EPISODE 12/07/06
Simon Gets The Copy

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December, 2006


THURSDAY, DECEMBER 07, 2006

Scene 1:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Java

SIMON FRASIER, CARLY SNYDER, SAGE SNYDER

>> Carly: And because I've been so cranky, you get to have anything you want. You can have hot chocolate. You can even have a big bowl of broccoli --
>> Sage: Mommy!
>> Carly: Then you can have two big bowls of broccoli. Sage, I'm so sorry that I shouted at you like that. I just -- I've been worried about something and something's been in my mind, but I know I should never take it out on you.
>> Simon: Ah, look at this. How is this? My two favorite girls in the whole world. How are you this fine morning? Good?
>> Carly: Yeah, we're peachy.
>> Simon: Good.
>> Carly: Top of the world.
>> Simon: Hey, listen Sage, there's some rolls over there and I can't decide which one I want. Can you do me a favor? Pick one out for me and grab one for yourself.
>> Sage: Can I, mommy?
>> Carly: Yeah. Sure. I'll be sitting down over there, okay?
>> Sage: Thanks.
>> Carly: Really? Well, that's nice of you. Thank you. Well, maybe that's because I didn't sleep a wink last night because your ex-girlfriend might be turning us in for grand theft to my ex-husband. And then sleep-deprived and full of worry. I shouted at the most wonderful child in the entire world. Nothing like being a rotten mother in addition to a wanted criminal.
>> Simon: Okay, you worry too much.
>> Carly: Simon, do you have any idea how much I wish I had never met you?
>> Simon: Okay, why don't you believe me when I say that you have nothing to worry about?
>> Carly: Have you noticed? Have you been paying attention to anything that's been going on around you?
>> Simon: Vienna is not going to go to the police. She's bluffing.
>> Carly: You know that vein that was bulging in her forehead when she was shouting at you last night? That sort of told me, not of love.
>> Simon: Okay, listen. I know Vienna very well, all right? And if there's one thing I know about her, she's all talk and no action.


Scene 2:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Police Department

VIENNA HYATT, JACK SNYDER

>> Vienna: Good morning, detective. Surprised to see me?
>> Jack: Bowled over. Excuse me.
>> Vienna: Well, excuse my appearance. At this brutal hour of the morning, I must look a sight.
>> Jack: I think you know exactly how you look. So what is it I can do for you?
>> Vienna: I think it's more what I can do for you. I would like to report a robbery.


Scene 3:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Java

SIMON FRASIER, CARLY SNYDER, SAGE SNYDER

>> Carly: Oh, now I feel so much better. I've been reassured by Simon Frasier. I mean, look at all the other times that you told me everything was going to be all right. And just like that, we're out of money, the building's going to collapse, we're being chased by a sadistic loan shark, I'm in car with a prince who thinks he's Dale Earnhardt, Jr. --
>> Simon: Stop being so negative, okay? You and I, we dodged every one of those bullets.
>> Carly: Simon, when you are in the first circle of hell, and then you move on to the second one, and then the third, and the fourth -- that is not dodging a bullet. That is not progress. Hey, sweetie.
>> Simon: Hey.
>> Sage: Simon?
>> Simon: Yes.
>> Sage: Do you like cinnamon or chocolate better?
>> Simon: That kinda depends on your beverage of choice. Are you talking milk or hot chocolate?
>> Sage: Hot chocolate.
>> Simon: Cinnamon, I think.
>> Sage: Me, too.
>> Simon: Perfect. Okay, listen, listen, listen. I know Vienna and she's not going to do or say anything to hurt me. We have too many memories.
>> Carly: Simon, Katie has, like, truckloads of memories. And she wrote a book trying to nail you to the wall.
>> Simon: Okay, there is another reason why Vienna will not say a thing, okay. She's in a catch-22.
>> Carly: How so?
>> Simon: She knows she can't tell anybody about that diamond. Because the prince who gave it to her is her meal ticket and she can't risk him finding out that she introduced him to the ex-lover who stole her jewels, all right? Because Vienna, above all else, is a pragmatist.
>> Carly: Oh, oh, so now I'm relying on the fact that Vienna is a money-grubbing, self-serving, high-priced pragmatist. I'm encouraged.


Scene 4:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Police Department

VIENNA HYATT, JACK SNYDER

>> Vienna: You see, detective, you were right. The Crown Jewels of Leonia were stolen that night. The ones that are in Prince Adolfo's vault are fake.
>> Jack: I thought you said those jewels were checked by security every time they were returned to the vault?
>> Vienna: Detective, I lied.
>> Jack: To police. Wow, that can be serious.
>> Vienna: I only lied to protect Simon Frasier. Once again, I was led astray by my foolish, foolish heart.
>> Jack: I see, and now your heart wants revenge?
>> Vienna: I don't think my motives concern you.
>> Jack: No? The way I see it, you're only telling me all this to get back at Simon.
>> Vienna: I think it would be simple to find out if I were lying, wouldn't it? But I think you know I'm telling the truth. It's just that you don't want it to be true.
>> Jack: Well, putting Simon away, that would make my week. Actually, my year.
>> Vienna: I know, but the case doesn't end there, does it? You know, common sense tells us that this wasn't a one-man job.
>> Jack: Think you need to understand that you will have absolutely no input about the conduct of this investigation.
>> Vienna: So there will be one.
>> Jack: Oh, sure. Absolutely. Fill this out and I'll investigate.
>> Vienna: I'm afraid I have to ask. You're not going to try to protect your wife, are you?
>> Jack: I don't have a wife.
>> Vienna: Because she's into this up to her eyeballs. When Simon was trying to get me drunk, Carly was out there distracting Prince Adolfo. And you, out of everybody, should know exactly how distracting she can be --
>> Jack: Who exactly are you going after here? Simon or Carly?
>> Vienna: I just want to see justice served. So where do we go from now?
>> Jack: That's entirely up to you. You can just go back to your hotel. Or it's dollar days at the outlet mall if you want to update your wardrobe.
>> Vienna: You know, I know I will be sleeping much easier knowing that I finally did the right thing. And I think that you will, too.
>> Jack: By the book. As always.
>> Vienna: I could have reached out to anyone in this department. But I felt that you were the right man for this job.
[ Vienna leaves ]
>> Jack: Damn it, Carly. What have you done now?


Scene 5:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Java

SIMON FRASIER, CARLY SNYDER, SAGE SNYDER, JACK SNYDER

>> Simon: Carly, let us not forget that we got rid of the one piece of evidence that connect us to those jewels.
>> Carly: After everyone saw me wearing it.
>> Simon: And in less than a few hours, you will be wearing an exact replica that you can prove to the world as a fake.
>> Carly: You know what? I don't think that's going to be enough. I think that will just make Jack more curious. And Simon, I cannot lose my children because of this. Oh, hi.
>> Simon: Hey.
>> Carly: Oh, my and thanks. You sit down here. Take a seat. This looks delicious. I will not let anything happen to you, okay?
>> Simon: Sage, this looks incredible. What did you get? Um, Cinnamon. Perfect choice. Listen, I got to eat and run. You have fun with your mom, okay? I'll see you soon. Bye.
>> Sage: He's fun.
>> Carly: Yeah. You have to watch out for that.
>> Sage: Huh?
>> Carly: Nothing. Nothing, just enjoy your roll, okay?
>> Sage: Mommy? There's a lady outside -- she was looking for food in the garbage.
>> Carly: Oh, no. Oh, honey.
>> Sage: I'm not really hungry. Can I give this to her?
>> Carly: Do you know what you are? You're just the best kid in the entire world. Yes, you may give that to her. Grab a napkin, okay? Hey, gorgeous. You're a vision in pink.
>> Jack: Carly, what's up?
>> Sage: I'm giving this to that lady.
>> Carly: Hi. I'm going to go with her. I'm going to keep an eye on her okay?
>> Sage: This is for you.
>> Jack: Sage is fine. Mary's harmless.
>> Carly: You know her?
>> Jack: Yeah, she's here a lot and so's most of the department. We watch out for her whenever we can. Don't worry. Benson, Benson, keep an eye on Sage for a minute.
>> Carly: Okay. Well, I have to go anyway.
>> Jack: Carly, do you know what this is?
>> Carly: Um, no, should I?
>> Jack: I think so. It's a theft report, filed by Vienna Hyatt. She says that you helped Simon steal the prince's jewels.
>> Carly: So, if she wrote down, does that make it slander or liabel. I can never remember which is which --
>> Jack: Listen to me. Because I'm only going to ask you this once. And I'd think carefully before you answer it, knowing your life depends on it. Is this true?


Scene 6:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Java

CARLY SNYDER, JACK SNYDER

>> Jack: Carly, is it true?
>> Carly: Let me ask you a question, Jack. When that little tramp dragged herself to the station, did you demand that she tell you the truth or did you just take what she said at face value because you wanted it to be true?
>> Jack: Answer the question, please.
>> Carly: You heard me.
>> Jack: What?
>> Carly: And another thing you should mention tactics. Like the best defense is a good offense.
>> Carly: If you think I should be harassed, you should've asked another cop to come down here because you cannot be objective.
>> Jack: Yeah, I'm not getting off the point. Is it true? Yes or no?
>> Carly: I won't even dignify that accusation with a response.
>> Jack: Maybe not -- but I've already got my answer.
>> Carly: And what does that mean?
>> Jack: It means I'm moving on to question number two. Where's the diamond necklace Simon gave you?


Scene 7:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Lakeview Towers Hotel Room

SIMON FRASIER, JEWELER, VIENNA HYATT

>> Simon: Oh, wow, this is great. That is perfect. Perfect. And thank you for getting it done so quickly as well.
>> Jeweler: Always happy to oblige a good customer, Mr. Frasier.
>> Simon: Ah, but you don't remember my name, do you?
>> Jeweler: Why, I've never laid eyes on you.
>> Simon: It's always a pleasure to deal with a professional. Here. You'll find that most rewarding. Enjoy the rest of your day.
>> Jeweler: You know, I think I will.
[ Vienna appears as the jeweler leaves ]
>> Vienna: Friend of yours?

Scene 8:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Outside Stores

SIMON FRASIER, VIENNA HYATT

>> Simon: I knew it.
>> Vienna: Knew what?
>> Simon: I knew you'd come crawling back.
>> Vienna: One thing I never, ever need to worry about -- your ego.
>> Simon: Well, if you've come to apologize, I accept.
>> Vienna: Do you know what I did this morning?
>> Simon: Regretted what you said last night?
>> Vienna: I went down to the police station. And I had a very nice chat with Detective Snyder.
>> Simon: Really? Well, listen, be careful not to operate heavy machinery after talking to him.
>> Vienna: Oh, well, it was a fascinating conversation. All about how you stole Prince Adolpho's diamonds. With Carly's help, of course.
>> Simon: Well, listen, you didn't sign anything, did you?
>> Vienna: Oh, it's--
>> Simon: Well, you shouldn't have. Don't you see?
>> Vienna: What, that you and the blonde will be spending time in jail?
>> Simon: No. No, you could get into some very big trouble. You see, it's against the law to file a false charge, Vienna.
>> Vienna: Right, your concern is very touching, but I'll worry about that tomorrow. Today, I am going to pour myself a glass of wine, light some candles and soak in a hot tub, thinking about you in prison. What a beautiful morning.


Scene 9:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Outside Stores

CARLY SNYDER, JACK SNYDER

>> Carly: Why do you care about my necklace? What does that have to do with anything?
>> Jack: It has to do with what Katie said about Simon's M.O. -- That he liked to keep one jewel as a souvenir.
>> Carly: Well, that wouldn't be very well thought out would it?
>> Jack: Actually, that works out pretty well for our side. So the necklace, did you have it examined? Appraised?
>> Carly: It was a gift, Jack. I didn't have it examined. That would be pretty tacky, wouldn't it?
>> Jack: Also, it would have proved that it was one of the Crown Jewels of Leonia.
>> Carly: You think that I would waltz around town wearing stolen jewelry? Jewelry stolen from a prince? You think that I'm that stupid?
>> Jack: You seem to be asking a lot of questions instead of answering mine.
>> Carly: Okay. Well, I'll keep it really simple for you, then, Jack. I am not in possession of any stolen jewelry.


Scene 10:
Location: Oakdale
Scene: Outside/Inside Java

SIMON FRASIER, CARLY SNYDER, SAGE SNYDER, JACK SNYDER, HOMELESS WOMAN

>> Homeless woman: That was delicious. Thank you.
>> Sage: Would you like anything else?
>> Homeless woman: No, sweetheart, thank you. But maybe I could give you something.
>> Sage: You don't have to.
>> Homeless woman: I know. That's why I want to. I was down by the river yesterday looking for pretty rocks. And look what I found. This is for you. [ She hands Sage the diamond necklace ]
>> Sage: Thank you.
>> Homeless woman: You're welcome.
>> Sage: It's really pretty.
>> Simon: Hey, kid.
>> Sage: Hi, Simon.
>> Simon: How you doing? Everything all right here? You good? I'll catch up with you, okay?
>> Carly: Well, Jack, if you must know where the necklace is --
>> Simon: Oh, here it is. Here. Yeah, no, no, no. I went to the -- went to the jeweler and she fixed the clasp and promised that it will not be an issue again.
>> Carly: Thank you, because I certainly would not want to lose it.
>> Jack: Wow, what a coincidence. You walking in with the necklace just as I was asking about it, seriously.
>> Simon: I know, I know. Crazy. Look, what's your interest with it again? I can't --
>> Jack: I bet you could hazard a guess.
>> Simon: Hey.
>> Sage: Hi. That lady was really nice. I gave her the roll and she gave me something really pretty. Would you like to see it?

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December, 2006