> Katie: Thank you so much!
>> Margo: Yeah.
>> Katie: Oh, I can't believe this is actually happening. Finally.
>> Tom: If Simon passes the test.
>> Katie: Oh, watch this.
[ Katie clears her throat ]
>> Simon: Oh, yeah, right.
>> Katie: Okay. Who was referred to as "the Gentleman from Virginia"?
>> Simon: George Washington.
>> Katie: By?
>> Simon: John Adams.
>> Katie: Who was speaking to?
>> Simon: The Continental Congress.
>> Katie: Which?
>> Simon: Which -- met in Philadelphia during the Revolutionary War, which was the precursor to the congress you now have today.
>> Tom: Well, it'd be nice if more natural-born Americans knew that stuff.
>> Simon: Well, our kids will know that. Won't they, honey?
>> Katie: Absolutely.
[ Katie laughs ]
>> Simon: Well, thanks for dropping around and giving us the information.
>> Tom: Absolute pleasure. Come on.
[ Katie laughs ]
>> Katie: I'll walk you out to the car.
>> Simon: Ah, which is Katie for, "Simon, you stay right here."
[ Tom laughs ]
>> Margo: Oh, she really does have him trained.
>> Simon: Oh, yeah, like a monkey.
>> Katie: No peeking.
>> Tom: Be excited.
>> Simon: Thank you.
[ Katie, Margo, and Tom go outside the cottage. ]
[ Katie returns to the living room. ]
>> Simon: What's that? Oh, is that a list of all the things we're gonna do in bed tonight? I've got a couple things we could add to it.
>> Katie: No, no, it's just a simple grocery list.
>> Simon: Ah, no. Your pants are on fire.
>> Katie: I'm not lying.
>> Simon: Oh, come on. What is it?
>> Katie: All right, just a little. It's a -- a list of all the things that we should accomplish before we can go to Australia.
>> Simon: Look, I still can't believe you want to live on a sheep farm.
>> Katie: Honey, it's gonna be amazing. It's gonna be great! We'll live there for awhile, and the three of us --
>> Simon: Look, we can't take Snickers out with us. Look, he's gonna -- immigration'll stick him in quarantine. He'll get injections in his -- you're not talking about Snickers, are you?
>> Katie: I'm talking about our baby.
>> Simon: Okay, a -- a ba -- what do you mean, a baby?
>> Katie: It's on the list.
>> Simon: What --
>> Katie: I'm not pregnant yet.
>> Simon: It's only on the list? Ah. "The Katie Frasier master plan." Right.
>> Katie: I wasn't 100% sure I was gonna tell you until we were 100% sure that we were going to Australia. And, well, 99% is good enough. And I just can't keep this from you anymore. So -- ooh, here's how it works!
>> Simon: Whoa, whoa. Slow down. How's what work? What --
>> Katie: Our lives, silly. You and me. Okay, we're gonna become bicontinental.
>> Simon: Listen, Australia is a very long way away. It's a long flight. It's expensive, the flight.
>> Katie: I know. Whatever, whatever. The most important part is the baby is gonna be -- have dual citizenship and hopefully a sweet little accent like yours. And I -- you know, I don't care if it's a girl or a boy. It's just -- what's wrong? Why are you being so quiet? Don't you like the master plan?
>> Simon: Like it?
[ Simon sighs ] it's pure Katie. And anything that's pure Katie -- I absolutely cannot resist.

Scene 4:
Location: Frasier Cottage
Scene: Living Room

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER

>> Katie: You've changed my life so much. I don't ever want to lose this.
>> Simon: Lose what? You're not losing anything. In fact, we could be about to gain one of the greatest things that ever happened to us. So you should see a doctor.
>> Katie: Done.
>> Simon: Done? Oh, yes, here we are. Number 14 on "Katie's master plan."
>> Katie: I've been taking vitamins already and eating plenty of fruits and vegetables.
>> Simon: It looks like everything's taken care of except -- oh, here we go. It's very important, this last item.
>> Katie: Oh, yeah, well, I was thinking that the baby could be conceived in Australia?
>> Simon: But it doesn't mean we can't do a lot of northern hemisphere practice, now, does it?
>> Katie: Right. Until we make perfect.
>> Simon: Absolutely.

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Simonscript
February, 2003