EPISODE 2/13/02
Dahlia Shows Up At The Police Station

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February, 2002


WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 13, 2002

Scene 1:
Location: Oakdale Police Station
Scene: Squad Room

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER, LUCINDA WALSH, CRAIG MONTGOMERY, JACK SNYDER

>> Simon: Are you all right?
>> Katie: Yeah.
>> Simon: Are you okay?
>> Katie: Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine.
>> Simon: Good.
>> Katie: Perfect. You know me, panic first and figure things out later.
>> Lucinda: Figure what things out, Lucy?
>> Lucy: It's nothing, really. Aunt Katie was just teaching me how to drive.
>> Lucinda: Aren't you glad that you took all that makeup off now? What's the matter with you, taking a beginner out in the dark to teach her how to drive? Have you lost your cotton-pickin' mind?
>> Katie: I refuse to answer on grounds that it might incriminate me.
>> Simon: Yeah, I think she's taking the -- the fifth.
>> Lucinda: And, Craig, come on, driving in the dark. Come on, with your nincompoop sister -- who's probably a menace on her own on the road -- is this an example of creative parenting? Oh, wait till Sierra hears about this.
>> Craig: This is not what you think.
>> Lucinda: Well it's much worse. I'm delighted actually, Jack, that you have brought him in in cuffs. Could you answer me a question please? Why have you brought my granddaughter into the station here for a traffic violation?
>> Jack: Well, the primary charge is driving without a license.
>> Lucinda: Well, of course, Lucy doesn't have a license.
>> Jack: I'm not talking about Lucy.

Scene 2:
Scene: Squad Room

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER, JACK SNYDER, LUCINDA WALSH, LUCY MONTGOMERY

>> Ms. Frasier -- nee Peretti's -- license hasn't been renewed since 1998.
>> Simon: What?
>> Katie: Well I tried to renew it, but they wouldn't let me. They sent back my check.
>> Jack: Yes, with a note explaining that a license that is currently suspended cannot be renewed.
>> Simon: Suspended? Well, this just gets better, doesn't it?
>> Lucinda: You took a young girl out on the road when your own license was revoked?
>> Katie: Oh, come on, it's not like I don't know how to drive. What do you think lawyers do when they get disbarred?
They teach other people how to lawyer.
>> Simon: What's the bottom line, Jack?
>> Jack: Well, given the charges -- it could be a while before the girls are released
>> Katie: Charges? For hitting a fender? Wait, what am I even talking about, I wasn't driving, Lucy was.
>> Lucy: Oh, thanks, Aunt Katie.
>> Katie: No, it's not your fault. See, we didn't realize that we were going down a one way street.
>> Lucinda: Oh, can't read either!
>> Katie: And when we did realize we wanted to turn around, Lucy executed a perfect 90-degree turn into a residential driveway.
>> Lucy: Only then, when I put it into reverse --
>> Katie: Someone had pulled up behind us.
>> Simon: Katie -- Katie, you hit a cop -- a cop called Shanks.
>> Katie: Yeah, well, it was just his fender.
>> Lucinda: I hope you have insurance.
>> Simon: What's it gonna cost, Jack?
>> Katie: If you're gonna bribe a cop, don't do it in front of witnesses
>> Simon: For the bumper.
>> Jack: All at once or do you want it in installments?
>> Craig: Don't look at me.
>> Lucinda: Nor me.
>> Katie: Fine, we don't have to. We can handle this on our own. Thank you, anyway. I called Dahlia.
>> Craig: Jack, a word with you? I can understand how you might be enjoying this. But don't make my daughter suffer just because her father happens to be a thorn in your side.
>> Jack: Lucy was driving out a learner's permit, Craig.
>> Craig: What's it gonna take, Jack? I could lose my daughter here. Lucinda will use anything she can to try and take Lucy away from me. >> Jack: Sounds really important to you.
>> Craig: Name your price.
>> Jack: You're not gonna like it.
>> Craig: I could go through my sister, who might be more sympathetic --
>> Jack: Margo's on a case. She could be out all night.
>> Craig: Jack, they're just kids. Well, Lucy's a kid. Katie's child-like --
>> Jack: I'm not all that worried about Lucy. And I'm not worried about Katie, for that matter. I'm worried about you, Craig.
>> Craig: What do you want, Jack?
>> Jack: A promise -- from you.

Scene 3:
Scene: Squad Room

SIMON FRASIER, CRAIG MONTGOMERY, JACK SNYDER, KATIE FRASIER, LUCINDA WALSH, LUCY MONTGOMERY

>> Craig: Uncle Hal wouldn't torture little girls, would he?
>> See, that's the problem. This isn't real to you, is it? Hal's gone. Carly -- gone.
>> Craig: Which is why you need my help.
>> Jack: No, I need you to back off, permanently.
>> Craig: And if I refuse?
>> Jack: I put your daughter in the system. I don't want to, but that's where it is.
>> Craig: Jack, if I hadn't stowed away on that plane, you wouldn't have known --
>> Jack: I would have found out, Craig, without alerting the pilot, who no doubt has passed on the word to Stenbeck. You're a menace. I want you gone.
>> Craig: And then what? You pick your way around regulations while Carly is --
>> Jack: Please, go, make money. Let me do my job, for your daughter's sake.
>> Craig: You promise to back off?
>> Jack: You have my word. She's free to go.
>> Craig: You're going to regret this, Jack.
>> Jack: I'll learn to live with it.
>> Simon: Okay, so why -- why did you call Dahlia?
>> Katie: I'm a celebrity. If this gets out --
>> Simon: A celebrity? [ whistles ] That's rich.
>> Katie: The video. Exercise gurus can't get thrown in jail, they can't be behind bars. And I had no choice. You weren't home when I called. I had to call her.
>> Lucinda: How are we doing, Jack?
>> Jack: Your granddaughter' free to go.
>> Lucinda: Oh, good.
>> Lucy: Well, what about you?
>> Craig: Jack?
>> Jack: The department has chosen not to press charges against either of them at this time.
>> Lucy: So we can both go home?
>> Lucinda: Oh, honey love, you're comin' home with me.
>> Craig: Lucinda --
>> Lucy: It's okay, Daddy. It was my fault, grandmother. I shouldn't have pestered Aunt Katie into giving me a driving lesson. I just wanted to learn. I know you're all scared of me learning to drive because of Bryant. But, tonight, what happened -- I wasn't going fast --
>> Craig: I'll teach you how to drive.
>> Lucinda: Oh, good God, you will not! If she's gonna have driving lessons, she's gonna have it with a proper person, a proven driver.
>> Katie: What about Simon?
>> Lucinda: The last time I saw Simon behind the wheel, he was nestling in to stay in my foyer. No way. Fenwick --
Fenwick can give you driving lessons, darling.
>> Lucy: Thank you, grandmother -- I think.
>> Lucinda: All right, come on, let's go talk to him. He's waiting patiently outside.
>> Lucy: But --
>> Lucinda: We'll talk to him and arrange for the lessons, and then I will drive you to your father's, all right? And I think your father will be there.
>> Craig: I'll be there.
>> Lucinda: Come on.
>> Katie: See?
>> Craig: Let's get out of here.
>> Katie: I told you this would work out.
>> Jack: Not so fast, speed racer. Your situation is a little serious.

Scene 4:
Scene: Squad Room

SIMON FRASIER, JACK SNYDER, KATIE FRASIER, CRAIG MONTGOMERY, DAHLIA

>> Jack: Let's see -- disobeying a traffic control device.
>> Katie: What traffic control device?
>> Jack: That would be the "do not enter, one-way" sign.
>> Katie: I didn't see it. What am I saying, I wasn't even driving.
>> Jack: You were the adult in the car, Katie.
>> Simon: Oh, no.
>> Jack: Unlawful use of or damage to highways, appurtenances and structures.
>> Katie: I know I didn't damage any appurtenance.
>> Katie and Simon: What's an appurtenance?
>> Jack: That would be the curb and driveway you took out. Reckless driving -- class-a misdemeanor that can put you behind bars for up to a year. And, not to mention, we haven't even gotten to the driving without a license.
>> Simon: All right. All right, Jack, we get the picture.
>> Jack: I don't think you do. A computer search turned up several thousand dollars in unpaid parking tickets.
>> Simon: All right, what's the cost?
>> Craig: Not a chance.
>> Katie: Come on, Craig, I could go to jail.
>> Craig: Katie, Lucinda is on the phone with Sierra as we speak. I could lose Lucy. And if I do, jail may be the safest place for you.
>> Simon: Listen, Craig, I'll pay you back. I promise.
>> Craig: With what?
>> Jack: Say your good-byes, Katie. Bring her down to lockup.
>> Simon: Call your sister.
>> Craig: I know. Say, Jack --
>> Katie: Okay. Call "The Enquirer." Tell them I will sell them my story for -- double the fines, so we can have some left over.
>> Simon: Listen, Katie, unpaid parking tickets that won't even make the back page.
>> Katie: I am the sister of the editor of "The Intruder."
>> Simon: I know you are. And he's already edited you out.
>> Katie: Oh, come on, you want me to go to jail?
>> Dahlia: Trouble?
>> Katie: Oh, Dahlia, I'm so glad to see you. I'm so sorry I had to call you. But I was giving my little niece a driving lesson. She went the wrong way down a one-way street -- you know, teenage drivers -- anyway, they want to put me in jail. How about that?
>> Dahlia: Don't worry, Katie. I'll take care of it.
[ Interrogation Room ]
>> Craig: You want a clear path to Carly because you think, if you solve this case all by your lonesome, you're gonna impress --
>> Jack: Craig, I am so into giving credit where credit is due. But you, you're an inch away from obstruction.
>> Craig: All right, put me in jail. And when Carly gets home, see where she goes first.
>> Jack: To see Parker.
>> Craig: Okay, second.
>> Jack: Craig, the reason I don't want you workin' this case -- the only reason is because pay attention -- you are not a cop!
>> Craig: I hate to tell you this, Jack, but that badge is not gonna save your bacon when Carly finds you're shacked up with s'il vous plait Mitzi.
>> Jack: Mitzi?
>> Craig: Je m'appelle Mitzi.
>> Jack: She's a friend.
>> Craig: Huh? I can tell.
>> Jack: Well, you know -- Carly -- Carly would fully understand about Mitzi. You know why? Because she used to be a woman who was down on her luck. She'd appreciate the fact that I helped out Mitzi by letting her stay in my house while Rose was away, until Rose gets back. She'd also be the first person to know that there was nothing goin' on.
>> Craig: Sure. But what if there is something going on, Jack? Hmm? What would Carly say?

Scene 5:
Scene: Squad Room

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER, DAHLIA

>> Dahlia: So, how much do you need, Katie?
>> Simon: Nothing, nothing. Thanks, though but, you know, we can handle it.
>> Katie: Right. Yeah, I'm sorry to bother you. But Simon wasn't home -- but now he's here, so --
>> Dahlia: Oh. Okay. I didn't mean to intrude. But listen, call me first thing tomorrow. I have some personal appearances lined up for you and we need to go over your wardrobe. Aren't you lucky to have a man to look after you? And such a handsome one at that.
>> Katie: Are you sure, Simon? It's only a loan.
>> Simon: We don't need Dahlia's money.
>> Dahlia: Oh, well, you know what? It's not my money. I'm not that generous. It's Katie's. Yeah. Just consider it an advance on the video.
>> Katie: Oh, yeah. She's right! I mean, it's not a loan at all, really.
>> Dahlia: So, how much do you need?
>> Katie: Oh, let's see.
>> Dahlia: Oh, all right. Listen, with the amount of money we're going to be making, this is nothing. Unless you have an objection.
>> Simon: No. Well, it is Katie's money, right? So how could I object?
>> Dahlia: Great. You know, in a few weeks, you're going to have so much more, you're not even going to know what do with it all. And what's hers is yours. Right, Simon?
>> Katie: Well, thank you, Dahlia. I'm going to go see if I can pay this up, and we can get outta here.
>> Dahlia: So where's my thank you?
>> Simon: Well, it's Katie's money, right?
>> Dahlia: Handsome and smart. At least smart enough not to tell Katie about our little kiss. You didn't tell her, did you?
>> Simon: Look, whatever game you're playing, Dahlia, it's kinda boring,
>> Dahlia: I so love a challenge.
>> Simon: Yeah, well, keep it up and you will get hurt.
>> Dahlia: Is that a promise?
>> Katie: All right. We're all paid up and I can go, if you drive. Is some -- is everything okay?
>> Dahlia: Yeah, Simon was just telling me how he was going to thank me for helping you.
>> Katie: She's been so great, hasn't she?
>> Simon: Yeah, she's incredible. Well, Katie, let's get outta here. This place attracts all kinds of creeps. Thanks, Dahlia.
>> Katie: Yeah, thanks again.
>> Dahlia: Any time.

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February, 2002