EPISODE 12/15/06
Simon Gets Kicked

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Simonscript
December, 2006


FRIDAY, DECEMBER 15, 2006

Scene 1:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Memorial Hospital

SIMON FRASIER, CARLY SNYDER, JACK SNYDER, SAGE SNYDER, JILL, REGINA

>> Carly: Do something!
>> Simon: I'm thinking.
>> Carly: Well, think hard. Think fast.
>> Jack: Of course. I told you I'd be here. I would never miss your first science fair for anything in the entire world.
>> Simon: Distract him. Distract him. Go.
>> Carly: Okay, I'm on it.
>> Simon: Distract him!
>> Carly: Hi.
>> Jack: Hey.
>> Carly: I'm so glad to see you. Sage was afraid that you might not make it.
>> Jack: No, I told Margo I had better things to do this afternoon than catch bad guys.
>> Sage: Let's go, Daddy.
>> Jack: Okay, yeah. Lead the way.
>> Carly: Oh wait. Guys -- Sage, you learned so much about the Solar System. Why don't you tell your dad a little bit about it before you show him the actual project, huh?
>> Jack: Hey, you know what I heard? They threw one of our planets out of the bus. Poor old Pluto, right?
>> Sage: I don't care. I like Pluto.
>> Jack: I like Pluto too. What about the rest of the planets? You think they're safe?
>> Sage: Dad --
>> Carly: Take it easy on him. Your father hasn't studied the Solar System in a very long time.
>> Jack: Thank you for that. That was kind of mean, but it's all right. You're right.
>> Simon: Wow, you must be so, so proud of little Jill here, huh? Another Galileo in the making.
>> Regina: I sure am.
>> Simon: Sage is always raving about how brilliant her little partner is. We haven't been formally introduced. Simon Frasier.
>> Regina: Regina.
>> Simon: You brought a camera. Great! Well, listen. How about I take a photo of the future grand prize winner with her mum?
>> Jill: We didn't win yet.
>> Simon: Yeah, you know what? But you will. Look around you. All these other exhibits, nowhere near as good as yours. May I?
>> Regina: That would be great. Thank you, Mr. Frasier.
>> Simon: All right.
>> Jack: Okay, I'm ready. Let's check it out.
>> Carly: Wait, um -- don't you want to know how Sage came up with the idea?
>> Jack: I know how Sage came up with the idea, Carly.
>> Carly: Come on, Jack. Build it up a little.
>> Jack: Sage, could you go get me a cookie at the refreshment table, please?
>> Sage: Then you'll see my project?
>> Jack: Then I will see your project. All right, Carly, why the stall? Why don't you want me to see Sage's project?


Scene 2:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Memorial Hospital

SIMON FRASIER, CARLY SNYDER, JACK SNYDER, SAGE SNYDER, JILL, REGINA

>> Carly: Jack, of course I want you to see the project. Sage has worked very hard on it. It's just that, Jill, she's such a brainiac, such a know-it-all. And it's been difficult for Sage to keep up. I just want you to make a big deal out of it, you know? Make her feel like she's the star.
>> Jack: All right, all right. Thank you for the headsup. I appreciate it. Hey!
>> Sage: Here's your cookie, Dad.
>> Jack: Thank you very much. Oh, I am so excited for you. This is a big project. So I have a couple more questions about the Solar System.
>> Sage: Ask Jill.
>> Jack: I don't want to ask Jill. I'm sure you know just as much as Jill and I know you know a lot more than me about this stuff. I'm a cop, not an astronomer.
>> Sage: Well, a long time ago, people thought the earth was in the middle.
>> Jack: It isn't?
>> Sage: Dad, the sun is!
>> Jack: I'm just teasing you. I'm teasing. What's your favorite planet?
>> Sage: Saturn.
>> Jack: Yeah, mine too.
>> Sage: The rings are pretty.
>> Jack: They are, aren't they? You know, when I was a little kid, my dad would take us out in the backyard with this really cool telescope, and if you looked hard enough, you could almost make out -- just about make out the rings.
>> Sage: Wow!
>> Jack: I know.
>> Simon: That's it. You know what? Just a little more to the left. That's it. That way. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
>> Jill: But our project's over there.
>> Regina: She's right. Let's switch. You stand here.


Scene 3:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Memorial Hospital

SIMON FRASIER, JACK SNYDER, SAGE SNYDER, REGINA

>> Simon: Well, the idea is to take pictures of all the other exhibits first, so when you get them back and you can remember how much better yours really was. Then I'll take one with you in front of the solar system.
>> Regina: That's a wonderful idea, Simon.
>> Simon: It's not a bad idea at all. Ready? Just, just -- that's it. Get everything in frame here. Smile, Jill. Big blue ribbon smile.
>> Jack: Honey, I know how hard you've worked on this project and I'm very, very proud of you. More importantly, you should be proud of yourself. So come on, lead the way. Show me this thing. Let's go.
>> Simon: Okay, just one more. Ready. Just for safety.
>> Jack: Oh, I can see it from here. Look at that thing. It looks awesome!
>> Simon: Hey, smile, Jill. You know what? I think we got it on the first shot. I mean, how can you spoil such an adorable little face?
>> Sage: It's gone!
>> Jack: What? What's gone?
>> Sage: My sun. It's gone!


Scene 4:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Memorial Hospital

SIMON FRASIER, CARLY SNYDER, JACK SNYDER, SAGE SNYDER, JILL

>> Carly: Well, sweetheart, I'm sure it's here somewhere. It probably just fell off.
>> Jack: Mommy's right. We'll look. We'll track it down. I find things, that's what I do. That's my job. How about we go look together? Yep. What does it look like?
>> Sage: Like glass, only shinier. A lady gave it to me. It's just like mommy's.
>> Jack: What do you mean, just like mommy's?
>> Sage: Like her necklace.
>> Carly: Why don't we split up and look for it so we can find it before the judges make their rounds.
>> Simon: Grand, grand idea. How about you guys take this portion of the room over here and I'll take this one.
>> Sage: But the project, it's ruined!
>> Jack: No, honey, your Solar System looks great. Are you kidding me? It's just missing one little piece. Here, here. You take my badge. We'll put it on you and we'll make this an official investigation, you and I. What do you say?
>> Carly: Get rid of it.
>> Simon: Okay, all right.
>> Carly: Hey, I'm going to help you guys over here, okay?
>> Jack: You know, from Sage's description, it kind of looks like she was talking about the diamond Simon gave you.
>> Carly: Oh, well, then it should be pretty easy to find, shouldn't it? It doesn't matter anyway. Sage, even if we don't find it, dad and I are still going to take you for a big hot chocolate to celebrate, because we are very proud of you.
>> Jack: Yeah, let's try and put the sun back in the Solar System first, though.
[ Jill kicks Simon ]
>> Simon: Owwwww! What was that for?
>> Jill: You took our sun. Give it back or I'm telling.
>> Simon: Okay, stop that. Stop that. All right?
>> Jill: Where is it?
>> Simon: How about you and I look together, okay?
>> Jill: You don't have to look. You already know.
>> Simon: Okay, okay. I'll tell you. Stop. All right, fine. All right? You're right, you're right. I do have it, but it's right here.
>> Jill: That's lame.
>> Simon: Sorry, short notice.
>> Jill: I saw you reach for the sun.
>> Simon: I wasn't reaching for anything. I was merely taking a photo of you and your mom.
>> Jill: You took it!
>> Simon: I did not take your sun.
>> Jill: I want that sun back.
>> Simon: It's not even your sun anyway, it's Sage's. Don't get your ribbons in a twist. Do you really want her getting all the attention? Huh?
>> Jill: I want to win the grand prize.
>> Simon: Sweetie, there is something so much better than winning.
>> Jill: Like what?
>> Simon: Like really winning.
>> Jill: A stupid quarter?
>> Simon: No, no. Like 20 stupid quarters.
>> Jill: How about 80 quarters?
>> Simon: 80? What? That's like 20 bucks!
>> Jill: I'm advanced math.
>> Simon: Fine, you drive a hard bargain, kid. All right, here. What are you doing now?
[ Jill grabs Simon's wallet ]
>> Jill: I'm going to need the rest of this.
>> Simon: All right, fine! Just give me my -- what are you --? You know what? Why don't you go buy yourself an advanced chemistry set, okay? And make sure you don't blow anything up. [ Jill kicks Simon again ] Oww!
[ Simon puts diamond in biohazard trash ]


Scene 5:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Java

CARLY SNYDER, JACK SNYDER, SAGE SNYDER

>> Jack: Here you go, babe. You sure you don't want anything?
>> Carly: No, I'm fine, thank you.
>> Jack: Sage, I'm sorry we couldn't find the piece to your sun.
>> Sage: Me too.
>> Jack: Are you sure it looked like the diamond in mommy's necklace?
>> Carly: Hey, you know what, Sage? While that hot chocolate is cooling off, would you mind going up to the counter and getting me one of those brownies by the register?
>> Sage: Sure, Mom.
>> Carly: Thanks. You know how I am about brownies. [ Carly sighing ] Oh, come on, Jack. To Sage, anything that sparkles is a jewel. And our little girl happens to have a very active imagination.
>> Jack: So you're saying that she imagined her sun looked like your diamond.
>> Carly: So how slow are things at the station?
>> Jack: Not as slow as you think. I tell you what, why don't you let me take a look at that necklace and then we'll know for sure if Sage used the real deal in her project or not.


Scene 6:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Java

CARLY SNYDER, JACK SNYDER, SAGE SNYDER

>> Carly: I miss your subtle little interrogations, Jack.
>> Jack: I'm not interrogating you.
>> Carly: No?
>> Jack: Our daughter is upset and I'm trying to help.
>> Carly: Well, fine. Then why don't I run home. I can look through my costume stuff. I can find another little sun and I will run it over to the science fair.
>> Jack: Or she'll be over it by the time she gets back with that brownie.
>> Carly: Are you over it, Jack?
>> Jack: Getting a peek at that necklace would help.
>> Carly: Well, I would like to show you my necklace, but I can't.
>> Jack: Why not? Carly, you can tell me anything. You know that, right? And I wouldn't -- I would do anything to help you.
>> Carly: Jack, I can't show you the necklace because I lost it.
>> Jack: How long?
>> Carly: What?
>> Jack: How long has it been missing?
>> Carly: Well, I noticed it this morning. I keep it in my nightstand. I know that's not very smart. I tore the drawer apart, didn't find it. I checked the whole house. I haven't seen it anywhere.
>> Jack: Because it's at the station.
>> Carly: It was stolen?
>> Jack: Yes, and I can't give you any more details so please don't ask me.
>> Carly: You know, I thought I heard someone in the house! It was Katie, wasn't it? Oh, she's had it in for me since she and Mike broke up. Well, I want it back, Jack. It's worth a fortune!
>> Jack: Exactly how much do you think it's worth?
>> Carly: I don't know. A lot.
>> Jack: It seems strange that a stone similar to that would be missing from Sage's project, don't you think?
>> Carly: Right. I forgot. You're rock solid on Sage's description.
>> Jack: She knows what she knows. She's like her mom.
[ Simon gives the ok sign ]
>> Carly: You know, Jack, I'm stumped. I can't explain it. I just feel bad that Sage has seen the last of her little sun.

[ At the hospital, trash collector spies the diamond ]

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December, 2006