EPISODE 2/1/02
Simon Finds Firemen In The Apartment

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February, 2002


FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 1, 2002

Scene 1:
Location: Lakeview Towers
Scene: Craig's Suite

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER, LUCY MONTGOMERY

>> Katie: And lift - lift, come on, boys, you can't put out a fire with flabby glutes. And, lift. I guess you can, but no one would watch. Lift. Oh, hey. Are our guys here from New York?
>> Lucy: They sure are. There's a bunch of them downstairs in the lobby, just waiting to check in.
>> Katie: Great. And you made sure they all had their own rooms?
>> Lucy: I double checked myself.
>> Katie: Thank you. So, how do they look?
>> Lucy: Well, that actually might be a problem.
>> Katie: Why? What do you mean?
>> Lucy: Every single one of them is gorgeous. And built. And gorgeous. And ripped and gorgeous --
>> Katie: And this is a problem because?
>> Lucy: Well, they're here to audition for your workout video, right? Well, I just don't see how you're gonna choose one over the other.
>> Katie: It'll be tough, but -- that's the price of stardom. Oh, did you see Dahlia? I want to thank her for getting them here on such short notice.
>> Lucy: Oh, wait, wait, wait. There's one more thing.
>> Katie: What? Okay?
>> Lucy: [ brings out two Dalmatians ] This is Pongo. And this is Rebel. Oh, no, wait. This is Rebel - this is Pongo -- and this is Rebel.
>> Katie: But what does it matter? What are they doing here?
>> Lucy: Well, they belong to one of the firemen. He said he doesn't go anywhere without them.
>> Katie: Then why are they with you?
>> Lucy: Well, the manager wouldn't let him check in with them. So, I told him we would take care of them until the audition, and I snuck them up the back stairs.
>> Katie: All right, fine. We'll put them in my room. Oh, except --
>> Simon: Katie, what are these doing -- doing -- never mind. Here, boy. And for you. Consider it room service.
>> Katie: I can explain.
>> Simon: I'm sure you can.
>> Katie: The auditions for my workout video are tomorrow --
>> Simon: And these dogs belong to one of those firemen down in the lobby.
>> Katie: Right.
>> Simon: Right. And -- let me see I'm going to get this. And the firemen are going to be in your workout tape.
>> Katie: Right. How did -- that was kinda --
>> Lucy: It's like you knew exactly what she was thinking.
>> Simon: Yeah, it's kinda frightening, isn't it? And how long are they staying?
>> Katie: The firemen?
>> Simon: The dogs.
>> Katie: No more than an hour.
>> Simon: Right, an hour. And what if they have to be walked?
>> Katie: Lucy?
>> Lucy: Oh, no, no, no. Forget about it. Two dogs at once? No. They'd be walking me.

Scene 2:
Scene: Craig's Suite

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER, LUCY MONTGOMERY, FIREMEN

>> Katie: Those are the sweetest dogs. They look so cute lying on our bed.
>> Simon: They are not spending the night, you promised.
>> Katie: I know. As soon as their owner gets settled in, I will take them back.
>> Simon: Good. Thank you.
>> Katie: You're welcome.
>> Lucy: You didn't leave Snickers in there with those dogs, did you?
>> Katie: Oh, no.
>> Lucy: No, I'll make sure he's out of their reach.
>> Katie: Thank you.
>> Simon: Thank you.
>> Katie: So, you really think it's a good idea to use firemen in my workout video?
>> Simon: Yes, I think it's brilliant. And donating a portion of the profits to a firemen's survivor fund, I think it's great.
>> Katie: I do, too. I mean, it's the least I can do. I can't believe I'm actually gonna be working with real heroes. It's so great, I can't wait to meet them.
>> Simon: Good.
[ Phone rings ]
>> Lucy: I'll get it.
>> Simon: Good.
>> Katie: Good. Are you jealous?
>> Simon: Of what? The Dalmatians, no.
>> Katie: Me, firefighters, pulsating music --
>> Simon: Yeah, well as long as they keep their firehouses in their trucks, we'll be fine. You know, I'm never gonna let you forget that we are married.
>> Katie: Oh, really? How are you going to do that?
>> Simon: By creating a fire so hot not even one of the firemen could put it out.
>> Katie: Hmm.
>> Simon: A long, slow, smoldering blaze.
>> Katie: I know, but I have to work early in the morning.
>> Simon: Then were gonna have to get started right now.
>> Lucy: Excuse me. We have a problem.
>> Katie: Oh, no, not Snickers.
>> Simon: Ooh.
>> Lucy: Oh, no, Snickers is fine. Our firemen? Not too good.
>> Lucy: That was the front desk that called. We have a big, big problem.
>> Simon: Listen, listen, listen, listen. Whatever the problem is with the firemen, it's gonna have to wait right now.
>> Lucy: I don't think --
>> Simon: Wait till morning.
>> Lucy: I don't think it can, Uncle Simon. You see --
>> Simon: Listen, your Aunt and I have kinda scheduled a little bit private time. And nothing's gonna get in the way of that. Excuse us for one second.
[ Knock at door ] I'll get that. Yes?
>> Fireman #1: Good evening. Is this the Montgomery suite?
>> Simon: Yeah. Yeah, it is.
>> Fireman #1: Nice place.
>> Simon: Yeah, thanks. Well, I decorated it myself. But --
>> Fireman #2: Excuse me?
>> Simon: Yes?
>> Fireman #2: Is this the Montgomery suite?
>> Simon: Yes. Yes, it is.
>> Fireman #2: Hey, guys, this is it. Come on. Thanks.
>> Simon: Yeah, no --
>> Fireman #2: Hey.
>> Katie: Hello.
>> Simon: Yeah, come on in. What the --
>> Lucy: This is what I was trying to tell you. The credit card Dahlia gave me was rejected, so the hotel never held our reservation. And then, I guess, a big group of people came in. So they took up all the rooms.
>> Katie: So, my firemen have nowhere to stay?
>> Lucy: Well, I didn't know what to do, so I --
>> Simon: So we're gonna have to get them another hotel room.
>> Katie: Yeah, but we can't start looking for hotel rooms right now. They need their sleep. They work tomorrow.
[ Knock at door ]
>> Simon: Now what? Yes?
>> Fireman #3: Hi. Is --
>> Simon: Yes! The Montgomery suite.
>> Katie: Hi.
>> Simon: All right. Welcome. The more the merrier. Come on in. Take a load off.

Scene 3:
Scene: Craig's Suite

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER, LUCY MONTGOMERY, FIREMEN

>> Lucy: My dad is not gonna be happy about this.
>> Simon: Yeah, well, I'm not exactly thrilled about it myself.
>> Katie: We can't really put them in our room. We barely have room for us.
>> Lucy: Look, I hate to leave you like this, but I have to get back to my grandmother's.
>> Simon: What?
>> Katie: That's okay, hon. I'll see you tomorrow bright and early.
>> Lucy: I'll be there. Things like this never happen in Montega.
>> Simon: No, nor Australia. Listen, we've got to --
>> Katie: I know.
>> Fireman #4: Excuse me. Do you play bridge? A couple of us are looking for a fourth.
>> Katie: You know, I never got the hang of it. Sorry.
>> Fireman #4: I'd be happy to teach you.
>> Simon: Oh, guys, have you met my wife yet? My wife, yes.
>> Fireman #5: I'm married myself. You see, bridge keeps us from missing our families when we're at work. Maybe some other time.
>> Katie: Yeah, definitely.
>> Simon: Yeah, sure.
>> Katie: Now don't you feel foolish?
>> Simon: Yeah, in more ways than you can count. Have you called Dahlia yet?
>> Katie: No. I haven't exactly had time. I've been a little distracted.
>> Simon: Yeah, so I've noticed. But don't you think it's a little odd that your so-called "producer" hasn't got a valid credit card?
>> Katie: I'm sure there's an explanation.
>> Simon: She is ruining my evening.
>> Katie: I know, honey. I'm telling you, as soon as this video is over --
>> Simon: Whoa, whoa. Wait, wait. I have thought of the perfect way to make a dozen firemen disappear. I'll be right back.
>> Katie: Wait, you're not gonna pull the fire alarm, are you? Kidding. He would never do that. Sorry.

Scene 4:
Scene: Craig's Suite

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER, FIREMEN

>> Katie: All right, we now have towels. Anyone? There you go. One. Two.
>> Simon: All right, guys, listen up. Uh, thanks. Remember to report to the dining room downstairs.
>> Fireman #7: Is there a problem?
>> Simon: No, not at all. In appreciation for all your valuable services, The Lakeview chef has asked you all to be his dinner guests.
>> Fireman #7: Any idea what they're serving?
>> Simon: What are they serving? Surf and Turf, my man. All the steak and -- [ firemen cheering ] giddyap. Rock and roll. Enjoy your tasty meal.
>> Katie: Thank you. Have fun.
>> Simon: Enjoy.
>> Katie: Well, that was convenient. Looks like they're not the only heroes around here.
>> Simon: Oh, really?
>> Katie: Mm-hmm.

Scene 5:
Scene: Craig's Suite

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER

>> Katie: Wait, wait. I wanna know how you did that.
>> Simon: Did what?
>> Katie: Got one of the pickiest chefs in the world to give those guys food?
>> Simon: Well, what makes you think it wasn't his idea? All right, it wasn't exactly free. I charged it to Craig.
>> Katie: Oh, he's gonna kill you!
>> Simon: Yeah, well, if he's got a problem with it, he can take it up with Dahlia. That's assuming you are ever gonna see her again.
>> Katie: Oh, come on, Simon. I told you, I'm re it was a mistake.
>> Simon: Shh, shh, shh. We are not gonna waste valuable time discussing Dahlia.
>> Katie: I know, but I just wanna explain to you -- maybe we should just -- not talk at all.
>> Simon: Yeah. Wait, wait, wait. Please.
>> Katie: What?
>> Simon: Not in front of the mascots.
>> Katie: Oh. Sorry. Oh!
[ Laughing - Simon barks ]

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February, 2002