EPISODE 12/10/02
Simon Gets a Special Delivery

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December, 2002


TUESDAY, DECEMBER 10, 2002

Scene 1:
Location: Frasier's Cottage
Scene: Living Room

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER

>> Simon: Pizza supreme -- everything but anchovies and the kitchen sink, just the way the lady likes it. Come on, where's the romance? You said you were gonna dim the lights, fire up the candles, slip into something a little more transparent. Oh, this is just great. There was a time when I would walk in the door, and you couldn't wait to get your hands on me. You said it was gonna be our anniversary every single day of our lives. Now, look at us. Look at what we've come to.
>> Katie: [ Engrossed in a book ] Huh?
>> Simon: Baby, this is a mouth-watering sensation. Take a whiff of heaven. Mouth-watering, delicious, and just waiting for you to take a bite. Now let me tell you about the pizza.
>> Katie: You will never guess in a million years what I found.
>> Simon: What is it?
>> Katie: It's proof that you and I were meant to be together. That we will stay together in one manifestation or another until the end of time.

Scene 2:
Location: Frasier's Cottage
Scene: Living Room

SIMON FRASIER(also as Sam), KATIE FRASIER(also as Katherine)

>> Katie: So when I was in the attic, my sock got caught on a nail in the floor. And when I lifted up my foot, the floor board came up.
>> Simon: I'll fix it tomorrow.
>> Katie: No, honey, you're missing the point. Under the floor board I found this.
>> Simon: And what is it?
>> Katie: It's a diary of a woman that lived here, in this house, our house, over 100 years ago.
>> Simon: That's very interesting. Pizza?
>> Katie: It's phenomenal, Simon. Listen to this. Her name? Katherine. Her husband's name? Sam. How much closer could you get to Simon and Katie?
>> Simon: Oh, that -- spooky.
>> Katie: It is spooky. They're so much like us it's scary. It's like reading about ourselves fore we were even born. Before they met, she was young and naive.
>> Simon: Young, yes. Naive?
>> Katie: And he was a wanderer with a bad reputation, an adventurer. They met. They fell in love. And nobody said it would last, but it did. They stayed together, despite all the odds. Oh, listen to this.
[ Katie reads a passage from the diary to Simon ]
>> Sam: Okay, keep 'em closed. Closed?
>> Katherine: I'm about to burst with excitement.
>> Sam: Okay. Open your eyes, Katherine.
Everything from the rafters to the floor boards, I built with my own two hands. What do you think?
>> Katherine: I've never seen anything so beautiful in my entire life. Who is it for?
>> Sam: It's my fervent hope that you'll live here with me and our children, God willing.
>> Katherine: Oh, Sam. This is so sudden.
>> Sam: I know. I know I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. One true thing I know, I love you. And I want you by my side for all eternity. Katherine -- will you be my wife?
>> Katherine: I'd like that, Sam. I'd like that very much.
>> Katie: And look at this. Same exact anniversary.
>> Simon: Oh, honey, you're reading into this. Come on, that's just a coincidence.
>> Katie: When the coincidences pile up this high, there's gotta be a pattern. What if you and I were Sam and Katherine in a past life? What if we were meant to live in this house that Sam built for Katherine and live out their true love?
>> Simon: And what if you're just delirious 'cause you haven't eaten a thing all day? Here.
>> Katie: It's possible.
>> Simon: Eat.
>> Katie: But I want you to read. Go on. You'll see exactly what I'm talking about.
>> Simon: Where were we?

Scene 3:
Location: Frasier's Cottage
Scene: Living Room

SIMON FRASIER(also as SAM), KATIE FRASIER(also as Katherine), HENRY COLEMAN(also as HANK)

>> Katie: So, what do you think?
>> Simon: I think you're nuts. These two people are nothing like us.
>> Katie: What are you talking about? Why are you resisting this?
>> Simon: Because of the way it ended. This couple -- there's no way that I'm gonna compare us to this couple, no way.
>> Katie: Wait, what are you talking about? I didn't get to the end. What?
>> Simon: All right, look at -- listen to this. "Dear diary, I feel like I have had my heart torn out of my chest. My darling Sam has gone away."
>> Sam: Look, Katherine, it's gold. Pure gold.
>> Hank: Yeah, there's plenty more where that come from.
>> Katherine: Well, good for you, Hank.
>> Hank: Yes, ma'am.
>> Sam: They say a man can go in the valley a pauper and pan the rivers and ride out a prince.
>> Hank: True.
>> Katherine: What's this got to do with us? Why are you lookin' at me like that? Sam?
>> Sam: Give us a moment, will ya, Hank?
>> Hank: No, man, the rivers are overflowing with gold. I tell ya, it's the chance of a lifetime. Whoo!
>> Sam: I'll meet ya outside, Hank.
>> Hank: Right. Yeah, I reckon I'll wait outside.
>> Sam: Yeah.
>> Hank: Ma'am.
>> Katherine: You're scaring me, Sam. What's wrong?
>> Sam: You always know how we said it's important to follow our dreams. Goin' out west to make our fortune.
>> Katherine: Whither thou goest, I'll go. Where thou lodgest, I will lodge.
>> Sam: No, no, my dearest. The west is wild and untamed. Too rough and dangerous for a beauty like you.
>> Katherine: You can't leave me. You love me.
>> Sam: Listen, don't make this more difficult than it is, okay? Say good-bye, my girl.
>> Katherine: No!
>> Sam: Be strong, okay? This is not forever.
>> Katherine: No, I'm not letting you leave me. I'm not letting you go.
>> Katie: No, no, wait, this can't be it. It can't just end there. There has to -- something else has to be here. Sam must come back filthy rich. They must live happily ever after.
>> Simon: Honey, you dropped a note. From the family minister.
>> Katie: What does it say?
>> Simon: Katherine died of diphtheria. Sam never returned.
>> Katie: No.
>> Simon: Yeah, the minister was instructed to stash this diary in the house in case he ever did come back.
>> Katie: So what, they never had children?
>> Simon: No.
>> Katie: No heartwarming reunion? No growing old together?
>> Simon: I'm sorry.
>> Katie: All right, I was totally wrong. That is not our destiny at all.
>> Simon: Exactly. We don't need to go looking for our destiny in someone else's diary, honey. We're gonna find our own destiny.
[ Knocking ] I'll get that. You warm up the pizza, okay?
>> Katie: Okay.
>> Simon: Hey.
>> Delivery man: Hi, delivery for Simon Frasier.
>> Simon: All right, thank you. Thanks, man.
>> Katie: What is it?
>> Simon: Special delivery. [ Opens the envelope ] "Dear Mr. Frasier, we regret to inform you --" how would you feel about moving "down under" and farming sheep? This says that I've become the proud owner of a sheep farm, thanks to my Uncle Hank. >> Katie: What do you do on a sheep farm?
>> Simon: Oh, honey, I'm not sure you really want to know. It gets kind of lonely out there. Look, you raise sheep. You shear sheep. You sell the wool. You eat sheep.
>> Katie: Well, if you're trying to sell me on this, you're doing a really bad job.
>> Simon: Aw, come on, it's great. All the lamb you can eat. You can eat lamb burgers, lamb and eggs, lamb on toast, lamb as far as the eye can see.
>> Katie: You're talking about being a serial killer to a bunch of sweet, innocent, fluffy, little lambs.
>> Simon: Baby, you'll get used to it.
>> Katie: No, I can't. I won't.
>> Simon: I know, I was kidding.
>> Katie: I can't leave Margo and Craig and my nephews and Lucy and this wonderful, sweet, little cottage in the woods.
>> Simon: Baby, take a deep breath. It was just a joke.
>> Katie: I have zero interest in being a sheep farmer.
>> Simon: And that makes two of us.
>> Katie: Really, you mean it?
>> Simon: Thought never crossed my mind, okay? I'll look into selling it. Maybe the property's worth something. But in the meantime -- how about that anniversary celebration that you promised me?
>> Katie: Did I ever tell you how much I love your one-track mind?

Scene 4:
Location: Frasier's Cottage
Scene: Living Room

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER

[ Katie is dreaming ]
>> Katie: Simon, what's with the get-up?
>> Simon: I'm off to Australia, love. To make our fortune.
>> Katie: Please tell me this does not have anything to do with sheep.
>> Simon: How'd you guess? You see, I want to get back to nature. Make my living with these.
>> Katie: Okay, when do we leave?
>> Simon: No, no, no, no, no. I don't think so, sweetheart. See, the outback's no place for a Sheila. You can't come.
>> Katie: But wherever you go, I want to be.
>> Simon: Oh, crikey, no. You see, down there, it's rough, wild, dangerous. Wish me luck, lover.
>> Katie: No, no, wait. You can't leave me.
>> Simon: Look, you said to me that you didn't want to be a sheep rancher. But me? I was born to shear. You knew that when you met me.
>> Katie: "Born to shear." What are you talking about? You never said anything about that. Remember how much you love me.
>> Simon: Oh, come on. You knew that this wasn't gonna last forever. Shh. The sheep are waiting, with their fleeces white as snow.
>> Katie: But everywhere that Simon goes, Katie's sure to go.
>> Simon: I'm already gone, love.
>> Katie: Simon, wait! Simon, you can't leave me. Simon, wait! Don't leave me, please. Please.
>> Simon: Hey, hey, what's the matter?
>> Katie: Forget it, buster. I am not letting you pull the wool over my eyes. I'm never gonna let you leave me, not for all the gold in California or all the sheep in Australia.
>> Simon: Honey, I'm not going anywhere. Go to sleep.

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December, 2002