EPISODE 2/1/01
Simon and Katie Visit the Doctor's Office
Home
Simonscript
February, 2001
FEBRUARY 1, 2001
Scene 1:
Place: Peoria, Illinois
Location: Obstetrician Dr. Early's office.
Scene: Waiting room.
SIMON FRASIER AND MRS. KATIE FRAISER
>> Katie: Well, we're finally here.
>> Simon: This is your doctor's office?
>> Katie: Yeah, this is it. I guess I
should go sign us in.
>> Simon: Not even in my worst nightmares -- no,
no, no, there is no
way
we're staying here. Come on.
>> Katie: Oh, don't be silly, Simon.
>> Simon: No, I'm deadly serious. Take a good,
hard look around,
Katie.You wouldn't even set foot in the loo at the garage without a
wetsuit and
rubber gloves, but you've got an obstetrician who
works out of this?
>> Katie: It's not that bad.
>> Simon: You can't even bring yourself to touch
that pen, can you? I bet
you're dying for a bottle of disinfectant right
now.
>> Katie: You're probably just in a bad mood
because you kept getting us
lost.
>> Simon: Me? No, no, no, you were the one
with the bad directions.
You
had no idea how to get here because you've
probably never been here
before.
Admit it.
>> Katie: Simon, the first time I was here I was
terrified that I was
pregnant,
and this place was overflowing with expectant
mothers. Who had time for
a
white glove inspection?
>> Simon: Yeah, well, you always seem to. I
bet it's taking everything in
you right now not to run home to a hot steaming
shower, but you'll let a
doctor like this touch you?
>> Katie: They wear gloves, Simon. Honestly, this
is a perfectly harmless
waiting room. It just needs redecorating. [Katie
shrieks] What is that?
What
is that thing?
>> Simon: What is what thing? What?
>> Katie: Nothing. Just a harmless ant. See,
you've got me all jumpy
with
this talk of hygiene.
>> Simon: That's it. Let's go.
>> Katie: Where?
>> Simon: To find a clean, decent, reputable
professional. In Oakdale.
Scene 2:
Place: Peoria, Illinois
Location: Obstetrician Dr. Early's office.
Scene: Waiting room.
MRS KATIE FRASIER AND SIMON FRASIER
>> Katie: No, it took us long enough to get
here, and Dr. Early was nice
enough to give us the last appointment. So it
would be rude to leave.
>> Simon: I don't care. I don't care, we'll pay
for it, all right? And then,
we'll
get an appointment for tomorrow back at home.
>> Katie: No.
>> Simon: Why not?
>> Katie: Because every doctor in town knows
someone in my family,
and
even if they don't, someone in my family is gonna
make a point to get to
know them.
>> Simon: I don't care about gossip, all right? I
just care about the
medical
well-being of the baby.
>> Katie: I do, too.
>> Simon: Then take a look around and wake up.
This place looks like the
breeding ground for every mutated virus since the
black plague. And did
you
get a load of this, huh? This must be some of the
pictures of the babies
he's
delivered. I mean, if this alone doesn't frighten
you --
>> Katie: He has nothing to do with their genes.
>> Simon: Yeah, but what are the odds?
HENRY COLEMAN AS A PREGNANT WOMAN
>> Henry: I hope you don't mind. I couldn't help
overhearing. But don't
be
fooled -- modest facilities, true. But they don't
make them like Dr. Early
any
more. He's the answer to a mother's prayers.
Scene 3:
Place: Peoria, Illinois
Location: Obstetrician Dr. Early's office.
Scene: Waiting room.
MRS. KATIE FRASIER, SIMON FRASIER, AND HENRY COLEMAN
(DISGUISED AS A PREGNANT WOMAN)
>> Henry: He's more than a doctor. He's -- he's,
like a member of the
family.
I recommended all my friends, not a disappointed
mama in the bunch.
>> Simon: You don't say?
>> Henry: I dare say. When I first came here, my
husband and I, we were
as
nervous as you two seem to be. These offices
aren't exactly what one
would
call -- but when I met dr. Early, I knew we'd come
to the right place.
>> Simon: Right. Well, he's delivered some of your
kids?
>> Henry: All four of my little angels.
>> Simon: Right. And the state of this waiting
room, it honestly doesn't
bother you?
>> Henry: Oh, honey, talk to me after your fourth.
Trust me, nothing
bothers
this mama any more.
>> Katie: Honey, would you be a sweetheart and
take my coat?
>> Simon: Yeah, fine.
>> Katie: Thank you.
>> Henry: That's sweet.
MRS. KATIE FRASIER AND HENRY COLEMAN
>> Katie: Do you have any idea how scary you look,
Henry?
>> Henry: Oh, oh, these swollen ankles. You enjoy
those lovable little
pumps as long as you can, honey. Because by the
ninth month it is
Birkenstocks and orthopedic loafers.
>> Katie: Talked to the doctor, did you?
Everything set up, he knows
what
to do?
>> Henry: Have I ever let you down before?
>> Katie: Let me count the ways.
>> Henry: Well, you better count out 500
Samoleans. He works on a
sliding
scale.
>> Katie: 500, Today? I don't have 500 hundred of
anything.
>> Henry: Katie, I warned you. He is not gonna
compromise his
Hippocratic
Oath just for the fun of it.
>> Katie: This guy took an oath? Look at this
place.
>> Henry: Oh, well, look who's become a choosy
little beggar.
>> Katie: No, I told you I will pay. I told you
that. It's just I didn't
exactly
have time to scrape up the money.
>> Henry: Oops, I guess you're fresh out of luck,
then, huh?
SIMON FRASIER RETURNS
>> Simon: Katie?
MRS KATIE FRASIER, HENRY COLEMAN, AND SIMON
FRASIER
>> Katie: You have got to do something.
>> Henry: Oh, don't mind me. You go join your
handsome husband. I
can
think of a lot of women who'd love to steal that
one away. Nothing like a
baby to seal the deal, I always say.
SIMON FRASIER AND MRS KATIE FRASIER
>> Simon: What was that?
>> Katie: Oh, just girl talk.
>> Simon: Right. You feeling all right?
>> Katie: Yeah, fine. Why?
>> Simon: Well, this place must be working
overtime on your gag reflex
right about now.
[Phone rings]
>> Katie: You know, the truth is, I'd endure
practically anything to keep
Tom and Margo and the rest of the family from
trying to run my
pregnancy.
>> Simon: Look, I understand you wanting to stay
away from Oakdale,
but
surely we can find a place a little less toxic
than this. All right, next time, I
find the doctor.
>> Katie: Okay, well, marriage is all about
compromise.
>> Henry: Well, that was home I've gotta go.
>> Katie: But you haven't even seen the doctor
yet.
MRS KATIE FRASIER, SIMON FRASIER, AND HENRY
COLEMAN
>> Henry: Well, I'm going to have to reschedule.
My husband just called,
and said that my youngest is feeling poorly. She's
been asking, screaming
for
her mama. So how can I refuse?
>> Katie: But I would hate to see you leave now, I
was just getting to
know
you. And I was hoping to have some advice from
someone who's been
through something like this before.
>> Henry: You'll do just fine. Now don't go hog
wild when it comes time
to
get maternity clothes, okay? Be selective, all
right? Comfort that should be
the first consideration. And get yourself a
haircut. I just had mine done. I
told my girl, I said, "Make me look like Barbara
from one of my favorite
stories." What do you think?
>> Katie: See, you have so much good advice, and I
have so many
questions.
>> Henry: That's what Dr. Early is for. Maternity
wear, section B. Take a
look. It's what every new mother needs. And you
spoil her rotten, she
deserves it.
>> Simon: Good luck to you.
>> Henry: Oh, I don't need luck. I have Dr. Early.
Bye.
HENRY LEAVES
>> Simon: Talk about the effect of mutated
viruses.
DR. EARLY ENTERS THE ROOM
>> Dr. Early: Mrs. Frasier, looks like you're up
next.
Scene 4:
Place: Peoria, Illinois
Location: Obstetrician Dr. Early's office.
Waiting room.
SIMON FRASIER, DR. EARLY, AND MRS. KATIE
FRASIER
>> Simon: You're Dr. Early?
>> Dr. Early: Mr. Frasier, I presume? So glad you
could join us today.
>> Simon: Yeah, well, I wouldn't miss this for the
world.
>> Dr. Early: And Mrs. Frasier, you're positively
glowing. It is so good
to
see you again.
>> Katie: You too. I tried to explain to my
husband that everything was
going really well, but he insisted on seeing you,
so.
>> Dr. Early: New dad jitters. Well, I presume you
have followed the
proper
instructions? We want to ensure a healthy
pregnancy, yes?
>> Simon: Yes, yes. That's why we're here, right?
>> Dr. Early: Well, shall we go inside?
>> Katie: I think I left my purse in the car.
>> Simon: Katie, you're holding your purse. Come
on, let's get on with
it.
The examination room has to be an improvement,
right?
>> Dr. Early: Ready, little mother?
>> Katie: I've forgotten something.
>> Simon: Forgotten what?
[Katie remembering]
>> Henry: "Section B. Take a look. Everything
a new mother like you
could
need."
[Fade to a commercial break.]
Scene 5:
Place: Peoria, Illinois
Location: Obstetrician Dr. Early's office.
Scene: Waiting room.
DR. EARLY, SIMON FRASIER, AND MRS. KATIE
FRASIER
>> Dr. Early: If you'll both follow me right this
way, we'll take a look
and
see how we're coming along.
>> Simon: Well, that's why we're here, right?
Katie, nothing to be
nervous
about. You've been here before, haven't you?
[Katie grabs the newspaper from a patient in the
waiting room]
>> Katie: I believe that's mine.
>> Patient: What on earth?
>> Katie: Oh, I'm sorry. Did I just snap at you?
It must be these
ridiculous
hormones. Aren't they the pits?
>> Dr. Early: She must be quite a handful.
>> Simon: Yeah, yeah, she's something, all right.
Come on, Katie, the
doctor's waiting.
[She finds the money inside the newspaper]
>> Katie: Oh, thank you, Henry.
>> Simon: Is everything all right?
>> Katie: Yes, fine. Ready, daddy?
Scene 6:
Bert's Garage
MRS. KATIE FRASIER AND SIMON FRASIER
>> Katie: Maybe it's just me, but I think that ice
cream tastes better when
you're pregnant. Don't worry, I won't rely on this
stuff solely for my
calcium
intake. Can you believe all of these minerals and
vitamins that Dr. Early
prescribed? We're going to have the biggest,
healthiest baby ever. I don't
even know where to start. Maybe I should take them
alphabetically? What
do you think?
>> Simon: Yeah, whatever works.
>> Katie: You know, it's all right to have an
opinion about this, Simon.
You're the parent of this child, too. Well, you
have your proof now. No
more
doubts about this baby, right? Simon?
>> Simon: I'm just -- I'm just thinking. There's
so many decisions and
plans
to be made now.
>> Katie: Don't worry about it, okay? We're gonna
be the most incredible
parents. All you have to do is just put the baby
first, before anything.
Speaking of which, I think we need another nap.
I'll see you in a little bit?
SIMON FRASIER ALONE
>> Simon: Lily, it's me. I need to see you.
Home
Simonscript
February, 2001