EPISODE 12/9/09
Simon Is Arrested

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Simonscript
December, 2009


WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 9, 2009

Scene 1:
Location: Oakdale, IL
Scene: Katie Snyder Home

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE SNYDER, GHOST OF BRAD SNYDER

>> Simon: You want some more coffee?
>> Katie: No thanks. It will keep me up, and Jacob does a pretty good job of that on his own.
>> Simon: Why do you keep looking at me like that?
>> Katie: Making lunch, doing the dishes --
>> Simon: Is that wrong? Am I doing something wrong?
>> Katie: Well, I just don't recall you being so helpful when we were married.
>> Simon: Then it's long overdue. I'm just here to help you, remember?
>> Katie: I think I'm gonna go out.
>> Simon: Yeah?
>> Katie: Yeah.
>> Simon: That's a great idea. What, uh -- where are you off to?
>> Katie: Oh, just walk around town. Jacob and I can look at the Christmas decorations.
>> Simon: That is a great idea. I'm glad you feel up to it. I wish I could come with you.
>> Katie: You can't.
>> Simon: I know? I mean, I don't want to chance another run-in with your, uh, gun-toting sister.
[ Katie chuckles ]
[ Simon gasps ]
>> Katie: Bye.
>> Simon: Later. Yeah, have -- have fun.
>> Katie: We will.
>> Simon: Bye.
[ Door closes ]
>> Simon: All right, Brad, is that -- is that your plan? You think you're pretty clever, don't you? Is that your plan? What's that, to -- to scald me, send me to the E.R. And get me arrested?
>> Brad: Got that right, Aussie. Go ahead. Dump the coffee. I'll find some other way to get you arrested and away from my wife.


Scene 2:
Location: Oakdale, IL
Scene: Katie Snyder Home

SIMON FRASIER, HENRY COLEMAN, GHOST OF BRAD SNYDER

>> Simon: I'm on to you, Brad, but I'm not gonna let you spook Katie. You're definitely not gonna spook me.
[ Knock on door ]
[ Simon gasps ]
[ Brad laughs ]
>> Brad: You seem pretty freaked out to me, bud.
>> Henry: Simon, it's me.
>> Simon: What are you doing here?
>> Brad: That's what I would like to know, you traitor.
>> Henry: I, uh -- I wanted to thank you for going to bat for me with Katie, getting her to drop the restraining order.
>> Simon: Yeah, sure. No worries. Anytime.
>> Brad: Your bud's not too, uh, talkative. Someone's creeping him out.
>> Henry: You know, I -- I saw Katie leave, but, uh, it sounded like you were talking to somebody in here.
[ Simon sniffs ]
>> Simon: Man, you are not gonna believe me if I tell you.
>> Henry: Try me.
>> Simon: You got to keep an open mind about this. I'm not going bonkers.
>> Henry: All right.v >> Simon: But I think Brad's here, in this room, right now.
>> Henry: You know about the ghost, too!


Scene 3:
Location: Oakdale, IL
Scene: Katie Snyder Home

SIMON FRASIER, HENRY COLEMAN, GHOST OF BRAD SNYDER

>> Simon: Man, I thought Katie was imagining seeing things when she thought Brad was floating around.
>> Henry: No, no, no. He's for real.
>> Simon: Yeah, real pain in the -- you know what the guy's been trying to do to me? He's been trying to lead the police to me. All right. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a second. Yeah, he was the one who set that burglar alarm off, wasn't he?
>> Henry: Yeah, yeah. I took the fall for it because I didn't want to upset Katie.
>> Simon: Well, mate, it wasn't you that upset her. He did!
>> Brad: You want a piece of me? Bring it.
>> Henry: Brad's a good guy, okay? He just doesn't want to leave Katie because he loves her.
>> Brad: You got that right. Hands off my wife.
>> Simon: Right. You know what a good guy is? He's tried to scald me with hot coffee.
>> Henry: Oh, please tell me you didn't do that!
>> Simon: Wait a second, mate. Wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You can talk to him? You can see him?
>> Henry: Yeah. It seems like I'm the only one that can. He's standing right next to you with a very stern look on his face.
>> Simon: Brad, can you hear me?
>> Brad: I'm dead, not deaf.
>> Simon: No disrespect, Brad. But if you really want to help her, mate, you'll leave her alone.
>> Brad: Who does this guy think he is?
>> Simon: Listen, I'm sure you've heard her crying herself to sleep at night.
>> Brad: What?
>> Simon: But do you know how worried she is at the moment, how scared she is about making mistakes with the baby, of moving on with her life?
>> Brad: Tell him to shut up.
>> Simon: Okay, now, she has told me how much you love her, how you gave your life for her. But save her again, mate, please. If you truly love her, leave her alone.


Scene 4:
Location: Oakdale, IL
Scene: Katie Snyder Home

SIMON FRASIER, HENRY COLEMAN, GHOST OF BRAD SNYDER

>> Simon: Oh, this is ridiculous. Am I getting through to him? Is he still here?
>> Brad: Tell this guy that if he doesn't stay away from Katie, I will find a way to push him under a bus.
>> Simon: Yeah, I saw that. He said something to you. What did he say? What did he say?
>> Henry: Brad is a little resistant to the idea of leaving Katie.
>> Brad: Tell him that he's a criminal, thief and liar, and he's a bad influence on my son.
>> Henry: What? Come on! Jacob's only been alive for a couple of weeks. How can he be a bad influence on him?
>> Brad: Tell him!
>> Henry: He thinks you're a bad influence.
>> Simon: Well, he's got a point there. What else?
>> Brad: And that he's putting the moves on Katie.
>> Henry: Have you been putting the moves on Katie?
>> Simon: The moves? I have not been. Please. Is that what he said? I have not!
>> Brad: Oh, you want her back. Admit it.
>> Henry: Look, we all want what's best for Katie, so let's just figure out what that is and make it work.
[ Henry laughs ]
>> Simon: Fine with me. That's exactly what I want -- the best for Katie. Is that cool with the ghost of Christmas past?
>> Brad: Tell dundee I said forget it.
>> Henry: Brad thinks that's a great idea. So let's all make Katie happy.
>> Simon: All right.


Scene 5:
Location: Oakdale, IL
Scene: Katie Snyder Home

SIMON FRASIER, HENRY COLEMAN, GHOST OF BRAD SNYDER

>> Henry: Brad wants to know what kind of deal you had in mind.
>> Brad: This is so not fair.
>> Simon: I tell you what. He can go first, and then we'll take it from there.
>> Brad: Okay, tell him I don't want him dragging Katie into anything illegal. I don't want him hitting on her. That is non-negotiable.
>> Henry: Okay. No illegal stuff, and no moves.
[ Simon groans ]
>> Simon: Again with the moves. All right. Here are my terms. Brad can stay and watch over Katie from a distance, but under no circumstance -- none -- is he to try to make contact with her.
>> Brad: Why not?
>> Henry: Why not?
>> Simon: It's just gonna confuse and upset her further.
>> Henry: Oh, but if he does this, what's in it for him?
>> Brad: Yeah. That's just what I'm saying.
>> Simon: All right. In return, I will keep a strict hands-off policy with Katie for one week.
>> Henry: Sheesh.
>> Brad: A week? Get real!
>> Simon: After one week, Brad's to make himself scarce, and Katie and I will see what's what.
>> Brad: What's what? No way, no way! Not in my house! No, no, that's not gonna happen, not with this guy!
>> Henry: Let's talk about this.
>> Brad: No, there's no more talking! Katie's my wife -- mine! He can go to hell, and so can you, Henry! No more deals.
>> Henry: Mm. Brad's gone.
>> Simon: Yeah, I knew that'd get rid of him. Man, that is just weird, negotiating with a ghost.
>> Henry: You know, you get used to it.
>> Simon: Mate, how long have you been --
>> Henry: What, seeing him? Right after he died.
>> Simon: What about Katie?
>> Henry: No. I tried to get her to see him, and -- and I tried to -- to help them talk to one another, but none of it works.
>> Simon: Why's that?
>> Henry: Because this wasn't meant to be. Katie should be living with the living, and Brad needs to cross over to the next life.
>> Simon: You need to help her see that.
>> Henry: I can't. She doesn't want to be around me. She still blames me for what happened. Simon, you can help her.
>> Simon: Well, mate, I think I am. I mean, do you see her around? She's gone out to check out the Christmas decorations.
>> Henry: Wait a second. Wait. She's going out to have some fun?
>> Simon: Yeah.
>> Henry: Okay, okay, okay. You need to stay here until she's better, all right?
>> Simon: I ain't going anywhere.
>> Henry: Yeah. Simon --
>> Simon: Yeah.
>> Henry: Watch your back.


Scene 6:
Location: Oakdale, IL
Scene: Police Department Office

KATIE SNYDER, MARGO HUGHES

>> Katie: Well, I'd better get Jacob home.
>> Margo: Katie, Katie, about Simon --
>> Katie: Oh, don't worry about that. It's not like I'm gonna go off looking for him again.
>> Margo: Well, good, because here in the real world, Katie, if Simon did show up, he would be tied up in legal problems for years. And how interesting would that be for your book, huh?
>> Katie: Good point.
[ Katie chuckles ] All right. I'll see you later. Bye.
>> Margo: Bye.


Scene 7:
Location: Oakdale, IL
Scene: Katie Snyder Home

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE SNYDER, MARGO HUGHES, GHOST OF BRAD SNYDER

>> Katie: Simon, I'm home. Simon? Simon?
>> Simon: Hey there.
>> Katie: Where were you?
>> Simon: Shopping.
>> Katie: Are you crazy? What if someone recognized you?
>> Simon: Nobody did. Hello, mate. Did you enjoy the Christmas decorations?
>> Katie: You could have gotten caught.
>> Simon: Nobody saw me except the old man at the toy store.
>> Katie: Aw. You got Jacob a Christmas present?
>> Simon: It's for you, actually, but you can share it with him. You ready? Meet Snickers III.
>> Katie: Oh, my god! Thank you. That was so sweet.
>> Simon: Oh, I just thought he'd be, you know, nice to cuddle up to on these lonely nights.
>> Katie: Thank you.
>> Simon: My pleasure, treasure.
[ Katie chuckles ]
>> Brad: Get your hands off my wife. There's got to be something right here I can throw.
[ Door opens]
[ Margo gasps ]
>> Margo: Oh, Katie, I was so hoping I was wrong about this.
>> Brad: Yes!


Scene 8:
Location: Oakdale, IL
Scene: Katie Snyder Home

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE SNYDER

>> Katie: Margo, please don't be mad. Please.
>> Margo: Don't be mad? Are you out of your mind, hiding Simon like this? You could be indicted for harboring a criminal.
>> Simon: She didn't invite me. I just turned up by myself.
>> Margo: As you tend to do. You're under arrest.
>> Simon: Oh, allow me.
>> Brad: Margo, you rule! You finally arrested the right guy.
>> Katie: Margo, don't. Please, don't take him away.
>> Margo: I'm sorry. I don't have any choice.
>> Katie: Yes, you do! You can just pretend you never saw him! He can leave today, right now. It'll be like you never saw him.
>> Simon: Don't worry about me. I'm gonna be fine.
[ Katie sighs ]
>> Katie: Simon's gone. Oh, he's gone, and it's all my fault.
[ Katie sobs ]


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December, 2009