EPISODE 12/11/06
Simon Apologizes
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Simonscript
December, 2006
MONDAY, DECEMBER 11, 2006
Scene 1:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Carly Snyder Home
CARLY SNYDER, SAGE SNYDER
>> Carly: Are you tired of your mommy being in a bad mood? Because your mommy is tired of your mommy being in a bad mood. You know what? I am also tired of feeling like I have got a hood ornament around my neck.
>> Sage: Are you mad at daddy or Simon?
>> Carly: You know what? I am mad at everyone. Well, no, no, no. Except you. I'm not mad at you. Or your brothers.
>> Sage: What about Mary?
>> Carly: Who?
>> Sage: The nice lady that gave me my magic crystal?
>> Carly: Oh, Mary. Right, well, no. I'm not mad at Mary, either. Now I've only got a couple of minutes to make you a nutritious snack before Jill's very perfect and very organic mother comes to pick you up so you can work on that science project.
>> Sage: Want some help?
>> Carly: No, no, no. I'll work out my frustration stirring that natural peanut butter. You just stay here and relax and pretend you have a nice mom.
>> Sage: I do.
>> Carly: Oh, sweetheart, I love you. I'm so glad you think so. You know, I'm tempted to give you orange soda and pork rinds just to see the look on that woman's face.
[ Sage giggles and looks at the necklace ]
>> Sage: I wish your magic could make mommy happy.
Scene 2:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Carly Snyder Home
SIMON FRASIER, CARLY SNYDER, SAGE SNYDER
[ Phone ringing ] Hello?
>> Simon: Carly.
>> Carly: Good-bye.
>> Simon: No, no, no. Please, please, please, wait. Please. I'm sorry.
>> Carly: Okay, great. Bye.
>> Simon: Carly, please, can we -- can we please just talk about this? Come on sweet -- can I please just come over and talk? So, we go to this new place...
>> Carly: No, no. Don't come over.
>> Simon: Carly, we cannot leave things like this. Can I please just come over and we'll talk about it?
>> Carly: Simon, you may have time. But I have to get Sage ready to go work on her science project, I have to pick up Parker and J.J. from hockey practice, I have to sort of make them believe that life is normal.
>> Simon: Okay, look, I am -- I am really sorry if I said something wrong about Jack. I know you guys have a very special connection and I respect that, I do. I'm sorry.
>> Carly: All right. All right, you can come over. But just give me a couple of minutes, okay? Because I really don't want to have to introduce you to the president elect of the PTA. Okay, glue, stencils. Construction paper?
>> Sage: Jill has lots.
>> Carly: Okay.
Scene 3:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Carly Snyder Home
SIMON FRASIER, CARLY SNYDER, KATIE KASNOFF, HENRY COLEMAN
[ Outside Carly's house ]
>> Katie: Is she ever going to leave?
>> Henry: How dare she dawdle while we wait to rob her house.
>> Katie: I should have brought a book or something.
[ Sage leaves, Carly picks up phone ]
Carly: I changed my mind, I'll meet you there.
>> Simon: You sure?
>> Carly: Yeah, well, I figure there's much less chance of me throwing something at you if we're in public.
>> Simon: Okay, fine. I'll see you soon.
Scene 4:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Java
SIMON FRASIER, CARLY SNYDER
>> Simon: Can I get you a coffee, tea, something to eat?
>> Carly: No.
>> Simon: Anything?
>> Carly: No, thank you.
>> Simon: Wow, you really are mad at me, aren't you?
>> Carly: Yeah. Yeah, I really am mad. Simon, Jack and I may be divorced, but that doesn't give you the right to try to make a fool out of him, when number one -- he is so on to us. And two -- he is just trying to look out for me. And it's obvious to me that this is tearing him up inside.
>> Simon: Okay. Okay, look, look. Okay, here's the thing. Every time I've ever cared about something -- anything that may tear me up inside -- I run from it. Okay? So making fun of someone like Jack is only because he doesn't. He doesn't run from those things, he stands there and he faces it, and I admire that.
>> Carly: Oh, I hate that. I hate it when you do that.
>> Simon: What?
>> Carly: When you come clean, and you make me realize that it's not you that I'm mad at.
>> Simon: No?
>> Carly: No. I'm mad at myself. Look what I'm doing. Being a cop is who Jack is. And his children mean more to him than anything in the world. And I have created a situation where Jack the cop is supposed to nail the mother of his children.
>> Simon: Okay, you know what? Let's go back to blaming me, all right? I think this is my fault.
>> Carly: You know, I used to be able to do that. I used to be able to blame everybody for everything. I hate growing up.
>> Simon: Yeah, I think it's been happening to me lately, as well.
>> Carly: Right, really.
>> Simon: Yeah, I'm still here, right?
>> Carly: Huh?
>> Simon: Look, over the last couple of months working together with you, I have had plenty of opportunities to split. With money, even. And yet, I'm still here.
>> Carly: Yes, that's true. So, what is that about, huh?
>> Simon: I think you know. And so, I've been thinking, all right? I promise to protect you, and out of all the promises I have made, I am going to keep that one. Okay? And to this end, those jewels? That is the last crime I will ever commit. From now on, me, straight and narrow all the way.
>> Carly: Ooh, wow! What have I done?
>> Simon: I don't know, I didn't see this one coming. So, what do you think? Do you forgive me?
>> Carly: All right, I guess so.
>> Simon: So how about us? You and me, going straight, together?
Scene 5:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Java
SIMON FRASIER, CARLY SNYDER
>> Carly: I didn't come here for this.
>> Simon: So you don't want to talk about us?
>> Carly: I came here to tell you off.
>> Simon: And you did. You did. You really told me off. You got me, you did. And look where we ended up.
>> Carly: But I didn't intend to end up here. It's just too complicated, you know? There's too much going on.
>> Simon: Okay, all right. So, listen, let's remember we had this conversation and table the whole matter until a less stressful time in our life.
>> Carly: But life doesn't get less stressful, it gets more stressful.
>> Simon: Okay. Things are going to settle down. And now that I've stopped doing illegal and irresponsible things, life is going to be nothing but -- tranquil. Tranquil -- tranquil.
>> Carly: Tranquil I like. In fact, I'm going to go home to my tranquil, empty house and try to pretend that everything's okay.
>> Simon: Empty?
>> Carly: You really have a one-track mind, don't you?
>> Simon: What? Come on! I just promised to change my entire life for you.
>> Carly: Yeah, and now I know why you made that promise.
>> Simon: Well, here -- I just figure that now we're both going to be kind of law-abiding and legit citizens, we've got to find some other way to pass our time.
Scene 6:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Carly Snyder Home
SIMON FRASIER, CARLY SNYDER, KATIE KASNOFF, HENRY COLEMAN
>> Henry: I cannot believe you got me into this.
>> Katie: What, you're giving up?
>> Henry: I'm giving up!
>> Katie: What about my marriage?
>> Henry: Sweetheart, I know that you think that Mike will forget all and forgive all if you send Simon and Carly to the big house, but that's just stupid.
>> Katie: No, he will forgive me. He has to.
>> Henry: He wouldn't have anything to forgive if you hadn't written what you wrote.
>> Katie: Henry --
>> Henry: More to the point, if you hadn't jumped into the sack with Simon in the first place.
>> Katie: Henry -- we got it!
[ Katie finds a diamond in the couch ]
>> Henry: Hello, gorgeous!
>> Katie: Oh, Simon, you are so going down. Isn't it just like carly to keep a priceless gem down her sofa?
>> Henry: Oh, you don't want to know what else is down there.
>> Katie: Now we take a little trip to the police station.
[ Simon and Carly at the door ]
>> Simon: This is turning into a great afternoon after all.
[ Carly giggles ]
>> Carly: Can you just wait a minute? I do have neighbors, you know.
>> Simon: Oh, yes, that's right. I'm now totally respectable citizen, and totally crazy about you.
>> Carly: Ah, where are my keys?
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December, 2006