EPISODE 12/23/02
Simon Gets the Farm
Home
Simonscript
December, 2002
MONDAY, DECEMBER 23, 2002
Scene 1:
Location: Frasier's Cottage
Scene: Living Room
SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER
[ Simon is covering Katie's present when he hears her come downstairs. ]
>> Katie: Is that you, sugarplum?
>> Simon: Well, it depends on who you're expecting.
>> Katie: Well, it's either my gorgeous, sexy, dark-haired husband or -- that
other sexy white-haired guy that makes house calls this time of year. It is!
It's Santa Claus!
>> Simon: Oh, why don't you come over here and sit on Santa's lap? Huh?
>> Katie: Ooh, no problem with that.
>> Simon: Oh, careful, careful. You're still on the mend.
>> Katie: Oh, I've never felt better. Go ahead. Feel me.
>> Simon: Oh, Santa likes naughty girls. Do you like that, huh? Is that
what you want for Christmas? Huh?
>> Katie: Is that mine?!
>> Simon: Oh, that -- how did that get there? Yes, it is.
>> Katie: Oh, my God!
[ Katie unveils a wooden cabinet. ]
>> Katie: Oh, my God. Simon, this is -- this is absolutely gorgeous. You
made this? For me?
>> Simon: Well, it's not so much for you, but it is for your doll collection,
yes.
>> Katie: You made this for all my dolls? Oh, my God, it's -- it's so --
I --it's so --
>> Simon: So, so? Come on. Do you like it?
>> Katie: Yes!
>> Simon: Do you? Good, 'cause I've spent hundreds of hours on it. I've got
more splinters than I can count. So where are your dolls? Come on. Let's
get those dolls and move 'em on in. Where are they?
>> Katie: They're not here. I -- I sold them.
Scene 2:
Location: Frasier's Cottage
Scene: Living Room
SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER
>> Simon: All right, what are you talking about? You -- you sold all your
dolls? What did you do that for?
>> Katie: Because it's Christmas. And I wanted to get you something so
special, so out-of-this-world. Something that is so perfect for you, so
personal, that you would have forever.
>> Simon: Okay, but there -- all of your dolls -- there were -- there were a
lot of dolls. What did you do?
>> Katie: It's okay. It's all right!
>> Simon: No, honey, it's not okay. You loved those dolls. Look, whatever
this gift is, we'll return it. We'll take it back, and with the money,
we'll buy those dolls back, every last one of them.
>> Katie: No, I don't want them back.
>> Simon: Then what's going -- what's this about?
>> Katie: I ruined Christmas for you.
>> Simon: Come on!
>> Katie: You built this beautiful piece of art for me with your bare hands.
And I've ruined it! I've made it totally useless. I'm so sorry.
>> Simon: Honey, it's not useless, okay? We can do something with this.
It's not -- you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna go outside into the
woods and round up all the homeless pixies and donate it to them as a
shelter. It's a homeless pixie shelter. Okay? And then I'm gonna go out and
get you a gift that you can actually use.
>> Katie: No! Stop it right there. You are not getting me another gift. I
love this! It is so beautiful and amazing. And you made it with your own
hands for me. Promise me you will not go and buy me some stupid --
>> Simon: I am going to get you another gift.
>> Katie: No, you're not! Promise me! I love this!
>> Simon: All right. I promise I will not buy you another gift.
>> Katie: Good. Because I love the one I have.
>> Simon: All right, enough what did you get me with -- with all your doll
money?
>> Katie: Well -- Merry Christmas. You better like it, or I am sleeping out
in the woods tonight.
Scene 3:
Location: Frasier's Cottage
Scene: Living Room
SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER
>> Simon: Well, I'll tell you one thing. It's not as big as mine. It's
-- ah!
>> Katie: Just rip the sucker open, will ya?
>> Simon: All right! Just relax!
>> Katie: Come on!
>> Simon: Okay. Well, what do we have here? Well, it's a beautiful leather
wallet for all my $1 bills. Fantastic.
>> Katie: The present's inside. Open it.
>> Simon: Oh, it's inside.
>> Katie: Come on! Hurry up!
>> Simon: Relax. I'm getting to it. What is this? I don't get it. This
has got something to do with the sheep farm.
>> Katie: I had Tom help me with everything, with the currency exchange
and all the legal jargon.
>> Simon: Yeah? And what does it mean?
>> Katie: It means the lien on your sheep farm, your family's farm in
Australia? It's gone. Lien no more. It's been paid in full.
[ Simon laughs. ]
>> Simon: All right, this is some kinda joke, right?
>> Katie: Merry Christmas, sweetheart. We are the proud new owners of an
Australian sheep farm, free and clear.
Scene 4:
Location: Frasier's Cottage
Scene: Living Room
KATIE FRASIER, SIMON FRASIER
>> Katie: Say something.
>> Simon: I just can't believe it. I mean -- you did this for me? You paid
off the lien on the sheep farm?
>> Katie: Honey, I would do anything for you. When you first talked about
your family's farm, what it was like to grow up there, I just heard something
in your voice. And I imagined you there, playing as this innocent, sweet
little boy. And I wanted you to have that to go back to, whenever you want
to.
>> Simon: Yeah, but your dolls, honey -- I mean, they -- that was such a
huge part of your childhood, too. I mean, I can't believe you sold them for
this. I mean, you loved them.
>> Katie: I did. They were a very important part of my life. But they're
just dolls. They're not you. I've outgrown them. I have you now. And I love
you more than anything.
>> Simon: Hey. I love you so much.
>> Katie: So -- when do we meet our sheep?
Scene 5:
Location: Frasier's Cottage
Scene: Living Room
SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER
>> Simon: I gotta tell you, that ranch, as I remember it, makes our first
apartment at Burt's Garage look like luxury housing.
>> Katie: Yeah, but I bet it's quiet and peaceful. Surrounded by nature.
>> Simon: Yeah, it's peaceful, all right. But have you ever smelled raw
wool after it's been in the rain for a few weeks? Whew. Stinks.
>> Katie: It seems to me like you're not so into this.
>> Simon: Of course I'm into it. What are you talking about? I can't --
wait to go back. It's an incredible place. But -- you know, the timing's not so
good, is it?
>> Katie: Okay. But soon, then, right?
>> Simon: Yeah. Yeah, soon.
>> Katie: Simon? Do you hear what I hear?
>> Simon: No, what?
>> Katie: Exactly! Suddenly, and finally, the world has gone silent. Come
here.
[ Simon moves to the window. ]
>> Katie: Look. I got my Christmas wish.
Scene 6:
Location: Frasier's Cottage
Scene: Outside
KATIE FRASIER, SIMON FRASIER
>> Katie: It's snowing. It's not even snowing -- it's practically a
blizzard out here. Ah, it's so beautiful. It's just like our wedding.
>> Simon: It wasn't forecasted to snow.
>> Katie: Well, who cares what they say? Look how beautiful it is. Just
look at it.
>> Simon: It's just a few passing flurries. Let's go inside.
>> Katie: No, no, no, wait.
>> Simon: Come in. It's freezing, honey! Come inside! What are you
doing? Come inside now.
[ Katie throws a snowball at Simon. ]
>> Simon: Hey! Do you know what Santa does to bad little girls?
>> Katie: Does that look like a passing flurry to you, mister? Huh?
[ Katie laughs. ]
>> Katie: Ah, no, no, no. Put me down. Put me down.
>> Simon: Thought you'd get away from me, didn't you?
>> Katie: Put me down.
>> Simon: I'll put you down, all right, butt-first into the snow.
>> Katie: Oh, really? No, you can't do that. No, no, no, no, no.
>> Simon: Give me one good reason.
>> Katie: Because, if you do, then when we get inside, you'll have to warm
it up yourself.
>> Simon: Good idea. Let's skip the snow. And we'll go inside, and I'll
give you the rest of my Christmas gift.
>> Katie: Mm. Merry Christmas, Simon Frasier.
>> Simon: Merry Christmas, Katie Frasier. Mwah!
>> Katie: Hurry, hurry.
Home
Simonscript
December, 2002