EPISODE 12/7/01
Simon Meets To Plan Katie's Wedding

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December, 2001


FRIDAY, DECEMBER 7, 2001

Scene 1:
Location: Java Underground

SIMON FRASIER, BONNIE MCKECKNE

>> Simon: Excuse me. How you doing? I was wondering if I could just get a --
>> Bonnie: Wait. You're Australian?
>> Simon: Uh, yeah. Yeah, last time I checked.
>> Bonnie: Tell me you're related to Mel Gibson or Russell Crowe, please.
>> Simon: Yeah, we're all related down there, it's very inbred. Look, can I just get a table, possibly?
>> Bonnie: Help yourself.
>> Simon: Thank you. Oh, listen, listen, I know this sounds really odd --
>> Bonnie: I doubt it, but what do you need?
>> Simon: But if a woman -- blonde, pretty, petite, gorgeous, actually -- if she comes in here wearing a wedding dress --
>> Bonnie: You're expecting a bride?
>> Simon: It's a distinct possibility. But if she comes in here wearing a wedding dress, could you just stash her away somewhere and let me know right away?
>> Bonnie: Sure, stash the bride. Sure.
>> Simon: Appreciate it, thank you.
>> Bonnie: No problem.

Scene 2:
Location: Java Underground

LILY WALSH SNYDER, SIMON FRASIER, MARGO HUGHES, BONNIE MCKECKNE, KATIE FRASIER

>> Lily: I'm so sorry that I'm late, but it took a little while to find another bridesmaid.
>> Simon: So who'd you find? Anyone?
>> Lily: Okay. Yes, as a matter of fact.
>> Margo: All right. I will show up for Katie, but I draw the line at aqua taffeta.
>> Katie: My sister? Oh, this couldn't get any worse if I'd planned it myself.
>> Bonnie: Margo Hughes is your sister?
>> Katie: Half sister.
>> Bonnie: Wait. Wait a minute. I've seen you here before. You were with some guy with a lot of gold chains and a pinky ring. How could I -- you're Katie, aren't you?
>> Katie: I'm no one today. I'm no one. I was not here, okay?
>> Bonnie: Oh, my goodness, you're a legend. Nobody gets in as much as trouble as you do, and nobody lands on their feet as much as you do.
>> Katie: Okay, I have to make you understand something. Simon has got my arch rival and my sister, who's never approved of anything I've ever done in my entire life, planning my wedding. You gotta help me.
>> Bonnie: On one condition -- I may need a little favor.
>> Katie: Okay, anything. Just find out what they've got planned.

Scene 3:
Location: Java Underground

LILY WALSH SNYDER, MARGO HUGHES, SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER, BONNIE MCKECKNE

>> Lily: Simon found this book of Katie's. It's kind of a wish list for her perfect wedding.
>> Margo: Oh, this book! Oh, Katie has been pasting things in this book since she was a little girl. Princess Diana? Tell me she doesn't want a horse-drawn carriage?
>> Simon: No, no, just the tiara.
>> Lily: Is that all?
>> Margo: "I want to walk down the aisle to 'Like a Virgin.'"
>> Katie: Well, what are they saying?
>> Bonnie: Well, they want to give you the wedding of your dreams.
>> Katie: Well, good.
>> Bonnie: And somehow that includes Bon Jovi and Madonna?
>> Katie: Oh, no! I knew it! They've got it all wrong.
>> Margo: This book -- what this book means is that Katie has been planning her wedding since she was a little girl.
>> Simon: I know.
>> Margo: But the actual details --
>> Lily: I think Margo is right. She's grown up now. Maybe she wants something a little more sophisticated.
>> Simon: No, no. I know Katie. I mean, she's been planning for so long. It's all in this book. And that is what she's gonna get.

Scene 4:
Location: Java Underground

BONNIE MCKECKNE, KATIE FRASIER, SIMON FRASIER

>> Bonnie: Okay, look, they gave it their best shot, but he has this book you put together. And well, I think they're going with the program.
>> Katie: Oh, come on. I put that book together starting from age 5 to 11.
>> Bonnie: Yeah, well, I know. But you better tell him, and you better hurry up before it's too late.
>> Katie: No, I can't. That'll interfere with the harmonic balance of our relationship.
>> Bonnie: And a wedding from the '80s won't?
>> Katie: Yeah, you're right. Do something. He's about to leave.
>> Simon: Hey.
>> Bonnie: Hi.
>> Simon: Here, this is for you. [ hands her a tip ]
>> Bonnie: Yeah, whatever. Listen, as a wedding event planner myself, I couldn't help from overhearing. You're planning your wedding?
>> Simon: Yeah. Well, no. It's my wife's wedding.
>> Bonnie: Yeah, well, I think that's sweet. I really, really I do. But do you mind? May I?
>> Simon: Oh, yeah. No, it's a great read.
>> Bonnie: This is really, really cute. Oh! Oh, nice, nice, nice. Well, you know, your wife -- she's such an accurate observer of the cultural scene. I can't help but think that she'd want you to translate these ideas into something a little more -- I don't know -- contemporary? Let's see. For example, well, her obvious infatuation with Madonna.
>> Simon: Oh, yes.
>> Bonnie: And your wife's a blonde, right?
>> Simon: She sure is.
>> Bonnie: And you with that accent. And Madonna -- well, she just married a man with an accent, and in a church of all places.
>> Simon: Are we going anywhere with this?
>> Bonnie: Well, even Madonna grew up. Katie just needs a gown, a church and you. That's it.
>> Simon: But first I've got to make a bloody fool of myself calling every bakery asking for Bon Jovi. Excuse me. [ Simon walks over to the bar, behind which Katie is hiding ] Is that what you really want?
>> Katie: How did you know I was here?
>> Simon: You're very subtle. Yes or no -- Bon Jovi?
>> Katie: No.
>> Simon: "Like a Virgin"?
>> Katie: No!
>> Simon: "Solid Gold" dancers?
>> Katie: No!
>> Simon: So, I've been knocking myself out for nothing?
>> Katie: For me. And I'm very, very appreciative.
>> Simon: So just the church, a gown and me? Is that right?
>> Katie: That's right.
>> Simon: Let's go.
>> Katie: Thanks, Bonnie.
>> Bonnie: Sure. Don't forget. You owe me, Katie.

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December, 2001