EPISODE 2/21/01
Katie Tells Simon There's No Baby

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February, 2001


FEBRUARY 21, 2001

Scene 1:
Location: Burt's Garage

KATIE FRASIER AND SIMON FRASIER

[Katie walks in the garage]
>> Katie: Hi, Simon. I bet you wonder what I was doing all night -- where I was. Um --
>> Simon: Not really.
>> Katie: I stayed the night at the Stratford Arms. I never actually thought I'd pay to stay in a place that makes this place look like the Taj Mahal. But I just thought that we could use some time apart from each other.
>> Simon: So you could get your story straight, huh? Work out some way you could land on your feet?
>> Katie: No, no, that's not true. I haven't ever lied to you, Simon.
>> Simon: Oh, yeah? All right, then explain a few things to me. Explain what your "friend" Henry was doing here last night. Explain the cash I saw you slip him or why he was dressed in drag at your prenatal exam.
>> Katie: He's been spying on me.
>> Simon: Oh. Oh, this is gonna be good.
>> Katie: Really. He's been trying his damnedest to get me back into the broadcasting --
>> Simon: Why? Why? Because of your relentless dedication to the truth?
>> Katie: I -- I told him no. I -- I don't want it -- after the baby comes --
>> Simon: Oh, enough! This is your worst story yet. Just give it up, all right? There is no baby, is there? You know it, Henry knows it, and, finally, I do, too.

Scene 2:
Location: Burt's Garage

SIMON FRASIER AND KATIE FRASIER

>> Simon: It's over, Katie. Yeah, I get it now. I thought it was just the Frasier luck rearing its ugly head again -- you know, bad timing and all. I mean, how else could you realize that you were pregnant, just as Lily and I were planning a life together? But I went along with it. And then there was this trip to Peoria to see that ridiculous excuse for a doctor!
>> Katie: I explained that to you. I picked a doctor out of town, because I didn't want my family butting in on my life.
>> Simon: And then there was the whispers last night when your old pal Henry dropped over -- and the cash that you slipped him when you didn't think I was looking.
>> Katie: He's blackmailing me!
>> Simon: Oh, blackmail, extortion, lies -- you don't quit, do you?
>> Katie: I would never do anything to hurt you, Simon.
>> Simon: No. No, you just lie about carrying my baby to stop me from being with the woman I love.
>> Katie: That's not what happened!
>> Simon: Then tell me what happened! Say it!
>> Katie: You're forcing me to say something -- I mean, you believe that I just made something up? You saw it with your own eyes!
>> Simon: Maybe I should take another trip to Peoria. Yeah, I'll wager that good doctor will tell me the truth for a price. Or better still, let's go to Oakdale Memorial, get a proper sonogram right now. Come on, let's go!
>> Katie: You think I'm just some rag doll that you can throw from doctor to doctor so they can hoist me up on a table and tell you what you want to hear?
>> Simon: Time will tell, won't it, Katie? Time will expose you for the liar that you are, won't it? That's right, isn't it? Isn't it?! Isn't it?!
>> Katie: Okay, fine, it's true! I lied to you. I lied to you about everything. Please don't hate me, Simon. Please, just don't hate me.

Scene 3:
Location: Burt's Garage

KATIE FRASIER AND SIMON FRASIER

>> Katie: Just let me make this up to you, Simon. Please, just let me find a way. Don't give up on me! I don't know what I would do if I lost you.
>> Simon: "Lost" me? Oh, you never had me.
>> Katie: You're my best friend. For the first time in my life, I was actually in love with someone who needed me.
>> Simon: You think this is love?
>> Katie: Yeah, I do. Love is about making a commitment. I made a commitment to you. Lily could never do that. You don't belong with her, otherwise you'd be with her right now.
>> Simon: Well, you fixed that, didn't you?
>> Katie: We belong together, Simon. We're so good together! I've never had so much fun with anyone in my entire life.
>> Simon: Then you really ought to get out more.
>> Katie: We are the best thing that's ever happened to each other. You're not in love with Lily, Simon. You're just in love with chasing after something that you can't get. That's not love.
>> Simon: You don't know the first thing about love.
>> Katie: Yes, I do -- because you taught me. And this ridiculous relationship with Lily is not love.
>> Simon: Katie, I told you so many times that i was in love with Lily, that nothing was gonna change that. Why did you set out to ruin that for me?
>> Katie: Because I love you! Look at all that you've done for love. Was that all playing by the book? No, I don't think so. You've done crazy things, desperate things. And, yeah, okay -- so have I. And I'm sorry.
>> Simon: "Sorry"? Do you know what your twisted, demented little fantasies have cost me? Have you got any idea? I stayed in this country for Lily -- to be with her, to make a life with her. And you have ripped all that away from me with your sad, selfish, little lies!
>> Katie: I'm sorry. I know i made a mistake now. I see that, and I see how much I've hurt you.
>> Simon: Well, you achieved what you set out to do, Katie. Congratulations. You've ruined my life.

Location: Burt's Garage

KATIE FRASIER AND SIMON FRASIER

>> Katie: I'm sorry. I will do anything. Please, please!
>> Simon: You'll do anything? All right. I want you to disappear. I'm gonna do my time at the Java Underground, and by the time I get back in a few hours, I want you gone.
>> Katie: You want me gone?
>> Simon: Yes! Out of my life, out of this garage -- gone. I want you to take every single thing that belongs to you, all right? And don't drop by to pick up some jacket that you conveniently "forgot." Don't call to retrieve a book or lipstick or some sick plant you have to nurse back to health.
>> Katie: You don't mean that.
>> Simon: Because I don't want to see a trace of you again!
>> Katie: You don't mean that. You don't mean that!
>> Simon: Do you want to find out how much I don't mean it?
>> Katie: Simon, you can't kick me out! Listen to me. Halliwell is watching. He will deport you or worse.
>> Simon: Wrong again, Katie, because the worst has already happened.
>> Katie: Wait, don't you care about me? Don't you care about me at all? I'm gonna be thrown in jail for my part in this phony marriage! I'm gonna get fined thousands of dollars because I helped you out.
>> Simon: Well, look at it this way -- at least the "little one" won't be born behind bars.
>> Katie: Simon, don't do this, please.
>> Simon: Just be gone by the time I get back, or you'll wish you were.
>> Katie: Simon, please, don't go! Please. Please don't leave me. Simon, don't leave me, please.

Scene 5:
Location: Burt's Garage

KATIE FRASIER ALONE

>> Katie: All right. Okay, okay, okay, it's just a shock to his system. No Lily, no baby -- but he has me. Simon, you will always have me. Okay, this is just a new beginning. It's gonna be great. He needs me now more than ever. He needs you now more than ever, okay? I'm not going anywhere.


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February, 2001