EPISODE 2/10/03
Simon Tells Katie No

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Simonscript
February, 2003


MONDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 2003

Scene 1:
Location: Frasier Cottage
Scene: Living Room

SIMON FRASIER, JACK SNYDER

>> Simon: Why isn't your phone on, Katie? Where are you?
[ Knock on door ] Jack, thanks for coming.
>> Jack: Hey, I got your message. What's the emergency?
>> Simon: I think Katie's been kidnapped.

Scene 2:
Location: Frasier Cottage
Scene: Living Room

SIMON FRASIER, JACK SNYDER

>> Simon: Listen, Jack, Katie was kidnapped by a guy named Bartleby Shears. I knew him back in Australia. He spent the last eight years in prison, and he blames me for every second of it, and he wants some payback. God help me if anything happens to Katie.
>> Jack: Wait, slow down a second. What makes you think that he has her?
>> Simon: When I came home, I found this.
>> Jack: "Simon, gone with Bartleby to help him find a gift for his mom. Back in a few. Can't wait to get started on that new, little project we talked about. Kisses, Katie." Think she was forced to write this?
>> Simon: No. No, Shears probably made up the whole story about the gift to get her to go with him. The guy's a vicious dog, Jack. Who knows what's happened to her since she's been with him?
>> Jack: You probably already did this, but did you try her on her cell phone?
>> Simon: The cell phone off, which it never is when we're apart.
>> Jack: If this guy is such bad news, why did Katie go with him?
>> Simon: He told her we were old pals, and I let her think it was true. I didn't want to frighten her.
>> Jack: Any significance in the rabbit's foot?
>> Simon: Katie has a pet rabbit, and Bartleby took great pleasure in telling me that he could snap Katie's neck as easily as he could the rabbit's.
>> Jack: I'll put out an APB, statewide.
>> Simon: Great. What can I do?
>> Jack: I want you to stay here in case the phone --
>> Simon: Jack, I can't stay here --
>> Jack: If Bartleby kidnapped her, he may very well call in a ransom. The sooner he does that, the sooner we'll know how to proceed.
>> Simon: All right, fine. Go ahead.
>> Jack: I'll keep you posted on my end.

Scene 3:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Java Underground

SIMON FRASIER, JACK SNYDER, KATIE FRASIER, LISA GRIMALDI, BARTLEBY SHEARS, ISAAC JENKINS

>> Katie: You have nothing to worry about. At the very least, it's unique. Your mom's gonna love it.
>> Bartleby: I remember when I was a kid, I carved her a horse out of monkey wood. She took one look at it and goes, "what's wrong with you? I collect penguins, not horses."
>> Katie: That is why this gift is completely inspired. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go powder my nose.
>> Lisa: Well, hello there. I'm Lisa Grimaldi, part owner of this fine establishment. And you are?
>> Bartleby: Bartleby shears. Nice to meet you.
>> Lisa: Well, I hear you have a little Australian accent. Is that true?
>> Bartleby: Oh, you've got good ears. Yes, I'm a friend of Simon's, from Australia.
>> Lisa: Oh, Simon. Oh, he's a friend of mine, certainly, and just a delightful man.
>> Bartleby: I'm sure he finds you a delight as well. Once a week at the least?
>> Lisa: I think you'd better have something done to that drooping eyelid.
>> Katie: I see you've met Lisa. She likes to be on a first-name basis with all her customers. She's amazing.
>> Bartleby: She's a real spitfire, that one. We had a lovely chat.
>> Isaac: Is something wrong?
>> Lisa: Oh, what makes you say that?
>> Isaac: Well, let's just say I feel the steam coming out of your ears.
>> Lisa: Oh, that guy over there with Katie is bad news. He said that he was a friend of Simon's, all right, and then he proceeded to get fresh with me.
>> Isaac: You want me to toss him out?
>> Lisa: No, I think you should call up Simon right now and tell him that Katie is with that jerk.
>> Isaac: Hey, now, is that really any of our business?
>> Lisa: I think so, Isaac. They're our friends. Oh, come on, don't stand there. Go call Simon, would you?
>> Isaac: All right, you have the number?
>> Lisa: It's in the phone book.
[ Phone rings at the cottage. SIMON answers. ]
>> Simon: Katie?
>> Isaac: It's Isaac over at Java Underground. Listen, man, this is probably nothing, but Lisa wanted me to tell you that Katie's here with some guy.
>> Simon: Katie's there? Is she all right?
>> Isaac: Yeah. Yeah, she's with a guy who claims to be a friend of yours.
>> Simon: Listen, mate, I'm gonna be there straight away. Please, do everything you can to stop them from leaving, all right?
[ SIMON phones JACK. ]
[ Phone rings ]
>> Jack: Detective Snyder.
>> Simon: Jack, Jack, it me. I found Katie.
>> Jack: Where is she?
>> Simon: She's with that guy I told you about. She's at the Java Underground.
>> Jack: I'm on my way.
>> Simon: No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I don't want to place Katie in any dangerous situation. Just give me enough time to get Katie away from Shears, and then you can step in.
>> Jack: You sure you want to take that chance?
>> Simon: Listen, Jack, I know this guy. There's no telling what he'll do if he's cornered. Just give me some time.

Scene 4:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Java Underground

SIMON FRASIER, ISAAC JENKINS, KATIE FRASIER, BARTLEBY SHEARS, JACK SNYDER

>> Isaac: Okay, now, keep it together, Simon. I don't want to see it.
>> Simon: All right, Jack will be here soon. Just point him in the right direction.
>> Isaac: Whoa, you called the police? Who is this dude?
>> Katie: Those are exactly the places that I want to go to when we get -- Simon, what are you doing here?
>> Simon: Oh, I just felt like a drink.
>> Katie: Did you get my note?
>> Simon: I sure did. Is this the gift? Wow, nice. How quaint.
>> Katie: Well, it's interesting. Bartleby's mom collects penguins, so this is the only thing we could find.
>> Bartleby: Your wife is a real treasure. I can see how you'd be lost without her.
>> Simon: Yeah, well, I won't be letting her out of my sight. Let's go.
>> Katie: Bye.
>> Bartleby: See you soon.
>> Simon: That's him.
>> Jack: Bartleby Shears?
>> Bartleby: Who's asking?
>> Jack: Oakdale Police Department. I'm taking you in for questioning.
>> Bartleby: Questioning about what?
>> Jack: We want to make sure that you feel at home here, Mr. Shears. That means we want to know all there is to know about you. I've got two policemen standing right outside. Now, will you make this easy, or will you make this very difficult?
>> Bartleby: You'll pay for this, Frasier.
>> Katie: Uh, you mind telling me what that was all about? Now, if he stays, I go.

Scene 5:
Location: Frasier Cottage
Scene: Living Room

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER, BARTLEBY SHEARS

>> Simon: Look, I know I told you Bartleby and I are friends, but we're not. I knew the guy when he was bad news, and now he's even worse.
>> Katie: So why didn't you just get rid of him when he first showed up here?
>> Simon: 'Cause I thought he might've changed. When I found out that you were gone, I thought he kidnapped you.
>> Katie: Kidnapped me? Oh, that's why you called Jack.
>> Simon: Look, I'm sorry. Katie, if anything happened to you 'cause of me, I could never live with myself.
>> Katie: Hold on. Are you telling me the whole story? Are you sure there's nothing else you need to tell me here?
>> Simon: Yeah, that's it. Just stay away from Shears, okay?
>> Katie: No problem. I think one bloke from Australia is plenty for me.
>> Simon: I love you so much.
>> Katie: I love you, too. Hey, listen. If you feel like makin' a baby tonight, meet me upstairs in five minutes.
>> Simon: How about we make it two?
>> Katie: Ooh, you drive a hard bargain, but -- okay.
[ Phone rings ] I'll get that. And you get ready. Hello?
>> Jack: Hey, Simon. It's Jack. Listen, everything I could find on Shears is old news.
>> Simon: Oh, man, no, no, no. Don't tell me you let him go.
>> Jack: I didn't have a choice, man.
>> Simon: What about the threats he made against Katie, Jack?
>> Jack: He denied it. At this point, it's his word against yours.
>> Simon: Listen, the guy's a nut! You cannot let him on the loose!
>> Jack: I'm sorry, Simon. At this point, there's nothin' I can do.
>> Simon: All right, fine. I'll take care of him myself.
[Simon hears a noise outside. ]
>> Bartleby: Evening, mate.
>> Simon: You stay away from my wife, or I will kill you!

Scene 6:
Location: Frasier Cottage
Scene: Outside

SIMON FRASIER, BARTLEBY SHEARS

>> Bartleby: Now are you gonna start doing what I want and make us some money?
>> Simon: It's not gonna work, mate. I've lost the knack.
>> Bartleby: It's not that difficult. I've found the rich woman. You just buy her some cocktails, flash those pearly whites and keep her in bed for a few weeks.
>> Simon: I won't do it.
>> Bartleby: Fine. Then it's on your head. And don't think your detective Snyder's gonna be able to stop me.
>> Simon: Oh, I don't need him, mate. I'll take you apart myself.
>> Bartleby: Oh, maybe so. But I'm not here alone. Anything suspicious happens to me, and my mates will take care of Katie first, and then you.
>> Simon: I'm not just gonna walk away from my life. No way.
>> Bartleby: I had a life, too. Until you ratted me out and sent me to rot in prison for eight years!
>> Simon: I can't change what happened in the past! Get over it!
>> Bartleby: It's too late for excuses. Now you either work for me like you did in the old days, or Katie is gonna have a lot more than just a nasty scar on her windpipe. You haven't got a choice, mate.
>> Simon: All right, fine.
>> Bartleby: Then let's get going. The sooner we get out of here, the sooner we can start. >> Simon: There's no way I'm going tonight. I need some time. I need some time so that Katie doesn't follow me.
>> Bartleby: How will you do that?
>> Simon: I'll break her heart. I'll break her heart so she never wants to see me again. [ Bartleby laughs ]
>> Bartleby: You've got three days. And then you're coming with me. Otherwise, I will take care of Katie myself. Three days, Simon Frasier, and then you are mine.

Scene 7:
Location: Frasier Cottage
Scene: Living Room

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER, BARTLEBY SHEARS

>> Katie: Simon, is that you?
>> Simon: Yeah.
>> Katie: What were you doing outside?
>> Simon: There was an animal in the garbage can.
>> Katie: Oh. Well, I have a little somethin' for ya. You wanna see?
>> Simon: Sure.
>> Katie: What do you think?
>> Simon: You look incredible.
>> Katie: Well, good. Let's not waste any time. 'Cause I just took my temperature, and it's the perfect time to get pregnant.
>> Simon: No, I don't think so.
>> Katie: Come on, Simon. We can't waste this moment. It's perfect.
>> Simon: I'm sorry, Katie. I can't.
>> Katie: Can't what?
>> Simon: I can't have a baby with you.
>> Katie: Oh, I thought we decided that --
>> Simon: No, Katie. You decided. I just went along with it to please you.
>> Katie: What are you saying? You need more time?
>> Simon: No, I don't need any more time. You see, the truth is, I have absolutely no interest in being a father.
>> Katie: Ever?
>> Simon: Yeah, that's right.
>> Katie: Wait. Why? What happened?
>> Simon: Listen, I went along with this whole baby thing for you, okay? I'm just not the kind of guy that can take sniveling, screaming little kids to the park. Now I admitted it. There. I'm goin' out.
>> Katie: Wait. Hold on. Let's just talk about this --
>> Simon: There's nothing more to talk about. Please. Don't wait up.

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February, 2003