EPISODE 2/19/03
Simon Hires Henry

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February, 2003


WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 19, 2003

Scene 1:
Location: Lakeview Towers Hotel
Scene: Lounge

SIMON FRASIER, BARTLEBY SHEARS

>> Bartleby: What do you think you're doing?
>> Simon: What does it look like, genius? Don't ask me to buy you one.
>> Bartleby: I thought you were supposed to be getting the little missus to give you the old heave-ho?
>> Simon: I'm waiting for someone who's going to give me a hand with that, so why don't you just get out of my face. There he is now.
>> Bartleby: Him? Doesn't look like he'd be much help to anyone.
>> Simon: Why don't you let me worry about that, okay?
>> Bartleby: The time's running out, Simon Frasier. Now either you get rid of that wife of yours, or I'm gonna do it for you.

Scene 2:
Location: Lakeview Towers Hotel
Scene: Lounge

SIMON FRASIER, HENRY COLEMAN

>> Henry: Come on, man, kiss her. Yeah -- yeah, that's good. That's so good. Now just one more for good luck.
>> Simon: Henry --
>> Henry: Simon, Simon, get out of the way.
>> Simon: I need to talk to you now.
>> Henry: In a minute.
>> Simon: No, now.
>> Henry: Would you please move it?
>> Simon: No, I -- what's with the camera?
>> Henry: Just a little close encounters of the hanky panky kind. Her husband hired me to get some proof that she's been cheating on him. And I just caught her canoodling with the brother-in-law.
>> Simon: Oh, really? That's real interesting. Real interesting.
>> Henry: Simon. Simon, Simon, I need that. I need that.
>> Simon: What you need this tape?
>> Henry: Yes.
>> Simon: This one?
>> Henry: It's very important to me.
>> Simon: I'll give it to you in a second.
>> Henry: What are you doing?
>> Simon: You won't be needing it anymore, Henry. I'm giving you a new assignment.
>> Henry: No, no you are not.
>> Simon: Yes, I am.
>> Henry: No. I'm not working with you and Katie anymore. It's too confining. That's why I'm resigning from Early Bird Surveillance, effective two weeks ago. Oh, great. There goes my case.
>> Simon: Just forget about them. All right? I'm giving you a case that's going to be the easiest buck you ever made. Piqued my interest. What am I supposed to do?
>> Simon: Your specialty. Just follow an unfaithful husband, report it all back to his wife.
>> Henry: All right, sure. You know these people?
>> Simon: Yeah, you could say that. The husband is me.

Scene 3:
Location: Lakeview Towers Hotel
Scene: Lounge

SIMON FRASIER, HENRY COLEMAN, BARTENDER

>> Henry: You're cheating on Katie, and you want me to record it? No, thank you, my life is kinky enough as it is.
>> Simon: This is not a game, Henry. And Katie can't know that I hired you.
>> Henry: Well, she won't, because you haven't.
>> Simon: Listen, mate, I don't have too many options right now, okay? You've gotta help me out. Help me out.
>> Henry: I think maybe you should tell me what this is all about. Hmm?
>> Simon: I need to convince Katie that I'm a lousy husband.
>> Henry: Because?
>> Simon: I have my reasons, and you -- all you gotta do is record my various indiscretions, then go to her as a concerned friend and show her the tape. That's all you gotta do.
>> Henry: She'd hate me.
>> Simon: She'd hate me. That's the point. It's for her own good, Henry. It's for her -- just do it because you care about her.
>> Henry: I do?
>> Simon: You do. You do care about her. And now this is a chance to show it.
>> Henry: All right. Okay. This sounds easy enough. But -- Simon: But what? What -- you need to know more? I can't tell you any more.
>> Henry: No, no, I just want to know how much to charge you for something like this.
>> Bartender: Can I get you something, Mr. Frasier?
>> Simon: No, I'm fine. Thanks.
>> Bartender: Are you finished with that, Mr. Coleman?
>> Henry: Yeah, yeah. It was delicious.
>> Bartender: Most people prefer an olive.
>> Simon: This should cover your initial costs. I'll give you the other half when the job is complete. Meet me at Yo's tonight. I'll call you with the time.
>> Henry: You've just hired yourself a detective, or a cameraman, whichever pays more.
>> Simon: Just don't turn your phone off.
>> Henry: Simon -- Simon -- don't you love her anymore?
>> Simon: More than ever.

Scene 4:
Location: Frasier Cottage
Scene: Living Room

SIMON FRASIER, MARGO HUGHES, KATIE FRASIER

>> Katie: All right, you may definitely have a point about Simon being afraid to be a father, but if that was it, I think he would tell me.
>> Margo: No, no, honey, men don't think that way. They -- they get quiet, and they shut down, and they let you guess at what might be bothering them.
>> Katie: Very true. But what do I do now? I can't -- do I just force him to talk about it and risk pushing him farther away? I don't know what to do.
>> Margo: I think that you let him know how happy you are with the way things are right now and -- and don't force the child issue and just deal with the two of you.
>> Katie: That's good.
>> Margo: Okay, well, you don't really know if that's what's eating away at him, but -- Katie: I know, but it's a start. I'll do anything. I'm gonna try anything.
>> Margo: All right, honey. The first thing you're gonna do is when he finally does show up, don't go at him with 1,000 questions the way you always do. Don't put him on the defensive right away, okay?
>> Katie: Okay. We're gonna be fine. He'll remember how much I love him, and he'll be okay with the baby.
>> Margo: Absolutely. And you'll get all on the right track again. You will.
>> Katie: Thank you.
>> Margo: Okay.
[ SIMON enters the cottage. ]
>> Katie: Simon. It's so good to see you. I was so worried.
>> Simon: Why? I'm fine.
>> Katie: Of course. It's just good to have you home.
>> Simon: What are you doing here?
>> Margo: I'm just leaving. I will call you. Good-bye, Simon.
>> Katie: Bye.
>> Simon: I've got to change.
>> Katie: Simon, wait. You're not even gonna say one word about where you were?
>> Simon: I went to see Jack. We got to talking. I crashed at his place.
>> Katie: Oh. Okay. So, you want to know what I was thinking we could do tonight?
>> Simon: No, no, I'm not a mind reader.
>> Katie: Okay. I thought maybe we could just stay in, rent a movie and not talk about having babies.
>> Simon: What, you mean we've got something else to talk about?
>> Katie: No, I just -- I don't know. I thought that we could use some time together. You know, just me and you, no distractions.
>> Simon: Maybe some other time, you know?
[ Simon heads upstairs. ]
>> Katie: Where are you going?
>> Simon: I've got plans. I've got something else to do.
>> Katie: Simon, stop. If you're having a hard time with me pressuring you to have a baby or to have a family, then that's fine. I'm sorry. I will stop. But if you're having some other problem, then don't go through it alone. Please, Simon, let me help. I want to help you in any way I can, but I can't do that if you don't tell me what it is.

Scene 5:
Location: Frasier Cottage
Scene: Living Room

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER

>> Katie: All right, tell me the truth.
>> Simon: Yeah.
>> Katie: Are you happy with our marriage?
>> Simon: Yeah, sure, yep.
>> Katie: "Sure"? That's a constructive answer.
>> Simon: Well, I'm sorry. It's the only answer I've got for you right now.
>> Katie: Where is this coming from?
>> Simon: Where is what coming from, honey? What are -- what are you talking about?
>> Katie: Is it something that I did? Or is it, I don't know, Bartleby?
>> Simon: Bartleby? What the hell has any of this got to do with Bartleby?
>> Katie: I don't know. Fine. Maybe I am just completely clueless, and you have some problem that you don't feel like sharing with me. Well, let me tell you something, Simon. I'm not just gonna sit here every night while you go out --
>> Simon: You don't have to sit here. Fine. Go out, do whatever you want.
>> Katie: Oh, right. I go my way, you go yours. That is not the kind of marriage that I want.
>> Simon: Well, you and I must have very different, conflicting views about marriage, then. Will you stop nagging me? Any other questions? Good.
[ Simon goes upstairs. ]

Scene 6:
Location: Frasier Cottage
Scene: Living Room

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER

>> Simon: See you later.
>> Katie: Simon, don't do this.
>> Simon: What -- hey, I really don't want to have another heart-to-heart right now, okay? I've had enough.
>> Katie: Well, I've been sitting here, trying to figure out what I could have possibly done to make you act this way, and you know what? I can't seem to come up with anything.
>> Simon: Well, you know what? Keep trying, okay? I have faith in you.
>> Katie: I can't come up with anything because it doesn't exist. I have been a good wife to you, Simon. I am not perfect. I know that, and I know my faults. But ever since we've gotten married, all I've done is try to make you happy.
>> Simon: Happy? Happy? You want to make me happy right now, honey? You want to make -- I'd be happy if you'd let me leave.
>> Katie: And you've been a wonderful husband. The love you have given me is the greatest gift of my life, and you should know that.
>> Simon: Well, that's -- that's beautiful. That's really touching. Why don't you write me a card? I've got to go.
>> Katie: And I don't know why --
>> Simon: I've got to go!
>> Katie: I don't know why you changed your mind about having a baby. And I don't know why you keep running away from me every chance you get, but you know what? You need to know this. I am not giving up on you, because I love you, Simon Frasier. I love you so much, and I'm not gonna let you just push me away.
>> Simon: That's fine. You make your choice, I am gonna make mine.
[ Door slams ]
>> Katie: God.
[ Outside the cottage, Simon calls Henry on his cell phone. ]
>> Simon: Yeah, Henry, it's Simon. We're on. Meet me at Yo's. Don't forget the camera.
[ To Katie ] I am so sorry, baby. This is the only way.

Home
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February, 2003